I think we all spend some time in our late teens, and early twenties completely lost. In American Horror Story, it appears that this time has come for the Antichrist.

Michael is adrift. For his whole life, he’s had someone taking care of him. First his grandmother, then Ben, then the warlocks and Ms. Meade. Now, he is all on his own.

Apocalypse goat from American Horror Story Apocalypse

Feeling lost and afraid, he wanders into the woods to ask his father for help. He’s angry, feeling abandoned and unsure of what he’s supposed to do. So he draws a circle in the dirt and insists that he’s not leaving until he gets an answer. 

Days later he’s having visions. He sees children, coaxing him onto a path of light with apples and comfort. Finally, he’s approached by a black goat. And honestly, this goat didn’t have to be as cute as it was, being an allegory for Satan and all.

Michael wanders into town and finds himself in a Satanic Church service. A woman takes him home and offers him a hot meal. Then she starts telling him all about the joys of Satanism. She sold her soul to Satan for a nice house in the suburbs, a really comfortable chair, and the ability to get boned by Ryan Reynolds. 

What a paltry price. I mean, Reynolds is a cutie pie, but not sell your soul for a piece cute. 

Sandra Burnhard as a Satanic Priest in American Horror Story Apocalypse

Michael is introduced to a pair of Silicon Valley Satanists named Jeff and Mutt. They sold their souls for a massive tech company, all the blow they want, and the ability to get boned by Ryan Reynolds. 

They hate the world, and how messed up it is. They are more than ready for Michael to end it all. Too bad he has no idea how to do that. 

Jeff is played by Evan Peters, meaning that he as well has three roles to flip between this season. It’s an amazing feat of memorization and flexibility. Once again, no one is ever half-assing on American Horror Story.

Mutt and Jeff make Michael a new Ms. Meade. Then, they use her to convince him that there’s only one way to proceed. 

He’s got to get all the world leaders to nuke the planet. Shouldn’t be too hard. 

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

Speaking of Apocalypse, I wrote a book! It’s called Quiet Apocalypse and it’s coming out on Friday, May 13th.

Want to grab a copy of this season of American Horror Story? You can get it now on Amazon.

American Horror Story: Apocalypse: The Complete Eighth Season (DVD)

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