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Haha, what the Hell, folks. What just happened? Please let us know you’re okay and not turning into sentient industrial junkyard.

Oh, and welcome to Notes from The Last Drive-In.

Mayhem (2017)

Opening Rant: Evading taxes with creative accounting.

Tonight was not my first experience with Joe Lynch’s Mayhem. One of my first reviews on the site way back last year was for the Shudder exclusive, a review, coincidentally, written on my birthday. I was particularly effusive with my praise of the film, and I had maybe seen it one other time since. Does it still hold up?

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Hell yes it does.

Mayhem is a very fun, energetic film with a simple plot but is still incredibly satisfying. The pairing of Steven Yeun and Samara Weaving is one I am eager to see again and it’d be great if they were reunited with Joe Lynch, who has a fun little cameo as an IT guy. It’s not a deep film, and it is not my favorite “tower” film out there, but it is one that I can probably watch at least a couple of times a month. It just clicks. It has a great score, it has some fun fights, just enough gore, and just about every character delivers something cool, shocking, or repulsively capitalistic.

Joe Bob’s assessment was fair. He gave the film three stars and his criticisms, the legitimate ones at least, make sense. As bold and assertive as the film is at times, it also feels equally reticent to really dig into violence. Sure, there is on-camera sex (apparently the Serbian extras just went for it, hard) and plenty of blood, but the lack of kill shots for major characters feels lacking. It is sometimes said that the mind makes horrors greater than any filmed moment, but that doesn’t really seem to be the case here. Significant deaths seem to happen off-screen and any violence displayed stops just short of the actual moment of death.

It’s a strange thing to talk about, particularly given what is going on in the world (talk about a timely movie for this season, too). A film like Mayhem is in many ways a form of catharsis. It is violent, stylish, and scratches an itch for a desire to just wreck stuff, but the reluctance to go further feels like a misstep.

Most of the criticism lobbed at the film was tongue-in-cheek. Joe Lynch is a big fan of The Last Drive-In and often live-tweets his reaction to the episodes. The back and forth between the screen and twitter accounts was truly hilarious and the show could benefit from having him on as a guest in the future.

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As for my own assessment, I still very much enjoy Mayhem and it’s worth many, many re-watches. Sure, I wish it were a little bloodthirstier, but I cannot fault the film too greatly for it. After all, though it was filmed in Serbia we certainly don’t need another Serbian Film. Mayhem is a four and a half Cthulhu film. 4.5 out of 5 stars (4.5 / 5)

Best Line: “No, Derek. This – this – this meditation & this incense, it’s all bullshit. You think I like the taste of kale? Come on! I’m fucking dead inside.” – Ewan

Rough day at the office?

Testuo: The Iron Man (1989)

Opening Rant: Cyberpunk and whatever the hell Tetsuo is.

What the actual Hell? If The Last Drive-In wanted to open Pride month with a weird, oddball film, well, they absolutely nailed it. And then shoved those nails deep into the thighs of viewers all over the internet.

Tetsuo: The Iron Man might be the cultiest of the cult films that has ever aired on the show. Shin’ya Tsukamoto’s film, at least the aired cut, is just over an hour in length but may still be a bit much for the average viewer. The best way to describe the film is that it is like cyberpunk exploration of sexuality, technology, and the guilt/pain of coming out, particularly when the coming out is motivated by trauma. I think I have a handle on the film, but I can’t really be sure. I don’t know if I can be sure of anything anymore.

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I hesitate to call it a “film” in the sense that we are used to as viewers of The Last Drive-In. That is not an indictment of the quality, Testuo is well shot, edited, and is absolutely striking, but more an observation that the material skews a bit too arthouse in my opinion. It’s like an extended art project. Yes, a narrative is there, a character grows, and you get some sense of closure, but so much of what surrounds that seems to be experiments in visual and audio to the detriment of compelling storytelling.

I am glad to have finally really watched Tetsuo beyond clips at goth clubs but I don’t know if I really feel it is something I feel compelled to explore further unless I am perhaps under some form of chemical stimulation.

Joe Bob’s assessment of the film is particularly hilarious. You can tell he admires the artistry that had gone into it, and his own knowledge of the punk scene of the 1980s endears him to me even further. But perhaps the oddity of Testuo is best summarized at the moment where Joe Bob Briggs waffles between one star and four stars several times, essentially hedging his bets and telling his audience that even he knows that this is a weird one.

It was a weird, hilarious watch with the MutantFam and even resulted in a guest appearance from mangled-dick expert Felissa Rose. The Last Drive-In has had a few oddball films during its run. It just seems very striking they all seem to come from Japan.

While I can’t say that I am in love with Tetsuo: The Iron Man, I can say I am glad I experienced it. I may even experience it again sometime, but I’ll probably be on something when I do. Given that, I don’t think I can go higher than two Cthulhus for the film, a cyberpunk-pillar that it may be.

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2 out of 5 stars (2 / 5)

Best Line: “Together, we can turn this fucking world to rust!” – Metal Fetishist

I don’t know, either.

Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals

As per usual, the Drive-In totals for a Japanese film are suitably bonkers. But extra credit to Mayhem for “Dead Body Pissing.”

What about our totals? A little lacking this week, admittedly. I was too taken in by the madness that was Tetsuo: The Iron Man.

  • 1 Darcy Jailing
  • 2 Level Cards
  • 2 Very Enthused Extras
  • Elevator Antics
  • Basement Bash
  • 2×4 Fu
  • Yuki Fu
  • Tunnel Running Fu
  • Black and White Fu
  • Director Cameo Fu
  • Drilldo Fu
  • Exploding Acne
  • Office Aardvarking
  • Mouth Macing
  • Cocaine-Fueled Club Swinging
  • Joe Bob Stumping
  • Director Insulting
  • Divorced Barbie Joking
  • Alaskan Whorehouse Joking
  • Gratuitous Ernie Parody
  • Gratuitous Flashback
  • Darcy Cosplay: Melanie
  • Silver Bolo Winner: Witch Finger Podcast
Armed and ready.

Episode Score

A general crowd favorite film paired with such an oddball Japanese choice is probably going to be a bit divisive overall. It also was the shortest episode of The Last Drive-In yet, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Testuo was rough. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

Please join us next time when we live-tweet The Last Drive-In. It’s always a blast and we’ve had more of our writers pop in with each episode so you don’t have to put up with me alone.

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Movies n TV

Goosebumps, Stay Out Of The Basement Pt 2, could have just been one part

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We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.

Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.

The story

We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.

David Schwimmer in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.

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I sure would have liked to see more about that.

Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.

Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.

Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.

What worked

The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.

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The series is called Goosebumps, after all.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.

To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.

 Francesca Noel in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.

Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.

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I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.

Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.

Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.

I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.

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All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.

2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Thriller Nite, Poem by Jennifer Weigel Plus

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So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)

The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
 
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
 
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
 
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.

Robot Dance found subverted street art altered photography from Jennifer Weigel's Reversals series
Robot Dance from Jennifer Weigel’s Reversals series

So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.

For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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Dexter Original Sin sees Dex’s first date and third kill in The Joy of Killing

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Episode six of Dexter Original Sin brings us Dex’s third kill, making him officially a serial killer.

Yay!

The story

This episode dealt with many things. The first, and clearly most interesting, is the kidnapping of Nicky Spencer, the police captain’s son, whom we met a few episodes ago.

This loss has sent the entire police force into an uproar. They need to find the killer fast before Nicky’s found hanging from a bridge.

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Unfortunately, Harry’s still on the sidelines for this one, after horribly messing up the case against Levi Reed. He’s instead working with LaGuerta in a case regarding a dead homeless man. Despite the different victims, types of death, and the fact that they don’t appear to be related at all. Except that Dexter believes they are. They are, in fact, the first murderers of a blossoming serial killer. Just like him.

Before Dex can lean into this investigation, though, he’s drug along on a double date with Deb, Sophia and Gio. And here, we see the first shadows of danger from Gio. Shadows that will almost certainly turn into a monster.

Patrick Gibson and Raquel Justice in Dexter Original Sin.

What worked

I would first like to acknowledge that, despite my irritations, Gellar did well in this episode. She didn’t have Whedon’like one-liners. She didn’t exist to give snappy comebacks with a side of girl boss.

She looked as though she’d aged. She was serious. She behaved like a real person who felt terrible about what was happening.

And, just to shout out the costume department, she looked washed out. Yes, that is a good thing. Let me explain.

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White is not a good color on her. At least not that shade. It made her look bad. This is not something that Sarah Michelle Gellar would choose to wear.

But it is something that Tanya Martin would choose to wear. And I love that. I love when shows and movies let people look bad because they’re more interested in being true to the character and not focusing on everyone looking as hot as possible at all times.

I also want to discuss Gio, Deb’s boyfriend.

Gio scares me. And I think that most women watching this will feel the same way.

Not girls. Not teenagers or even some young women. But adult women, I’m willing to bet, do not like Gio after this episode.

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It was the scene at the bar. The part where he got in the face of the guy who spilled Deb’s drink. There was danger in that scene. Gio didn’t want an apology. He didn’t want to make sure Deb was okay. He didn’t even want the drink replaced. He wanted a reason to hurt that stranger. Because at that moment he was furious. And the only way to handle that fury for him was pain.

Gio is a very dangerous man. I’ll be very surprised if this season doesn’t end with Dexter having to take him out.

What didn’t work

At this point, we have a lot going on. We have Nicky’s kidnapping. We have Dexter finding himself as a serial killer. We have the flashback storyline with Laura and Harry. We have the dangerous Gio and the likely in-danger Sophia. And we have these murders of drifters and homeless people that the team is now investigating.

Christian Slater and Christina Milian in Dexter Original Sin.

That’s a lot. It’s more than what can be followed comfortably. And that doesn’t even consider the one or two-episode arches like Levi, Nurse Mary or Tony Ferrer. A lot is going on, and a lot to keep track of. And it’s hard to believe, seeing what we’ve seen from this franchise and knowing what we know about how they handle endings, that these are all going to have satisfying endings. Especially since I haven’t heard anything about a season two.

We have four episodes left in this season, and I am expecting the storylines to start heating up. As of right now, we have way too many that don’t have enough to do with each other. But as we get closer to episode ten, I would expect these loose threads to knot together and form a noose around the neck of our dashing Dexter.

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3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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