AMITYVILLE, NY — A ghost occupying a local haunted house is feeling overworked and stressed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Because of the “stay-at-home” order instituted by the state’s governor, citizens are required to remain sheltered in place at home, leaving only for essential work or errands. Paranormal activity typically occurs late at night or very early in the morning, but with residents home all day, the ghost and many of its associates are currently working overtime.
“I used to wake at least one of the family members up almost every night around 3:00 a.m.,” said the hideous local entity, currently manifesting as a blood-soaked apparition with black sockets for eyes. “I’d make creaking noises, roll things down the hall, or scratch on their doors,” the ghost explained. “They’d wake up super creeped-out. If someone got up to go to the bathroom, I’d appear in the mirror for a split second and get them screaming. Now, they’re up half the night anyway playing video games or making TikToks. No one is even scared.”
Too stressed to scare?
The entity then explained that it has been forced to do some of its haunting during the day by moving curtains, causing cold spots in the hallways, or knocking items off walls. Still, residents seem too preoccupied to notice. “They’re always busy with other stuff, like filing for unemployment or making homemade masks to go to the grocery store. They’re so terrified of that virus they don’t even think I’m scary anymore.”
The ghost went on to describe that it has had to give up some of its own hobbies, including making prank calls, taking late-night strolls through graveyards, and appearing during Ouija board sessions. “At least I don’t have it as bad as Annabelle,” it said, referencing a colleague who currently possesses a doll owned by the family’s youngest member. “You know how many tea parties she has to go to? That girl doesn’t let her out of her sight all day.”
The ghost then heard a member of the family getting into the shower. “I gotta go,” it said. “I’m gonna turn the lights on and off and make the water run cold.” The ghost explained that it had to seize the opportunity at hand, since “they barely ever shower anymore.”