We’ve reached the end of season three of Netflix’s The Witcher. This has been a tumultuous season. Episodes have ranged from great to insultingly bad. Rumors of main characters leaving the show have tainted the viewing. But now that I’ve experienced the entire season, I have just one thing to say.
It isn’t worth anybody’s time.
The Story
When we begin, Geralt is still recovering with the dryads. He more than eager to leave, but can’t stand up on his own yet. Jaskier is there helping him recover, along with a woman named Milva. She’s not a dryad, but another person they’ve rescued. She is not amused by Geralt.
Meanwhile Yennefer is kind of looking for Ciri? I mean, we see her questioning someone about Ciri. But we don’t actually see her looking. Mostly, she’s helping to get Aratuza back in order. She’s laying the novices to rest. She’s rallying the mages. She’s doing everything but going to, you know, find her child.
Which I would think would be a priority.
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Eventually, we do catch up with Ciri, though neither Yennefer or Geralt do. She’s made some new friends, and has a much darker outlook on life.
So, that’s fun at least.
What worked
I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there were some things to like in this episode.
One thing I truly loved was Radovid’s change of heart. I loved his whole story arch, honestly. He went from frat brah to scary spymaster to man in love beautifully. And the ending of his story, which I won’t ruin in case you have the stomach for this train wreck of a season, was heartbreaking.
What didn’t work
Here’s something that truly irritated me in this episode. Yennefer’s reaction to Ciri vanishing. Actually, everyone’s answer to Ciri vanishing.
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Yes, I get that Geralt was injured. But nobody else was. And it’s pretty clear to me that Geralt isn’t the only one capable of going to get Ciri if she wants to be gotten. Does anyone want to honestly tell me that Yennefer and Jaskier couldn’t have gone to save her? Or hell, take Triss if you think you’ll need more help. But it is unrealistic that Yennefer, after all this time, would choose to try to rebuild Aratuza instead of going after Ciri her own damn self.
Another thing that really bothered me about this episode was the sheer number of cliffhangers. I mean, if you watched the season and expected anything, I mean anything to be resolved, you’re out of luck.
No one is reunited. Aratuza is still in shambles. The war is just starting.
I get that there’s going to be a fourth season. But that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t have actually ended this one.
If I’m being honest, a lot of my irritation at the end of this season is that we know Henry Cavill won’t be back for season four. If he was going to come back, this episode might not have felt like such a let down.
And yes, you might say that the creators and showrunners didn’t know that he was going to leave. Except that they did know. They knew before this season began. There were rumors during the second season that he wasn’t coming back. Considerations could have been made. They could have written something into the story to explain why he’s going to come back looking totally different next season.
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Instead, we have Cavill going out after a meaningless fight with some no name characters at a no name town.
It seems like a good team would have been able to prevent this sort of insulting ending for Cavill. But then, if Witcher had a good creative team, Cavill probably wouldn’t have been leaving in the first place.
In conclusion, I don’t know that I’ll be sticking around for season four. Witcher started on a gloriously gory high note, and here it’s ended in a weak, bloody sputter. I don’t think I need to see any more.
(2 / 5)
By the way, the second season of our horror/scifi podcast AA is coming out on August 15th. You can listen to the whole first season right now.
Smile 2, a psychological supernatural horror, released in October 2024 just in time for Halloween, sees director Parker Finn (Smile, Laura Hasn’t Slept) return with a sequel starring Naomi Scott (Aladdin) as pop star and recovering addict Skye Riley. While Smile 2 boasts a talented cast, it ultimately falls short of its predecessor, offering a familiar storyline with minor variations and a predictable finale. The film attempts to introduce a new method to combat the parasitic ‘Smile Entity’, but this addition fails to elevate the sequel beyond a pale imitation of its chilling predecessor.
The Plot.
Smile 2 begins close after the end of the original; just six days after Rose Cotter’s death. During a short interlude scene we watch as the now cursed Joel attempts to pass the Smile Entity on by killing one criminal in front of another. The plan backfires spectacularly, inadvertently passing the curse onto an innocent bystander named Lewis Fregoli.
The film then shifts gears, introducing Skye Riley, a singer and performer making a triumphant return to the spotlight with a comeback tour after a tumultuous past. During a candid interview on the Drew Barrymore Show, Skye opens up about her struggles with addiction and the devastating loss of her boyfriend in a car accident. Her sobriety journey, however, faces a severe setback when she seeks pain relief from her old high school friend, the unwitting Lewis Fregoli. In a chilling turn of events, Lewis takes his own life while Skye watches, passing the Smile Entity onto her. Unaware of her new cursed existence Skye gets on with rehearsing for her tour, but she begins to notice that strange things are happening. People are smiling at her in an unnatural way and she becomes the target of anonymous attacks and aggressions. When text messages begin to arrive from an unknown number, Skye decides to get some answers.
Highlights.
Let’s not beat about the bush. I found Smile 2 difficult to finish and was struggling at about the hour-and-a-half mark to stay awake. That being said it’s worth watching because everyone needs to see the 3-minute scene of the ‘smilers’ chasing Skye through her apartment. This was possibly the creepiest thing I’ve seen on a screen. The buildup, the synchronicity of the movement of the actors and their positioning, the camera work, and the lighting. I have rewatched it several times and it doesn’t get old. If you are only interested in watching this, fast forward to the 123-minute mark and get ready to be impressed.
Drawbacks.
Where do I start?
My primary concern with Smile 2 is its striking resemblance to its predecessor. The narrative follows a familiar pattern: an attractive woman fleeing a supernatural force, grappling with hallucinations, experiencing a mental health decline, and culminating in the revelation someone close to Skye was the Smiling Entity after all. This repetitive structure diminishes the film’s impact.
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While the introduction of a new method for shedding the entity initially offered a glimmer of hope this concept wasn’t fully realized. It just served to add names to the line of people that the entity has infected in the past.
Furthermore, the film’s pacing suffers from excessive focus on Skye’s musical career. Scenes showcasing her stage rehearsals and music videos, while intended to establish her identity as a performer, feel unnecessary and detract from the narrative momentum. Yes, we understand she’s a performer, you told us, you don’t need to prove it. These scenes appear to artificially inflate the film’s runtime, suggesting a lack of confidence in the core story.
The Final Take.
Ultimately, Smile 2 fails to expand upon the established lore of the franchise. The film’s conclusion feels contrived, with a blatant setup for a third installment. Hopefully, if a ‘Smile 3’ is inevitable, the creative team will bring fresh ideas and avoid simply retreading familiar ground.
We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.
Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.
The story
We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.
Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.
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I sure would have liked to see more about that.
Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.
Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.
Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.
What worked
The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.
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The series is called Goosebumps, after all.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.
To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.
I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.
Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.
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I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.
Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.
Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.
I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.
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All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.
The movie monsters always approach so slowly. Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream. It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry – It takes forever for them to catch their victims. And yet no one ever seems to get away.
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry – Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly… And yet no one ever seems to get away. Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly… While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream. Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it? The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Robot Dance from Jennifer Weigel’s Reversals series
So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.