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Another auto insurance settlement ruled in favor of a couple, awarding them $10.2 million, after they were attacked by a hook-handed mass-murderer.

The high school couple had heard of the Hookman, a local serial killer with a meat hook in place of his right hand who is known for seeking out isolated lovers in parked cars and then murdering them alongside the road.  But nonetheless, they had driven to “Lover’s Lane” a secluded quiet spot in the woods off the road apiece that is known to attract kids looking to meet up and get high.

The pair was making out in the back of their Yugo when the killer assaulted their car.  They heard a scraping along the side of the vehicle and something metallic ring against the door.  Alarmed, they withdrew from their tryst and drove off as fast as they could.  They stopped far from the site, got out, and checked on the vehicle only to find it all scratched up with a metal hook caught in the passenger side door, which was splattered with blood.

“Sure, I’d heard of the Hookman, but I thought it was just an urban myth people told to keep explorative kids in line,” one partner said in an interview.  “My mom was so mad about how scraped up and bloodied the car was, she grounded me for a month.  And I was so freaked out I couldn’t sleep.   One day I thought I saw a hook in one of the window frames of the apartment but it turned out to be just a plant hanger that my mom left there from last season.”

The interviewee went on, “Since I was still grounded and was too scared to spend any sort of time in the car anyway, we just couldn’t get away or be alone together. We had to do something. The precedent had been established, and we were in the car, you know.  Besides, there was a ton of body damage and that hook-thing was caught in the door frame.  And my mom was still being a total Buzzkill about it all, saying next time we went out we’d have to be chaperoned and some such.  Everything was bogus.  But it was a totally legit insurance claim.”

Their partner declined to comment, withdrawing from the press.  Together they determined to seek reparations for damages from their auto insurance company, to help with their mental health concerns and therapy as well as to repair damages to the car.  They said they got the idea after learning about an STI case from Missouri.

The insurance company tried to convince the court that it was all a hoax and that the hook had been planted and the car roughed up to try to make a larger case.

“It’s just some high school kids gold-digging,” the defending lawyer said.  “Those key-scraping run-ins in the parking lot don’t fetch that much in damages, only enough to cover a simple paint job really.  And that car they were driving wasn’t worth all that much anyway, very low trade-in value, so not much in the way of insurance monies coming in.  Hell, it was a Yugo, for Christ’s sake – they were taking their lives into their own hands every time they went anywhere in that car shaped rusted metal coffin.  And that Hookman legend is just an urban myth anyway.  They tried to make this whole thing into something bigger, probably hoping to trade in on a Porsche or something.”

No one seemed to notice the claims adjuster lawyer’s hand clasped around the stump of a wrist where his other hand should have been, both discreetly hidden behind his back.  Or the questionable stains on his black suit, for that matter.

The alleged Hookman hook hand as caught in a green Yugo passenger side door, complete with blood splatter effect.
The alleged Hookman hook hand as caught in the passenger side door, complete with blood splatter effect.

Other frightening severed appendages that have made the Haunted MTL Lighter than Dark newsreel can be found here:

Cursed Monkey Paw LOST

Catching Rats in Rat Traps

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

Jennifer Weigel is a multi-disciplinary mixed media conceptual artist residing in Kansas USA. Weigel utilizes a wide range of media to convey her ideas, including assemblage, drawing, fibers, installation, jewelry, painting, performance, photography, sculpture, video and writing. You can find more of her work at: https://www.jenniferweigelart.com/ https://www.jenniferweigelprojects.com/ https://jenniferweigelwords.wordpress.com/

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Lighter than Dark

LTD Tripped Out Motivational Posters

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Tripped out… in case you just couldn’t get enough of Everything Everywhere All at Once and the return of the infinite bagel with EVERYTHING on it…

Tripped Out motivational poster
Tripped Out motivational poster

Artwork description: kaleidoscopic image of pink hairy horror (This is actually a fink fuzzy frond plant not unlike a Cockscomb but with longer thinner flowering feelers rather than the fuller protuberances you see on a full-bodied Cockscomb plant. I have no idea what it was, but it was very odd so I had to snap a photo.)

Image text reads: Mixing Magic Mushrooms & Peyote Just remember: once you open that Pandora’s box, you’re never going to get the pink hairy tarantulas back in it…

Tripped Out seeing eye god sunflower
Tripped Out seeing eye god sunflower

Artwork description: kaleidoscopic sunflower backlit by the sun with text and rainbow eye overlay

Image text reads: Eye See You Eye See All (in circle text so you can start and end reading wherever). In an ideal context this would be printed in the bottom of your tea mug or on a record that can slowly spin.

For more crazy tripped out fun, check out Weird Al’s post on Craig’s List

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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Lighter than Dark

LTD Happy New Year Baby!

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In keeping with the tradition of celebrating the first New Year Baby, the firstborn of the year, we are excited to announce the birth of Baybee Draconia Werewoof. Draconia was birthed at precisely midnight January 1, 2023 during a demonic ritual. We are still uncertain whether or not her mother survived the event. But, like any demonspawn, Draconia is already well on her way to ruling the world with an iron-clawed fist.

Baybee Draconia Feywild Werewoof in her celebratory faerie frolicking unicorns in the woods ensemble
New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Werewoof in her celebratory faerie frolicking unicorns in the woods ensemble

New Year Baby Draconia opened her eyes immediately and ripped apart the fancy 2023 sash she was christened with upon her arrival. She was already walking, teething, and mauling her nursery mates about an hour after her birth. After setting off two minor explosions and a small fire, she is starting to show a propensity for the Dark Magicks. Her experiences are limited so her mind control and delusional tendencies are still fledgling, but are sure to really take off as she takes in more of the world.

New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Feywild Werewoof beginning to show telepahtic connectivity
New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Werewoof beginning to show telepathic connectivity

New Year Baby Draconia is expected to start schooling this year within her cultist circle. As her skills and following develop, she will begin to pave the way for the Spawn of Satan, Harbinger of the Apocolypse, so Draconia is the New Year Baby to keep an eye on.

New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Feywild Werewoof readying to pounce and rip the photographer’s face off
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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Lighter than Dark

LTD: The Horrors of Jell-O

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Jell-O is horrifying, and not just because of all that has been revealed about its longtime spokesperson Bill Cosby. In its dark past, it has called forth Eldritch horrors beyond human comprehension from the depths of the furthest points of the universe.

But Jell-O itself is harmless you say, besides which it is yummy. And it’s fun to make glowing Jell-O shots and zombie brains & other body parts with my silicone Halloween molds. Just think about all of The Joys of Jell-O, you assert. As both a horror fan and culinary inclusionist, I can tell you’re not convinced…

Some seemingly safe Jell-O variants involving fruit, though the pie crust and pink fruit basket mold simply must come into question from a culinary appeal standpoint.
Some seemingly safe Jell-O variants involving fruit, though the pie crust and pink fruit basket mold simply must come into question from a culinary appeal standpoint.

Now I’m not talking about the fruit salad Jell-O concoctions that have graced every Midwest potluck for nearly a century. No, I’m referring to the 1940s Jell-O terrors involving shredded vegetables, pureed hot dogs, fish, shrimp, and other substances that many of us dare not speak of today, for fear we may slowly lose our sanity by simply mentioning them.

Some more iffy Jell-O salads involving thinly sliced and pureed vegetables and other substances.

Still don’t believe me? Well, let’s check out some of the most incriminating evidence, shall we?

Some seafood and hot dog based Jell-O concoctions, designed to draw Cthulu & other dark Eldritch horrors to our world.
Some seafood and hot dog based Jell-O concoctions, designed to draw Cthulu & other dark Eldritch horrors to our world.

What in all of Hell’s half acre are these monstrocities? They look like something straight out of Hades concessions? Why would anyone in their right mind do that to perfectly good seafood? And what’s with the hot dog cultists, or worse yet – pureed hot dogs? Remember – if the dog won’t eat it, maybe it actually isn’t food. And the cat is repelled as if she saw a ghost, then perhaps she really did…

To call forth a demigod or other deity of any sort, one does best to craft something in its image, and these culinary masterpieces did exactly that. Imagine all of the Lovecraftian horrors they sought to unleash upon the unsuspecting world. What Eldritch terrors are drawn to the smell and taste of aspic? We must do everything in our power to thwart this great evil.

My copper fish mold collection, as shown hanging on my outside covered porch.
My copper fish mold collection, as shown hanging on my outside covered porch.

In response, I have chosen to collect copper fish molds. These kitchen adornments’ sole function was to craft these horrific things, that is their nefarious purpose. No one makes fruit salad Jell-O in the shape of a dead salmon, now do they? Of course not! Give it some thought, and join me in being a part of the solution.

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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