Review: STM Werewolves Unearthed (2023)
Brannyk talks about Small Town Monsters: Werewolves Unearthed and, woof, there’s a lot to talk about.
Welcome to another episode of ‘Brannyk talks about Small Town Monsters’! We’ve explored the Joisey Devil, aliens giving boo boos to cows, totally Bigfoot, a big ol’ stinky doggo, your tea-spilling ghost-witch, and an alien Bigfoot with a hankering for a good peanut butter sandwich. We have a new screener from Small Town Monsters.
And unfortunately, I spoke too soon in my last dogman review because Jesus Christ, Werewolves Unleashed is really something else. And I do mean Jesus Christ literally because this documentary (spoilers) ends in a prayer for more evidence and content.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s first figure out the plot and go from there because I have a lot to say.
The Plot of Werewolves Unearthed:
So, this dogman/werewolf documentary is not under the hands of Seth Breedlove, but Ward Hiney. And the PR blurb for Werewolves Unearthed is “[a] recent rash of werewolf sightings in Pennsylvania have grabbed the attention of documentarian Ward Hiney. In order to get the truth behind these ongoing encounters, he enlisted journalist and ardent skeptic Chad Christy”.
And, okay, for one, I was so confused because they kept calling it the Ohio valley, so I never got a clear indication of where the heck we actually, as opposed to most STM. Oh, Pennsylvania, the most vampiric state of the United States.
For two, I had no idea that Chad Christy was supposed to be a skeptic because there wasn’t really any indication of that. He didn’t really say anything? Like, if you watch X-Files, you know who the skeptic is right off the bat. The hot redhead. Obviously. But I legitimately didn’t understand that having a skeptic on-board was part of the premise until after the documentary. I had no clue he was a “skeptic” at all.
And three, “recent rash” of werewolf sightings? Okay, let’s just go into my thoughts, because, woof, I have many.
Thoughts on Werewolves Unearthed:
This documentary is a mess. Between heavily focusing on unreliable witnesses for most of the documentary; practically begging for people to come forward in the “recent rash” of werewolf sighting; waffling between werewolves, dogmen, ghosts, bigfoot, cults and metaphysics; and grasping at any straw that could be considered content; this documentary doesn’t feel like Small Town Monsters at all. There is no heart to it. There is no love of the small towns and their history. It’s loose ramblings of stories and looking for anything that could be construed as evidence.
There is an art to documentaries, especially when dealing with the supernatural or cryptids. You lean too far to one side and it looks like crackpot conspiracies. You lean too much the other and it looks exploitative and sensationalized. It’s a real balance to get stories without leaning too far into either. And Seth Breedlove has become very, very good at this. His documentaries are honest and sincere. They highlight small towns and their monsters. People are the focus, not even necessarily the monsters.
Unfortunately, that style of documentary does not transfer with Hiney. The focus gets muddled as he struggles to find any content for his documentary that should have been a generous thirty minutes long and no more. And the lack of content becomes more apparent as the documentary stretches, to the point of the director calling someone and saying on camera that there’s not a lot of evidence or people to interview.
To the viewer, that looks shoddy and, to be frank, boring. It feels like the research and planning was put together on a Sunday afternoon and they just went with it. The interviews were heavy with one couple who (as an actual skeptic here) seemed sincere but also unreliable. The word “research” was thrown around a lot, but without any kind of evidence or explanation. And even though I loved her to bits, the former owner of a metaphysics store had a bizarre tale of a supposed werewolf who worked at Walmart.
It wasn’t so much a documentary of dogmen or werewolves, but of ghosts, portals, cults, Harry and the Hendersons, bigfoot, and spiritualism. Oh, and the kitchen sink because why not.
Brainroll Juice on Werewolves Unearthed:
As I prefaced in the opening, hold tight, because it’s about to get preachy.
I was not expecting Werewolves Unearthed to be so…religious. In fact, I don’t think it should have been. When I come for werewolves, I don’t come for church. Especially not Small Town Monsters.
As previously stated, Seth Breedlove allows the documentary to be about the people. Sometimes there’s a religious or spiritual component, but that never comes from Breedlove. He is there to document what he finds and stays generally neutral. Yes, we understand he believes in cryptids. Yes, he is very passionate about it. But he allows the viewer to see these “monsters” from different sides. Is Momo a space alien? Or perhaps he’s just a delightful scamp who steals your peanutbutter sandwich? You get to decide by the story he weaves.
Unfortunately, Hiney doesn’t allow for that as we are given a three minute scene of him praying to God and Jesus for evidence. I wish that were a joke and I wish I was lying. But I’m not. It’s a heavy dose of religion that left an awful taste in my mouth.
I was okay with being bored. And being frustrated. Heck, I was okay at slowly falling asleep as I watched this.
But the prayer at the end was so pretentious and just…not the Small Town Monsters I know and love. It wasn’t about the people. It wasn’t about the culture of history of these small rural towns. And it wasn’t the myths and legends that still fascinate us. It was about Ward Hiney. It was the Ward Hiney Show.
And I am not all right with that.
Bottomline:
Avoid this one. Not in the spirit of Small Town Monsters. Preachy and rambling. Unfortunately the first of others to come from Ward Hiney.
(1 / 5)
The feature length documentary will be available on Amazon Prime Video and YouTube on October 1. Following a TVOD release, Werewolves Unearthed will bow on Tubi. A special 4K, ad-free version will also be available for Small Town Monsters YouTube subscribers.
Episode two of Wheel of Time felt like the beginning of a long journey. Stories are unfolding, lives are changing, and blood is spilling.
Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin this episode in the past with Elayne’s mother, Queen Morgase. It turns out her rise to the throne was a bit, shall we say, cutthroat. So when she shows up at the White Tower, Siuan is concerned.
She might have reason to be, too.
Meanwhile, Rand, Egwene, Moiraine, Lan and Aviendha are in the Spine of The World. As they travel through some of the most breathtaking lands I have ever seen on a TV show, Egwene is plagued with nightmares. We think at first that’s just her trauma working itself through her system. But we soon find out that it might not be that straightforward.
Finally, Perrin returns home to heal after his hand is almost cut in half. But when he gets there he finds the town has been infested by Children of The Light. And they’re looking for him.
What worked
There was something heartwarming in this episode about political espionage and choking religious persecution. And that is Elayne’s relationship with her family.
I have consumed a lot of fantasy content with royal families. And I have never once heard a princess call her mother ‘Mum’. I’ve never seen royal siblings get along. And I have sure as hell never seen a princess have a good relationship with her step-parent.
This was refreshing. Even though Queen Morgase is kind of a horrible person she seems like a good mother. And that’s an unexpected delight.
Of course, this is just one storyline among many. And while this can sometimes be overwhelming, in this case it wasn’t.
I’ll be honest, some of these storylines are going to drag for me. I know this because I’ve read some of the Wheel of Time books and I have an idea that not all the characters exactly pique my interest.
No one likes all the characters. No one likes all the storylines. While I am here for the political espionage between Queen Morgase and Siuan, not everyone likes it. While others might be fascinated with Selene trying to win Rand back, I couldn’t care less.
Having multiple storylines keeps everyone’s attention better. So long as things don’t get out of hand. Things can easily get out of hand. But this seems to be managed well.
So far.
What didn’t work
As I mentioned above, I’m not thrilled with Rand’s story at this point. And while it’s fine to not like a storyline when there are this many to choose from, it’s not fantastic that the one I like the least is the one involving our two main characters. And anytime we were with the team at the Spine of The World, the only thing that brought me joy was Moirain’s hat. It reminded me of Stockard Channing’s hat in Practical Magic.
The problem is that Rand is Charlie Brown with controversial magical powers. He is boring, serious, and pessimistic.
And yes, I understand that he has a heavy emotional burden and he’s the Dragon Reborn and that’s quite taxing and all. But let’s be fair, there isn’t a single person in this show that doesn’t have a heavy burden. And most of them manage to be fun occasionally.
All that being said, this episode of Wheel of Time did exactly what it needed to do. It set up conflicts at each of the three locations. It established emotional ties between the characters and the events. And it established goals for everyone.
This was, in short, a solid episode. Not groundbreaking, not mind-blowing or life changing. It was simply good. It was entertaining and moved the plot forward.
Well done.
(3.5 / 5)
Wheel of Time is back for season three. There are mixed feelings regarding this. Last season, there were some serious pacing issues. And some serious sticking to the book’s storyline issues. But we’re two seasons in, and we don’t give up so easily. So let’s dive into episode one, To Race the Shadow.
By the way, I highly recommend watching this episode with the subtitles on. You’ll see why.
The story
We begin this episode with Liandrin facing a trial of sorts for her rampant betrayal. She does her best to gaslight her Aes Sedai sisters into thinking that Siuan Sanche is the real traitor.
When that doesn’t work, she reveals how many Black Aes Sedai have actually infiltrated the tower.
Spoiler, it’s a lot.
In the aftermath, our whole team gathers to drink and enjoy one night of relaxation before they head out to the Tear to form an army for Rand. All is going well until they’re attacked by myriad creatures and a sentient axe.
What worked
This episode was long. It had a run time of an hour and eleven minutes. And a lot of that run time was spent in heavy dialog scenes.
Fortunately, these were well-done scenes.
If you’re going to have a lot of talking scenes, there are good ways and bad ways to do it. Last season, we saw lots of examples of the bad way to do it. But this episode did it well. For one thing, other things were going on while conversations were taking place. The characters are drinking, playing games, walking through an interesting city. And the scenes themselves didn’t stretch out. They weren’t repetitive. We heard what the character had to say, then we moved on.
It was also nice that the point of these scenes wasn’t just info dumps. We had character development. We had romantic interactions. We had plot development and foreshadowing.
Overall, this episode felt like what it was. A moment of calm before a storm.
Taking a step back, I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fight scene at the start of the episode. Because it was epic.
The magic looked amazing. The martial arts that went along with it looked fantastic. The costumes were beautiful. It was just incredibly fun to watch.
More than that, it was emotional. We lost some characters in that fight that were important. And it was clearly emotionally shattering for many of our characters, who found themselves betrayed by people they trusted.
So many of them.
It was a great way to open the season.
What didn’t work
Despite that, this episode wasn’t without its flaws.
First off, there were a lot of dialog scenes. And they were good scenes, as I’ve already discussed. But it was one after another after another. And when your episode is, again, an hour and eleven minutes, it’s maybe a little much to have so much chit-chat. Couldn’t some of these conversations, important as they were, have been moved to maybe another episode?
Finally, I want to talk about Egwene’s travel through the arches.
I feel like maybe there were some deleted scenes here. Because there must have been more to that visit than what we saw, right?
We could have seen Egwene battle Rand. That would have been badass and emotionally devastating. We could have seen her with a quiet life with Rand back home at the Two Rivers. We could have seen anything except for the quick clip of Rand in a bloody river, followed by Egwene being shoved back out in a bloody shift.
No products found.
Bad job. But at least it wasn’t an extended scene of Moiraine collecting bathwater, and then taking a bath while looking sad. If we’d started this season with another scene like that, it might have broken my brain.
Amazon dropped the first three episodes at once. So we’ll be back soon to talk about episode two. See you then.
(4 / 5)
Early 2000s is a special era for the industry. It accepts the cheesiness and corniness of movie making, in turn producing some gems in their own right. Eight Legged Freaks starring David Arquette and young Scarlet Johanson is a horror comedy about giant spiders who overtake a small town. As crazy as that premise sounds, the movie surprisingly has a ton of heart and is super entertaining. Let’s review, shall we?
Plot
We start Eight Legged Freaks with a shot of toxic waste spilling into the water supply of Joshua, a spider farm owner. He is friends with Mike, one of our protagonists, who is a science geek and a spider enthusiast. Mike notices something quite right upon visiting Joshua, but no one takes him seriously. We are then introduced to the rest of the crew. Mike’s mother Samantha, the town sheriff, is too busy chasing Ashley, his sister, who is dating the town mayor’s son Bret (something Samantha does not approve of). We also have Chris, who returns to the town to save his father’s legacy in the town mines. He has opposition from Wade, Bret’s father, who wants to use the mines for his business ventures. Lots of drama going on that will only get juicier once the spiders get loose.
The creepy crawlies quickly dispose of Joshua and make their grand appearance after Ashley rejects Bret’s advances, abandoning him in the middle of a desert. A glorious chase sequence ensues as the spiders make their way towards the town, wreaking havoc on its residents. In a true horror fashion (which the movie acknowledges), it takes some convincing from Mike and then from Samantha for the town to take the threat seriously. The tongue-in-cheek style of narrative adds the comedy aspect to a movie that would otherwise burn out fairly quickly.
The remaining characters hide out in a shopping mall as it’s the only somewhat sturdy building in the area. This doesn’t last long as the spiders break in, forcing them to run through the mines. Their resources to fight the creepy crawlies off are limited as the methane gas doesn’t allow them to use firearms. Such conditions require resourceful thinking from Chris, who uses perfume to fend off the leader of the spider group and save himself during the climax of the movie.
Character dynamics are not forgotten once the action kicks in. We have Chris confessing his long-term feelings for Samantha which she knew all along, which provided some comedic relief. Bret also reunites with Ashley and apologises for being an asshole. Mike finally gets the appreciation he deserves as his knowledge saves the townsfolk more than once during the whole ordeal.
We end the movie with the town’s radio show person telling the story as an urban legend during his segment. This brings it into question – how much of it happened the way he said it did? We can only guess…
Overall thoughts
Eight Legged Freaks is a fun creature feature with some self-aware commentary on genre tropes that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The acting is good, the pacing fitting and the characters are likeable enough for you to want them to make it through. Definitely a must watch, if you don’t suffer from arachnophobia, that is.
(5 / 5)
![Eight Legged Freaks [Blu-ray] [DVD]](https://hauntedmtl.com/wp-content/plugins/aawp/public/image.php?url=YUhSMGNITTZMeTl0TG0xbFpHbGhMV0Z0WVhwdmJpNWpiMjB2YVcxaFoyVnpMMGt2T0RFNGFuZ3lUMUpJYzB3dVgxTk1NVFV3TUY4dVgxTk1NVFl3WHk1cWNHYz18MTc0ODk0MzAwNQ=)
- What do you get when you cross toxic waste with a bunch of exotic spiders? Eaten! The townies of Prosperity, Arizona will all become a screaming smorgasbord if mutated arachnids as big as SUVs have their way in this comedy/horror crowd pleaser whose creators include the producers of Independence Day and Godzilla
- Spiders that leap like gazelles, web-spitting spiders, spiders that suck your insides out as if through a straw—they’re all among the behemoths conjured up by an inventive effects team
- David Arquette (Scream) leads the two-legged stars, mobilizing the citizenry in a last-ditch fight to survive
Last update on 2025-03-10 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API