Joe Bob’s Ghoultide Get Together
Move over Jerry Lewis, we’ve got a new king of worthy causes. Joe Bob Briggs brings the heat enough to melt even Doc Payne’s black heart with his season finale of the Last Drive-In (TLDI) with Joe Bob Briggs.
If you haven’t seen the show before, Joe Bob Briggs is the wise movie sage who is equal parts Wild Turkey and Lone Star Beer. Hailing from deep into the heart of Texas (ok, how many of you heathens clapped?), Joe Bob’s (seemingly) two missions in life are ‘numero uno’ to bring the world a joy and understanding of horror, and, ‘numero two-o’, to bring back the bolo tie. The first mission appears to be a complete success and the second is still too close to call.
As every review show needs a counterbalance, Joe Bob finds his in the form of Darcy the Mail Girl. The perfect counterbalance can take a diamond of a show and Will it into the perfection of princess cut beauty. Darcy provides the perfect foil to Joe Bob. She’s the Crosby to his Hope; the DLR to his Van Halen; the OJ to his Toast (no, not THAT OJ! oh, I miss Norm). Although they can be worlds apart on topics such as Halloween III (my theory is they made the new Halloween trilogy so people see Halloween III in a better light. I call it the ‘Star Wars effect’), they align where it counts. I have never seen such a kinder, compassionate, and giving duo. They are what is sorely underrepresented on this spinning rock of ours.
The Show
The show starts with the countdown graphic and hits full sonics with John Brennan’s earwig of a theme for The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. The introduction hits like smooth jazz (sorry, Small Hands, I said smooth Jazz. JAZZ!) and we rock on from there. All the Mutants know the game–a talk, a drive-in total with various Fu, a few jokes, and a lot of heart. This show has introduced me to some of the best horror (Train to Busan) and some of the worst (looking at you Cannibal Holocaust. Note to producers: if you are killing animals for ‘realism’ then how come you aren’t snuffing the actors too? Pussies!). These are movies, for good or ill, that many of us may have not known existed let alone seen if it weren’t for Joe Bob Briggs.
In this, his show brings us together as a family of horror aficionados (and whatever the Spanish word for aficionados is). A family that truly cares for its members (and even some of the other body parts, too). I’ve been around various fandoms and I have to say that the Mutant Fam is largest group of the most genuine people who truly care for each other since Hereditary.
Joe Bob’s Ghoultide Get-Together for Goodness!
The season finale of TLDI has, traditionally, been a charity event. As you know, HauntedMTL is big on charity so to see The Last Drive-In going all in on some of our favorite charities, it became a synergistic movement to join in the tweet-a-thons, the bidding, and the general donation drives that they push forward.
Give Give Give
You know what a great gift would be for any horror fan? Shudder. You know what an awesome gift for any horror fan? The Lost Drive-In. But how about a truly amazeballs out of this world masked singer is rigged! I MEAN JERICHO LOST? HOW THE HECK? Errmm…I digress. I meant to say, ‘a truly amazeballs out of this world gift for any true horror fan?’ ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING from this set of auction-for-charity items. Click on through to the other side (of the internet where you can bid on things for a good cause). Hey! Maybe the auction isn’t your speed. No problemo! We’ve got you covered, Mutant Fam! Check out these Fright-Rags that go for charity! Jim has a few from last year and he has to say these hoodies are dang comfy and warm. Don’t believe me? Check them out yourself!
Sure sure, we get it. Maybe you’re more zen than me and materialistic things aren’t your boat floating device. How about putting a lil’ bit into a good cause directly? Here are the links to the ‘4’ charities of that night. All of them worthy of some dough-ray-me, if you get my drift.
The from Joe Bob’s Ghoultide Get-Together (ghoultidegettogether.com)
- Jeannette Rankin Foundation – They give a special kind of scholarship for women over 35 who don’t have a college degree but are too poor to go to college, making it possible for them to stop working long enough to get a degree and re-start their lives on a new track.
- March of Dimes – A longstanding and celebrated charity organization, their mission is birth defects. Their original mission was the eradication of polio.
- Thoroughbred Aftercare Alliance – They fund hundreds of local organizations that are involved in taking care of racehorses after their careers are over, including turning them into therapy horses and providing the medical care needed for animals that are frequently retired because of injury.
- Motion Picture & Television Fund – This is the non-profit that runs the Woodland Hills, California, retirement home for actors founded by Mary Pickford 100 years ago.
The Reason Why Joe Bob and Darcy Matter
The reason why we (HauntedMTL) push Shudder and all things Joe Bob so much is because we believe in them. We believe in them as people. I cannot accurately express how much Sean and Craig have helped us find our voice. I can never thank Joe Bob and Darcy enough for having been instrumental in allowing us to grow that voice. It’s with that grace that The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs brings the old and new horror fans into one place. A place where we can be ourselves. A place where we are entertained by a collection of out of this world cosplay from Darcy, killer knowledge drops by Joe Bob, and some out of this world guests from the ‘who’s who’ in the horror world. Face it, Shudder might as well rename itself to ‘The Last Drive in with Joe Bob Briggs, and also special guests’.
What’s Mutant Fam all about?
Fam is a hashtag that gets thrown around an awful lot (looking at you Kardashians! Lest we forget Bajor!!). One thing that really sticks with me is that Joe Bob and Darcy lead by example. I’ve been around a lot in different fandoms or BTS or weird cults that make you wear those uncomfortable rubber clothing and fornicate through a hole in the sheet whilst riding a seesaw that’s pushed by no fewer than 13 little people, including at least four rotating members of Little Feat…errm..sorry..where was I?
Right! The Mutant Fam! I can tell you one thing — it is damn rare to have entertainers who are as loving and caring towards their base and each other as Joe Bob and Darcy. One of the first lessons you learn in entertainment is ‘nobody is really your friend’. Jon Stewart taught me that (for clarity: in an advice way not by doing anything bad) years ago. It held true, more or less. We are in a consumer industry and sometimes that thing being consumed is you.
One more time, with feeling…
I have to say something about the letters that Darcy gives Joe Bob at the end of the show. Sometimes the letters are funny; sometimes they are touching; they are always heartfelt. The latest episode was no exception.
I won’t go much into what the letters were about. If you want to hear Joe Bob read them, and I encourage everyone to do so, you can check them out at the end of the special. They were moving. It was a combination of what was said and how it was said. The words in print found the perfect orator in Joe Bob. His genuine concern for people he has either met but briefly or not at all is an ingredient usually missing in this world. In a world that seems unable to communicate with itself, we find solace in a man from Texas telling us, ‘the drive-in will never die’; a motto easily translated into ‘we love you all.’
The letters at the end of the last show put a lot into focus for me. I’ve lived a (perhaps turbulent but) charmed life. Joe Bob demonstrates a connection with his fans through those letters that makes me grateful to be connected even if via socials (Hey, baby, your Insta or mine?) to the show and its wonderful fan base. In this, we find each other as we need be nothing more than ourselves. The Mutant Fam is truly a family.
The Score
I’ve done a podcast on this; I’ve plugged them in almost every show I’ve ever been on (much to the chagrin of my manager); and I’ve even (so far in the lead, at least) bought a pair of used panties and some wood from them. The score for this one? Prefect five out of five Cthulhus. Now, run over to that screen and click on some goodies for your loved ones. Get a few hoodies. Maybe a shot glass or twelve (after these past few years we need a little release). Maybe you’re not in the financials to donate as you wish. Hugs are a currency all but forgotten in this post-pandemic pandemonium (hey, kids! That’s called alliteration! Go impress an English Prof or your next Tinder match with that one).
Love on ya.
(5 / 5)
We’ve reached the penultimate episode of Original Sin. This season has been a bloody delight so far, but of course, the endings usually ruin anything related to Dexter.
See the original series ending, book series ending and New Blood ending.
But so far this ending has been good. Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin this episode with the whole force worrying over Bobby, Harry’s partner. They decide to have a blood drive, which is a really good way to respond to a tragedy.
In a flashback scene, we see that Harry and Doris took in both boys. Doris is, by the way, a living saint. She takes these two boys into her home and heart. Until that is, Brian almost kills Deborah.
Not for the last time.
Meanwhile Dexter is planning to take out Captain Spencer. The only problem is that, through a series of rather heartwarming events, he’s given blood twice on the same day. So when it comes time for the kill he isn’t at his best.
Even so, Dex almost makes the kill. The only problem is that Nicky is still alive. And Dexter, proving again that he is a strange and gentle monster, cares more about saving the son than killing the father.
What worked
I first want to shine some well-deserved light on the casting in this series one last time. Because Roby Attal, who played Brian, did a fantastic job. He looks very much like Christian Camargo, who played Brian in the original series. But of course, the important thing is the facial and body language. He smiles like Brian, moves like Brian. And, of course, kills like Brian. He was the perfect choice.
I also really enjoyed the scenes between Dexter and Captain Spencer. They were well done and emotional. I loved the passion and anger in Dexter’s voice when he confronted Spencer. I loved Dex playing a video game and putting in Nicky’s initials. And I really loved Dex stabbing Spencer with a hypodermic needle through his hand and into his neck. It was well-written, well acted and cathartic.
Now, in the interest of fairness, I owe Sarah Michelle Gellar an apology. Because she was great in this episode. Her character, Tanya, was passionate and perfectly well-acted. Best of all, she looked her age.
And she looked beautiful.
So often in media women’s ages are hidden like dirty secrets. Even more so when she was popular in her youth. So to see her look her age, look haggard and tired, was fantastic.
What didn’t work
All of that being said, this was not a perfect episode. The worst thing, in my opinion, was that we found out why Captain Spencer abducted his son. Why he killed an innocent boy. Why he kidnapped these boys and tortured them for days before he killed them. And why he slaughtered an entire houseful of people.
I have no intention of spoiling the reveal for you. But when you watch it, I’m sure you’ll share in my disgust. I was expecting some deep dark secret, maybe some sort of corruption or betrayal.
But that’s not it. And the reason he had doesn’t make sense. Why torture these boys with his intention was, well, what it was?
I have some hope that this reveal was false. After all, all we have is the word of a man plastic wrapped to a table. I guess we’ll have to wait until the next episode to find out.
Finally, I do want to point out one thing that is a little disappointing about the series as a whole.
It’s kind of hard for there to be a lot of suspense for the coming episode. We already know that nothing very bad can happen to our dear demented Dexter. He will not be caught. He will not go to jail. He will not die. Neither will Deb, Brian, or any of the other beloved characters from the original series. So much of the tension we might have felt just isn’t there. This is a struggle for a prequel series and one that I don’t think this series has done enough to address.
Despite the slight letdown of the killer’s motivation, this was a good episode. It set up the finale with a great cliffhanger and left us with more questions than answers. I’m cautiously optimistic about the last episode of Dexter Original Sin.
(4 / 5)
Good news to my nonbinary pals – we no longer exist!
“But Brannyk,” you may be thinking, “what am I supposed to do now that I am no longer a real being? How shall I spend my days?”
Unfortunately, the government has not released a handbook for this occasion, so I thought we could brainstorm together.
BECOME A GHOST
There are some benefits to being a ghost, for sure.
No rent or insurance payment. No corporate job, no cleaning cat litter, no AT&T trying to sell you another line after repeatedly telling them that you just want to make sure that your autopayment is on, but they’re all like, ‘Why would you pass up such a bargain on a second line? Are you an idiot? Why wouldn’t you need another phone line?‘ and so you have to tell them, “Because I’M DIVORCED, ASSHOLE, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME OF THAT!”
Ahem. I digress.
Yeah, you may not be able to venture out, much like Adam and Barbara in Beetlejuice. You may need to put up with someone else crashing your place and moving around all of your shit. Or Ryan Reynolds trying to sell you Mint Mobile. Or some toxic couple taking your creepy doll that you spent years on trying to possess.
Or, my absolute biggest pet peeve, when you’re practicing for the ghost speed chair-stacking championship and the normies just don’t appreciate your cool skills.
But the advantages are that you get to stay home, watch tv, stack your chairs and hope whoever buys your house/visits your creepy woods/gentrifies your neighborhood is a cool person, too.
(2 / 5)
It’s a good choice, but has a lot of drawbacks.
BECOME A CREATURE
Look, if you’re not going to exist, go big or go home, I’d say.
Monsters are cool. They play by their own rules. Sometimes they cause havoc. Sometimes they come around and help people. Sometimes they work alone. And other times, they have a lot of friends. Sometimes they just need some affirmation. And sometimes they’re…in high school, apparently?
The cool thing is that they come in all shapes and sizes.
Monsters are generally misunderstood. Some have their fans. Others are hated.
So basically, just like people, except with more tentacles.
The only downsides are that you might be too big or too “ick” for some people (these can also be pluses), you may have a taste for human flesh (no judgement), or the biggest issue – there are too many choices.
You could get stuck trying to figure out what kind of monster you are. If you’re not into labels, it’s an absolute nightmare. Or if you’re like me, it’ll be like standing in Subway for 15 minutes trying to figure out what toppings and dressings you want while the “sandwich artist” is openly judging you.
(4 / 5)
I like the customization, but it can be a bit too overwhelming.
BECOME A CRYPTID
Hear me out. I know it seems a lot like the monster category, but it’s not quite.
Cryptids are weird and mysterious. They keep to themselves. They have people who are fascinated by them and post on Reddit about them. Some have people making documentaries about them.
They’re like monsters’ quieter cousin who reads books in the corner at family gatherings. They collect shiny things they find by the side of the road. Sometimes they’ll steal a peanut butter sandwich or two.
Ever so often, they might scare a human just by existing or by politely asking for their stuff back.
Each one kinda has their own goals and priorities. Their own hangouts and interests. But unlike monsters, they’re not looking to rock any boats-
Never mind, I stand corrected.
(5 / 5)
I like the freedoms of being a cryptid and also dig the cottage-core vibe I get from them.
CONCLUSION: LET’S BE REAL FOR A SECOND…
I know it’s hard right now. It’s going to be hard. You may not exist to some assholes, but you are real. You have real feelings and thoughts and dreams. You have a real future. You have real decisions. Real actions that affect this world.
You have the real ability to wake up tomorrow and choose to exist. And for whatever reason you choose. Use it. Ghosts and monsters and cryptids are powerful, just like you are, even when you don’t feel like it. They have a place in our human world, just like you do. You make this world interesting and important.
You are part of this world, you are real, and you are not alone.
The horror community is one of acceptance, diversity, creativity and passion. In these times, it needs to be. We need to rely on each other. We need to cultivate and protect each other, as much as we need to protect ourselves.
And it looks like I’ll be coming out of my own cryptid hovel I’ve spent the past few years in to remind you that. My job isn’t done. Not by a longshot. And neither is yours.
You exist to me. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
Be safe out there, friends.
Breaking News
Joe Bob’s Christmas Carnage: A Bloody Good Holiday Special Fri. December 13th – 9pm ET!
🎅🏼🔪 Brace yourselves for a blood-soaked holiday extravaganza! 🎄💀
Joe Bob’s Christmas Carnage is coming to town, and it’s not for the faint of heart! Catch this killer special on Shudder and AMC+ TV feeds Friday, December 13th at 9pm ET/8c, or stream it on-demand starting December 15th.
What’s in Santa’s bag of horrors? 🎁
Two spine-chilling holiday horror flicks
So much gore, even Rudolph’s nose will turn pale
A charity auction that’ll make your wallet scream (in a good way!)
Joe Bob and Darcy are decking the halls with boughs of terror, auctioning off:
- Rare AF props from The Last Drive-In
- Exclusive merch that’ll make your horror-loving heart skip a beat
- Joe Bob’s personal keepsakes from his 35-year reign of terror in the industry
But wait, there’s more…
Join the HauntedMTL crew for a spine-tingling side quest on Threads (https://www.threads.net/@_hauntedmtl_)! We’re going live as our very own Jim Phoenix breaks the bank for charity, adding an extra layer of terror to your Joe Bob experience. It’s like getting two scoops of horror in your bloody sundae! 🍦💀
Those britches are mine, bitches! -Jim circa the year of Darcy’s panties.
And because we love our fellow fiends, we’re stuffing your stockings with some killer swag! That’s right, HauntedMTL followers have a chance to win some seriously spooky goodies. It’s our way of saying “thanks for being part of our nightmare before Christmas!” 🎁👻
So, while Joe Bob and Darcy are slashing through their winter wonderland, hop over to Threads and join the HauntedMTL fam. It’s a horror-day party you won’t want to miss! Remember: the more you engage, the better your chances of scoring some haunted swag. Let’s make this a Christmas to dismember! 🔪🎄
Wanna know which flicks we’re slashing through? Tune in December 13th on Shudder to find out! 🍿🔪
Your holiday shopping spree will support these awesome causes:
Pacific Marine Mammal Center
Children of Fallen Patriots Foundation
Breast Cancer Research Foundation
Don’t be a Grinch – join the carnage and spread some bloody good cheer! 🎅🏼🔪🎄