Because it wouldn’t be Christmas without a psycho dressed as Santa.

Christmas has no shortage of gloriously gory entertainment. And high on my list of yuletide terror watching is the Tales From The Crypt episode, And All Through The House.

Side note. I keep forgetting that John Kassir, the voice of the Cryptkeeper, also played Buster Bunny from Tiny Tunes for the second season. Now that you know it, you can’t not hear it. 

And All Through The House is a typical episode of the long-running horror-comedy. The main character, Elizabeth (played by Mary Ellen Trainor), decides that Christmas Eve is the best time to kill her asshole husband. She sticks a fire poker in the back of his head after he insists she let him have it. 

While trying to dispose of the body in the family well, Elizabeth is accosted by a homicidal maniac dressed as Santa. She’s chased inside, where she proceeds to do the stupidest things you can imagine. Like calling the cops and then hanging up on them multiple times. Or going outside to plant an ax in her dead hubby’s head.

Elizabeth is the poster child of a dumb blond. She runs out of her house without her keys, leaves her daughter’s window open. When she goes to plant the ax in her husband’s head, she misses twice.

I’m not going to sugar plum coat this. Trainor’s acting is about on par with what you’d expect from Tales From The Crypt. Which is to say she’s attractive and she can scream loud enough to shatter glass. But if she has to speak a line, it comes out like someone’s got a sharpened candy cane to her puppy’s neck. They come out too fast, too loud, and lacking the slightest hint of sincerity.

In short, this episode is everything we know and love about Tales From The Crypt. It’s campy to the highest degree. It’s funny and bloody as hell. All of that with a delightful Christmas feel. It’s the details that make it perfect. Elizabeth ties a plastic bag with a big red bow around her dead husband. She sits next to him and sips wine. The killer’s Santa costume is shitty, cheap and bloody. Everything about it is perfect. So whether you’re watching it for the first time or it’s an annual tradition, cozy up with a cup of hot chocolate and enjoy.