Another auto insurance settlement ruled in favor of a couple, awarding them $10.2 million, after they were attacked by a hook-handed mass-murderer.
The high school couple had heard of the Hookman, a local serial killer with a meat hook in place of his right hand who is known for seeking out isolated lovers in parked cars and then murdering them alongside the road. But nonetheless, they had driven to “Lover’s Lane” a secluded quiet spot in the woods off the road apiece that is known to attract kids looking to meet up and get high.
The pair was making out in the back of their Yugo when the killer assaulted their car. They heard a scraping along the side of the vehicle and something metallic ring against the door. Alarmed, they withdrew from their tryst and drove off as fast as they could. They stopped far from the site, got out, and checked on the vehicle only to find it all scratched up with a metal hook caught in the passenger side door, which was splattered with blood.
“Sure, I’d heard of the Hookman, but I thought it was just an urban myth people told to keep explorative kids in line,” one partner said in an interview. “My mom was so mad about how scraped up and bloodied the car was, she grounded me for a month. And I was so freaked out I couldn’t sleep. One day I thought I saw a hook in one of the window frames of the apartment but it turned out to be just a plant hanger that my mom left there from last season.”
The interviewee went on, “Since I was still grounded and was too scared to spend any sort of time in the car anyway, we just couldn’t get away or be alone together. We had to do something. The precedent had been established, and we were in the car, you know. Besides, there was a ton of body damage and that hook-thing was caught in the door frame. And my mom was still being a total Buzzkill about it all, saying next time we went out we’d have to be chaperoned and some such. Everything was bogus. But it was a totally legit insurance claim.”
Their partner declined to comment, withdrawing from the press. Together they determined to seek reparations for damages from their auto insurance company, to help with their mental health concerns and therapy as well as to repair damages to the car. They said they got the idea after learning about an STI case from Missouri.
The insurance company tried to convince the court that it was all a hoax and that the hook had been planted and the car roughed up to try to make a larger case.
“It’s just some high school kids gold-digging,” the defending lawyer said. “Those key-scraping run-ins in the parking lot don’t fetch that much in damages, only enough to cover a simple paint job really. And that car they were driving wasn’t worth all that much anyway, very low trade-in value, so not much in the way of insurance monies coming in. Hell, it was a Yugo, for Christ’s sake – they were taking their lives into their own hands every time they went anywhere in that car shaped rusted metal coffin. And that Hookman legend is just an urban myth anyway. They tried to make this whole thing into something bigger, probably hoping to trade in on a Porsche or something.”
No one seemed to notice the claims adjuster lawyer’s hand clasped around the stump of a wrist where his other hand should have been, both discreetly hidden behind his back. Or the questionable stains on his black suit, for that matter.
Other frightening severed appendages that have made the Haunted MTL Lighter than Dark newsreel can be found here: