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AKA: How to know when you’ve found The (Anointed) One

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Anointed One

We open with Buffy fighting a vampire (no, not the titular Anointed One).  She’s quippy, cute, and living her best life.  Oh, and kicking undead butt.  That doesn’t stop Giles – who has been sitting on the sidelines and NOT HELPING – from critiquing her.

Giles ruins Buffy's plans with prophecies of an Anointed One
Ever heard of a compliment sandwich, Giles? (credit: IMDb)

They find a ring in the pile of vamp dust.  Oooh, a mystery!

Underground, the Master provides CliffsNotes for this week’s episode:  there’s an Anointed One who will rise from the ashes of five.  The Slayer will not know him and he will lead her into hell.

Sir, this is a library

In the library Giles has already deciphered the runes on the ring.  They symbolize the Order of Aurelius.  The Scoobies don’t get to talk about this for too long, though, because a student comes into the library.  That’s right folks:  the Sunnydale High library is open to the rest of the student body. Meet Owen: he loves Emily Dickinson and flirts by telling girls he didn’t think they could read.  Negging is evidently in this week, because Buffy is smitten.

At lunch, our trio discuss Owen and slaying – I mean laying (good recovery, Xander).  Buffy and Cordelia simultaneously spot Owen sitting alone and go for it.  Hot take:  they’re both too good for him.  He’s only got eyes for Buffy, though.  He invites her to The Bronze that night – right in front of Cordy.  Surely she won’t use that information to her advantage.

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Best laid plans

Giles has intel regarding the Order of Aurelius.  There’s an Anointed One who, according to Giles’s research, is rising tonight.  Buffy is forced to cancel her plans with Owen and sit in a more-dead-than-usual graveyard with Giles as he lectures her about her duty as Slayer.  Since the rising of the Anointed One didn’t pan out, Buffy is free to head to the Bronze.  When she gets there she sees Owen and Cordy dancing together.  She promptly turns around and leaves.

Meanwhile, we see a typical Greyhound ride unfolding.  A guy is pacing up and down the aisle monologuing as the rest of passengers stare ahead, eyes glazed over.  One of the Master’s minions stands in the road and causes a crash.  Once the bus stops he hops aboard and presumably does some vampirin’.  

In the hall the next day, Buffy and Xander talk about Buffy’s insecurity over her singleness.  Attuned to her self-consciousness Owen walks over.  Buffy gives an obvious yet cute story about missing their date due to a broken watch, so he gives her his.  Then teaches her how to tell time.  He’s seriously making me wish we got more Xander this episode.

Buffy informs Giles of her plans that night and leaves before he can say boo.

Willow and Xander help Buffy pick out an outfit for her makeup date, and Xander is already making me eat my words.  He calls her lipstick slutty and actually peaks at her getting dressed in the mirror.  What is it with the men in this episode?

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Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

Giles shows up with a newspaper article that absurdly refers to the bus crash as a van crash.  Five people died in the wreck, one of whom being the preachy Andrew Borba, a wanted killer.  Andrew seems to be a good fit as Anointed One. Giles wants to investigate the funeral home and lecture Buffy about her social life some more.  Owen shows up during their back and forth, amazed and frightened at Giles’s supposed dedication to his job.  Buffy departs with Owen and the advice that, “if the apocalypse comes beep me.”  

Giles decides he still wants to investigate, and Willow and Xander, fully aware of how many times he’s been knocked out already this season, opt to follow.  This is a good call because he is immediately accosted by some vampires.  He gets away, but ends up stuck in one of the funeral home rooms.  Willow and Xander peak through a window and offer to go get Buffy,

At The Bronze, Owen confesses that it seems like there’s two Buffys.  He isn’t entirely wrong.  In addition to having to fend off a crimp-haired Cordelia, she is now having to explain Angel, Willow, and Xander’s appearances.  As far as Owen knows Buffy and Angel are coworkers and Willow and Xander are a couple looking to double.  (In reality, Angel is warning Buffy about the Anointed One and Willow and Xander are trying to get her to the funeral home.)  Owen takes it like a champ when Buffy says she is going to duck out real quick.  It doesn’t hurt that she also plants one right on him to tide him over.

Going from finding “the one” to finding the Anointed One

When the trio arrives to the funeral home they discover Owen has followed them.  Buffy puts Willow and Xander on Owen duty while she goes to rescue Giles.  Giles, of course, reprimands Buffy for bringing Owen there (dude, give her the benefit of doubt once in a while).  Buffy says the two of them are free to search for the Anointed One because Willow, Xander, and Owen are safely tucked away in an office.

Little does she know, Andrew’s body is in the office her friends and date have barricaded themselves in.  To make matters worse, he is going all Re-Animator.  Even worse: he is singing and shouting such nonsense as “pork and beans.”  Buffy and Giles break in so those three can get out.  However, Owen decides to white knight the situation and comes back to “protect” Buffy.  He immediately gets knocked out.

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Buffy fights Vampdrew and uses the setting to her advantage by shoving him into the incinerator.  Willow and Xander walk a very concussed Owen home.

The next day Buffy is bemoaning the social damage caused by their date.  Owen, however, wants to go out again.  But not out-out.  He wants to live on the edge with Buffy as his personal bodyguard.  Buffy realizes he’ll end up getting himself killed and lets him down gently.

It’s never the end

Giles finally shows some compassion to the 16 year old and tell her he learned of his Watcher destiny at ten years old.  They commiserate then celebrate the sunny side of the situation:  the Anointed One is taken care of.

The Master repeats his opening monologue as we see the face of one very, very young newly Anointed child.

The Hellmouth's own Anointed One
Anoint her? I hardly know her!

Trav’s one sentence review: Angel wasn’t cryptic, which was surprising, and I couldn’t figure out Owen.

I really like this episode. It’s a fun episode with a bit of farce. The storyline is self-contained but still pushes the seasonal arc and character progression forward. It’s promising for the rest of the first season. 5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Smile 2: A Poor Rate Second.

“Break a leg out there.”

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Smile 2, a psychological supernatural horror, released in October 2024 just in time for Halloween, sees director Parker Finn (Smile, Laura Hasn’t Slept) return with a sequel starring Naomi Scott (Aladdin) as pop star and recovering addict Skye Riley. While Smile 2 boasts a talented cast, it ultimately falls short of its predecessor, offering a familiar storyline with minor variations and a predictable finale. The film attempts to introduce a new method to combat the parasitic ‘Smile Entity’, but this addition fails to elevate the sequel beyond a pale imitation of its chilling predecessor.

The Plot.

Smile 2 begins shortly after the end of the original; just six days after Rose Cotter’s death. During a short interlude scene, we watch as the now cursed Joel attempts to pass the Smile Entity on by killing one criminal in front of another. The plan backfires spectacularly, inadvertently passing the curse onto an innocent bystander named Lewis Fregoli.


The film then shifts gears, introducing Skye Riley, a singer and performer making a triumphant return to the spotlight with a comeback tour after a tumultuous past. During a candid interview on the Drew Barrymore Show, Skye opens up about her struggles with addiction and the devastating loss of her boyfriend in a car accident. Her sobriety journey, however, faces a severe setback when she seeks pain relief from her old high school friend, the unwitting Lewis Fregoli. In a chilling turn of events, Lewis takes his own life while Skye watches, passing the Smile Entity onto her.
Unaware of her new cursed existence Skye gets on with rehearsing for her tour, but she begins to notice that strange things are happening. People are smiling at her in an unnatural way and she becomes the target of anonymous attacks and aggressions. When text messages begin to arrive from an unknown number, Skye decides to get some answers.

Highlights.

Let’s not beat about the bush. I found Smile 2 difficult to finish and was struggling at about the hour-and-a-half mark to stay awake. That being said it’s worth watching because everyone needs to see the 3-minute scene of the ‘smilers’ chasing Skye through her apartment. This was possibly the creepiest thing I’ve seen on a screen.  The buildup, the synchronicity of the movement of the actors and their positioning, the camera work, and the lighting. I have rewatched it several times and it doesn’t get old. If you are only interested in watching this, fast forward to the 123-minute mark and get ready to be impressed.

Drawbacks.

Where do I start?

My primary concern with Smile 2 is its striking resemblance to its predecessor. The narrative follows a familiar pattern: an attractive woman fleeing a supernatural force, grappling with hallucinations, experiencing a mental health decline, and culminating in the revelation someone close to Skye was the Smiling Entity after all. This repetitive structure diminishes the film’s impact.

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While the introduction of a new method for shedding the entity initially offered a glimmer of hope this concept wasn’t fully realized. It just served to add names to the line of people that the entity has infected in the past.

Furthermore, the film’s pacing suffers from excessive focus on Skye’s musical career. Scenes showcasing her stage rehearsals and music videos, while intended to establish her identity as a performer, feel unnecessary and detract from the narrative momentum. Yes, we understand she’s a performer, you told us, you don’t need to prove it. These scenes appear to artificially inflate the film’s runtime, suggesting a lack of confidence in the core story.

The Final Take.

Ultimately, Smile 2 fails to expand upon the established lore of the franchise. The film’s conclusion feels contrived, with a blatant setup for a third installment. Hopefully, if a ‘Smile 3’ is inevitable, the creative team will bring fresh ideas and avoid simply retreading familiar ground.

2 out of 5 stars (2 / 5)

Both Cthulhu’s granted for that one scene.

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Movies n TV

Goosebumps, Stay Out Of The Basement Pt 2, could have just been one part

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We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.

Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.

The story

We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.

David Schwimmer in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.

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I sure would have liked to see more about that.

Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.

Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.

Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.

What worked

The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.

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The series is called Goosebumps, after all.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.

To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.

 Francesca Noel in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.

Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.

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I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.

Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.

Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.

I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.

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All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.

2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Thriller Nite, Poem by Jennifer Weigel Plus

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So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)

The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
 
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
 
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
 
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.

Robot Dance found subverted street art altered photography from Jennifer Weigel's Reversals series
Robot Dance from Jennifer Weigel’s Reversals series

So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.

For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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