There are a lot of holiday horrors with the phrase Silent Night in their title. So, to help keep things straight, Silent Night Bloody Night is the one that no one should waste their time watching.

The story

Released in 1972, Silent Night Bloody Night is the story of an abandoned house. When it’s inherited by a man named Jeffrey Butler, the town tries to buy it from him. He sends his lawyer, John Carter, to negotiate. What follows is a Christmas-time revenge killing spree in the house that used to be an insane asylum and is now just a gross eyesore. Much like in Halloween, a prodigal son came home and started killing. Unlike in Halloween, viewers can’t bring themselves to care.

What worked

I would like to give credit where it’s due when I can find it. There were some legitimately creepy scenes in this movie. Two of them, to be precise.

The shots of the escaped inmates are well done. The makeup, dull facial expressions, and zombie-like movements were truly unnerving. In what is maybe the only well done scene in the whole movie, an inmate walks into the dining room and slowly drains a glass of wine. He then breaks the glass and uses the broken piece to rip out a doctor’s eye.

I also enjoyed or was at least unnerved by, the phone calls the killer makes from the house. They were great little eerie moments.

What didn’t work

I first need to point out that the production value of this movie is ass. I’m sure I could have shot a better movie on a Tamagotchi.

The whole thing is grainy, dark and dull. Even scenes with bright colors have all the brightness of a mechanics wash rag. And there are parts where the physical film was corrupted, leaving big black splotches.

Maybe I’m being too hard on it. I mean it was released in 1972. It’s not like they had access to advanced filming equipment. Like, for instance, The Godfather or Deliverance.

Oh, wait. Both those films also came out in 1972. And they sure as hell don’t look like this. Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory and Twelve Chairs came out the year before and they look great.

Granted, those films were preserved, digitized, and treated like the works of art they are. Silent Night, Bloody Night was apparently kept near a furnace, in the hopes that it might catch fire and never trouble anyone again.

None of that would matter, though, if the movie was any good. But it’s not. Let’s start with the voiceovers because that’s what the movie starts with.

Voiceovers are great when they add context or interesting commentary. A Christmas Story has voiceovers through the whole thing, and that’s great. This commentary, however, is a cautionary tale against telling not showing. It fails to be interesting or give additional information. It’s just bad.

What bothered me most is that not one shred of joy seems to have gone into this film. Unlike Mercy Christmas, which we talked about last week, nobody is having a good time.

The music is morose rather than eerie. The acting is lazy and half-hearted. Even in the most dramatic scenes, everyone delivers their lines like they’re reading off a list of instructions to build something they don’t care about building. And the effects are just horrific. We don’t see a single blow in any of the fight scenes. We see people wincing in pain, and weapons being raised. And that is it.

I suppose we might say this is to stave off the censors. But my God, that’s not what a Christmas horror movie is for. And it still has an R rating, even though we see neither boobies nor an axe biting into flesh. If you’re going to get stuck with the R rating, earn it.

Overall, Silent Night Bloody Night was devoid of anything joyful. It wasn’t fun to watch, it didn’t leave me with anything to ponder or savor. It was just a bad movie, from start to finish. (1 / 5)

🎅🏼🔪 Brace yourselves for a blood-soaked holiday extravaganza! 🎄💀

Joe Bob’s Christmas Carnage is coming to town, and it’s not for the faint of heart! Catch this killer special on Shudder and AMC+ TV feeds Friday, December 13th at 9pm ET/8c, or stream it on-demand starting December 15th.

What’s in Santa’s bag of horrors? 🎁

Two spine-chilling holiday horror flicks

So much gore, even Rudolph’s nose will turn pale

A charity auction that’ll make your wallet scream (in a good way!)

Joe Bob and Darcy are decking the halls with boughs of terror, auctioning off:

• Rare AF props from The Last Drive-In
• Exclusive merch that’ll make your horror-loving heart skip a beat
• Joe Bob’s personal keepsakes from his 35-year reign of terror in the industry

But wait, there’s more…

Join the HauntedMTL crew for a spine-tingling side quest on Threads (https://www.threads.net/@_hauntedmtl_)! We’re going live as our very own Jim Phoenix breaks the bank for charity, adding an extra layer of terror to your Joe Bob experience. It’s like getting two scoops of horror in your bloody sundae! 🍦💀

Those britches are mine, bitches! -Jim circa the year of Darcy’s panties.

And because we love our fellow fiends, we’re stuffing your stockings with some killer swag! That’s right, HauntedMTL followers have a chance to win some seriously spooky goodies. It’s our way of saying “thanks for being part of our nightmare before Christmas!” 🎁👻

So, while Joe Bob and Darcy are slashing through their winter wonderland, hop over to Threads and join the HauntedMTL fam. It’s a horror-day party you won’t want to miss! Remember: the more you engage, the better your chances of scoring some haunted swag. Let’s make this a Christmas to dismember! 🔪🎄

Wanna know which flicks we’re slashing through? Tune in December 13th on Shudder to find out! 🍿🔪

Your holiday shopping spree will support these awesome causes:
Pacific Marine Mammal Center

Children of Fallen Patriots Foundation

Family Promise

Breast Cancer Research Foundation

Don’t be a Grinch – join the carnage and spread some bloody good cheer! 🎅🏼🔪🎄

-Mountains-

A serene mountain landscape yawns; monumental evergreen trees fingering a brilliant azure sky stroked with wispy clouds.  The air is crisper and fresher here, wafting its piney fragrance along the meandering deer path that bends and swerves down the gradual slope…

-Reset-

-City-

A bustling urban environment beckons, its diverse, brightly-clothed denizens laughing with one another, casually parting as you stroll through their midst.   Sunlight dances through the crowd, reflecting off of towering buildings, cars, and bicycles.  Sounds swell together as though breathing life into all interconnected within this rich tapestry of time and space.  The street is a cacophony of alluring smells, and the savory scent of kosher all-beef hot dogs…

-Vegetarian-

Fragrant cumin zing of vegetable samosas…

-European-

Perfume of freshly baked baguettes embraces you in a warm hug as you sit at a small metal café table, savoring an espresso…

-Caffeine Free-

Lavender cremosa…

-Non-Carbonated-

Limonade…

-Reset-

-Beach-

The warm sand squishes between your bare toes as the soft ocean waves lap at your feet, beckoning you to wade further into the cool water…

-No Swimming-

The woven rope hammock stretched between two perfectly-spaced palm trees sways slowly as you lounge in its cradle, sipping a Mai Tai…

-Non-Alcoholic-

Iced lemonade in a highball glass through a red plastic straw…

-Eco-Conscientious-

Paper straw, the citrusy elixir providing respite from the steamy…

-Less Hot-

Warm breezy summer…

-Spring-

Spring air, children…

-Nature-

Birds…

-Silence-

You close your eyes, hammock gently rocking you to slumber.

We here at My Universe wish to thank you again for choosing our services.  We know that there are many post-cataclysmic alternative realities available, and we appreciate your business.  Please enjoy your respite from the societal collapse, and remember us next time you need to unwind.

And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website. And if you really feel like getting away and helping clean up the beach a bit, check out this relaxing video from Dylan Clark titled Seagrass. Or maybe that wasn’t so relaxing after all… 😉