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Welcome to another episode of Brannyk talks about Small Town Monsters. We’ve explored aliens giving boo boos to cows, totally Bigfoot, a big ol’ stinky doggo, your tea-spilling ghost-witch, and an alien Bigfoot with a hankering for a good peanut butter sandwich. We have a new screener from Small Town Monsters!

So what’s on the dance card this time?

None other but the Joisey Devil himself. You know, the one who has a girlfriend made from cake ALLEGEDLY (no judging).

The Plot:

We’re back to the movie-within-the-documentary style, but sadly lacking our favorite dark cowboy, Lyle Blackburn.

Journeying into the Pine Barrens, folklorists, historians and locals weave the tale of this illusive devil. Back to its unearthly beginnings as a cursed child, or perhaps a wayward Quaker. Digging up its haunting past and the wake its legend has made.

Thoughts:

Yesssss, we’re back to our “Feature Film” segments like in Momo (and to a lesser extent The Bell Witch). Is the acting good? Not…really. Is it precious and beloved? Yes. Do I want to quote it to people who won’t understand it?

a picture of a kid saying, "you suck, Jake! You suck!"
You tell me

BLOODLINES: THE JERSEY DEVIL CURSE is the same vibe as Momo, using both the legend, but also a film within the documentary to tell the story. So does it work as well as Momo’s did?

Yes and no.

There are a few missing elements that were in Momo that were missing for BLOODLINES: THE JERSEY DEVIL CURSE, such as a real feel for the small towns around the area and the people who live there. I never got a true sense of the area or the locals like in Momo or in other Small Town Monsters series. The drone shots were beautifully done, but I would have liked to see some more local sites connected to the Devil.

On the other hand, the quality of the interviewees was incredibly good and they were very engaging to watch. The featured interviewees spoke with passion about the Jersey Devil, but also had a thoughtful knowledge and reverence. Not just for the devil, but for folklore and Americana in general.

One thing of note is that the Jersey Devil in BLOODLINES: THE JERSEY DEVIL CURSE is a scary CGI monster and not the lovable Momo who steals my sandwich.

The Jersey Devil is being a jerk and Momo the alien is telling him to be cool
As pictured above

Now, I don’t really have a problem with the CGI in BLOODLINES: THE JERSEY DEVIL CURSE (I know, quote me on that); however! There is one instance where they should have gone with non-CGI.

So, one of the sequences is a silent movie part. It’s actually really cute and I enjoyed the heck out of it. The only issue I had, and the opportunity missed was that they used CGI during this “silent” film, making it feel very awkward and stunted. It would have been so clever and amazing if they had a puppet or practical effect typical of that era as the monster instead. The CGI felt out of place there. It would have only added if there had been a puppet or even (more expensive but way cooler) stop-motion or Claymation. It would have added to the feel and authenticity.

A guy holding a puppet of the devil looking bored while the actress looks scared
(Terrifying)
Like an old timey movie - it reads: Oh my, this must be that loathe-some devil! Organ music intensifies.

Brainroll Juice:

While BLOODLINES: THE JERSEY DEVIL CURSE strayed a bit from the Small Towns aspect, it veered straight into the historical narrative. As a skeptic (hisss, booo), I appreciated hearing the historical and cultural impact the Jersey Devil had on early America. Especially about Quakerism during the era, and the rise of newspapers and their competitions with each other. I ate these segments up completely…much like a stolen PB sandwich.

I often think these kinds of facts are dismissed or omitted in paranormal documentaries in fear it will disprove or minimize the testimonials of witnesses or looking for these entities. However, these are imperative and fascinating facts as we see folklore change and grow in our timelines. Who was the Jersey Devil at creation, during the turn of the century, and to this present day? Breedlove answers those questions with BLOODLINES: THE JERSEY DEVIL CURSE. It’s not a debate if the Jersey Devil is alive and breathing this very moment, but what his mere presence has had within our nation. It’s talking the small town and growing it. Expanding upon it. And maybe that’s the natural progression for urban legends, folklore and culture. So, I appauld Breedlove for not veering away from that.

The Jersey Devil but gothic-looking

Bottomline: While you may find it slow in parts, this is one of my favorite Small Town Monsters. It’s smart. Full of heart. It’s back to the fun “Feature Presentation” segments that I love, and has a wealth of interesting information. If you’re curious about the Jersey Devil and its history, it’s definitely worth checking out.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

'Failed' chiropracter turned wrassler. Now out of retirement to give this horror thing a twirl. '4'

Movies n TV

Wheel of Time A Question of Crimson Is a Political Espionage Delight

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Episode two of Wheel of Time felt like the beginning of a long journey. Stories are unfolding, lives are changing, and blood is spilling.

Let’s discuss.

The story

We begin this episode in the past with Elayne’s mother, Queen Morgase. It turns out her rise to the throne was a bit, shall we say, cutthroat. So when she shows up at the White Tower, Siuan is concerned.

She might have reason to be, too.

Meanwhile, Rand, Egwene, Moiraine, Lan and Aviendha are in the Spine of The World. As they travel through some of the most breathtaking lands I have ever seen on a TV show, Egwene is plagued with nightmares. We think at first that’s just her trauma working itself through her system. But we soon find out that it might not be that straightforward.

Finally, Perrin returns home to heal after his hand is almost cut in half. But when he gets there he finds the town has been infested by Children of The Light. And they’re looking for him.

What worked

There was something heartwarming in this episode about political espionage and choking religious persecution. And that is Elayne’s relationship with her family.

I have consumed a lot of fantasy content with royal families. And I have never once heard a princess call her mother ‘Mum’. I’ve never seen royal siblings get along. And I have sure as hell never seen a princess have a good relationship with her step-parent.

This was refreshing. Even though Queen Morgase is kind of a horrible person she seems like a good mother. And that’s an unexpected delight.

Dónal Finn in Wheel of Time A Question of Crimson

Of course, this is just one storyline among many. And while this can sometimes be overwhelming, in this case it wasn’t.

I’ll be honest, some of these storylines are going to drag for me. I know this because I’ve read some of the Wheel of Time books and I have an idea that not all the characters exactly pique my interest.

No one likes all the characters. No one likes all the storylines. While I am here for the political espionage between Queen Morgase and Siuan, not everyone likes it. While others might be fascinated with Selene trying to win Rand back, I couldn’t care less.

Having multiple storylines keeps everyone’s attention better. So long as things don’t get out of hand. Things can easily get out of hand. But this seems to be managed well.

So far.

What didn’t work

As I mentioned above, I’m not thrilled with Rand’s story at this point. And while it’s fine to not like a storyline when there are this many to choose from, it’s not fantastic that the one I like the least is the one involving our two main characters. And anytime we were with the team at the Spine of The World, the only thing that brought me joy was Moirain’s hat. It reminded me of Stockard Channing’s hat in Practical Magic.

The problem is that Rand is Charlie Brown with controversial magical powers. He is boring, serious, and pessimistic.

And yes, I understand that he has a heavy emotional burden and he’s the Dragon Reborn and that’s quite taxing and all. But let’s be fair, there isn’t a single person in this show that doesn’t have a heavy burden. And most of them manage to be fun occasionally.

Daniel Henney and Josha Stradowski in Wheel of Time.

All that being said, this episode of Wheel of Time did exactly what it needed to do. It set up conflicts at each of the three locations. It established emotional ties between the characters and the events. And it established goals for everyone.

This was, in short, a solid episode. Not groundbreaking, not mind-blowing or life changing. It was simply good. It was entertaining and moved the plot forward.

Well done.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)
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Movies n TV

Wheel of Time Returns With A Bang

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Wheel of Time is back for season three. There are mixed feelings regarding this. Last season, there were some serious pacing issues. And some serious sticking to the book’s storyline issues. But we’re two seasons in, and we don’t give up so easily. So let’s dive into episode one, To Race the Shadow.

By the way, I highly recommend watching this episode with the subtitles on. You’ll see why.

The story

We begin this episode with Liandrin facing a trial of sorts for her rampant betrayal. She does her best to gaslight her Aes Sedai sisters into thinking that Siuan Sanche is the real traitor.

When that doesn’t work, she reveals how many Black Aes Sedai have actually infiltrated the tower.

Spoiler, it’s a lot.

In the aftermath, our whole team gathers to drink and enjoy one night of relaxation before they head out to the Tear to form an army for Rand. All is going well until they’re attacked by myriad creatures and a sentient axe.

What worked

This episode was long. It had a run time of an hour and eleven minutes. And a lot of that run time was spent in heavy dialog scenes.

Fortunately, these were well-done scenes.

If you’re going to have a lot of talking scenes, there are good ways and bad ways to do it. Last season, we saw lots of examples of the bad way to do it. But this episode did it well. For one thing, other things were going on while conversations were taking place. The characters are drinking, playing games, walking through an interesting city. And the scenes themselves didn’t stretch out. They weren’t repetitive. We heard what the character had to say, then we moved on.

It was also nice that the point of these scenes wasn’t just info dumps. We had character development. We had romantic interactions. We had plot development and foreshadowing.

Overall, this episode felt like what it was. A moment of calm before a storm.

Taking a step back, I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fight scene at the start of the episode. Because it was epic.

The magic looked amazing. The martial arts that went along with it looked fantastic. The costumes were beautiful. It was just incredibly fun to watch.

More than that, it was emotional. We lost some characters in that fight that were important. And it was clearly emotionally shattering for many of our characters, who found themselves betrayed by people they trusted.

So many of them.

It was a great way to open the season.

What didn’t work

Despite that, this episode wasn’t without its flaws.

First off, there were a lot of dialog scenes. And they were good scenes, as I’ve already discussed. But it was one after another after another. And when your episode is, again, an hour and eleven minutes, it’s maybe a little much to have so much chit-chat. Couldn’t some of these conversations, important as they were, have been moved to maybe another episode?

Finally, I want to talk about Egwene’s travel through the arches.

Still from Wheel of Time season three, episode one.

I feel like maybe there were some deleted scenes here. Because there must have been more to that visit than what we saw, right?

We could have seen Egwene battle Rand. That would have been badass and emotionally devastating. We could have seen her with a quiet life with Rand back home at the Two Rivers. We could have seen anything except for the quick clip of Rand in a bloody river, followed by Egwene being shoved back out in a bloody shift.

Bad job. But at least it wasn’t an extended scene of Moiraine collecting bathwater, and then taking a bath while looking sad. If we’d started this season with another scene like that, it might have broken my brain.

Amazon dropped the first three episodes at once. So we’ll be back soon to talk about episode two. See you then.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)
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Movies n TV

Entertaining as hell: Eight Legged Freaks (2002) Review

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Early 2000s is a special era for the industry. It accepts the cheesiness and corniness of movie making, in turn producing some gems in their own right. Eight Legged Freaks starring David Arquette and young Scarlet Johanson is a horror comedy about giant spiders who overtake a small town. As crazy as that premise sounds, the movie surprisingly has a ton of heart and is super entertaining. Let’s review, shall we? 

Plot

We start Eight Legged Freaks with a shot of toxic waste spilling into the water supply of Joshua, a spider farm owner. He is friends with Mike, one of our protagonists, who is a science geek and a spider enthusiast. Mike notices something quite right upon visiting Joshua, but no one takes him seriously. We are then introduced to the rest of the crew. Mike’s mother Samantha, the town sheriff, is too busy chasing Ashley, his sister, who is dating the town mayor’s son Bret (something Samantha does not approve of). We also have Chris, who returns to the town to save his father’s legacy in the town mines. He has opposition from Wade, Bret’s father, who wants to use the mines for his business ventures. Lots of drama going on that will only get juicier once the spiders get loose. 

The creepy crawlies quickly dispose of Joshua and make their grand appearance after Ashley rejects Bret’s advances, abandoning him in the middle of a desert. A glorious chase sequence ensues as the spiders make their way towards the town, wreaking havoc on its residents. In a true horror fashion (which the movie acknowledges), it takes some convincing from Mike and then from Samantha for the town to take the threat seriously. The tongue-in-cheek style of narrative adds the comedy aspect to a movie that would otherwise burn out fairly quickly. 

The remaining characters hide out in a shopping mall as it’s the only somewhat sturdy building in the area. This doesn’t last long as the spiders break in, forcing them to run through the mines. Their resources to fight the creepy crawlies off are limited as the methane gas doesn’t allow them to use firearms. Such conditions require resourceful thinking from Chris, who uses perfume to fend off the leader of the spider group and save himself during the climax of the movie. 

Character dynamics are not forgotten once the action kicks in. We have Chris confessing his long-term feelings for Samantha which she knew all along, which provided some comedic relief. Bret also reunites with Ashley and apologises for being an asshole. Mike finally gets the appreciation he deserves as his knowledge saves the townsfolk more than once during the whole ordeal. 

We end the movie with the town’s radio show person telling the story as an urban legend during his segment. This brings it into question – how much of it happened the way he said it did? We can only guess… 

Overall thoughts

Eight Legged Freaks is a fun creature feature with some self-aware commentary on genre tropes that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The acting is good, the pacing fitting and the characters are likeable enough for you to want them to make it through. Definitely a must watch, if you don’t suffer from arachnophobia, that is. 

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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