What to say about the Double Feature finale, The Future Perfect? There’s a lot that can be said, Killer Queens.
Most of it’s not good.
Let me see if I can summarize this mess.
We start with Nixon’s impeachment, which is always pleasant. And we learn that the aliens are behind almost every conspiracy in American History. They made Nixon resign. They caused the Vietnam war. They even have ties to the lizard people conspiracy.
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Oh yeah, there’s another race of aliens in America that has nothing to do with the ones impregnating people. Let’s just throw that in there.
Mamie makes a deal for herself to live forever. And in doing so traps herself in her own purgatory. I don’t know that she sees it that way, but what else would you call living the same life with no discernable difference from one day to another. Especially when the only true accomplishments one has to speak of in their lives consist of making it okay for grownups to celebrate their birthdays.
Even so, she appears content, until the first perfect alien hybrid is born. The child grants her a brain, because only now does she realize that the aliens are going to kill all of mankind to make room for themselves. They’re fine sharing the world with the lizard people, just not us.
Because we use too much technology.
I guess there was supposed to be some moral about how we sold out America for tech so we deserve to all die.
This whole part two was all over the place. It was hard to follow what was going on, and even harder to give a damn. And the ending wasn’t exactly what I’d call satisfying.
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I know a lot of us were hoping we’d finally get some answers about the ending of Asylum. We’d hoped that at least some of the questions from Double Feature, Red Tide might be answered. In both cases, we were disappointed. This season couldn’t answer its questions, let alone anyone else’s.
Why did the aliens have to come here in the first place? Why did they need hybrids if they were just going to kill us all anyway? What was the point of getting us to agree to abductions when they could just take people whenever they wanted? What was the point of literally any of this?
The Double Feature Finale lacked all the darkness, wit, twists, and surprises that American Horror Story usually provides. I didn’t care if anyone lived or died. I didn’t like anyone, nor did I hate anyone enough to wish vengeance. I just did not care.
It feels like in trying to be everything, the story succeeded in being nothing at all. Let’s all seriously hope that next season sees the show reaching for its former high standards.
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Alright, you sick puppies, gather ’round for a tale of family bonding, teenage angst, and good old-fashioned murder. “Bloody Axe Wound” is here to tickle your funny bone and possibly remove a few other bones while it’s at it.
The Gist: Serial Killing as a Family Business
Picture this: a video store that’s actually a front for some seriously messed up snuff films. The twist? The owner’s a serial killer who’s been slicing and dicing teens faster than you can say “late fees.” But wait, there’s more! His daughter, Abby Blake Cut (yeah, that’s her name, deal with it), wants in on the family business. Talk about bring-your-daughter-to-work day gone horribly wrong!
“Bloody Axe Wound” is like “90210” decided to do a crossover with “Halloween” – Jim Phoenix, HauntedMTL
Daddy’s Little Monster
So, Daddy Dearest isn’t too keen on his baby girl following in his bloody footsteps. I mean, come on, it’s 2024 – girls can be anything they want, even psychopathic murderers! But our guy’s stuck in the past, probably still thinks women belong in the kitchen (chopping vegetables, not people).
Last update on 2025-01-07 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
A Feminist Slasher? You Bet Your Ass!
Abby’s not just fighting for her right to party (and by party, I mean brutally murder people). She’s breaking down barriers in the male-dominated field of serial killing. Move over, Jason and Freddy – there’s a new blade in town (no, not Mahershala Ali…only one real Blade…), and she’s got a point to prove (several points, actually, all of them sharp).
Horror Tropes Galore
This flick’s got more tropes than a teenager’s got hormones:
Awkward sexual exploration? Check.
That one friend who’s way too old to be hanging with high schoolers? You betcha.
A cursed town where everyone’s oblivious to the killer in their midst? Oh, honey, it’s all here.
It’s like “90210” decided to do a crossover with “Halloween,” and somehow it works!
Last update on 2025-01-07 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
The Verdict: 4.5 out of 5 Bloody Thumbs Up
Look, I’m not saying “Bloody Axe Wound” is gonna win any Oscars (unless they finally add that “Best Dismemberment” category I’ve been lobbying for). But hot damn, it’s a fun ride. It’s got laughs, it’s got gore, it’s got a weirdly heartwarming father-daughter story if you squint hard enough. This one is a rewatchable movie and probably a cult classic for many of us.
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So, grab your popcorn, leave your sensitivity at the door, and get ready for a movie that’ll make you laugh, cringe, and possibly reconsider your family dynamics. Just remember: the family that slays together, stays together!
(4.5 / 5)
P.S. Don’t bring the kids. Unless you want them to have a very awkward conversation with their school counselor.
P.P.S. Sorry, once again, for killing your name in our podcast…
Episode five of Original Sin was surprisingly light. At least, as light as a show can be when it involves murder, teenage drug use, and the anniversary of the death of a beloved parent.
The story
We begin this episode right where the last one left off. Mad Dog, Dexter’s latest victim, is hit by a car and killed. This leaves Dexter with the unpleasant chore of cleaning up a crime scene but not being able to actually kill someone.
Meanwhile, Harry is getting ready for the trial of Levi Reed. This trial seems like it will be a slam dunk, except for one terrible surprise. Turns out Harry messed up and hid what probably wouldn’t have been evidence strong enough to dismiss the case until he hid it.
What worked
One of the reasons why Dexter is so popular is that it’s funny. While it is a show that deals with very heavy subject matter, it’s also managed to be funny most of the time.
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This episode is funny. It starts with Dex cursing over and over while he frantically and meticulously cleans up his crime scene, then hiding in a corner with a bag of incriminating trash. We later see him eat way too many pot brownies and get high as a kite, then eat two pizzas while laughing at I Love Lucy with Deb.
These are funny scenes that fit into the heaviness of the show. It doesn’t feel like emotional whiplash when we go from the kids getting high to Harry having a mental breakdown because that makes sense. Rather than forcing humor where it doesn’t belong, the writers made this comedy make sense.
I also loved that we’re seeing Dexter become who he will be. He’s terrified of losing control. He’s always learning how to kill more efficiently. And for someone who claims to not have regular human emotions, he already seems to understand a lot more about how the people around him are likely to act.
At least, he gets how Harry’s going to respond.
I like that he’s not just a teen version of the same character. I like that we’re seeing how this young mentally ill man changed into the adult mentally ill man we all know and love.
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Finally, we are really seeing the depths of how bad of a cop, and frankly a person, Harry is. Because Harry isn’t a good person.
He withheld evidence in a murder trial because he just didn’t consider it valid.
He ignored his kids, especially Deb when they needed him.
He’s having an affair with his CI, which is not only bad because he’s a married man, but because he’s taking advantage of a huge power imbalance between the two of them.
And finally, when he singlehandedly lost a murder trial, he got drunk and almost shot a man. When he couldn’t do it himself, he let Dexter off the leash.
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Harry is a bad person. And that’s kind of awesome. That’s the sort of villain origin story that I love to see. He is a more interesting character because of this. And Dexter is more understandable because of what we understand about the man who raised him.
What didn’t work
It took me a while to look over this episode of Dexter Original Sin and find something to complain about. And honestly, there’s one part of this season that’s been bothering me.
I don’t love that Harry is spending so much time with little Dexter. It just doesn’t make sense to me. At least, not with the story of the original show.
Especially in the first season, it’s clear that Dexter doesn’t remember anything before the death of his mother. That makes sense, as he was very very small. But this little Dexter feels like he would have been old enough to remember some of this.
But, you might say, he was traumatized. He watched his mother be brutally slaughtered and was left for days in a shipping crate with his mother’s body. And yeah, it does make sense that he would forget a lot.
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But would he never have the slightest inkling that he was now being raised by the man who suddenly showed up in his life, babysat him, and tucked him lovingly into bed?
Overall, this was a great episode. It was funny, touching, and moved along several storylines. I’m excited to see what comes next.
(4 / 5)
Holy crow, folks! Buckle up, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the gloriously gooey world of “Street Trash” – the 2024 remake that’ll make you question your life choices and possibly your sanity. Trust me, this ain’t your grandma’s horror flick (unless your grandma’s into melting hobos and alien smurfs, in which case, I probably swiped right on that one and you’re out of milk.)
What’s the Deal with Street Trash?
Picture this: a bunch of homeless misfits discover a sinister plot to wipe out every street dweller in the city. Cue the chaos, the melting, and enough WTF moments to make your brain leak out of your ears. It’s like if “They Live” and Cheech’s “Born in East LA” had a love child, and that child was raised by a family of radioactive dumpsters.
Yes, even the damn credits are worth watching. Marvel, eat your heart out. – Jim Phoenix, HauntedMTL
From the Twisted Mind Behind Fried Barry
Remember “Fried Barry”? That mind-bending trip from 2020 that left you questioning reality? Well, the same madman is back, and he’s cranked the insanity up to eleven. If you thought “Fried Barry” was a wild ride, “Street Trash” is like strapping yourself to a rocket made of hallucinogens and blasting off into a dimension of pure, unadulterated chaos.
Last update on 2025-01-07 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Body Horror That’ll Make You Hurl (In a Good Way)
Let’s talk gore, baby! This flick kicks off with some of the most stomach-churning body horror I’ve seen in years. We’re talking face-melting, blood-spewing, organs-on-the-outside kind of nastiness. It’s so gross, it loops back around to beautiful. You’ll be disgusted, amazed, and possibly a little turned on (no judgment here, folks).
Not Just Gore – There’s Heart (and Other Organs) Too
But wait, there’s more! “Street Trash” isn’t just about turning people into human slushies. It’s got heart, humor, and even some genuinely touching moments. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder why that blue alien demon thing is so damn adorable. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, if rollercoasters were made of meat and powered by existential dread.
Last update on 2025-01-07 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
The Visuals: A Trippy 80s Fever Dream
Visually, this movie is like someone took the 1980s, stuffed it into a blender with a bunch of neon paint and psychedelic mushrooms, and hit “puree.” The colors pop, the effects are mind-blowing, and every frame is a work of demented art. It’s the kind of movie that makes you want to lick the screen (please don’t, though – trust me on this one).
Why You Need to Watch This Cinematic Acid Trip
It’s batshit crazy: In the best possible way. Every time you think it can’t get weirder, it does.
The effects are insane: Practical effects that’ll make you go “How the fuck did they do that?”
It’s got layers, man: Like an onion, but if that onion was sentient and trying to kill you.
The blue alien thing: Seriously, it’s like if the Smurfs went on a bender and decided to star in a horror movie.
The credits: Yes, even the damn credits are worth watching. Marvel, eat your heart out.
Final Verdict: Five Out of Five Motherfucking Fives
Look, I don’t throw around perfect scores like confetti at a serial killer’s birthday party. But “Street Trash” deserves every single one of those fives. It’s the best way to close out 2024’s cinematic offerings, a tour de force of weirdness that’ll stick with you long after the credits roll (which, again, you need to watch).
(5 / 5)
So, do yourself a favor: grab some popcorn (and maybe a barf bag), turn off your brain, and let “Street Trash” melt your face off. It’s a ride you won’t forget – no matter how hard you might try.
Remember, kids: Stay in school, don’t do drugs, and for the love of all that’s holy, watch “Street Trash.” Your eyeballs will thank you (right before they try to escape your skull).