Buffy the Vampire Slayer S1E1 “Welcome to the Hellmouth”
AKA Exposition and Witticisms
Who said romance is dead?
We kick off the great saga of Buffy with the lamest date ever – Welcome to the Hellmouth. A Sunnydale high school graduate of indeterminate recency has brought his petite blond friend to see the gym roof. Apparently the petite blond agrees that this is lame, because she gets all snarly and attacks.
Credits: Howling! Guitars! Cheerleaders! Potions! Stakes! Dancing! Hero formations!
Maybe high school is the real Hellmouth
Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) wakes up from a cryptic nightmare. If the boxes in her bedroom weren’t expository enough, her mother’s urging to not be late to (or get kicked out on) her first day at her new school lets us know she is new in town.
Meanwhile, a teenage boy is clinging for dear life on a skateboard he evidently got that day. This is Xander (Nicholas Brendon) friend to Willow (Alyson Hannigan), resident nerd. She agrees to help him with his trig and suggests he pick up a specific text in the library, “where the books live.” Xander and pal Jesse say the phrase “new girl” back and forth in increasingly distressing ways.
Buffy meets with Principal Flutie (you can call him Bob, but should you?). He desperately wants to give her a clean slate, but he backtracks pretty quickly after learning that her expulsion was the result of burning down a gym that was full of totally not-vampires.
As Buffy is leaving the office, she quite literally runs into Xander. He helps her pick up the spilled contents of her bag with all the goofy charm he can muster. So much charm, in fact, that she forgets her wooden stake.
In class Cordelia (Charisma Carpenter) shares a textbook and many Sunnydale social insights with Buffy, including the need to identify losers on sight. She invites her to The Bronze that night shortly after insulting Willow’s dress – a bold move in lime green pants, Miss Chase.
Slay it ain’t so
In a suspiciously ornate library a suspiciously British librarian named Mr. Giles (Anthony Stewart Head) thrusts a book labelled VAMPYR toward Buffy. But Buffy hates archaic spellings so she quickly leaves.
Since her plan to acquire textbooks has fallen through, Buffy seeks out the tutelage of one very confused Willow. Xander tries to be way too witty (aside from his “tiny fences” joke he makes when returning her stake. I’ll give you credit for that, X). Cordelia runs up to let Buffy know that gym is cancelled due to the dead guy in someone’s locker. Buffy responds in the totally normal fashion of asking if he had holes in his neck and was drained of blood.
Cordelia does not have that information, so Buffy makes easy work of tearing off the gym door and checking out the scene for herself. After confirming her fears re: vamps, she has it out with Giles. He lectures her about her sacred duty as Slayer, his sacred duty as Watcher, and the extra-supernatural nature of Sunnydale. Buffy is well aware of her responsibilities. She is also aware that it is a lonely life. Slaying meant to be a secret identity situation, a la Bruce Wayne/Batman. Too bad Xander was in the stacks and overheard the whole thing.
We quickly cut to a super dramatic, quasi-religious underground monologue given by a very large vampire.
Proper socialization
Then we are back to Buffy. She is struggling to pick out an outfit for tonight, a task she was good at once upon a Slayer-free high school experience. Her mother is trying very hard to remain positive about their move.
On her way to The Bronze, she senses she is being followed. She does this slick little handstand maneuver to turn the tables on her pursuer. He calls himself a friend (but not hers), refers to Sunnydale as the “mouth of hell,” and warns of a harvest. Oh, and he gives her a cross necklace.
[At this point, omnipotent as I am, I warned my first-time viewer husband Trav that this is the least dramatic we will ever see this character. He does not believe this can be possible.]
At The Bronze Buffy and Willow get to know each other a little. Willow details her friendship with Xander (he once stole her Barbie). She also describes her difficulty speaking in front of most guys. Buffy gives her the most generic carpe diem life advice ever. The she spots Giles and excuses herself to confront him.
[Trav cannot emphasize enough how distressed he is that Giles is hanging out at this teenage club.]
Buffy gets out some interesting insults, including “skanky” and “textbook with arms” (only one of which is appropriate for a librarian, and I’m not elaborating on which). At the same time, Giles chides her on not honing her Spidey Slayer senses to locate the vampires that are definitely in this club. She wins the argument with a fashion technicality. But this is a short-lived victory, because she sees that the vampire she spotted is leading Willow outside. Buffy tries to intervene but only succeeds in nearly staking Cordelia, who now officially hates her. We see that at that moment Jesse is talking to our petite blond vampire from the beginning, Darla (Julie Benz).
The “why” in Vampyr
Back underground our monologuing vampire, Luke, is monologuing a much uglier vampire out of a red hot tub. This is the Master. He is 1) apparently trapped underground by a mystical forcefield and 2) very hangry. MonoLuke informs him that Thomas and Darla are out hunting for him now.
On her way to save the day, Buffy runs into Xander. He fesses up to eavesdropping in the library earlier. He then insists on helping her help his friends. Darla, Thomas, and their “dates” have wound up in a mausoleum. Jesse is slightly paler than before because Darla had a nibble on the way over. When Buffy and Xander arrive at the scene, Buffy stakes Thomas. He disappears in a cloud-of-dust effect that I will give due credit to for it being 1997. While she fights Darla, Xander and Willow carry Jesse out only to be surrounded by more vampires. In the mausoleum, a new player has entered. He throws Buffy into a coffin and MonoLukes his way all the way to a “To be continued” card.
I asked Trav for a one-sentence review for this episode: “All I can think about is how creepy the librarian is coming across.”
Welcome to the Hellmouth is a fairly pilot-y pilot, what with the exposition, but it’s pretty dang fun and sets you up for action, fun dialogue, and the hope that that SFX will improve along with way. 
(2.5 / 5)
Where to watch Welcome to the Hellmouth (sponsored links!)
Featuring Shannon LeGro and author Aaron Deese, Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes follows the pair in search of what many believe to be a real-world monster. Small Town Monsters investigates one of the darkest urban legends in North American history.
Well, even though this screener is late by…(checks watch) a few months, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have anything to say about it. That is to say, I DO have something to say about this new edition about dogman cryptids by STM.
So, welcome to another episode of ‘Brannyk talks about Small Town Monsters’! We’ve explored the Joisey Devil, aliens giving boo boos to cows, totally Bigfoot, a big ol’ stinky doggo, your tea-spilling ghost-witch, an alien Bigfoot with a hankering for a good peanut butter sandwich, Cowboy Werewolves, ‘The STM Which Will Not Be Named‘, and Native skinwalking creeps. We have a new screener from Small Town Monsters.
Plot of Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes
We follow Aaron Deese on his quest to find out the mystery of the massacre that happened at the Land Between the Lakes, a recreational area bordering on Kentucky and Tennessee.
With Shannon LeGro by his side, the two investigate the strange encounters locals have reported. Gathering modern day and older accounts of super stinky dogmen, Deese ventures deeper into the lore and history of the site to see is there’s any truth to the massacre accounted there or if they’re all just campfire stories…
Thoughts on Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes:
Nope. The “massacre” accounts are completely bogus third-rate creepy pasta stories. The one guy that they found from the internet won’t even be interviewed on camera and has…lacking testimony, and I say that generously.
Thankfully, Deese gets right to it and even he himself seems disappointed by what he discovers. And he just kind of blows past it, not really spending much time on the whole “massacre”. It’s a smart move and I appreciated it because instead of draaaaawing it out, he chose instead to focus on what matters – the locals and the history.
And, as always, with Breedlove at the helm, the historical facts of this recreation area are highlighted, such as the area being designated a recreation area by President Kennedy and the Tennessee Valley Authority exercising imminent domain. By this action, approximately 800 families were displaced from their land, causing protests and outrage by some of the families. Shining a light on a history that most don’t realize or possibly have forgotten.
And one last thought: this sewer-juice-smelling dogman is a massive dick. He, like, tries to kill you and then teleports out just for shits and giggles. Massive douche.
Brainroll Juice:
I’m not sure exactly why cryptid investigator Martin Grove became such a turning point for me in the documentary, but boy, he sure did. Martin is an absolute delight and I will bare-knuckle fight anyone who disagrees (I’m not saying that I’d win, keep that in mind, just that I would).
He’s just so genuine and curious that, even though I’m still a skeptic, I’d 100% go looking for a super smelly, translucent alien/demon dogman with him. You can tell that Martin Groves has no doubt in what he does and tries his very best to figure out the mystery behind the dogman between the Lakes. Often at his own expense and safety.
It was the Texas dogman STM that talked about people being depressed after they’ve had a cryptid experience, often finding themselves isolated from friends and family who just…don’t understand. They feel like people think they’re crazy and that they’re alone in their experiences and feelings. Many times becoming withdrawn and, well, traumatized.
Martin talks like he’s seeking proof just so people who had dogmen experiences don’t have to feel alone or crazy. That people can take comfort that what they saw is real and true. He’s standing up to that stanky-ass dogman and risking his own health by going into the creepy woods at night and searching for what he believes in.
And it doesn’t matter if you or I believe in a garbage-sludge, asshole dogman because what Martin is doing is beautiful. It’s the American dream. Believing in yourself and fighting for those who can’t.
And THAT is what Small Town Monsters is all about.
Bottomline:
If you’re here for the people and less for the dogmen, this is a great snapshot of the history and people of the region. Also, when is Martin Groves going to get his own paranormal show?
(3.5 / 5)
And now a word from Small Town Monsters
Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes
Now Streaming Exclusively on Prime Video
Available on Blu/DVD from Small Town Monsters
Massilon, OH– Venture deep into the Land Between the Lakes as Small Town Monsters investigates one of the darkest urban legends in North American history. Featuring Shannon LeGro and author Aaron Deese, Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes includes interviews with witnesses, researchers and long-time locals of the Tennessee and Kentucky borders, all in search of what many believe to be a real-world monster. Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes is now available exclusively on Amazon Prime Video. A Blu-ray (SRP $19.99) and DVD (SRP ($14.99) will be available exclusively from the Small Town Monsters shop.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w3T8ZFUhck
Supernatural is not strictly a show about witchcraft. Or, is it?
Sam, Dean and John Winchester are not witches.
Or, are they? When you watch Supernatural as a modern witch, you realize that a lot of what the Winchester boys do during their battles to protect the world from monsters are things we do as part of our witchy routines.
Just the facts
Starting in 2005 and running until 2020 for fifteen seasons, Supernatural tells the stories of Sam and Dean Winchester as they protect the world from the forces of darkness. Together with a collection of human and otherworldly allies, they battle demons, ghosts, cryptids and all manner of horrifying dark creatures. It was one of many CW shows that delved into the darker side of the world before committing entirely to bad DC content.
What Supernatural got right
The first thing that jumps out when watching Supernatural is the metric ton of salt used in the show. Specifically, salt is used to protect against any number of ghastly things.
This is very familiar to any modern witch. We have so much salt. Black salt, red salt, blessed salt. Salt to cleanse, salt to banish, salt to protect. When I saw Dean and Sam with massive containers of kitchen salt, I felt like I’d found my people.
Then there is of course John Winchesters notebook. Or, dare I say, grimoire. This also felt familiar. And it’s one of the things I loved the most about Supernatural.
Look, we all want the big family grimoire with the lovely, flowing artwork and beautiful handwritten spells like in Charmed. But in reality, most grimoires look a lot more like the Winchester notebook, with sketches and notes shoved in and held in place with gum bands and paperclips. And while I’m not going to say that my grimoire has daring notes about demonic beings I’ve battled, it certainly has more quick sketches (mostly of plants) than it does beautiful calligraphy. This is supposed to be a useful document full of information we can reference quickly, not an art piece.
Longtime viewers of the show will point out that not only do the Winchesters not call themselves witches, but they often interact with witches. Sometimes as allies, and sometimes as enemies.
The witches in the show are pretty true to life. They are good and bad. They can be anyone, from any walks of life.
The witches use many tools modern practitioners use, including crystals, scrying mirrors and protection symbols. Honestly, they are pretty spot-on. Except for the spectacular TV magic they implement.
Finally, I want to discuss the question I asked at the start. Are the Winchesters witches?
No, they’re not. Because they don’t claim the title. Even if someone does magic, they’re not a witch unless they say they’re a witch. The whole point of witchcraft, after all, is personal power and personal choice.
What Supernatural got wrong
All of that being said, Supernatural was of course not a perfect depiction of witchcraft. For one thing, there is no grand coven of witches. I don’t think enough of us could agree on enough to create one.
But if we did, Stevie Nicks would be the Supreme.
Witches also don’t have to come from a long line of witches or be taught by other witches. Many of us are self-taught from books. And sadly, many of us live in communities where we might be the only witches around.
Thankfully, there are online communities from which to learn and grow. You don’t need to be a generational witch, or even have a close witch mentor. It’s a practice, and practice is all that’s required.
All in all, Supernatural is a fairly good example of modern witchcraft. The show might not be about witches, but it’s a great representation.
(4 / 5)
By the way, if you like this you might enjoy my haunted apartment novella, Quiet Apocalypse. The main character is a modern witch, and I share some real magic in this fictional story of an unexpected end of the world.
Movies n TV
Evil: Genesis 1 (S1E1)
Evil: Genesis 1 (S1E1) is a supernatural drama created by Michelle King and Robert King, starring Katja Herbers & Mike Colter.
Evil: Genesis 1 (S1E1) is a supernatural drama created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, and Christine Lahti. It originally aired under CBS before moving to Paramount+. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons. Though this series will earn nominations and awards, I’ll bring them up in relevant points or the end of the season review.
Dr. Kristen Bouchard (Katja Herbers) is a forensic psychologist struggling to financially support four daughters after losing her contract with the prosecution. When a Catholic seminarian (Mike Colter as David Acosta) offers her an opportunity to become an assessor for the Catholic church, she’s in no position to argue. Little does she know; this decision will put her in the crosshairs of Evil.
What I Like about Evil: “Genesis 1”
The cast includes heavy hitters and niche delights, such as Aasif Mandvi and Michael Emerson. Mike Colter, recently coming off of Luke Cage, brings his own star power to the cast.
Evil’s Genesis 1 starts strong with its supporting villain, Darren Pettie’s Orson LeRoux, who gives a calm and flowery account of his horrible crimes. Evil balances a light tone with dark material, and this performance does an expert job of setting that standard.
However, Katja Herbers’s Dr. Bouchard brings the central performance to life. Genesis 1 does a great job of planting the seeds of this complex character. From her ability to get shit done to her unsatisfying life, Bouchard has plenty of traits that easily allow for empathy and understanding.
Evil balances the line between real and supernatural horror, allowing viewers to assess a situation with plausible deniability. Seeing through the eyes of a skeptic, Dr. Bouchard, amplifies the fear and trauma a demon’s appearance ought to bring.
In terms of direct horror, Genesis 1 sets up what will come. It often provides an unsettling experience, building tension for future episodes. Where Genesis 1 becomes terrifying are those moments of juxtaposition, such as the initial monologue.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
While little is shown in the show of Orsen’s crimes, he is a rapist and murderer. To clarify, any depictions mentioned focus more on the murder.
As David aims to become a Catholic priest and the central trio act as assessors on behalf of the Catholic church, there will be religious elements that might rub some the wrong way. An example is the shady history of the church briefly mentioned as a throwaway jab by the antagonists. However, these elements are only lightly touched upon here.
A brief seed remains planted between Kristen and David, an attraction that might indicate an infidelity. This tension plays a role within the series. In my opinion, it’s handled well and adds to the complexity of the characters, but it’s a point worth mentioning for those troubled by such things.
What I Dislike about Evil: “Genesis 1”
Truthfully, there’s nothing I disliked. The only potential weakness worth mentioning is that the focus on Kristen remains so dominant one might easily assume it’s her story alone. Eventually, Mike Colter’s David becomes a co-lead for the show. While there remains a clear purpose for this decision, it’s the one gripe worth mentioning in terms of fully living up to the premise.
Another nitpick is the court procedure. Kristen gives her statement and is meant to return after new evidence to reaffirm her given statement as if they paused her testimony. Evil doesn’t explain its version of court procedure here.
Final Thoughts on Evil: “Genesis 1”
Genesis 1 provides a great foundation for Evil to thrive, sowing the seeds for future episodes to build upon. The only area that falls short remains communicating its leading cast, which future episodes aim to fix. If you’re hesitant about the series, Genesis 1 provides a great glimpse of what to expect.
(5 / 5)
