Buffy S1E4 “Teacher’s Pet” Something’s Bugging Me About the Substitute
What will happen when a new teacher comes in and shakes up the chemistry/biology hybrid class at Sunnydale? (Stay tuned) Will anyone use the library for anything other than monster hunting? (Not Yet) Will Xander stop being a creep to his friends? (No) How we go from ants in class to learning about the mantis with no heads up? Find out this and more as we discuss the S1E4 episode “Teacher’s Pet”.
Dreams that Freddy Kruger would steer away from
Remember in the episode 2 review where I said that Xander had improved and grown as a person. Man, was I wrong in that assessment of him. We open in what looks to be The Bronze and vampires having interrupted yet another concert on a school night. Buffy came in to do what she usually does but is quickly overcome by a vampire and pinned down onto a pool table. Just when it seems we are shooting for a mini-series, she was surprisingly saved by none other than Xander. Xander quickly took care of the vampire, while weirdly giving off Angel vibes. Even weirder than Xander having given off these dark, broody vibes, Buffy came across as meek and damsel-like. After all of this, he still managed to kill the vampire and still jump onstage to play with the band. Yikes.
Of course, this was only a daydream as we snap back to reality (Sorry, Eminem) to the trope of all the main characters all in the same class, this one being the chemistry/biology hybrid we saw in the last episode. So we can see Xander’s lack of emotional growth as he is having weird daydreams of Buffy and being the hero after he has been rebuffed quite openly. After waking him up, Buffy was asked a question about ants by returning teacher, Dr. Gregory. Buffy can answer with help from Willow, which Dr. Gregory notices.
Kombating Education with Science
After class is over, he stops Buffy as she leaves. Dr. Gregory shows actual concern about her and her work, mentioning that Buffy does show potential and he was her to succeed. After she leaves, Dr. Gregory gets to his sciency science stuff, complete with slides and microscopes. A large bug-like appendage grabs him by the shoulder. The poor man looks back and screams. Fade to black, cue classic guitar riff.
Cut back to the Bronze, where we meet the ‘oft-mentioned’ character, football star Blayne sitting with his friends talking about all his ‘conquests’. They stop Xander as he weaves through the crowd asking how many of his own ‘conquests’ he had of his own. Instead of making up excuses of ‘she goes to another school’ or just leaving awkwardly like a lot of us did, he said that he not only had one, he had two. He decides to show this by somewhat creepily putting his arms around both Buffy and Willow, which Buffy quickly rebuffs.
Everyone is sitting outside the school the next day weirdly talking about Dr. Gregory. Not about him not being there or him being sick, specifically that he is missing. As the gang discusses this, a beautiful woman walks up and introduces herself as Natalie French, the new substitute for bio/chem. As she simply asked for help finding the room, both Xander and Blayne fall all over themselves to show her to the room, in a way that would make normal people ask for someone else.
Your Buffy Fun Fact of the Episode
Miss French is played by an actress named Musetta Vander, who has a strange connection to the first two episodes of Buffy. She played Sindel in the awful movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Luke the Vampire was played by Brian Thompson. He played Shao Kahn in the same movie.
These eggs ain’t for eatin’
Well, what do you know? Not only is the Scooby Gang in the same class, so is Blayne. Miss French introduces herself and instead of continuing the lesson on ants, she begins talking of praying mantises (I wonder why?). She then gets the bright idea of making bug eggs for the science fair. Um, don’t think that is how science fairs work. I took place in one myself in high school, quite horribly mind you. While we were tested about our experiments by the science faculty, the idea for experiments was all our own. Anyway, after Miss French asks for volunteers, all the boys of course raise their hands, including our Doofus Duo.
Walking through the lunch line, Xander cannot shut up about how Willow and Buffy could not understand how Miss French could pick such a ‘stud’ like him. Buffy showed she understood in a somewhat humorous way, but Xander was too busy being his usual creepy self to notice. Of course, Blayne had to butt in and mention he is going over to Miss French’s house first. Wait, what?! We are working on projects, alone, at a teacher’s house? How many red flags do we need to raise?
After all this mess, Cordelia pushes back Buffy so she can get her ‘medically prescribed lunch’ that her doctor drops off every day? What doctor has time to drop off a vegan, cage-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, organic lunch every day? Cordelia opens one of the refrigerators in the kitchen and screams…bloody murder. Inside it, next to her special lunch is the headless body of Dr. Gregory. No head, just the body.
If Not the Vampire, Then Who?
Giles is in the ‘oft-used’ library comforting the Gang after rightfully being rattled by the sight of Dr. Gregory’s body. With none able to come up with an idea of who or what could do this, they somehow come upon a vampire (of course). This vampire has some sort of metal blade on what used to be his hand after cutting it up for penance. After not going out after him, Buffy does as expected…and goes after him. Buffy quickly finds him and has a quick tussle that is almost as quickly broken up by the police, causing the vamp to hop a fence, running into a new possible victim, who happens to be poor Miss French. However, she gives him one look that causes him to hiss and dive into the sewer, in full view of Buffy.
Rushing to make the chem/bio class before she is late, Buffy is stopped by Principal Flutie. He is requiring her to attend counseling as she was one of those who found Dr. Gregory’s body. After losing the argument with him, she sits outside the room and waits for the psychiatrist, who is speaking to Cordelia. What follows is a funny scene where Cordelia talks about she has lost weight since the incident. She says that they shouldn’t kill a teacher every day, but she did lose 7 1/2 ounces. Buffy finally makes it back to class but grumbles at the sight of a pop quiz. Before she can open the door, she sees Miss French turn her head a full 180 degrees and look at the door.
WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?!
Buffy heads back to the Scooby Shack to tell Giles and the rest what she saw ala ‘The Exorcist’. They determine that while she is obviously not human, there are some bugs that can turn their heads around like that. Xander walks into Miss French’s room to talk about the project, as overeager as usual. Xander seems ready to go to work on the project, but alas. Miss French accidentally left the supplies at home and invites him over to do the project there. Once again, how many red flags do we need? Once he leaves she makes herself a sandwich of mayonnaise and live bugs.
The remaining members of the Gang are in the library and figure out that the only bug that can turn their head like that is the praying mantis. They are trying to figure out just how Miss French can be a giant mantis yet human. Giles remembers a colleague from Oxford who studied both entomology and mythology (of course he did). Before he could explain further, Willow finds out that Blayne’s mom had just put in a 911 call. Wait a minute. Now, I am not a parent, so I cannot speak from experience, but this seems off. Your son did not come home from school at all, was gone all night, and was not in bed in the morning. Yet you wait until lunch to call authorities?!
My Sacrifice, more than just a Creed song
Buffy goes to try to catch up to Xander and warn him about what Miss French really is. Does he listen to reason and not go to the meeting? Of course not. What show did you think we were talking about? So of course, he goes over to Miss French’s house. Since they are working on a science fair project, of course, she changed into a very tight and short dress and is pouring martinis for her and a minor. She instantly starts to try to seduce Xander and he starts to get all tongue-tied and ‘hyuk’. She is sitting with him on the couch waaaay too close and offers him one of the martinis. He instantly chugs it because you never sip a martini. Of course, something is wrong as he collapses on the floor, his drink being drugged.
Xander wakes up in a cage adjoining the other half of the Doofus Duo, Blayne. He looks over and sees Miss French in full-on She-Mantis mode. Fun fact #2: The model for the She-Mantis was used previously in the popular 90’s Sci-Fi show Babylon 5. Back at the Shack, we see Giles on the phone speaking to someone trying to be stern and forward, kinda cute actually. Willow is able to find color pictures of the autopsy of Dr. Gregory. This actually bothers Willow as she still genuinely cares for Xander, minus his flaws. Cutting back to the basement, the previously full of bravado Blayne is scared after telling Xander what Miss French does. After talking to his colleague, Giles finds out that the Mantis specifically targets virgins to breed with.
Raid and Swords. Best way to kill giants bugs.
The gang then hurries after getting the address of Miss French from the personnel records in the office. They quickly go to the house on record and ARE met by a Natalie French, but not the one they wanted. This one was a sweet older lady who retired in the 1970’s from teaching. Yet another Buffy Fun Fact: The lady who plays the real Miss French is played by an actress named Jean Speegle Howard. If the last name seems familiar, she is the mother of Ron and Clint Howard. Seemingly stuck with where to go, Buffy runs off with an idea to find the She-Mantis.
Somehow, Buffy is able to find the metal-handed vampire who was run off by Miss French earlier. She uses him as a sort of tracking device to find out where she really lived. Once he recoils at the right house, Buffy does the kind thing to him for helping and stakes him. They are able to get to the basement just as the She-Mantis is about to breed with Xander. The final battle is on! Do we use lasers? Incantations? Some super cool reverse spinning 720 kick? Nope. Bug Spray. Well, more than that. They used a recording of bat sonar to scramble the nervous system, hit it with a double blast of bug spray, before Buffy finds a machete and goes full-on ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ on it. The team can finally relax now that they are free of the Mantis. Ever the grateful one, Blayne threatens to sue if it gets out he is a virgin.
But wait! There’s more! No…no there isn’t.
Back at the Bronze, Buffy is having coffee of some sort when Angel shows up. To be honest, I forgot to mention he was also at the beginning of the episode to help her with the vampire problem mentioned. He also gave her the leather jacket that she wore for a long time after, ever the gentleman. We close the episode with the new chem/bio teacher who comes across as very strict and grade heavy. As class ends, Buffy finds a pair of Dr. Gregory’s glasses on a desk and thoughtfully puts them in a closet as we pan down to some bug eggs under the desk that looks like they are about to hatch. Wait? More bugs? Are we getting a recurring villain who is gonna terrorize for many seasons? Nah, they never get mentioned again.
The only opinion that matters. Mine.
Did I like the episode overall? I did, I really did. I did prefer episode two a bit more, but still enjoyed this. It was great to get an episode centered on another member of the Scooby Gang so we can see more of who they are. It was also nice to get something else besides witches and vampires to expand the lore of the show. Xander comes across as real skeezy at points and sadly this is not the worst this season. But if you wanted a fun episode with a somewhat original villain check it out.
(3.5 / 5)
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To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin!
Plot
We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless.
The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential.
Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.
Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky…
Overall thoughts
I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets.
(2.5 / 5)
We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.
As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.
The story
We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.
This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.
What worked
In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.
Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.
This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.
Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.
It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.
What didn’t work
I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.
I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.
All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.
(4 / 5)
If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.
Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.
The story
We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.
We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.
Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.
What worked
The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.
I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.
I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What didn’t work
That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.
Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.
Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.
Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.
There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.
(3.5 / 5)
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