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[NOTE: I may “spoil” some details about the movie. At the same time, that’s a risk of reading reviews to begin with. There, I said it]

Every once in a while, one sees a film which is hard to either condemn or praise. Sebastián Cordero’s Europa Report is one such creation. Released in 2013 and certified fresh at Rotten Tomatoes, the film is about an obviously ill-fated trip to Jupiter’s moon, Europa. In fact, it seems any such trip would be a harrowing journey, and tough to return from. One would be headed to Jupiter, after all. Nevertheless, Europa Report will likely keep a viewer’s interest, if they’re into films about space journeys where things go wrong. Otherwise they may struggle with it.

While this has some vague aspects of a sci-fi horror movie, it’s very much a soft-pedaled thriller. There is tension, and one may care for the characters (unlike many straight up horror films where, frankly, you might be glad when some characters go). The result is that Europa Report has more muted drama tension than thrills.

It should come with a fair warning, though: You will not want to watch this film if you are tired, as it is not exactly a fast-paced thrill ride. It’s not a tedious movie, either, but one should be in a certain mindset to appreciate it. There are more daunting situations than haunting ones. It’s about sacrifice more than some endless array of action and horror tropes.

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Is it a Monster Movie? Just Ask the Blair Witch

A basic premise of Europa Report is that they are seeking intelligent, alien life, and it may be hostile. However, this movie plays it really subtle. Even as the characters are in panicky situations, they try to be as calm as possible (just as they would be trained). Really, the point isn’t that there’s some fierce presence looming at all times.

It’s sort of the Blair Witch style anticipation, and the feeling of being in a tight situation. This is, in a way, another slight homage to that great (and often hated) ’90s film. Just like with The Blair Witch Project, there are suggestions of a possible menace, but much of Europa Report is about that feeling of being lost, or in a situation far bigger than ourselves.

Okay, So Who’s In It?

Embeth Davidtz is Dr. Unger, or the primary narrator. Horror fans might know her from Army of Darkness. Specifically, she’s the lady Ash says “Give me some sugar baby” to. Also, fans of Dexter‘s first season will recognize Christian Camargo as Daniel Luxembourg. Obviously, Camargo played Dexter’s brother, or the Ice Truck Killer. Here he is not a maniac, but an intrepid hero-type hoping to inspire faith in humanity’s ingenuity.

Of course, there’s a sense that, even if we do discover sentient (or intelligent) life, it might not make that much difference. After all, we have intelligence, but just look at what we’re doing with it (it isn’t all good, folks). Also, are we all going to Jupiter’s moon in the future? Is that part of the plan? Not sure. Anyway, Europa Report also features Anamaria Marinca as Rosa Dasque, Daniel Wu as William Xu, Sharlto Copley as James Corrigan, and a few others (including a surprise appearance by Neil deGrasse Tyson, in archival footage form).

Final Thoughts on Europa Report

I like “Europa Report” mostly because it doens’t try to do anything special. At the same time, that’s probably a mark against it (oddly enough). It’s one of the weird struggles of artists anywhere. You want to essentially be yourself in the vision you present, yet you still must cater to an audience. This film, while well done, could have maybe benefited from more conventional, blockbuster-style action.

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I actually hate typing those words, yet nevertheless honestly feel that way. It seems like it could have been more epic in scope somehow, and maybe should have had a less restrained, less somber tone. Again, I feel like a real jerk for saying it, but there it is. It honestly seems like more could have been done with it It’s by no means a bad movie, and I’ll probably even watch it again at some point to see if I missed something. Nevertheless, I doubt this will be most people’s favorite, even among space movie fans.

What are your thoughts on Europa Report? Have you ever fought a space octopus? Let us know in the comments!

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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