Buffy the Vampire Slayer S1E7 “Angel”
AKA: I can be your Angel… or I can be your devil
The Rule of Three
We begin not with Angel, but with the underground crew. The Anointed One, aka Colin, is throwing stones into a puddle as The Master recounts how many vampires (“his family”) The Slayer has killed. Darla volunteers to solve this problem, while Colin simply suggests annihilation. The Master decides to go with The Three. He sure likes referring to folks with a “the.”
Meanwhile, the Scoobies are at something horrifyingly referred to as The Bronze’s Fumigation Party. It’s one last hurrah before it shuts down temporarily for some much-needed cockroach decimation. Buffy is upset about her singleness. She claims not to be bothered by this most of the time, but I feel like we just covered this concern a couple episodes ago. After Willow expresses similar dreariness and Xander has a verbal sparring with Cordelia, Buffy’s decided she has caused enough melancholy in her friend group and heads home.
On her way home, she senses she’s being followed. Indeed she is – by three vampires. Perhaps The Three? We won’t know for at least a few minutes, because it’s off to the theme song.
Slumber Party
Angel appears and starts throwing punches after attempting a quip about good dogs. Perhaps projection of his desire to be a good boy himself? They run to Buffy’s house and she lets him in to take cover. He reminds her and the audience of that wonderful vampire lore: they cannot come in without being invited.
She has him take off his shirt so she can tend to his wounds and oggle his tattoo (among other things). Unfortunately Joyce comes in at that moment, and Buffy does everything in her power to keep her from seeing the hunky half naked man in the kitchen. She tells her mom they bumped into each other on the street; she apparently invited him in because he’s her tutor.
Once Joyce goes to bed Buffy pretends to let Angel out the front door while actually sneaking him to her room. Keep the eyebrow waggling to yourself, because they work out some very chaste sleeping arrangements, and Angel even turns away while Buffy changes – without peeking at her in the mirror, Xander. They chat a bit, mostly about Buffy’s chosen one status and Angel’s dead family. Ah, the meet-cute.
The next day, Xander is incensed at the recounting of the sleepover while Willow is enchanted. Giles steers everyone back on track to the topic of The Three, who were indeed the three vampires hunting Buffy (and, incidentally, Angel). Giles assures them that they will be offering their lives in penance for their failure.
Fight or Flight
We see The Master lecturing The Anointed One about the seriousness of taking a life. Colin asks if they will be spared, which Darla answers with a resounding, dusty “no.”
Buffy and Giles are in weapons training. She wants to play with the crossbow but her Watcher insists on working with the basics first. She knocks him down down to the ground rather swiftly, which he deems as rounds to move on up to the crossbow. Not that Buffy isn’t a proficient fighter or anything, but knocking Giles down is a pretty low bar, even as early as episode seven.
That night Buffy brings Angel some food and erroneously accuses him of reading her diary/Buffy-Angel fanfic. Angel says he can’t be around her because he wants to kiss her when they’re together. This is bad, because he’s older than her. When she asks how much older he responds by… kissing her. It’s a totally adorable and heartwarming smoochfest, until Angel gets a nasty case of vamp-face and jumps out the window.
Buffy recounts the incident the next day, asking if a vampire can ever be a good person. Giles reminds her – and us – that a vampire is not a person at all, just a demon. Xander admonishes her for being in love with a vampire just as Cordelia walks by, but she is too distracted about another girl wearing the same dress as her to hear Xander’s urging to slay Angel.
Time to stop living in the past
Angel enters a crypt to find Darla. They apparently go way back. She is not amused by his human-like antics or recent Slayer entanglement. He melodramatically points out that he may not be human, but he isn’t exactly vampire anymore either.
It’s research time in the library, and Giles is actually reading some diaries – Watcher diaries to be exact. Angelus was turned in Ireland roughly 240 years ago. He wreaked havoc in Europe before arriving in America nearly 80 years ago. Suddenly he was no longer killing.
Darla proposes to The Master that she convince Angel to kill Buffy and bring him back into the fold. She figures if it’s a life-or-death situation he will do what it takes to protect himself. The Master says he loves his happy family and how they work together.
In the library, Willow is tutoring Buffy. But Buffy is more interested in talking about Angel (which gives Willow the opportunity to talk about Xander). Willow is too nervous to talk to Xander about her crush, and Buffy is determined to avoid picturing anything with Angel.
Darla, meanwhile, has arrived at the Summers household. She tells Joyce that she is helping Buffy study the War of Independence after Willow helps her with the Civil War. Joyce fully believes her daughter needs three tutors amd invites her in to wait. She offers her a snack, but probably doesn’t have the same thing in mind as Darla.
Bloodlust
Luckily, Angel is walking by the Simmerd house and hears the scream. He bursts in to see a passed out Joyce. Darla has only had a taste and encourages Angel to finish her up. Unluckily, Buffy walks in on a vamped-out Angel holding her bleeding and unconscious mother.
Buffy throws him out through a window and threatens to kill him if he comes near them again. She then calls an ambulance, saying her mom cut herself and lost a lot of blood.
Xander, Willow, and Giles are in Joyce’s room, the latter much to the confusion of our patient (“The teachers at the school really do care!”). The official story is she slipped and stabbed herself with a barbecue fork while making Buffy’s “friend” a snack.
Buffy blames herself for inviting Angel into her home. She is mad that emotion trumped reason, so she prepares to retaliate… with death. Giles says he is powerful and will require more than a stake. Enter Chekov’s crossbow.
Darla is in Angel’s face egging him on. She reiterates how much he must be missing his vampire bloodlust. He breaks down and says he just wants this finished.
Giles and Joyce have a heart-to-heart about Buffy. Joyce is concerned that Buffy is studying with Willow and Darla and still struggling with history. Giles clocks the name and bids adieu.
Hot and Cold
Buffy shows up to her showdown with Angel. He snarls that he’s just an animal, to which Buffy replies that no, she actually likes animals. He goads her on while she asks why he would attack her this way. This is where he details his trail of death over the years. It only stopped after he killed a young Romani girl. The elders of her group restored his soul as punishment. Vampires don’t typically have a soul, and therefore have no conscience. To have his soul restored meant remorse and guilt for every heinous act he had committed. This is where he finally reveals he was not the one who attacked Joyce.
Darla appears. She is upset that Angel has chosen not to come home to the family – especially as his sire and former lover. She pulls out a couple of handguns and starts shooting. The first shot hits Angel (who cannot be killed by bullet, just wounded) and starts in on Buffy. Giles, Willow, and Xander appear and attempt to help. After Buffy’s shot woth the crossbow misses Darla’s heart, Angel sneaks up and stakes her. She has just enough time to see it was him before she turns to dust.
The Master is screaming and breaking things. Darla was his favorite, and Angelus was meant to be his right-hand man. Colin promises to bring him the Slayer and says to forget Darla and Angelus.
The Bronze has a Post-Fumigation Party, too, apparently. Angel appears, and he and Buffy agree they would be an ill-fated couple. That didn’t stop them before, and it sure isn’t stopping them this time: it’s time to return to smoochfest.
What did we think?
“Half the episode is providing background on an old dude accompanied by his romance with a high schooler, the other half is bring your kid to work day.” – Trav’s one sentence review of this episode.
I am coming to this episode as a long-time fan of the show. However, I also come to this episode as a new audience member of the spinoff series Angel. I will fully own up to the fact that this biases me, because in the past I found Angel to be a tedious character. Now I fully get it. 
(4.5 / 5)
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Movies n TV
Returning to the Soothing World of Evil with “The Demon of Death”
“The Demon of Death” is the season 3 premiere of the supernatural drama Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King.
“The Demon of Death” is the season 3 premiere of the supernatural drama Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, Christine Lahti, and Andrea Martin. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons.
The assessors investigate the weight of a soul. Father Frank Ignatius (Wallace Shawn) agrees to participate in this test despite his growing disillusionment. David (Mike Colter) and Kristen (Katja Herbers) deal with the ramifications of their confessions. Kristen’s girls go on the warpath with Leland (Michael Emerson). Andy (Patrick Brammall) signs his death warrant.
What I Like about “The Demon of Death”
As season 2 ended with a cliffhanger, “The Demon of Death” picks back up with an interesting addition. The episode provides a more obvious stopping point that Season 2 should have taken advantage of. It dumbfounds me because this addition makes for a more interesting and darker cliffhanger. The added context would have made the cliffhanger more palatable. However, it’s a nice twist for the episode.
Dr. Boggs (Kurt Fuller) and Sister Andrea (Andrea Martin) make an interesting pair that adds complexity to both. We even explore some of Sister Andrea’s character flaws, best displayed by her interaction with Kristen in the next scene. Few wise sage characters that display flaws, making this addition appreciated.
Father Ignatius’ introduction adds layers of interest for a character who will play a recurring role, tying into Monsignor Korecki directly. The yet-to-be-explored relationship between Father Ignatius and Monsignor Korecki (Boris McGiver) evokes an interest.
While “The Demon of Death” isn’t a haunting episode, but explores the mysteries and terror of death through science to provide an interesting environment for an episode. It introduces a new character that adds to the cast.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
There’s not much to report here that particularly crosses the line and what teeters on the line holds a dark comedic tone.
Perhaps Sister Andrea’s flaw might rub some the wrong way, as it deals with her overwhelming faith. However, it’s a minor point at the moment. Again, I lean on liking some complexity for the wise sage archetype.
What I Dislike about “The Demon of Death”
“The Demon of Death” still plays it safe with its supernatural elements, but that does seem to be Evil’s standard. At this point of the series, it seems a strange restraint. However, the new normal remains functionally paranormal.
While the premiere starts with an interesting procedural plot, it doesn’t direct the season like prior premieres. This episode doesn’t deliver a massive refocus as season 2’s premiere, but that’s because its conclusion doesn’t deliver as focused of a direction. Regardless, “The Demon of Death” is still an episode that slips away despite its premiere status.
Ben (Aasif Mandvi) seems needlessly hostile as they investigate a soul’s potential weight. The study delivers a thorough scientific process, which makes his resistance linger on the “angry atheist” archetype.
The demon shown on screen certainly isn’t the demon of death the title suggests. While the plot revolves around the mystery of death, there is a demon with a more carnal domain. As future episodes dive into their respective demons, it does seem to be an inaccurate title. However, the demon of the episode will get further focus in a different episode.
Final Thoughts
“The Demon of Death” doesn’t stand out as a premiere but provides an interesting procedural episode. As Father Ignatius will become another key character in the series, giving him an entire episode to introduce him is a nice strategy. While it’s not a haunting episode, it still provides a level of camp with interesting characters to pull it off.
(3 / 5)
Released in 2010, Rare Exports asks an important holiday question. One that no one else has dared to ask.
What if Santa was a ten-story-tall monster buried under the ice for centuries?
The story
Rare Exports is the story of a little boy named Pietari. After doing what is frankly too much research for a little boy, he realizes that Santa is not the jolly old elf we all think of. He is, in fact, a monster who eats bad children. And it turns out that Santa was trapped in the ice near Pietari’s little town. All this would be well and good if a Russian mining team weren’t in the process of cutting him out of the ice. So it’s up to Pietari to convince everyone of the dark, horrific truth.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
What worked
Some movies need to make sense. Some don’t. Rare Exports is one of the latter.
Why were the Russians digging in the snow to find Santa? What was the plan there? What happened to Pietari’s mom? And who did they sell the elves to? Do the elves need air or water to live?
We don’t get answers to any of those questions. And frankly, we don’t need them to enjoy Rare Exports.
This is a wild story about a little boy who discovers that Santa is a mythical monster with a bunch of scrawny old men with big white beards to do his evil bidding and eats bad children who haven’t been beaten by their parents enough. What sort of explanation would help this story in any way?
I mean, we could pick apart why it’s suddenly legal to sell people, or at least mythical creatures that look like naked old men, or why this all happened right next to the only little kid who had the exact knowledge needed. But in the end, wouldn’t that be like asking how Santa gets into people’s homes when they don’t have fireplaces? Doesn’t that objective reasoning just piss on the Christmas magic?
What didn’t work
While Rare Exports was fun, there were parts that I did not appreciate. For one thing, there wasn’t a single woman or person of any color in this film. Literally not one. Not an extra, not in the background. This little Finnish town is populated entirely by white men. And yes, it is Finland and there isn’t a hugely diverse population. But it’s also 2010. People move. Also, women exist.
On the subject of seeing too many white men, we also saw too much of the white men. Specifically, we saw far too many old white male actors entirely nude. There was just no reason for this. These men were portraying elves. They didn’t have to be naked. If they were naked, they didn’t have to have, um, yule logs. Maybe elves are like Ken dolls. There were so many options that didn’t include so much old man wang.
Finally, I wish we’d seen Santa Claus. Not to spoil the ending, but he never actually emerges to attack anyone. And that feels like a cop-out. If we’re going to be teased the whole movie with this depiction of monster Santa, we should at least get to see monster Santa.
Though, after what they did with the elves, maybe it’s a blessing we didn’t see him.
In the end, Rare Exports was well worth watching. It was hilarious, creepy and bloody. And while it wasn’t perfect, it was a delightful holiday horror comedy.
(4 / 5)
Released in 2016, Christmas Crime Story is about a disastrous robbery on Christmas Eve, and all the many lives impacted by the selfish decisions of one person.
And then, suddenly, it isn’t. But we’ll get to that part.
The story
Christmas Crime Story is the tale of a Christmas Eve holdup gone wrong. We see the story from several points of view, starting with Chris, the detective first on the scene.
Chris is having a hard Christmas Eve. So, on his lunch break, he visits his mom at her diner. It appears that they have a contentious relationship. But nothing is solved in this quick visit.
Chris goes on to pull over a man speeding. When the man, named David, pulls over, Chris discovers something in the trunk. That something must have been pretty damn incriminating, because rather than open the trunk, David shoots him dead.
We then switch to David’s pov for the night. Then his girlfriend’s pov. Then, the man his girlfriend has been cheating on him with. And on and on we go, until we see how all of these different stories and people come together for a dark, sordid Christmas Eve.
What worked
The first thing I want to say about Christmas Crime Story is that it’s heartwarming. Like, to a fault, which we will be talking about.
The ending is very sweet, in a Christmasy sort of way. Families come together, people are filled with joy, and all is right in the world for almost everyone. Except for Lena, who deserves to have a bad Christmas, everyone gets a happy ending.
That brings me to my next point. The characters, mostly, are all deeply sympathetic. Even when David or James are killing people, you feel bad for them.
You don’t agree with what they’re doing, but you do feel bad.
You have to feel sympathetic for the man whose girlfriend hired a killer to merk him. Or the woman whose daughter has cancer. Or the guy who just can’t find work, even though he’s trying to make good decisions. You want things to work out for them. You want them to be okay. Even when they do terrible things.
Finally, I always love stories told from so many different points of view. It’s always fun to see a story unfold in a nonlinear way, but in a way that makes more and more sense as we get more points of view. It’s a hard thing to pull off, and I think Christmas Crime Story did it very well.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, all of the sympathetic characters and clever storytelling methods in the world won’t save a story that doesn’t work. And Christmas Crime Story just does not work.
Let’s begin with the ending. The big twist near the end of the movie. I won’t spoil it, but you will for sure know it if you’ve seen the film. Or, if you waste your time watching the film.
As a rule, twists work when they make sense. Not when it feels like the writers threw up their hands and said, “Okay, but what if everything we just did for the last hour and fifteen minutes didn’t happen, and instead…”
This wasn’t clever. It wasn’t fun. It felt like the writers didn’t know how to end their movie and just decided to cheat.
Finally, I mentioned earlier that Christmas Crime Story was heartwarming. And yes, that is nice.
But is it maybe a little too heartwarming?
I mean, we have an adorable angel of a child with cancer. Her parents don’t have enough money for her treatment. We have two poor guys who are in love with a black-hearted woman. And we have a detective so sweet and kind that he makes you rethink ACAB. And, he’s about to get married to his pregnant girlfriend. And they’re naming the baby after his mom. And his name is literally Chris DeJesus. His mom’s name is Maggie DeJesus. I tried to think of a sillier less subtle name to use as a joke, and I literally couldn’t think of one.
They could have at least named him De La Cruz. That would be more subtle, and I still would have complained.
In the end, Christmas Crime Story just missed the mark. It came very close to being a good movie. But it focused too much on how it wanted you to feel, rather than telling a satisfying story that made sense. Much like that third glass of eggnog, it’s fun in the moment and regretful after. If you’re looking for a satisfying Christmas horror, I’d suggest looking elsewhere.
(2 / 5)
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