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AKA:  I can be your Angel… or I can be your devil

The Rule of Three

We begin not with Angel, but with the underground crew. The Anointed One, aka Colin, is throwing stones into a puddle as The Master recounts how many vampires (“his family”) The Slayer has killed.  Darla volunteers to solve this problem, while Colin simply suggests annihilation.  The Master decides to go with The Three.  He sure likes referring to folks with a “the.”

Meanwhile, the Scoobies are at something horrifyingly referred to as The Bronze’s Fumigation Party. It’s one last hurrah before it shuts down temporarily for some much-needed cockroach decimation.  Buffy is upset about her singleness.  She claims not to be bothered by this most of the time, but I feel like we just covered this concern a couple episodes ago.  After Willow expresses similar dreariness and Xander has a verbal sparring with Cordelia, Buffy’s decided she has caused enough melancholy in her friend group and heads home.

On her way home, she senses she’s being followed.  Indeed she is – by three vampires.  Perhaps The Three?  We won’t know for at least a few minutes, because it’s off to the theme song.

Slumber Party

Angel appears and starts throwing punches after attempting a quip about good dogs.  Perhaps projection of his desire to be a good boy himself?  They run to Buffy’s house and she lets him in to take cover.  He reminds her and the audience of that wonderful vampire lore:  they cannot come in without being invited.

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She has him take off his shirt so she can tend to his wounds and oggle his tattoo (among other things).  Unfortunately Joyce comes in at that moment, and Buffy does everything in her power to keep her from seeing the hunky half naked man in the kitchen.  She tells her mom they bumped into each other on the street; she apparently invited him in because he’s her tutor.

Once Joyce goes to bed Buffy pretends to let Angel out the front door while actually sneaking him to her room.  Keep the eyebrow waggling to yourself, because they work out some very chaste sleeping arrangements, and Angel even turns away while Buffy changes – without peeking at her in the mirror, Xander.  They chat a bit, mostly about Buffy’s chosen one status and Angel’s dead family.  Ah, the meet-cute.

The next day, Xander is incensed at the recounting of the sleepover while Willow is enchanted.  Giles steers everyone back on track to the topic of The Three, who were indeed the three vampires hunting Buffy (and, incidentally, Angel).  Giles assures them that they will be offering their lives in penance for their failure.

Fight or Flight

We see The Master lecturing The Anointed One about the seriousness of taking a life.  Colin asks if they will be spared, which Darla answers with a resounding, dusty “no.”

Buffy and Giles are in weapons training.  She wants to play with the crossbow but her Watcher insists on working with the basics first.  She knocks him down down to the ground rather swiftly, which he deems as rounds to move on up to the crossbow.  Not that Buffy isn’t a proficient fighter or anything, but knocking Giles down is a pretty low bar, even as early as episode seven.

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That night Buffy brings Angel some food and erroneously accuses him of reading her diary/Buffy-Angel fanfic.  Angel says he can’t be around her because he wants to kiss her when they’re together.  This is bad, because he’s older than her.  When she asks how much older he responds by… kissing her.  It’s a totally adorable and heartwarming smoochfest, until Angel gets a nasty case of vamp-face and jumps out the window.

Buffy recounts the incident the next day, asking if a vampire can ever be a good person.  Giles reminds her – and us – that a vampire is not a person at all, just a demon.  Xander admonishes her for being in love with a vampire just as Cordelia walks by, but she is too distracted about another girl wearing the same dress as her to hear Xander’s urging to slay Angel.

Time to stop living in the past

Angel enters a crypt to find Darla.  They apparently go way back.  She is not amused by his human-like antics or recent Slayer entanglement.  He melodramatically points out that he may not be human, but he isn’t exactly vampire anymore either.

It’s research time in the library, and Giles is actually reading some diaries – Watcher diaries to be exact.  Angelus was turned in Ireland roughly 240 years ago.  He wreaked havoc in Europe before arriving in America nearly 80 years ago.  Suddenly he was no longer killing.

Darla proposes to The Master that she convince Angel to kill Buffy and bring him back into the fold.  She figures if it’s a life-or-death situation he will do what it takes to protect himself.  The Master says he loves his happy family and how they work together.

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In the library, Willow is tutoring Buffy.  But Buffy is more interested in talking about Angel (which gives Willow the opportunity to talk about Xander).  Willow is too nervous to talk to Xander about her crush, and Buffy is determined to avoid picturing anything with Angel.

Darla, meanwhile, has arrived at the Summers household.  She tells Joyce that she is helping Buffy study the War of Independence after Willow helps her with the Civil War.  Joyce fully believes her daughter needs three tutors amd invites her in to wait.  She offers her a snack, but probably doesn’t have the same thing in mind as Darla.

Bloodlust

Luckily, Angel is walking by the Simmerd house and hears the scream.  He bursts in to see a passed out Joyce.  Darla has only had a taste and encourages Angel to finish her up.  Unluckily, Buffy walks in on a vamped-out Angel holding her bleeding and unconscious mother.

Buffy throws him out through a window and threatens to kill him if he comes near them again.  She then calls an ambulance, saying her mom cut herself and lost a lot of blood. 

Xander, Willow, and Giles are in Joyce’s room, the latter much to the confusion of our patient (“The teachers at the school really do care!”).  The official story is she slipped and stabbed herself with a barbecue fork while making Buffy’s “friend” a snack.

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Buffy blames herself for inviting Angel into her home.  She is mad that emotion trumped reason, so she prepares to retaliate… with death.  Giles says he is powerful and will require more than a stake.  Enter Chekov’s crossbow.

Darla is in Angel’s face egging him on.  She reiterates how much he must be missing his vampire bloodlust.  He breaks down and says he just wants this finished.

Giles and Joyce have a heart-to-heart about Buffy.  Joyce is concerned that Buffy is studying with Willow and Darla and still struggling with history.  Giles clocks the name and bids adieu.

Hot and Cold

Buffy shows up to her showdown with Angel.  He snarls that he’s just an animal, to which Buffy replies that no, she actually likes animals.  He goads her on while she asks why he would attack her this way.  This is where he details his trail of death over the years.  It only stopped after he killed a young Romani girl.  The elders of her group restored his soul as punishment.  Vampires don’t typically have a soul, and therefore have no conscience.  To have his soul restored meant remorse and guilt for every heinous act he had committed.  This is where he finally reveals he was not the one who attacked Joyce.

Darla appears.  She is upset that Angel has chosen not to come home to the family – especially as his sire and former lover.  She pulls out a couple of handguns and starts shooting.  The first shot hits Angel (who cannot be killed by bullet, just wounded) and starts in on Buffy.  Giles, Willow, and Xander appear and attempt to help.  After Buffy’s shot woth the crossbow misses Darla’s heart, Angel sneaks up and stakes her.  She has just enough time to see it was him before she turns to dust.

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The Master is screaming and breaking things.  Darla was his favorite, and Angelus was meant to be his right-hand man.  Colin promises to bring him the Slayer and says to forget Darla and Angelus.

The Bronze has a Post-Fumigation Party, too, apparently.  Angel appears, and he and Buffy agree they would be an ill-fated couple.  That didn’t stop them before, and it sure isn’t stopping them this time:  it’s time to return to smoochfest.

What did we think?

“Half the episode is providing background on an old dude accompanied by his romance with a high schooler, the other half is bring your kid to work day.” – Trav’s one sentence review of this episode.

I am coming to this episode as a long-time fan of the show. However, I also come to this episode as a new audience member of the spinoff series Angel. I will fully own up to the fact that this biases me, because in the past I found Angel to be a tedious character. Now I fully get it. 4.5 out of 5 stars (4.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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