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This week at The Last Drive-In we see how music can elevate crappy films beyond being forgotten and turn already good movies into great ones. Our films this week could not be more different in tone, style, and quality, but they both have very, very strong musical choices. One film goes the route of a cult, horror-adjacent prog-rock band, while the other does Farsi dance and punk tunes.

We’re back with Joe Bob again this week at The Last Drive-In, exclusively on Shudder. It’s important to note, Mutants, that as of this moment Shudder has not committed to renewing The Last Drive-In for another round, so what I ask is that you take a moment to tweet @shudder with your desire for more episodes. Don’t forget the hashtag #TheLastDriveIn either!

Contamination (1980)

Opening Rant: Gentrification (Riverplace Courtyard on the Square Plaza)

Contamination, sometimes also known as Alien Contamination, is a 1980 Italian cash-in on the popularity of Ridley Scott’s Alien. The film follows a smart aleck cop, a frigid Pentagon Colonel, and a traumatized astronaut who investigate a link between a coffee company and mysterious green eggs. These eggs explode, causing those who come into contact with them to explode as well. This was marketed in Italy as a sequel to Alien.

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Though the movie is not a great movie, it does have a fantastic score by “The Goblin,” which Joe Bob points out is comprised of the remaining members of “Goblin” after some internal drama. The film was directed by Luigi Cozzi, best known for Starcrash. It stars Ian McCulloch, Louise Marleau, Marino Masé and Siegfried Rauch. The film was also notorious as a video nasty.

Reviews

Joe Bob awarded Contamination two and a half stars. In particular, the film has an amazing collection of Drive-In Totals that at one point leaves our loquacious host breathless. Part of the appeal, judging by some of Joe Bob’s breaks revolve around the sheet audacity of Luigi Cozzi, and to a greater extent Italian cinema of the 1970s and 1980s. Though, the film did receive a score deduction due to a poorly conceived, neck-up shower scene. The highlights of Joe Bob’s commentary, however, comes from his rather hilarious stories anecdotes of Luigi Cozzi who seemed like a real “character,” to put it lightly.

Haunted MTL can only really afford a star and a half for Contamination. The movie is a mishmash of stolen bits from other movies that are not even stitched together in a way that makes them work. The film has heavy, heavy doses of exposition, and the horror is lacking, to say the least. In fact, the movie during it’s final third becomes a second-rate James Bond film. Not even the presence of a cycloptic, evil alien master pulling the strings can save this mess.

But wow, that soundtrack is a good one.

Don’t touch strange eggs you find on abandoned cargo ships

Best Line: “Sewers are just as warm, damp, and comfortable as an incubator.”

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)

Opening Rant: What even counts as a lethal weapon? It is about 3 rants deep, here, but the main takeaway is that Nunchucks are legal in the State of Arizona! Happy ‘chucking, folks.

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A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, the 2014 Iranian-vampire-western fever dream, may seem like a strange fit for The Last Drive-In. However, given the unique pairings this season has brought so far the film serves as a much needed, artsy pallet-cleanser to Contamination.

The film follows two lonely people. Hard-working Arash arrives to care for his heroin-addicted father and soon he finds himself falling in love with an unnamed Girl who just so happens to be a vampire. The film is very unusual in that it is in Farsi, filmed in California, and feels like a stitched together series of vignettes. Of note, the soundtrack adds a great deal to the film, and as Joe Bob discussed during one of his breaks, many scenes are driven by the music.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night was directed by Ana Lily Amirpour, who makes a cameo in the film dressed as a Skeleton at a rave. The films stars Sheila Vand, Arash Marandi (in his only real film role), Mozhan Marnò, and Marshall Manesh. Also, special credit must be paid to the incredibly photogenic cat, played by Masuka.

Reviews

Joe Bob seems particularly enamored with the movie, though admittedly confused about the interpretation of it. He awarded A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night three stars. In particular, he was complimentary about the visual aesthetics of the movie during his introduction. His insights into the movie were particularly appreciated because it is such a strange film in origin and interpretation. Throughout the episode Joe Bob cites complimentary similarities of Ana Lily Amirpour to directors like Quentin Tarantino and David Lynch. That being said, Joe Bob can’t help bu razzing the director for her very colorful interviews. In one particular segment he simply reads quotes from interviews with her to hilarious effect.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is a wonderful and artsy vampire film filled with striking imagery and enough ambiguity to chew on for a week after. As Joe Bob stated at one point, a hundred people can watch the movie and come away with a hundred different interpretations. The film is loaded with dream-logic scenes, has a fantastic score, and carries some stellar performances. The film does try to get away with a more optimistic ending, however, which proves problematic given the explosive narrative potential in the final act. Overall, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is a great vampire film and is a three and a half star treat.

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The titular Girl who walks home alone at night

Best Line: “Mr. Cat! Mr. Cat! He’s really fun. He’s really fun.” Spoken like a true drug-dealing pimp with “Pussy Stretcher” tattooed on their face in Persian.

Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals

  • 1 open-air corpse pit
  • 2 yellow paramilitary bread delivery vans
  • 3 “eggs” on the TV (just Avocados)
  • 3 levels deep digression in a rant
  • 5 bedsheet hazmat suits
  • 5 production companies for one movie
  • 7 Twitter bans for Darcy (can we make it to 10 out of 10?)
  • Torso Exploding
  • Muffled Talking
  • Atrocious Dubbing
  • Homeless Joking
  • Chinese/German Fusion Restaurant Joking
  • Northern/Southern Zoo Joking
  • Vampiric Bullying and Skateboard Thieving
  • Awkward Post-Cocaine Snorting Vampire Seducing
  • Gratuitous Place-Setting Helicopter Shots
  • Gratuitous Glow-in-the-Dark Avocados with Slime
  • Gratuitous Colombian Folk Celebration
  • Gratuitous Cat Sitting
  • Darcy Cosplaying (as “The Girl”)
  • Flamethrower Egg Frying Fu
  • Spoiler Fu (Thanks Joe Bob!)
  • Overly Long Bathroom Entrapment Fu
  • Burning Cyclops Fu
  • Pretentious Interview Fu

As always, please share your thoughts with us about The Last Drive-In. Also, please check out our other great content here at Haunted MTL.

Look at the kitty!

David Davis is a writer, cartoonist, and educator in Southern California with an M.A. in literature and writing studies.

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Movies n TV

Low point or a daring experiment? Halloween VI (1995) Review

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To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin! 

Plot

We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless. 

The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential. 

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Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.  

Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky… 

Overall thoughts

I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets. 

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2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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