Buffy S1E4 “Teacher’s Pet” Something’s Bugging Me About the Substitute
What will happen when a new teacher comes in and shakes up the chemistry/biology hybrid class at Sunnydale? (Stay tuned) Will anyone use the library for anything other than monster hunting? (Not Yet) Will Xander stop being a creep to his friends? (No) How we go from ants in class to learning about the mantis with no heads up? Find out this and more as we discuss the S1E4 episode “Teacher’s Pet”.
Dreams that Freddy Kruger would steer away from
Remember in the episode 2 review where I said that Xander had improved and grown as a person. Man, was I wrong in that assessment of him. We open in what looks to be The Bronze and vampires having interrupted yet another concert on a school night. Buffy came in to do what she usually does but is quickly overcome by a vampire and pinned down onto a pool table. Just when it seems we are shooting for a mini-series, she was surprisingly saved by none other than Xander. Xander quickly took care of the vampire, while weirdly giving off Angel vibes. Even weirder than Xander having given off these dark, broody vibes, Buffy came across as meek and damsel-like. After all of this, he still managed to kill the vampire and still jump onstage to play with the band. Yikes.
Of course, this was only a daydream as we snap back to reality (Sorry, Eminem) to the trope of all the main characters all in the same class, this one being the chemistry/biology hybrid we saw in the last episode. So we can see Xander’s lack of emotional growth as he is having weird daydreams of Buffy and being the hero after he has been rebuffed quite openly. After waking him up, Buffy was asked a question about ants by returning teacher, Dr. Gregory. Buffy can answer with help from Willow, which Dr. Gregory notices.
Kombating Education with Science
After class is over, he stops Buffy as she leaves. Dr. Gregory shows actual concern about her and her work, mentioning that Buffy does show potential and he was her to succeed. After she leaves, Dr. Gregory gets to his sciency science stuff, complete with slides and microscopes. A large bug-like appendage grabs him by the shoulder. The poor man looks back and screams. Fade to black, cue classic guitar riff.
Cut back to the Bronze, where we meet the ‘oft-mentioned’ character, football star Blayne sitting with his friends talking about all his ‘conquests’. They stop Xander as he weaves through the crowd asking how many of his own ‘conquests’ he had of his own. Instead of making up excuses of ‘she goes to another school’ or just leaving awkwardly like a lot of us did, he said that he not only had one, he had two. He decides to show this by somewhat creepily putting his arms around both Buffy and Willow, which Buffy quickly rebuffs.
Everyone is sitting outside the school the next day weirdly talking about Dr. Gregory. Not about him not being there or him being sick, specifically that he is missing. As the gang discusses this, a beautiful woman walks up and introduces herself as Natalie French, the new substitute for bio/chem. As she simply asked for help finding the room, both Xander and Blayne fall all over themselves to show her to the room, in a way that would make normal people ask for someone else.
Your Buffy Fun Fact of the Episode
Miss French is played by an actress named Musetta Vander, who has a strange connection to the first two episodes of Buffy. She played Sindel in the awful movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Luke the Vampire was played by Brian Thompson. He played Shao Kahn in the same movie.
These eggs ain’t for eatin’
Well, what do you know? Not only is the Scooby Gang in the same class, so is Blayne. Miss French introduces herself and instead of continuing the lesson on ants, she begins talking of praying mantises (I wonder why?). She then gets the bright idea of making bug eggs for the science fair. Um, don’t think that is how science fairs work. I took place in one myself in high school, quite horribly mind you. While we were tested about our experiments by the science faculty, the idea for experiments was all our own. Anyway, after Miss French asks for volunteers, all the boys of course raise their hands, including our Doofus Duo.
Walking through the lunch line, Xander cannot shut up about how Willow and Buffy could not understand how Miss French could pick such a ‘stud’ like him. Buffy showed she understood in a somewhat humorous way, but Xander was too busy being his usual creepy self to notice. Of course, Blayne had to butt in and mention he is going over to Miss French’s house first. Wait, what?! We are working on projects, alone, at a teacher’s house? How many red flags do we need to raise?
After all this mess, Cordelia pushes back Buffy so she can get her ‘medically prescribed lunch’ that her doctor drops off every day? What doctor has time to drop off a vegan, cage-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, organic lunch every day? Cordelia opens one of the refrigerators in the kitchen and screams…bloody murder. Inside it, next to her special lunch is the headless body of Dr. Gregory. No head, just the body.
If Not the Vampire, Then Who?
Giles is in the ‘oft-used’ library comforting the Gang after rightfully being rattled by the sight of Dr. Gregory’s body. With none able to come up with an idea of who or what could do this, they somehow come upon a vampire (of course). This vampire has some sort of metal blade on what used to be his hand after cutting it up for penance. After not going out after him, Buffy does as expected…and goes after him. Buffy quickly finds him and has a quick tussle that is almost as quickly broken up by the police, causing the vamp to hop a fence, running into a new possible victim, who happens to be poor Miss French. However, she gives him one look that causes him to hiss and dive into the sewer, in full view of Buffy.
Rushing to make the chem/bio class before she is late, Buffy is stopped by Principal Flutie. He is requiring her to attend counseling as she was one of those who found Dr. Gregory’s body. After losing the argument with him, she sits outside the room and waits for the psychiatrist, who is speaking to Cordelia. What follows is a funny scene where Cordelia talks about she has lost weight since the incident. She says that they shouldn’t kill a teacher every day, but she did lose 7 1/2 ounces. Buffy finally makes it back to class but grumbles at the sight of a pop quiz. Before she can open the door, she sees Miss French turn her head a full 180 degrees and look at the door.
WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?!
Buffy heads back to the Scooby Shack to tell Giles and the rest what she saw ala ‘The Exorcist’. They determine that while she is obviously not human, there are some bugs that can turn their heads around like that. Xander walks into Miss French’s room to talk about the project, as overeager as usual. Xander seems ready to go to work on the project, but alas. Miss French accidentally left the supplies at home and invites him over to do the project there. Once again, how many red flags do we need? Once he leaves she makes herself a sandwich of mayonnaise and live bugs.
The remaining members of the Gang are in the library and figure out that the only bug that can turn their head like that is the praying mantis. They are trying to figure out just how Miss French can be a giant mantis yet human. Giles remembers a colleague from Oxford who studied both entomology and mythology (of course he did). Before he could explain further, Willow finds out that Blayne’s mom had just put in a 911 call. Wait a minute. Now, I am not a parent, so I cannot speak from experience, but this seems off. Your son did not come home from school at all, was gone all night, and was not in bed in the morning. Yet you wait until lunch to call authorities?!
My Sacrifice, more than just a Creed song
Buffy goes to try to catch up to Xander and warn him about what Miss French really is. Does he listen to reason and not go to the meeting? Of course not. What show did you think we were talking about? So of course, he goes over to Miss French’s house. Since they are working on a science fair project, of course, she changed into a very tight and short dress and is pouring martinis for her and a minor. She instantly starts to try to seduce Xander and he starts to get all tongue-tied and ‘hyuk’. She is sitting with him on the couch waaaay too close and offers him one of the martinis. He instantly chugs it because you never sip a martini. Of course, something is wrong as he collapses on the floor, his drink being drugged.
Xander wakes up in a cage adjoining the other half of the Doofus Duo, Blayne. He looks over and sees Miss French in full-on She-Mantis mode. Fun fact #2: The model for the She-Mantis was used previously in the popular 90’s Sci-Fi show Babylon 5. Back at the Shack, we see Giles on the phone speaking to someone trying to be stern and forward, kinda cute actually. Willow is able to find color pictures of the autopsy of Dr. Gregory. This actually bothers Willow as she still genuinely cares for Xander, minus his flaws. Cutting back to the basement, the previously full of bravado Blayne is scared after telling Xander what Miss French does. After talking to his colleague, Giles finds out that the Mantis specifically targets virgins to breed with.
Raid and Swords. Best way to kill giants bugs.
The gang then hurries after getting the address of Miss French from the personnel records in the office. They quickly go to the house on record and ARE met by a Natalie French, but not the one they wanted. This one was a sweet older lady who retired in the 1970’s from teaching. Yet another Buffy Fun Fact: The lady who plays the real Miss French is played by an actress named Jean Speegle Howard. If the last name seems familiar, she is the mother of Ron and Clint Howard. Seemingly stuck with where to go, Buffy runs off with an idea to find the She-Mantis.
Somehow, Buffy is able to find the metal-handed vampire who was run off by Miss French earlier. She uses him as a sort of tracking device to find out where she really lived. Once he recoils at the right house, Buffy does the kind thing to him for helping and stakes him. They are able to get to the basement just as the She-Mantis is about to breed with Xander. The final battle is on! Do we use lasers? Incantations? Some super cool reverse spinning 720 kick? Nope. Bug Spray. Well, more than that. They used a recording of bat sonar to scramble the nervous system, hit it with a double blast of bug spray, before Buffy finds a machete and goes full-on ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ on it. The team can finally relax now that they are free of the Mantis. Ever the grateful one, Blayne threatens to sue if it gets out he is a virgin.
But wait! There’s more! No…no there isn’t.
Back at the Bronze, Buffy is having coffee of some sort when Angel shows up. To be honest, I forgot to mention he was also at the beginning of the episode to help her with the vampire problem mentioned. He also gave her the leather jacket that she wore for a long time after, ever the gentleman. We close the episode with the new chem/bio teacher who comes across as very strict and grade heavy. As class ends, Buffy finds a pair of Dr. Gregory’s glasses on a desk and thoughtfully puts them in a closet as we pan down to some bug eggs under the desk that looks like they are about to hatch. Wait? More bugs? Are we getting a recurring villain who is gonna terrorize for many seasons? Nah, they never get mentioned again.
The only opinion that matters. Mine.
Did I like the episode overall? I did, I really did. I did prefer episode two a bit more, but still enjoyed this. It was great to get an episode centered on another member of the Scooby Gang so we can see more of who they are. It was also nice to get something else besides witches and vampires to expand the lore of the show. Xander comes across as real skeezy at points and sadly this is not the worst this season. But if you wanted a fun episode with a somewhat original villain check it out.
(3.5 / 5)
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Episode two of Wheel of Time felt like the beginning of a long journey. Stories are unfolding, lives are changing, and blood is spilling.
Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin this episode in the past with Elayne’s mother, Queen Morgase. It turns out her rise to the throne was a bit, shall we say, cutthroat. So when she shows up at the White Tower, Siuan is concerned.
She might have reason to be, too.
Meanwhile, Rand, Egwene, Moiraine, Lan and Aviendha are in the Spine of The World. As they travel through some of the most breathtaking lands I have ever seen on a TV show, Egwene is plagued with nightmares. We think at first that’s just her trauma working itself through her system. But we soon find out that it might not be that straightforward.
Finally, Perrin returns home to heal after his hand is almost cut in half. But when he gets there he finds the town has been infested by Children of The Light. And they’re looking for him.
What worked
There was something heartwarming in this episode about political espionage and choking religious persecution. And that is Elayne’s relationship with her family.
I have consumed a lot of fantasy content with royal families. And I have never once heard a princess call her mother ‘Mum’. I’ve never seen royal siblings get along. And I have sure as hell never seen a princess have a good relationship with her step-parent.
This was refreshing. Even though Queen Morgase is kind of a horrible person she seems like a good mother. And that’s an unexpected delight.
Of course, this is just one storyline among many. And while this can sometimes be overwhelming, in this case it wasn’t.
I’ll be honest, some of these storylines are going to drag for me. I know this because I’ve read some of the Wheel of Time books and I have an idea that not all the characters exactly pique my interest.
No one likes all the characters. No one likes all the storylines. While I am here for the political espionage between Queen Morgase and Siuan, not everyone likes it. While others might be fascinated with Selene trying to win Rand back, I couldn’t care less.
Having multiple storylines keeps everyone’s attention better. So long as things don’t get out of hand. Things can easily get out of hand. But this seems to be managed well.
So far.
What didn’t work
As I mentioned above, I’m not thrilled with Rand’s story at this point. And while it’s fine to not like a storyline when there are this many to choose from, it’s not fantastic that the one I like the least is the one involving our two main characters. And anytime we were with the team at the Spine of The World, the only thing that brought me joy was Moirain’s hat. It reminded me of Stockard Channing’s hat in Practical Magic.
The problem is that Rand is Charlie Brown with controversial magical powers. He is boring, serious, and pessimistic.
And yes, I understand that he has a heavy emotional burden and he’s the Dragon Reborn and that’s quite taxing and all. But let’s be fair, there isn’t a single person in this show that doesn’t have a heavy burden. And most of them manage to be fun occasionally.
All that being said, this episode of Wheel of Time did exactly what it needed to do. It set up conflicts at each of the three locations. It established emotional ties between the characters and the events. And it established goals for everyone.
This was, in short, a solid episode. Not groundbreaking, not mind-blowing or life changing. It was simply good. It was entertaining and moved the plot forward.
Well done.
(3.5 / 5)
Wheel of Time is back for season three. There are mixed feelings regarding this. Last season, there were some serious pacing issues. And some serious sticking to the book’s storyline issues. But we’re two seasons in, and we don’t give up so easily. So let’s dive into episode one, To Race the Shadow.
By the way, I highly recommend watching this episode with the subtitles on. You’ll see why.
The story
We begin this episode with Liandrin facing a trial of sorts for her rampant betrayal. She does her best to gaslight her Aes Sedai sisters into thinking that Siuan Sanche is the real traitor.
When that doesn’t work, she reveals how many Black Aes Sedai have actually infiltrated the tower.
Spoiler, it’s a lot.
In the aftermath, our whole team gathers to drink and enjoy one night of relaxation before they head out to the Tear to form an army for Rand. All is going well until they’re attacked by myriad creatures and a sentient axe.
What worked
This episode was long. It had a run time of an hour and eleven minutes. And a lot of that run time was spent in heavy dialog scenes.
Fortunately, these were well-done scenes.
If you’re going to have a lot of talking scenes, there are good ways and bad ways to do it. Last season, we saw lots of examples of the bad way to do it. But this episode did it well. For one thing, other things were going on while conversations were taking place. The characters are drinking, playing games, walking through an interesting city. And the scenes themselves didn’t stretch out. They weren’t repetitive. We heard what the character had to say, then we moved on.
It was also nice that the point of these scenes wasn’t just info dumps. We had character development. We had romantic interactions. We had plot development and foreshadowing.
Overall, this episode felt like what it was. A moment of calm before a storm.
Taking a step back, I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fight scene at the start of the episode. Because it was epic.
The magic looked amazing. The martial arts that went along with it looked fantastic. The costumes were beautiful. It was just incredibly fun to watch.
More than that, it was emotional. We lost some characters in that fight that were important. And it was clearly emotionally shattering for many of our characters, who found themselves betrayed by people they trusted.
So many of them.
It was a great way to open the season.
What didn’t work
Despite that, this episode wasn’t without its flaws.
First off, there were a lot of dialog scenes. And they were good scenes, as I’ve already discussed. But it was one after another after another. And when your episode is, again, an hour and eleven minutes, it’s maybe a little much to have so much chit-chat. Couldn’t some of these conversations, important as they were, have been moved to maybe another episode?
Finally, I want to talk about Egwene’s travel through the arches.
I feel like maybe there were some deleted scenes here. Because there must have been more to that visit than what we saw, right?
We could have seen Egwene battle Rand. That would have been badass and emotionally devastating. We could have seen her with a quiet life with Rand back home at the Two Rivers. We could have seen anything except for the quick clip of Rand in a bloody river, followed by Egwene being shoved back out in a bloody shift.
Bad job. But at least it wasn’t an extended scene of Moiraine collecting bathwater, and then taking a bath while looking sad. If we’d started this season with another scene like that, it might have broken my brain.
Amazon dropped the first three episodes at once. So we’ll be back soon to talk about episode two. See you then.
(4 / 5)
Early 2000s is a special era for the industry. It accepts the cheesiness and corniness of movie making, in turn producing some gems in their own right. Eight Legged Freaks starring David Arquette and young Scarlet Johanson is a horror comedy about giant spiders who overtake a small town. As crazy as that premise sounds, the movie surprisingly has a ton of heart and is super entertaining. Let’s review, shall we?
Plot
We start Eight Legged Freaks with a shot of toxic waste spilling into the water supply of Joshua, a spider farm owner. He is friends with Mike, one of our protagonists, who is a science geek and a spider enthusiast. Mike notices something quite right upon visiting Joshua, but no one takes him seriously. We are then introduced to the rest of the crew. Mike’s mother Samantha, the town sheriff, is too busy chasing Ashley, his sister, who is dating the town mayor’s son Bret (something Samantha does not approve of). We also have Chris, who returns to the town to save his father’s legacy in the town mines. He has opposition from Wade, Bret’s father, who wants to use the mines for his business ventures. Lots of drama going on that will only get juicier once the spiders get loose.
The creepy crawlies quickly dispose of Joshua and make their grand appearance after Ashley rejects Bret’s advances, abandoning him in the middle of a desert. A glorious chase sequence ensues as the spiders make their way towards the town, wreaking havoc on its residents. In a true horror fashion (which the movie acknowledges), it takes some convincing from Mike and then from Samantha for the town to take the threat seriously. The tongue-in-cheek style of narrative adds the comedy aspect to a movie that would otherwise burn out fairly quickly.
The remaining characters hide out in a shopping mall as it’s the only somewhat sturdy building in the area. This doesn’t last long as the spiders break in, forcing them to run through the mines. Their resources to fight the creepy crawlies off are limited as the methane gas doesn’t allow them to use firearms. Such conditions require resourceful thinking from Chris, who uses perfume to fend off the leader of the spider group and save himself during the climax of the movie.
Character dynamics are not forgotten once the action kicks in. We have Chris confessing his long-term feelings for Samantha which she knew all along, which provided some comedic relief. Bret also reunites with Ashley and apologises for being an asshole. Mike finally gets the appreciation he deserves as his knowledge saves the townsfolk more than once during the whole ordeal.
We end the movie with the town’s radio show person telling the story as an urban legend during his segment. This brings it into question – how much of it happened the way he said it did? We can only guess…
Overall thoughts
Eight Legged Freaks is a fun creature feature with some self-aware commentary on genre tropes that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The acting is good, the pacing fitting and the characters are likeable enough for you to want them to make it through. Definitely a must watch, if you don’t suffer from arachnophobia, that is.
(5 / 5)