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So, before I shove my magnum opus down your throats (believe me, it’s coming along, my children). Let’s take a break and review Abby in the silence before the storm.

Abby is the work of William Girdler – a cheesy exploitation director whom made some of the worst movies such as Grizzly, Day of the Animals, Three on a Meathook and The Manitou before he sadly died in a helicopter crash while working on another movie.

His movies were not his babies, intricately planned and plotted like other movies I’ve mentioned before – no, his movies were cash-grabs. They were The Asylum of the 70’s, probably with the same budget (without the inflation, too). But even as a cash-grab, I find his movies fun. Not clever. Not good. But fun.

So, let’s dive into what The Excorcist Abby is all about.

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The Plot:

The story starts with the King of Cartoons from Peewee’s Playhouse as the smuggest-looking man in all existence.

He’s also a professor/archaeologist/adventurer/humanitarian/pastor?/father/kisser-on-the-lips of his female students.

The 70’s were a different time…

On an archaeological dig in Nigeria, he finds a puzzle box with a d— (I’m not kidding) and opens it, thinking it has something to do with Eshu of the Yoruba religion. In real life, Eshu is just a trickster god, who is a messenger to the High God, but also acts like a d—. He’s like a Hermes/Loki hybrid. He also sports a d—like hat.

But woah, not Abby’s Eshu. Abby’s Eshu is the god of wind, uggo faces, chain-smoker voices, and getting eff-ed hardcore. Actually, Eshu sounds a lot like a great-aunt of mine…

The resemblance is uncanny

Miles away, Blacula’s son and daughter-in-law, the titular character, excitedly move into a new home.

Well, first I’ll wash the floors, then wash the curtains, then get possessed, then start on dinner

The son, Emmett (played by Terry Carter), is a pastor for a local church and Abby is a marriage counselor/youth program coordinator/church singer. Her mom and her brother are also in the mix and everyone is pleasant and happy…that is, until that d—box is opened.

Isn’t everything just groovy?

Suddenly, Abby doesn’t seem much like herself. She is seeming more and more like a chain-smoking, uggo-faced ho that bones guys until they turn into smoke…

Ancient f-boy deities just wanna have fun

Brain Roll Juice/Thoughts:

I can’t take it seriously. The cuts are just insane. Pleasantly so. It will be a serious conversation like, “we have to save Abby or she’ll be dead by tonight-”/cut to loud funk music and Emmet driving.

The dialogue is bonkers at times. Again, pleasantly so. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79Ckk7i1f2c&w=560&h=315]

William Marshall, although he wasn’t pleased with the film (I don’t blame him), was a delight to watch.

Not saying he’s better than Indiana Jones…

Terry Carter actually tugged a little at my emotion chords when desperately searching for his wife, playing it very vulnerable and empathetic. Carol Speed did a good job she could with what she had script-wise, plus being terrorized by a series of tornadoes while filming. However, from interviews it sounds like she had fun, so that makes me happy. I had fun watching it.

The only brain juice is the actual sliver of African culture thrown in. I learned more about the Yoruba people and their pantheon. It was weird that the movie was mixed with Christianity, but I think that was because of the Exorcist -ahem- leanings. I was relieved it wasn’t just a made-up religion for the purpose of being different. But yeah, they took liberties on Eshu’s personality.

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He’s DTF – any time and any where

Bottom-line:

A fun and campy Blaxploitation romp into Exorcist territory. Good for a movie night. 3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

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Movies n TV

Low point or a daring experiment? Halloween VI (1995) Review

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To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin! 

Plot

We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless. 

The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential. 

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Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.  

Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky… 

Overall thoughts

I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets. 

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2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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