The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs: Darcy’s Helloween Special
The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs returned for its annual Halloween (Helloween) special on October 20th. Joe Bob reins himself in and hands the ropes to the ever-capable Darcy the Mail Girl for the special. Special guest Danhausen provides additional demonic entertainment. The Drive-In is available on AMC+ and Shudder.
This week on The Last Drive-In, Joe Bob and Darcy return to present their annual Halloween special. Joe Bob’s Helloween delivers a gooey and blood-soaked experience with Lamberto Bava’s Demons 2 (1986) and Damien Leone’s All Hallows’ Eve (2013). For those crying foul about showing a sequel without showing the first film, Joe Bob previously hosted Demons (1985) during the original comeback marathon.
Hello-ween
Helloween opens with a phone call reminiscent of Scream (1996). Instead of Darcy being stalked by a masked killer, Joe Bob (from his safe space: Cracker Barrel) pleads with her to take control of the Halloween special. He admits to the myriad of ways he’s messed up the special before to convince her. These include getting drunk & angry, getting drunk & sad, and trying “to sell Angel (1983) as a Halloween movie.” He doesn’t even try to blame the booze for that one.
Darcy agrees to take the helm and presides over the fully decked-out set in a stunning devil costume. The decorations do not conform to any era or style and turn the trailer park into a proper homestyle haunt. However, Joe Bob’s chair is not in its place and he begrudgingly stands to deliver the introduction to Demons 2.
Demons 2 tells the story of a birthday party gone horribly wrong. When a demonic TV broadcast transforms birthday girl Sally (Coralina Cataldi Tassoni) into a grotesque monster, newlyweds Hannah (Nancy Brilli) and George (David Knight) attempt to escape their apartment building full of corrupted souls to save themselves and their unborn child.
The Drive-In Totals include but are not limited to: 64 undead bodies, 1 squealing gremlin, penis grabbing demon, TV monitor ax destruction and potted plant fu. The movie earns a full four stars from Joe Bob. Considering the film is Darcy’s pick, Joe Bob must be thrilled to present a movie he likes.
Ahem, It’s Hell-O-Ween
Joe Bob does his best to launch into a lecture about the history of Demons 2 when a cloud of smoke interrupts his train of thought. Darcy’s additions of musical stings and smoke machines brings repeated levity into the episode. It makes me a little sad knowing they probably won’t continue into the regular season.
After being interrupted, he remarks, “Darcy, I have never felt less in control of this show.” It’s a prophetic statement as none other than professional wrestler (and demon) Danhausen soon invades Helloween . Using a clever movie tie-in, he shoves his way through a TV set and into our hearts.
Despite the unconventional entrance, Joe Bob does his best to interview Danhausen throughout the segments. Danhausen unfortunately does not have much to offer in terms of Demons 2. “It’s very good. Very Evil. Very interesting.” He does bring, however, a rare Thuringian liquor called “aromatic.” Thuringia is apparently Danhausen’s home… plane of existence?
Joe Bob and Darcy down multiple shots of this strange drink and Danhausen tells Joe Bob his thoughts on the depiction of demons in the film. He yells in frustration, “They are movie demons!” He believes they are much more like zombies than actual demons. When Joe Bob asks what a real demon looks like, Danhausen rightfully appears hurt.
Drinking shots of Danhausen’s drink changes Joe Bob into a more lethargic and less controlling version of himself. It’s a fun depiction of Joe Bob handing control of Helloween over to Darcy and being along for the ride. When the Joe Bobhausen transformation is complete, it’s time for the real one to go. After Joe Bob most heinously accuses him of fakery, Danhausen chooses to shimmy through the airwaves to a hot tub party in Aspen.
Pool Full of Liquor
When Joe Bob is able to power through the Thuringian liquor’s effects, he gives audiences the usual deep dive into the production and cast of Demons 2. Bava is a third-generation Italian filmmaker. He learned many of his skills from his father, the “Master of the Macabre,” Mario Bava. Previously working as an assistant director under Dario Argento for Inferno (1980) and Tenebrae (1982), the two reunited under Bava’s direction for Demons and Demons 2.
The film was a rushed production following the major, and slightly unexpected, success of Demons. It was filmed in seven months with a budget of $1.5 million and released unrated in the United States.
Many of the actors featured in the film, according to Joe Bob, are known for their roles within it. He says the characters George and Hannah, played by David Knight and Nancy Brilli respectively, are “just too boring for this world.” Bobby Rhodes as Hank is, however, “the real scene stealer,” of the film.
While Joe Bob and Darcy agree the screenwriters should have stuck with their original ending, they both enjoy the movie. It is a nonstop romp through a world that doesn’t make much sense, and it rips off at least five other movies, but it does it with pure 80’s style.
My rating for Demons 2:
(4.3 / 5)
Haggis, Neeps and Tatties
The first piece of mail for the night comes all the way from Russell in Newburgh, Scotland. Joe Bob doesn’t seem too surprised by the distance. He says, “We have more fans in Scotland than all the rest of the UK.” Russell writes in hopes of the UK gaining more access to The Drive-In. Joe Bob seems more focused instead on bringing the Scottish holiday of Hogmanay to The Drive-In.
International licensing issues are probably a nightmare, but Russell brings up a valid point in Shudder’s lack of The Last Drive-In: Just Joe Bob episodes. Just Joe Bob allows tenacious viewers to match up commentary breaks with a legal version of the presented film. Unfortunately, these are no longer being released with any regularity.
Cowboy Ken and Demon Barbie
Darcy has been making comments about getting Joe Bob into a Ken costume all night, and she makes good when it comes time for the second movie of the night. More specifically, and aptly, a Cowboy Ken costume. She joins him as Demon Barbie, unfortunately without the full face of paint we saw on Joe Bobhausen.
Seemingly freed from the effects of demon liquor, Joe Bob launches fully into an educational rant on the history of Samhain and poppers. No, not those poppers. I know, Darcy was disappointed too. Dumping a pumpkins worth of toys onto the table, he challenges Darcy to a game. They argue about the rules as Joe Bob continues his lecture about Gaelic spirits and jump-scares.
When he picks up an eyeball shaped popper, Darcy remarks, “That’s some Art the Clown type shit.” This is the cue he needs to finally introduce the movie. All Hallows’ Eve is an anthology horror set fittingly on Halloween night. Babysitter Sarah (Katie Maguire) and her charges Tia (Sydney Freihofer) and Timmy (Cole Mathewson) watch a VHS tape found in Timmy’s candy bag and unknowingly invite terror into their lives.
If you’ve seen Terrifier or Terrifier 2, you’re familiar with Leone’s blood splattered style of filmmaking. This film is no exception. The Drive-In Totals include but are not limited to: 1 bloody mud monster, stomach slicing with bloody fetus, monster-face skeleton army, gratuitous rotten egg vandalism and upchuck fu. “Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.”
Barbie World
Joe Bob questions why he is wearing a Cowboy Ken costume because he feels Ken is the bad guy in the movie. Darcy corrects him and says Ken isn’t necessarily bad. He simply “represents the patriarchy,” she pauses before adding, “…perfect for you.” When Joe Bob feigns ignorance on what the patriarchy is, Darcy smartly tells him to “go read one of [his] books.”
This review isn’t the time nor the place for me to flex my degree in gender studies. Nor am I going to delve into the issue of misogyny within horror spaces. I do think it is important, however, to remind people that when you say things online – it isn’t only your intended target who reads your words.
Darcy has repeatedly stated she is confident in her position and knows her worth, but gender-coded insults towards her serve as a stark reminder that even spaces as inclusive as the horror community still have a ways to go.
‘Tis The Season
Despite Joe Bob’s hesitancy in his costume (don’t worry, you are Kenough), he is determined to give Darcy the Helloween she deserves. Producer Austin Jennings shoots down his idea of a trailer park bonfire with a quick, “Not on my set!” In response Joe Bob makes mention of the show’s new filming location by offering to burn down a The Walking Dead set for her. Unfortunately, none of this is in the budget.
Within the budget remains other great Samhain traditions, such as bobbing for apples and repeatedly mispronouncing Samhain. “It’s Halloween. We have to do annoying things.” He explains too many people have forgotten about the trick portion of the holiday. In perhaps his cruelest trick of the night, he offers Darcy candy corn that she can no longer eat. She puts out a plea for vegan candy corn, so if you know of any, let her know.
No Treats Here
Keeping the tradition of tricking people alive, although not the people, is Art the Clown. Joe Bob heaps praise on the first segment of All Hallows’ Eve, which was originally released as a short film. “If this was Damien Leone’s first movie, you can already see how talented he is.” Throughout the special, Joe Bob attempts to pathologize Art the Clown to explain his behavior.
This goes back to his feelings on Michael Myers from the AMC FearFest presentation of Halloween (1978). Sometimes evil is just evil, despite how little he likes that explanation. Art the Clown displays powers that are clearly otherworldly in nature, so it’s natural to assume his motivations cannot be explained by human motivations.
The second segment of the film was created specifically for All Hallows’ Eve, and Joe Bob describes it as “the part that drags in the middle.” Despite this, he loves the “goofy direction” it goes in. In my opinion, this segment does a better job of demonstrating Leone’s ability to build atmosphere and suspense than his special effect skills.
All Hallows’ Eve ends with the segment that set the Terrifier franchise in motion. Discussing whether or not Art the Clown can be considered a horror icon, Darcy says, “He’s a baby icon.” Joe Bob wonders why the film “doesn’t get more love from the hardcore fans.” He also praises the ingenuity Leone displays with twisting urban myths into full-on nightmares within this work.
If you’re currently on the fence about whether the Terrifier films are for you, All Hallows’ Eve makes for the perfect introduction to Art the Clown’s twisted world. My rating for this film:
(3.7 / 5)
Stay Sick and Disgusting
Adam from Tennessee writes in for the second mail call of the night. Interestingly (or horrifyingly) enough, Adam credits watching Herbert West’s Re-Animator (1985) during the original marathon for his goal of becoming a doctor. He also says The Last Drive-In embodies the acceptance and comfort he finds in horror. Speaking from experience, I can say the Mutant Family is the most inviting and inclusive community I’ve ever encountered.
The letter itself is quite lengthy, but it does include one crucial line, “Halloween III is sick.” Perpetually unable to stream the 1982 classic, Darcy instead has the dance party she’s been asking for all Helloween. Fart the Clown (yes, Fart) flatulates a beat on the mic and the set is overrun with costumed crew and they break it down to a “royalty-free, parody version” of the Silver Shamrock song.
Including strobing lights without a warning was certainly a choice, and not one I recommend they do again, but the party is a perfect 2AM fever-dream send-off for Helloween. My rating for this special:
(4.6 / 5)
There are a lot of holiday horrors with the phrase Silent Night in their title. So, to help keep things straight, Silent Night Bloody Night is the one that no one should waste their time watching.
The story
Released in 1972, Silent Night Bloody Night is the story of an abandoned house. When it’s inherited by a man named Jeffrey Butler, the town tries to buy it from him. He sends his lawyer, John Carter, to negotiate. What follows is a Christmas-time revenge killing spree in the house that used to be an insane asylum and is now just a gross eyesore. Much like in Halloween, a prodigal son came home and started killing. Unlike in Halloween, viewers can’t bring themselves to care.
What worked
I would like to give credit where it’s due when I can find it. There were some legitimately creepy scenes in this movie. Two of them, to be precise.
The shots of the escaped inmates are well done. The makeup, dull facial expressions, and zombie-like movements were truly unnerving. In what is maybe the only well done scene in the whole movie, an inmate walks into the dining room and slowly drains a glass of wine. He then breaks the glass and uses the broken piece to rip out a doctor’s eye.
I also enjoyed or was at least unnerved by, the phone calls the killer makes from the house. They were great little eerie moments.
What didn’t work
I first need to point out that the production value of this movie is ass. I’m sure I could have shot a better movie on a Tamagotchi.
The whole thing is grainy, dark and dull. Even scenes with bright colors have all the brightness of a mechanics wash rag. And there are parts where the physical film was corrupted, leaving big black splotches.
Maybe I’m being too hard on it. I mean it was released in 1972. It’s not like they had access to advanced filming equipment. Like, for instance, The Godfather or Deliverance.
Oh, wait. Both those films also came out in 1972. And they sure as hell don’t look like this. Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory and Twelve Chairs came out the year before and they look great.
Granted, those films were preserved, digitized, and treated like the works of art they are. Silent Night, Bloody Night was apparently kept near a furnace, in the hopes that it might catch fire and never trouble anyone again.
None of that would matter, though, if the movie was any good. But it’s not. Let’s start with the voiceovers because that’s what the movie starts with.
Voiceovers are great when they add context or interesting commentary. A Christmas Story has voiceovers through the whole thing, and that’s great. This commentary, however, is a cautionary tale against telling not showing. It fails to be interesting or give additional information. It’s just bad.
What bothered me most is that not one shred of joy seems to have gone into this film. Unlike Mercy Christmas, which we talked about last week, nobody is having a good time.
The music is morose rather than eerie. The acting is lazy and half-hearted. Even in the most dramatic scenes, everyone delivers their lines like they’re reading off a list of instructions to build something they don’t care about building. And the effects are just horrific. We don’t see a single blow in any of the fight scenes. We see people wincing in pain, and weapons being raised. And that is it.
I suppose we might say this is to stave off the censors. But my God, that’s not what a Christmas horror movie is for. And it still has an R rating, even though we see neither boobies nor an axe biting into flesh. If you’re going to get stuck with the R rating, earn it.
Overall, Silent Night Bloody Night was devoid of anything joyful. It wasn’t fun to watch, it didn’t leave me with anything to ponder or savor. It was just a bad movie, from start to finish.
(1 / 5)
Christmas time is here! It’s time to listen to the same five songs until your ears bleed, spend time with people you’d fake your own death to avoid the rest of the year and stuff yourself with way too much food. And, it’s time for my favorite holiday tradition, watching horrible Christmas movies to tell you all exactly how god-awful they are. Let’s start with Mercy Christmas, a film about a family with a unique set of holiday traditions. And, a unique holiday menu.
The story
Our main character is named Michael Briskett. He’s a lonely man working a dull job with an abusive boss. But he’s doing his best to have a good Christmas. He even throws a party for everyone at his work.
No one shows up, though, except for the boss’s beautify assistant, Cindy. Together they have some drinks, and eventually, she invites him to her family’s Christmas celebration.
Personally, if a woman that beautiful had asked me out, I’d assume she thought I had money. But poor Michael is so swept up in being included that he jumps on the chance.
When he arrives at the family home of the Robillards, he finds two nasty surprises waiting. The first is that Cindy’s brother is Andy, his horrible boss. The second is that the family intends to eat him and three other people throughout Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day.
After that is, Michael finishes up a work project for Andy. Because it’s not bad enough that he will be eaten, he also has to work over Christmas.
What worked
There are two kinds of bad Christmas movies. The ones that are actually bad, like Gingerdead Man, and the ones that are bad in all the wonderfully right ways that make them a real holiday treat. Mercy Christmas was one of the latter.
First, no one is taking a single second of this seriously. The writers sure didn’t, when they wrote a scene in which Michael and Eddie are tied together by Christmas tree lights to battle the Robillards. The actors didn’t. Half the time you can see them holding back a mighty laugh with all of their might. The stunt coordinators, the costume department, and the effects team were all doing their very best to make this movie as hilarious as possible. Because at every moment, every detail was selected to be funny and festive rather than serious. Cindy wearing a cross to church service. The pineapple on the roast leg. Grandma insisting that they do stockings at her specific time, as though they haven’t got three strangers tied up in the basement. All of this was funny as hell, exactly as it was supposed to be.
Every single person involved with Mercy Christmas was having a fantastic time. As I mentioned, the whole cast felt like they were about to start laughing. There is so much joy in their faces, even when it’s not exactly a joyful scene. But it’s the attention to comical detail that makes it clear that this movie was a labor of love for everybody.
Finally, I adore that the Robillard family acts exactly how we all picture people behaving at a big family Christmas. At least, if the family has money. Everyone’s arguing over food, talking about how they miss their mom, and fussing at each other. But everyone is also doing their little part to make Christmas great for their family after suffering the loss of their beloved mom.
If they weren’t eating people, this could have been a Hallmark Christmas movie.
What didn’t work
All of that being said, there was one thing that bothered me about this movie.
Over and over, we come back to the fact that Mrs. Robillard died. It’s brought up often enough that I thought for sure that it was going to be a bigger plot point. But it isn’t. That just seems to be window dressing for the family.
This felt like failed misdirection. When misdirection is done well, we don’t care about it anymore after the sleight of hand is accomplished. But there is no sleight of hand here. There is no misdirection. We’re just left wondering why the hell the mother was brought up so often if nothing was going to come of it.
All in all, Mercy Christmas was a fun, bloody movie with some incredibly satisfying moments. And while I don’t know if it’ll make it on my list every year, I can see myself coming back for seconds.
(4 / 5)
To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin!
Plot
We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless.
The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential.
Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.
Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky…
Overall thoughts
I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets.
(2.5 / 5)
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