Blood Harvest has everything.

Blood Harvest – Plot:

Jill returns home from college, but her parents are nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, her father runs the bank, which has been foreclosing on many local farms. Due to growing tensions, Jill finds the house in disarray, but is comforted by her childhood friend, Gary and his brother…Tiny Tim. I mean Merv. The Clown. THE CLOWN.

a not great clown

Anyway, people start disappearing around Jill, while Merv becomes more and more erratic. Why is behind there disappearances and who is the gross killer who goes around acting like a total creep-perv?

Blood Harvest – Thoughts (Spoilers)

My biggest issue with Blood Harvest is this — you give me a horror movie where Tiny Tim is a f***ing clown and you better damn well use him. Use him up in every hammy shot you can muster. So, booooo, hiss, for Blood Harvest in not utilizing their Tiny Tim Clown. It’s a damn travesty. Like, we know he’s not the killer. But maybe give me a movie where he *is* the killer. A b-horror Joker-type movie where he slowly spirals down into madness and murder. However, no, we get GARY, the killer. Gary, with his fluffed hair and preppy shirts.

boring outfit of the killer: jeans and top and pantyhose

Gary is the both the most disgusting killer and yet the least memorable killer of all time — a Blood Harvest paradox! Saltine cracker Gary is our gross pervert killer and falsetto-singing sweaty clown Tiny Tim is somehow the hero. And poor Jill is just caught in the middle of this weirdness. No one is the winner.

Blood Harvest – Brain Roll Juice

So, for having Tiny Tim, it BLOOD HARVEST didn’t utilize him as much as it should have. Instead, we got a very different movie from what I was expecting. Namely, the killer and his relationship with his victim, Jill (Itonia Salchek).

You see, this is a slasher movie from the 80′s, so go type in your calculator 8008135 and that’s the foreground of BLOOD HARVEST. From the very beginning, that was the tone of the movie and the focus the camera gave Salchek, even when she wasn’t being stalked by the killer. The scene reeked of, “But you kinda understand where the killer is coming from, right? I mean, look at dem tiddies.”

And don’t get me wrong, I love dem bazoongadoongas as much as the next sentient garbage pile on the internet, but there’s a difference between an artistic ‘ooh la la’ view of appreciation and this slimeball Gonzo-exploitation barfapolooza. And I get that this is by low-budget director Bill Rebane of MST3k infamy with two other low-budget movies, but this was later in his career and those were not nearly as exploitative. So, I think it was the director trying to change with ‘the times’.

However, as a second look, it just comes off as creepy. We’re supposed to root for her survival, while also being titillated by her in her most intimate moments, and ALSO feel an emotional connection to her. The shots of us ogling her body undercut a lot of how we’re supposed to be feeling for her, much often putting us in the POV of the killer. It’s kinda weird.

I sincerely hope that Salchek got real money for her role and had a fun time doing it. I don’t see any other titles under her name, which is a shame because as an actress, I thought she did a great job with the nonsense she was given (I’m sorry, but that shower scene was garbage). She had some wit and timing and was much more than a set of 8008135 to be drooled over.

tiny tim wants to be in a better movie

Blood Harvest – The Damage (Spoilers)

All of Jill’s family are dead, killed by Gary, and she’s stuck with a damaged clown…

Financially, she’s off pretty well. She can afford the therapy. She’s already in college. She can change her name and forget she ever lived that life. Fresh start.

Merv is not off so well. He’s lost everything.

So, final girl is…okayish. Final boy, not so okay.

Blood Harvest – Bottomline

It’s okay. If you like slasher movies with boobs and clowns, then you’ll probably love it. It’s real Trigger-Warning: The Movie, though.

2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)
About the Author

When not howling Tina Turner classics with Glorious Spouse under a Detroit moon, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

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