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Hi friends and fiends, it’s that time again! Yep, the 1st Annual Halloween Colouring Sheets for your supreme delight and enjoyment.

I’ve enjoyed working on these beauts and am excited as Hell, MI to share them. So, feel free to print out and colour along while watching your #31horrormovies or listening to some spooky podcasts.

Colour and Be Free!!!

This guy is Batty and he’s adorable. I love bats. They’re awesome. At night, during the summer, I look for bats. They’re cool buys that do not want to get caught in your hair. If they do, they’re just looking for a hug….or rabid.

Trees are gross, right? You have no idea what’s going on down there. Skulls and guts, probably. Besides roots and irrigation. You can’t tell if it’s a normal tree or an evil tree sometimes. It could “The Happening” at ANY time, people, and take your lemon drink.

My favourite trees are birch because they peel and look like bones.

This is the only known picture of EV/Voodoo Priestess in existence, I think. It’s like The Elephant Foot picture, though, BE Careful! Being in the same room with it for too long can make you go crazy, probably. I mean, I feel like that when I’m in the same room with her for too long…

Speaking of friends – do you need a new one? This 100% human person would be a great addition to your friends list. This human will tuck you into bed at night, will whisper affirmations from the shadows, and hand you your towel when you exit the shower. This new friend is perfect for long hikes, watching movies, or deep-sea exploration. He’s human-certified!

Who needs eyeballs? Not this guy! In fact, why do you need yours? You don’t. I mean, look at this guy, living his best life! That could be you! Definitely.

**Please don’t take out your eyeballs. As happy as he looks, he is actually a jerkwad and miserable. He just likes to post on social media how great his life is, but he pays for followers. Be better than him, be yourself.

You might have trouble printing this out because he’s gross. Also the paper wasn’t white – sorry. But also, he freaks me out a little…and I made him! I guess that’s how parents sometimes feel.

Bottomline:

Have fun, people! I love you all, except the jerkwads, of course. Make this Halloween yours and stay kind. Be safe this season – whatever that means to you.

When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Kristin Cleaves

    October 20, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    My favorite is “Eyes are for Losers,” we are BFFs.

  2. Jennifer Weigel

    October 21, 2020 at 2:58 am

    I love how deep your tree roots go and how heavy the sun is in the middle. And bats are totally awesome!

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Lighter than Dark

LTD Tripped Out Motivational Posters

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Tripped out… in case you just couldn’t get enough of Everything Everywhere All at Once and the return of the infinite bagel with EVERYTHING on it…

Tripped Out motivational poster
Tripped Out motivational poster

Artwork description: kaleidoscopic image of pink hairy horror (This is actually a fink fuzzy frond plant not unlike a Cockscomb but with longer thinner flowering feelers rather than the fuller protuberances you see on a full-bodied Cockscomb plant. I have no idea what it was, but it was very odd so I had to snap a photo.)

Image text reads: Mixing Magic Mushrooms & Peyote Just remember: once you open that Pandora’s box, you’re never going to get the pink hairy tarantulas back in it…

Tripped Out seeing eye god sunflower
Tripped Out seeing eye god sunflower

Artwork description: kaleidoscopic sunflower backlit by the sun with text and rainbow eye overlay

Image text reads: Eye See You Eye See All (in circle text so you can start and end reading wherever). In an ideal context this would be printed in the bottom of your tea mug or on a record that can slowly spin.

For more crazy tripped out fun, check out Weird Al’s post on Craig’s List

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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Lighter than Dark

LTD Happy New Year Baby!

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In keeping with the tradition of celebrating the first New Year Baby, the firstborn of the year, we are excited to announce the birth of Baybee Draconia Werewoof. Draconia was birthed at precisely midnight January 1, 2023 during a demonic ritual. We are still uncertain whether or not her mother survived the event. But, like any demonspawn, Draconia is already well on her way to ruling the world with an iron-clawed fist.

Baybee Draconia Feywild Werewoof in her celebratory faerie frolicking unicorns in the woods ensemble
New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Werewoof in her celebratory faerie frolicking unicorns in the woods ensemble

New Year Baby Draconia opened her eyes immediately and ripped apart the fancy 2023 sash she was christened with upon her arrival. She was already walking, teething, and mauling her nursery mates about an hour after her birth. After setting off two minor explosions and a small fire, she is starting to show a propensity for the Dark Magicks. Her experiences are limited so her mind control and delusional tendencies are still fledgling, but are sure to really take off as she takes in more of the world.

New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Feywild Werewoof beginning to show telepahtic connectivity
New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Werewoof beginning to show telepathic connectivity

New Year Baby Draconia is expected to start schooling this year within her cultist circle. As her skills and following develop, she will begin to pave the way for the Spawn of Satan, Harbinger of the Apocolypse, so Draconia is the New Year Baby to keep an eye on.

New Year Baby Baybee Draconia Feywild Werewoof readying to pounce and rip the photographer’s face off
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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Lighter than Dark

LTD: The Horrors of Jell-O

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Jell-O is horrifying, and not just because of all that has been revealed about its longtime spokesperson Bill Cosby. In its dark past, it has called forth Eldritch horrors beyond human comprehension from the depths of the furthest points of the universe.

But Jell-O itself is harmless you say, besides which it is yummy. And it’s fun to make glowing Jell-O shots and zombie brains & other body parts with my silicone Halloween molds. Just think about all of The Joys of Jell-O, you assert. As both a horror fan and culinary inclusionist, I can tell you’re not convinced…

Some seemingly safe Jell-O variants involving fruit, though the pie crust and pink fruit basket mold simply must come into question from a culinary appeal standpoint.
Some seemingly safe Jell-O variants involving fruit, though the pie crust and pink fruit basket mold simply must come into question from a culinary appeal standpoint.

Now I’m not talking about the fruit salad Jell-O concoctions that have graced every Midwest potluck for nearly a century. No, I’m referring to the 1940s Jell-O terrors involving shredded vegetables, pureed hot dogs, fish, shrimp, and other substances that many of us dare not speak of today, for fear we may slowly lose our sanity by simply mentioning them.

Some more iffy Jell-O salads involving thinly sliced and pureed vegetables and other substances.

Still don’t believe me? Well, let’s check out some of the most incriminating evidence, shall we?

Some seafood and hot dog based Jell-O concoctions, designed to draw Cthulu & other dark Eldritch horrors to our world.
Some seafood and hot dog based Jell-O concoctions, designed to draw Cthulu & other dark Eldritch horrors to our world.

What in all of Hell’s half acre are these monstrocities? They look like something straight out of Hades concessions? Why would anyone in their right mind do that to perfectly good seafood? And what’s with the hot dog cultists, or worse yet – pureed hot dogs? Remember – if the dog won’t eat it, maybe it actually isn’t food. And the cat is repelled as if she saw a ghost, then perhaps she really did…

To call forth a demigod or other deity of any sort, one does best to craft something in its image, and these culinary masterpieces did exactly that. Imagine all of the Lovecraftian horrors they sought to unleash upon the unsuspecting world. What Eldritch terrors are drawn to the smell and taste of aspic? We must do everything in our power to thwart this great evil.

My copper fish mold collection, as shown hanging on my outside covered porch.
My copper fish mold collection, as shown hanging on my outside covered porch.

In response, I have chosen to collect copper fish molds. These kitchen adornments’ sole function was to craft these horrific things, that is their nefarious purpose. No one makes fruit salad Jell-O in the shape of a dead salmon, now do they? Of course not! Give it some thought, and join me in being a part of the solution.

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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