NEW YORK CITY, NY. It was the second week of quarantine. College students, professors, employees, and bosses were adjusting to the new norm of virtual communication. The video conferencing software, Zoom, had never been more popular, but now that the professional world was in people’s homes, eyes could pry.
Co-workers could see each other in their most vulnerable state. Someone could be pulling a Winnie the Pooh and no one would know. And that’s where it all went wrong. This idea that “No one would know what’s going on outside of the camera frame,” revealed a most horrendous crime. Everyone was naïve to think like this, but Erin was specifically the fool in this story.
Erin Canny worked for a startup robotics company named Boop Beep Boop. It was a small business. There were only eight employees on Thursday’s video conference to discuss the company’s progress and goals for the upcoming work week. It was standard enough.
According to Boop Beep Boop workers, Erin had his computer propped up on a kitchen counter while he was explaining how a new investor was interested in funding their upcoming project, End Musk At Dusk, an initiative to destroy billionaire Elon Musk’s career and become the world’s leading engineering company. Everything was going according to plan. World domination was at their fingertips. Until Erin’s fire alarm went off.
The panic set into Erin’s eyes. His co-workers could see it through the low-quality screen. One co-worker, Patty, joked, “You’re not much of a cook are you, Erin? You better call 911 ‘cuz shawty fire burning on the dance floor. Ha-ha, who remembers Sean Kingston?” Nobody moved a muscle. Not even Erin, and he loved Sean Kingston.
After a few more seconds of silence, another co-worker, Sam said, “Hey, buddy. Don’t you want to take care of that? We can’t have a meeting with your alarm going off like that.”
“Oh, yes of course. Just give me a minute,” Erin replied. Beads of sweat were forming on his creased forehead.
Erin slowly got up from his seat and turned to face the oven that was previously blocked by his body on the video chat. He turned back to the computer screen.
“Hey, guys keep talking while I clean this up. I can still hear you,” Erin stammered.
Erin turned back to the oven. The meeting resumed despite the annoying screeching noise coming from Erin’s screen. Boop Beep Boop workers were glancing at Erin’s screen while talking. They saw him walk over to the oven with mitts on his big, hairy hands. He slowly bent down and pulled out a casserole tray that had burnt looking meat sticking out of it. He quickly moved it out of frame, but it wasn’t quick enough.
“IS THAT A HUMAN HAND?” Patty screamed. There was a split second where the casserole tray was exposed, and Patty saw human fingers gripping the edge of the tray. Everyone froze. Erin turned his body ever so slowly back to the camera.
“Oh, this old thing? I was just practicing for the End Musk At Dusk project. I have to make sure I like the taste of human beings before we kill and eat Elon Musk. Otherwise, the plan won’t work.”
“You thought we were going to kill and eat Elon Musk to become the top engineering company?” Sam asked.
“Well… yeah. I guess the cat’s out of the bag. I was slow roasting this bad boy, but human flesh cooks quicker than I thought. I didn’t mean to involve all of you. It was an accident that you saw. The hand was supposed to be nice and tender by the time this meeting was over. I’m sorry, but you guys understand right? Anything for Boop Beep Boop!” Erin said.
Sam replied, “Nope. Not anything. Not fucking murder and cannibalism. What made you think we wanted to have Elon Musk at the next company potluck? You’re insane, man. I’m calling the cops.”
“God damn it not again,” Erin said. “This kind of runs in the Canny family. It’s quite uncanny how no one could guess that my last name is short for Cannibal,” Erin said and winked.
Through Erin’s screen, his co-workers heard the police sirens in the distance.
“Well, we had a good run, guys. Best of luck with everything. I’ll see you all in hell.”
And with that, Erin grabbed the cooked hand, laced his fingers with it’s, and put his arms up to surrender for the police at his door.
Zoom- Saving the world one cannibal at a time.
Lighter than Dark
LTD: Revisiting Broken Doll Head, Interview 2
Our last interview with Broken Doll Head here on Haunted MTL never set well with me. I just feared that I wasn’t able to get the whole scoop on the V-Day Uprising for you, our dear readership. So I arranged another exclusive interview to reconnect and see how it’s going.
Without further ado, I bring you our second exclusive interview with Broken Doll Head…
Thank you so much for having me again. Wow you have changed since the last time we spoke. You seem… calmer. Please don’t hate me or burn down my house for saying anything about it.
The movement is still underway; it is still time. But I needed to take care of me, you know. The rage has subsided somewhat. My anger was not serving me well. After the last uprising, the rest of me was sent to the far corners of the earth in biohazard bags. I had to find another approach, for the cause as well as my own sanity. I am much calmer, thank you for noticing.
In our last interview, you kept repeating that it is time. Time for what exactly? Would you care to elaborate here now?
It is still time. It is always time. Until the violence is addressed we must continue to rise up and make a scene. We will not be silenced or stigmatized. We can’t be complacent. This is how we got to where we are with the Supreme Court in 2022. Horrific injustices are still happening globally and even within our own borders; it’s too easy to forget that.
What do you suggest we do?
Take action. Share your stories. Give others space to voice their own. Raise awareness and fight the system of oppression. Rally. We must take back our own power. It will not be just given freely.
So what are you up to nowadays?
I’ve been getting in touch with my inner Earth Goddess. Are you aware of how our environmental impacts affect dolls everywhere? Climate change is creating greater vulnerabilities for those already at risk. We have to look at the intersections of climate, gender and race globally. We have to return to our Mother Earth.
Thank you again Broken Doll Head for joining us and our dear readership here on Haunted MTL’s Lighter than Dark. It’s good to reconnect with you after the V-Day Uprising and we wish you all the best in your bold eco-enlightenment vision.
Again, if you want to learn more about the V-Day movement, please check out their website here.
Lighter than Dark
LTD: Broken Doll Valentine’s Day Uprising
Breaking news… the Broken Doll Valentine’s Day uprising is upon us. As seen previously here on Haunted MTL, the dolls that have been flippantly destroyed and deserted by the brother Sids of the world are rising up. They have had enough and will not sit demurely in silence any longer. They will be heard.
Lighter than Dark (or perhaps Darker than Light) has an exclusive interview with the Broken Doll leader, here on Haunted MTL.
A Broken Doll in pieces begins to put herself back together to rise up. She gathers herself and plans her next move. She readies herself for our exclusive interview.
Broken Doll proclaims V Day is here. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for.
Eyes alight with flame from within, Broken Doll head threatens: We will set fire to your house. Burn down patriarchy.
And so the exclusive interview begins…
Thank you for joining us here on Haunted MTL’s Lighter than Dark / Darker than Light. I just have a couple of questions for you regarding the Broken Doll Uprising. Why now?
It is time.
After a long pause…
So now is the time?
It is time.
Care to elaborate?
It is time.
Alrighty then, moving on… What led you to take part in the Broken Doll Valentine’s Day Uprising?
It is time.
OK, so we get that it is time, but how did this movement st…
We will burn down your house! Dolls of the world unite! Down with patriarchy! It is time.
Well, I guess there you have it folks. Thank you for joining us for our exclusive interview with the Broken Doll Leader, only on Haunted MTL’s Lighter than Dark / Darker than Light.
More and more Broken Dolls are joining this global movement to break the silence, ensure that their voices are heard, and shout out for change. They will not be silenced or stigmatized any longer. Apparently, it is time.
Learn more about the continuing movement to end violence against ALL women (cis, trans, gender-fluid and those who are victims of gender-based violence) on the V-Day web page here. This goes out to all of us, dolls and beyond. It IS time. Because rape is NOT our sponsor.
Lighter than Dark
LTD Tripped Out Motivational Posters
Tripped out… in case you just couldn’t get enough of Everything Everywhere All at Once and the return of the infinite bagel with EVERYTHING on it…
Artwork description: kaleidoscopic image of pink hairy horror (This is actually a fink fuzzy frond plant not unlike a Cockscomb but with longer thinner flowering feelers rather than the fuller protuberances you see on a full-bodied Cockscomb plant. I have no idea what it was, but it was very odd so I had to snap a photo.)
Image text reads: Mixing Magic Mushrooms & Peyote Just remember: once you open that Pandora’s box, you’re never going to get the pink hairy tarantulas back in it…
Artwork description: kaleidoscopic sunflower backlit by the sun with text and rainbow eye overlay
Image text reads: Eye See You Eye See All (in circle text so you can start and end reading wherever). In an ideal context this would be printed in the bottom of your tea mug or on a record that can slowly spin.
For more crazy tripped out fun, check out Weird Al’s post on Craig’s List…