It had to happen eventually, friends, but that doesn’t lessen the sting. This episode of Creepshow was not the glorious, goofy, gore fest that we’ve come to expect. I hate to say it, but it might have been just bad.

Let’s break it down. Starting with the first story, Pipe Screams. 

I do love a good play on words, at least. And this story wasn’t terrible. It revolves around a plumber named Linus, played by Eric Edelstein. He’s getting voted most likely to be mistaken for Hopper from Stranger Things. 

Linus gets called to an apartment building by a horrific landlady named Victoria. I’ve never seen this particular actress in anything else. And honestly, her acting in this one doesn’t encourage me to seek her out. 

Victoria’s a racist who refers to the tenants in her run-down apartment as animals. She’s forced to deal with a plumbing issue when people start complaining of dirty, black, foul-smelling water.

When Linus shows up, he finds a building full of lead pipes. For anyone who was drinking water out of lead pipes as children, that’s bad. That’s poison. Linus tells her that he’s got to rip all the pipes out. She threatens him, leaning on all of the bad reviews his company has from his brother, who has now passed on.

Of course, when Linus starts investigating the pipes, he finds a mucusy, fatty, hairy monster. 

The monster was fine, and Linus was a good character. Most of the supporting cast was great. But Victoria just ruined the whole thing for me. 

I get that Creepshow is frequently over the top. I even get that landlords have a reputation of being, well, dicks. But even given all that, her character was just over the top. Kicking cats, complaining of her tenants breeding too much. All of this might be excused if the character wasn’t acted like a middle-aged woman picking up a weekend hobby. That character just wrecked the story for me.

Given that, I was hoping that the second story would be better. 

Spoiler, it wasn’t.

Within The Walls of Madness is about a man on death row. He’s being interviewed by a lawyer who might be willing to take his case. If, of course, she gets exclusive rights to the story. And she’d like the story. Who wouldn’t? 

Zeller, our death row buddy, is telling the story of what landed him in jail. He was a college intern at a science facility investigating, um, something. Honestly, I don’t think it was ever mentioned. All we see is that he’s one of four survivors of a security breach. When the security officer goes to save the main scientist, something attacks Zeller and the other intern. She ends up dead, and he ends up blamed. 

Of course, hijinks ensue and Zeller ends up the last man standing with blood on his hands. He tries to warn people that something is coming. An Elder God, specifically. They come through the walls. He keeps telling everyone that, over and over.

They come through the walls.

I honestly can’t explain to you how boring this was. It’s nothing we haven’t seen on literally every SciFi/horror/speculative fiction show. Every twist was clear a mile away. And the effects just sucked. Normally, all this is fine. But add to this that the characters were overacted but still managed to be boring as hell.

I don’t want to say you should skip this episode altogether. Pipe Screams is fun if nothing else is on. But as for the second story. Well, I have faith that Creepshow can do better next week.

See you then.