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Ouija House is a film that makes me die inside quicker than high fiving Pence after a P90X3 CVX marathon with his staff. I was intrigued by the recommendation by Amazon Prime–a horror movie with Mischa Barton and Tara Reid? How can you go wrong?

Ouija House poster featuring three girls on top of poster with the middle girl looking dead and a house on the bottom of the poster
Unfortunately for us, most of the production budget went into making this poster.

Ouija House fails at every step from writing to editing to casting to acting. I’m pretty sure I turned down this script before and I’ve done shit that made Charlie Sheen go ‘Wtf man..dial it back a notch’.

The kindest thing I can say about Ouija House is it’s like watching a student film–no, not a university student film or even a tik tok made by a drunk frat boy–but a high school freshman student film…in a backwoods part of america…filming exclusively in some ghetto-engineered betamax recorder taped to Tara Reid’s forehead.

Pretty sure Tara Reid lists this film as one of the top 10 things she regrets ever being in–and she’s allegedly fisted Ron Jeremy in a movie. Come to think of it, I rather take that alleged RJ fisting scene and loop that for an hour forty instead of watch another minute of this ‘thing’.

Much like Bluto’s GPA, this movie earned a Zero Point Zero.

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0 out of 5 stars (0 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Fallout, The Trap

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Amazon Prime’s Fallout has continued to be a suspenseful delight. And with the last episode’s dramatic cliffhanger, I was certainly looking forward to this one.

Thankfully, it did not disappoint.

The story

We start our story with Lucy and Maximus waking up in a decontamination room in Vault 4. They’re welcomed guests, once they’re done with decontamination.

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Vault 4 at first seems very much like Vault 33 to Lucy. She’s surprised, however, to find that a lot of people who live there are actually from the surface. And the people who live in this vault are, well, a bit mutated. Their overseer, named Benjamin and played by the hilarious Chris Parnell, has just one eye in the middle of his face. Some people have extra limbs or missing ones. And yet it’s clear that everyone’s living together in peace and companionship.

At least, that’s what it’s supposed to look like. There is, after all, the matter of the weird cult the surface dwellers seem to have formed. And, the small matter of the vault level no one is supposed to go to. It should come as no surprise that, of course, that’s exactly where Lucy finds herself before the episode is over.

Ella Purnell in Fallout.

Of course, this episode wouldn’t be complete without checking in with the Ghoul. And his part of the story is, honestly, more compelling.

We see him apprehended by people referring to themselves as The Government. And while he appears to be a prisoner, it’s clear soon enough that he’s the one in charge.

Far more compelling are his flashbacks to his past. While his wife, Barb, is starting to be more secretive, he learns more than he wants to about Vault Tec. He also learns that the Communist party in Hollywood might know more about what Barb does for a living than he does. And it’s clear soon that she never wanted him to know.

For good reason.

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What worked

I first want to draw attention to the excellent way we are learning about the Ghoul. As we learn more and more about his past, we can see how he’s become the monster he is today. It’s clear that once upon a time he had everything he could want. A lovely home, a family he lived for, and a successful career. And he lost all of that, even his dog. And with those losses, he lost his humanity in more ways than one.

But I also think we’re seeing signs that his humanity at least isn’t as lost as he thought it was.

On a lighter note, I loved Maximus’s response to the vault. While he’s apprehensive at first, he is swept away by the welcome basket. He’s lived his whole life hungry, barely surviving, and suddenly he has food. Good food. Caviar and oysters. He has a warm robe and TV and a safe place to exist. It must have been like stepping into a fairy tale for him. And while it wasn’t exactly helpful for Lucy, it’s completely relatable that he decided to sink into a chair and have a snack in front of the TV for a while.

What didn’t work

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While this episode was mostly good, I do have one complaint. When Lucy is first meeting with Overseer Benjamin, we see him accidentally drinking a cup of coffee that has gotten moldy.

Chris Parnell in Fallout.

Now, this makes perfect sense in our world to convey someone too busy and forgetful to clean up old mugs. But it’s hard to fathom someone living in a Vault in which every resource is carefully monitored, letting something like coffee go bad. It’s a small detail, and it was funny. Also more relatable than I’d like to admit. But in this instance, in this world, it was jarring.

So far this season has been intense. There’s a lot of intrigue and mystery. There’s a lot of high emotions. And there’s a lot on the line for everyone. Maybe, for one character, more than we’ve ever realized before.

Good thing we still have two episodes to discover what’s happening.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.

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Movies n TV

Fallout, The Past

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Episode four of Amazon’s Fallout wasn’t the best-liked. Of course, that’s relative to the rest of the season. While this is the second-to-last-ranked episode, it’s still an 8.1 on IMDB.

So let’s talk about why it might have slipped a bit but was still a great episode of TV.

The story

Let’s start our discussion of this episode with Maximus.

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After he and Thaddeus successfully retrieved the head from the Gulper, they’re in high spirits. Together they celebrate around a fire, giving a lovely impression of two people who have been drinking despite not seeing a bottle in sight. Thaddeus even convinces Maximus to brand him.

Still from Amazon's Fallout.

While having a good time, Maximus’s consciousness gets the better of him. He admits to Thaddeus that he’s not Knight Titus, but he is Thaddeus’s old punching bag.

Rather than responding to this act of honesty with an equal measure of grace and brotherhood, Thaddeus immediately disables Maximus’s suit, taking the power source and the head. He then leaves Maximus trapped in the suit that he wanted so much, doomed to die in it.

Lucy isn’t in a much better place. If you’ll recall, last episode she drank radiated water out of desperate thirst. She’s now suffering from radiation poisoning. Fortunately, before she succumbs to this poison, she finds Maximus. He has the medicine she needs, and she can free him from his suit before he’s eaten by giant cockroaches. It seems like a win/win. If that is, the two of them can trust each other. And haven’t they both learned that trusting other people might be the most dangerous thing in this very dangerous world?

Ella Purnell and Aron Moten in Fallout.

What worked

The first thing I want to draw attention to is the relationship between Lucy and Maximus. A lot has happened since the last time the two saw each other when there were some sparks but no time to do anything about them. Both have been betrayed and hurt. So while they’re instinct is clearly to trust each other, it’s also to be cautious. And that makes sense. They are both good people, driven by the desire to help others. But both are cautious of being hurt again.

This was not only relatable, but it gave a much different feel to a standard will they/won’t they relationship. Will they be able to trust each other enough to let their feelings out is the real question. Which is a lot more interesting, in my opinion.

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I also found the giant, mutated bugs to be fantastic. They were the perfect blend of cute and terrifying. At first glance, they seem like a larger version of Hal from Wall-E. Then, you realize how few of them it would take to eat someone trapped in place. And how little time it might take.

And how long it might feel like while it’s happening.

We don’t need to see that happen to feel the terror there. And to feel some concern about the tiny pests that sometimes share our homes.

Of course, the highlight of this episode was the political intrigue surrounding Vault 33, and how its leaders always seem to be from Vault 31. This storyline is quickly becoming my favorite part of the season. It’s a dark and creepy mystery, which is always fantastic. But it’s also fascinating to see the character of Norm blossoming into someone whose life has meaning. Because at the start of the season, he was lacking that.

All in all, while this was a slower episode it was still a good one. And its ending certainly left me excited for what was to come.

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4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.

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Movies n TV

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022), a Film Review

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova.

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Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Myha’la, Rachel Sennott, Chase Sui Wonders, Pete Davidson, Lee Pace, and Conner O’Malley. The film is currently available on fuboTV, Netflix, Hoopla, and Showtime.

Sophie (Amandla Stenberg) brings her girlfriend (Maria Bakalova as Bee) to her friend’s hurricane party. Lasting resentment and toxic relationships infest the group, leaving Bee to witness increasingly uncomfortable situations. Soon after, bodies start dropping.

Three Bodies written in white text. Three characters atop the text. Two carry phones while the other carries a sword.
Alternate Cover

What I Like about Bodies

The chemistry between these toxic friends gives me anxiety. If toxic friendships aren’t a universal experience, toxic traits certainly make themselves apparent in any friend group, and this film maximizes this experience. It’s not revolutionary, but effective and uncomfortable.

Several subtle clues hint at the relationships of these friends, building up as the story progresses and chaos ensues. I love these moments, though the film doesn’t seem confident that the viewer picks up these clues. This decision hinders execution, an unfortunate point for later.

While the performances are strong throughout, Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova remain the main characters and receive the most opportunities to perform. However, almost every character has a moment, or several, and lives up to those moments once given.

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The twist seems obvious, but that doesn’t hinder the viewing experience. While not the biggest fan of the execution, I enjoy the spiraling chaos it creates.

The opening scene shows the two leads making out for viewer engagement. However, I think the contract toward the end gives this scene added context and plot relevance beyond simply sex appeal. While it is unavoidable that so well, many films will go no further. So, added relevance deserves a nod.

Far from the bloodiest film out there, but it doesn’t hesitate to bleed its cast. It uses this blood and limited gore to add weight to the deaths as opposed to haunting or nauseating its audience.

White background, rubber stamp with disclaimer pressed against the white background.
Disclaimer Kimberley Web Design

Tropes, Triggers, and Considerations

As previously hinted, toxic relationships remain key points in the plot. Falling in line with this are points of spousal abuse (physically and mentally) that should remain a consideration.

Idiocy to push the plot along certainly plays a role in the plot. In this case, I consider it a feature. However, it’s still a required taste for viewer consideration.

Addiction and recovery drive several characters. I’ll avoid pointing to them so as not to give away plot details. However, usage and relapse deserve a mention in this section.

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If any of these are deal breakers, give this film a skip.

A group of friends screaming outside. They all are dressed in swim suits or robes.
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What I Dislike, or Food for Thought, about Bodies

Bodies shifts between a mindless and clever horror comedy, never comfortably sticking to one or the other. It pulls off elements of both with expertise, but the tugging and pulling of these different elements limits the execution of either. Because of the above friction, Halina Reijin gives us all the clues to piece everything together and still tells us. Pick an audience and trust them.

As a horror comedy, this film leans on the humor over the horror. The unraveling of characters certainly earns respect but expect a comedy for a better experience. It’s not a particularly scary film, and it doesn’t try to occupy that space.

Final Thoughts

Bodies Bodies Bodies spirals into a chaotic horror comedy, banking on the toxic chemistry of its cast to deliver both. The film never makes a strong stance in either claiming a mindless or clever horror comedy, shifting between both at the expense of the whole. It remains a bumpy but engaging viewing experience, nonetheless.
3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

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