Connect with us

Published

on

Welcome to another episode of ‘Brannyk talks about Small Town Monsters’! We’ve explored the Joisey Devilaliens giving boo boos to cowstotally Bigfoota big ol’ stinky doggo, your tea-spilling ghost-witch, and an alien Bigfoot with a hankering for a good peanut butter sandwich. We have a new screener from Small Town Monsters.

And unfortunately, I spoke too soon in my last dogman review because Jesus Christ, Werewolves Unleashed is really something else. And I do mean Jesus Christ literally because this documentary (spoilers) ends in a prayer for more evidence and content.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s first figure out the plot and go from there because I have a lot to say.

A guy praying for evidence

The Plot of Werewolves Unearthed:

So, this dogman/werewolf documentary is not under the hands of Seth Breedlove, but Ward Hiney. And the PR blurb for Werewolves Unearthed is “[a] recent rash of werewolf sightings in Pennsylvania have grabbed the attention of documentarian Ward Hiney. In order to get the truth behind these ongoing encounters, he enlisted journalist and ardent skeptic Chad Christy”.

And, okay, for one, I was so confused because they kept calling it the Ohio valley, so I never got a clear indication of where the heck we actually, as opposed to most STM. Oh, Pennsylvania, the most vampiric state of the United States.

For two, I had no idea that Chad Christy was supposed to be a skeptic because there wasn’t really any indication of that. He didn’t really say anything? Like, if you watch X-Files, you know who the skeptic is right off the bat. The hot redhead. Obviously. But I legitimately didn’t understand that having a skeptic on-board was part of the premise until after the documentary. I had no clue he was a “skeptic” at all.

Advertisement

And three, “recent rash” of werewolf sightings? Okay, let’s just go into my thoughts, because, woof, I have many.

Thoughts on Werewolves Unearthed:

This documentary is a mess. Between heavily focusing on unreliable witnesses for most of the documentary; practically begging for people to come forward in the “recent rash” of werewolf sighting; waffling between werewolves, dogmen, ghosts, bigfoot, cults and metaphysics; and grasping at any straw that could be considered content; this documentary doesn’t feel like Small Town Monsters at all. There is no heart to it. There is no love of the small towns and their history. It’s loose ramblings of stories and looking for anything that could be construed as evidence.

A beleaguered man trying to attempt the plot of this documentary.

There is an art to documentaries, especially when dealing with the supernatural or cryptids. You lean too far to one side and it looks like crackpot conspiracies. You lean too much the other and it looks exploitative and sensationalized. It’s a real balance to get stories without leaning too far into either. And Seth Breedlove has become very, very good at this. His documentaries are honest and sincere. They highlight small towns and their monsters. People are the focus, not even necessarily the monsters.

Unfortunately, that style of documentary does not transfer with Hiney. The focus gets muddled as he struggles to find any content for his documentary that should have been a generous thirty minutes long and no more. And the lack of content becomes more apparent as the documentary stretches, to the point of the director calling someone and saying on camera that there’s not a lot of evidence or people to interview.

A stickman image of the director on the phone asking for more evidence, but then the phone cuts out and he has the guy call him back. Like, come on, man.
A real scene from Werewolves Unearthed

To the viewer, that looks shoddy and, to be frank, boring. It feels like the research and planning was put together on a Sunday afternoon and they just went with it. The interviews were heavy with one couple who (as an actual skeptic here) seemed sincere but also unreliable. The word “research” was thrown around a lot, but without any kind of evidence or explanation. And even though I loved her to bits, the former owner of a metaphysics store had a bizarre tale of a supposed werewolf who worked at Walmart.

A werewolf working at WalMURT and howling.

It wasn’t so much a documentary of dogmen or werewolves, but of ghosts, portals, cults, Harry and the Hendersons, bigfoot, and spiritualism. Oh, and the kitchen sink because why not.

Brainroll Juice on Werewolves Unearthed:

As I prefaced in the opening, hold tight, because it’s about to get preachy.

I was not expecting Werewolves Unearthed to be so…religious. In fact, I don’t think it should have been. When I come for werewolves, I don’t come for church. Especially not Small Town Monsters.

Advertisement

As previously stated, Seth Breedlove allows the documentary to be about the people. Sometimes there’s a religious or spiritual component, but that never comes from Breedlove. He is there to document what he finds and stays generally neutral. Yes, we understand he believes in cryptids. Yes, he is very passionate about it. But he allows the viewer to see these “monsters” from different sides. Is Momo a space alien? Or perhaps he’s just a delightful scamp who steals your peanutbutter sandwich? You get to decide by the story he weaves.

Unfortunately, Hiney doesn’t allow for that as we are given a three minute scene of him praying to God and Jesus for evidence. I wish that were a joke and I wish I was lying. But I’m not. It’s a heavy dose of religion that left an awful taste in my mouth.

I was okay with being bored. And being frustrated. Heck, I was okay at slowly falling asleep as I watched this.

But the prayer at the end was so pretentious and just…not the Small Town Monsters I know and love. It wasn’t about the people. It wasn’t about the culture of history of these small rural towns. And it wasn’t the myths and legends that still fascinate us. It was about Ward Hiney. It was the Ward Hiney Show.

And I am not all right with that.

Advertisement

Bottomline:

Avoid this one. Not in the spirit of Small Town Monsters. Preachy and rambling. Unfortunately the first of others to come from Ward Hiney. 1 out of 5 stars (1 / 5)

The feature length documentary will be available on Amazon Prime Video and YouTube on October 1. Following a TVOD release, Werewolves Unearthed will bow on Tubi. A special 4K, ad-free version will also be available for Small Town Monsters YouTube subscribers.

When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

Published

on

We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

Advertisement

What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

Advertisement

What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

Published

on

If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

Advertisement
Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

Advertisement

Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, X

Published

on

It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

Advertisement

Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

Advertisement
Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

Advertisement

There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

Continue Reading

Trending