Witchcraft has always been a go-to for creatives. Books, movies, TV shows, songs and even comic books have included depictions of witches going back to Grendel and Lilith.
In modern times, witches still have a strong foothold in our cultural zeitgeist. We cannot get enough of women in pointy hats, brooms, cauldrons and black cats.
Of course, all of this love for the fictional witch ignores the fact that there are very real witches still around today. You probably know someone who identifies as a witch. And if you don’t, you do now.
I am a modern, practicing witch. When I was growing up in a religion that didn’t allow playing cards or women to wear pants in church, my only real outlet for my witchy interests was the myriad fictional depictions of witches I saw around me. Oh, how I loved them.
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That being said, learning more about real witchcraft has changed how I feel about a lot of fictional witchy depictions. Sometimes I like them more. Sometimes I like them much, much less. As if I could have liked the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina less.
So today, we’re starting a series of classic reviews covering witches in modern fiction. We’re going to take a look at what these shows got right about witchcraft, and what they got laughably wrong.
Running for seven seasons from 1996 to 2003, Sabrina the Teenage Witch was based on the much longer-running comic series. It starred Melissa Joan Hart, had a laugh track, and was just the pinnacle of a bad but enjoyable nineties sitcom. The story revolves around Sabrina Spellman, a teenager who just found out that she is a witch. Together with her aunts, Hilda and Zelda, and a wisecracking warlock turned cat named Salem, she experiences the nefarious world of a high school student while trying to learn about her new fantastic powers.
Sabrina the Teenage Witch is a fun show if you need something bright, cheerful and happy. It’s funny, sometimes not on purpose, and has an array of enjoyable characters. The magic is wildly out of the bounds of reality. The only real limitation seems to be the arbitrary (and often plot device-heavy) rules from the Witch’s High Council.
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What Sabrina got right
I’m never going to suggest that the witchcraft in Sabrina the Teenage Witch is realistic. Honestly, if someone tells you they can turn you into a pineapple, they’re probably messing with you. But yes, there are some realistic aspects to the way witchcraft is portrayed. And lots to appreciate.
For starters, I appreciate the inclusion of male witches. Sabrina’s father is a witch, and of course, so is Salem. Men who practice witchcraft are often overlooked, or dismissed. So the inclusion of a main character who’s a male witch (even if he is in cat form) was nice.
Another thing I liked was Sabrina’s response the first time her aunts tell her she’s a witch. She laughs it off, thinking they’re a little weird. And honestly, unless you have some weird religious people around you, that’s the normal response. Some people in the community worry that people will judge them, and I get it. But the top response from most people is usually to say, “Oh cool,” and then change the subject.
Finally, there were some magical bits that Sabrina got right. For one thing, there is very little wand waving. And while some witches do use wands to direct energy, many of us just point our fingers. That was good to see.
I also liked the acknowledgment that more witches mean more energy for a spell. Anytime you can rope some friends into doing a spell with you, it’s gonna have more oomph. And sometimes you need that. It’s like moving furniture. You can probably move an end table by yourself. But moving a couch might take a couple of guys.
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What Sabrina got wrong
All that being said, of course, Sabrina didn’t get everything right. And I’m not talking about the wild things that aren’t realistic. I’m not going to rebuke the show because no one actually levitates.
But I don’t like the fact that it never seems to cost any of the witches anything to cast a spell. They throw around their powers as though it takes no energy at all to do so.
Magic takes energy. It has a price. Sometimes it’s a small one, sometimes it’s not. Going back to that analogy about moving furniture, if you’re trying to move something too heavy alone and without the proper tools, you’re apt to pull a muscle. Sabrina is just learning about her powers. Using them should make her tired. It could cause a headache, illness, or just the need to sit down and drink a cup of tea.
My biggest pet peeve, though, is the thought that someone has to be born a witch. This is something anyone can do if they want to. And while hereditary witches might have a leg up on those of us who had to figure everything out for ourselves, anyone can be a witch. Anyone, at any time, can start researching and learning about witchcraft.
All in all, Sabrina the Teenage Witch is a fun show with some surprisingly accurate and forward-thinking witchy notions. If you managed to sidestep it so far, consider giving it a watch. I doubt you’ll be disappointed.
If you want to see more of this series, or if you have a piece of witch fiction that you’d like me to review, let me know in the comments.
We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.
As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.
The story
We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.
This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.
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What worked
In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.
Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.
This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.
Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.
It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.
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What didn’t work
I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.
I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.
All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.
If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.
Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.
The story
We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.
We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.
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Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.
What worked
The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.
I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.
I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What didn’t work
That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.
Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.
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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.
Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.
There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.
We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.
We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.
Not like she’s happy about it.
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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.
Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.
While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.
What worked
I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.
I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.
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Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.
Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.
Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.
While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.
All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.
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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.
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