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Sitting alone in an empty theater on opening weekend wearing my N95 mask because I trust no one, not even myself, The New Mutants was the first movie I saw when theaters opened up again after the great lockdown.  Nearly two months later watching it again, it may in fact be the last movie I get to see in theaters this year.  

Maybe because this movie was the last in the era of 20th Century Fox X-Men movies, or because it was stuck in production hell for almost 3 years before finally being released at the height of a global pandemic, but given it’s cursed status having The New Mutants come out this year of all years seems oddly fitting.

A bear walks into an asylum. . .

The movie starts in a blizzard of chaos and confusion as our young protagonist, Danielle “Dani” Moonstar (Blu Hunt) is awakened in the middle of the night to some unknown terror ripping apart the reservation where her and her father live.  Dani’s father hides her in a hollow tree right before he’s killed by the unseen force and his body unceremoniously dumped at Dani’s feet.  Running in fear though the woods gets Dani knocked unconscious and when she awakens she’s cuffed to a hospital bed with a werewolf looking down on her, which isn’t nearly as scary as it sounds.  

Dani is quickly introduced to her new doctor, Dr. Cecilia Reyes (Alice Braga) and her fellow mutant prisoners, I mean patients, Illyana Rasputin (Anya Taylor-Joy), Sam Guthrie (Charlie Heaton), Rahne Sinclair (Maisie Williams) and Roberto da Costa (Henry Zaga).  Dani learns they’re all being kept at the hospital against their will for their own good, of course, until they can learn to control their powers.  

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While Dani’s own powers are something of a mystery, it becomes quickly clear that all the teenage mutants have caused some sort of tragic death when their powers first manifested.  While there is budding romance and a few instances of casual racism, in general there’s less of the typical teenage angst you would expect with a group of super powered teens left almost entirely up to their own devices.  That might be because everyone comes with a pre-packaged traumatic backstory they’re busy trying to work though. The nightmare visions that start plaguing the teens when Dani arrives also keep everyone a bit too preoccupied for the usual teenage drama. 

Will friendship help them to survive their prison?  It’s an X-Men movie, what do you think?  

Fear. Shame. Self Destruction.  

A group of powerful teenage mutant killers trapped in a mental hospital with deadly powers they can’t fully control yet should be an awesome setup for a horror movie, right?  Unfortunately, this one falls pretty short in the horror category, though it isn’t for lack of trying.  The theatrical release poster at least is on point.  

If only the movie could have gone as hard as the poster

All the charred corpses, smiley faced Silent Hill-like monsters, undead priests, and cool looking nightmare demon bears didn’t help lend much in the way of a spooky atmosphere.  If anything this movie should come with a slew of trigger warnings for suicide, child abuse, self harm, PTSD, etc., that should be the real horrors experienced by the teens, except that no weight is ever given to any of these issues.  A character might be ready to jump to their death or having a panic attack  because of past CSA one minute, and the next, they’re cutting through an army of Slendermen like nothing is wrong.  

The movie leaves almost no time for grief or real reflection on the horrors they’re experiencing, and by that account, not much time for character growth either.  The best parts of the movie are clearly the quiet moments between the characters when they get a chance to actually slow down for a night and talk about their pasts.  It’s a shame too, because these characters and their backstories are interesting.  

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Rahne probably gets the most fleshed out in terms of her personality since her mutant power (turning into an adorable werewolf), backstory, and sexuality is tied up with her religious upbringing.  Her budding relationship with Dani is one of the few things that gives the movie a real heart, and it’s a great positive representation for young LGBT teens.  Sam’s visible torment over the people he’s killed is another real moment of feeling in a movie that’s tonally all over the place, and Charlie Heaton (Stranger Things, Color Out of Space) does an amazing job with what little he’s given.  Dani’s Native American heritage does play a part in her story, but mostly in a ‘there’s a Native American legend about this’ type of way.  

Despite being a horror movie veteran at this point, Anya Taylor-Joy (The VVitch, Glass, Split, Thoroughbreds) through no fault of her own, fairs less well with the character of Illyana.  Even though she’s supposed to be the crazy dangerous one, she mostly comes across as racist and bitchy to the point you wonder why the others bother to put up with her.  Dr. Reyes is barely given a chance to have an emotion since she’s too busy delivering exposition, but for a mutant that creates force fields maybe that could be considered a personality trait.  Still, it would have been nice to know if she really is a monster, or simply a product of the same circumstances Dani and the others find themselves in.  

At the end of a very empty second viewing of the movie, it’s really the sense of missed potential that sticks with you more than anything else when leaving the theater after watching The New Mutants. Despite that, the movie does have a lot going for it.  This is very much a female character driven movie; Dani, Rahne, Illyana and Dr. Reyes are the real forces that propel the plot forward.  No offence to the very likeable Sam and Roberto, but they were just along for the ride.  The casual, yet not at all subtle, chemistry between Dani and Rahne is such a nice change of pace from the forced heteronormativity of most horror, or pretty much any movie really, romances.  That’s why this movie is, if nothing else, rated Horror LGBT Positive by me.

Bad move going after the werewolf’s psychic girlfriend, doc.

Final Girl Thoughts


While I would recommend seeing it for the interesting characters and all around good performances, you can probably wait the 2 weeks or so for it to come to VOD or Disney+ instead of risking your life by heading to the few remaining open theaters in the country to see it if you haven’t already. Enjoyable?  Sure.  Would I want to see these characters again under different circumstances that don’t involve a pandemic?  Absolutely, although by the time they get a second movie out they may have to call it The Midlife Crisis Mutants. A solid 3 out of 5 Cthulhu. A good effort at something a little different.

3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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