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I’ve watched a fair amount of silly things, but I must admit that “true” ghost shows aren’t my fave. Nevertheless, I was recently mildly entertained by parts of the (unintentionally?) funny Ghost Adventures episode called Quarantine: Extension of Darkness. As the Travel Channel web site summarizes: “The crew continues their lockdown at the Haunted Museum during the COVID-19 pandemic. The guys confront pure evil as they investigate the dark corridors of the infamous basement and the room where Zak displays his collection of serial killer artifacts.”

Basic Premise of Episode

Admittedly, I didn’t pay full attention to the whole episode, as there were times where I was laughing. However, I did notice the Zak character mention Charles Manson numerous times in Zak’s serial killer museum. They also claim to have picked up cryptic, disturbing messages from murderers who have items collected in the museum. There are some cute aspects of the show, which not everyone will notice. For example, I think it’s cute that “Pandemic” is part of the title. It breeds familiarity with the viewer, who will be like, “Hey, I know what a pandemic is! Heck, I’m right in the middle of one myself!” It’s like marketing 101, right? Even if you’re not struck by adrenaline during the walk-through of the museum, they’re still subconsciously tying the show’s events into your life.

This got me to thinking: Would they do this for other newsworthy challenges, too? We’ve all proabbly herad of Japanese “murder hornets” making it to the States, and locust swarms are apparently still happening. So could there be a “Ghost Adventures: Insect Plague” season in the works? Or, hell, maybe “Ghost Adventures: Haunted By Karens.” This premise could run a little thin, obviously, but there’s plenty of potential for relatively inoffensive current event tie-ins.

I Do Believe In Spooks

As a jaded, aging skeptic, it can be tough to watch these shows without scoffing (if you haven’t noticed). Nevertheless, I have written about things like cryptids before, and I’m more open-minded than even I sometimes expect. Still, when I think of Ghost Adventures Quarantine: Extension of Darkness, I’m reminded of this famous moment from the Wizard of Oz:

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It’s like I’m there, man!

This show is presented as very serious, but it’s hard for me to to take seriously. For one thing, I know that a TV network is very capable of lying, or at least bending the truth (sorry, Travel Channel, and I’ll pretend I couldn’t possibly be talking about you). I realize all hauntings might be gimmicks that could be staged, complete with special effects. In other words, I doubt the Ghost Adventurers are in danger of ever being killed, except if they were to trip on their own shoelaces.

There were moments in the episode where people appeared to be enduring a traumatic panic attack caused by ghosts (or whatever), but those moments could either be acting or simply caused by their own self-induced panic if they actually believe ghosts are real. Let’s not kid ourselves: Everything you watch on such a show might involve animations and production. You might have enthusiastic actors, musicians, and storytellers to promote the show to a larger audience and advertisers. You might have set designers, illustrators, etc.

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Photo credit: MY Entertainment

Much like a Godzilla confrontation with Gigan, for me, it’s only there for optional giggles or guffaws. Whether they’re hunting ghosts or trying to scare a flock of mosquito-like creatures away, it’s all about entertainment. There’s even a moment (towards the episode’s end), where one of the Adventurers seems to develop an evil alter ego as if he’s possessed by a spirit (a serial killer, or maybe Charles Manson himself).

However, when even the Discovery Channel has come under fire for fake “reality” shows, pronouncements of “Our ghosts are real” just doesn’t cut it. Still, you might want to get out a bag of popcorn and check out Ghost Adventures during a spare moment.

It even reminds you in its title that a quarantine makes for good binging of goofy spooky TV shows featuring ghosts, crazy monsters, paranormal witnesses, psychics, and supernatural scares in general. I do respect if a ghost adventurer is pursuing his passion and, on some level, appreciate that his project is a massive commercial success. If “supernatural” and magical forces arise to help put food on your table, fine…but I am unconvinced.

What are your thoughts on Ghost Adventures? Let us know in the comments!

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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