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I recently watched and enjoyed the original Child’s Play and it made me want to address an elephant in the room: I don’t dislike that film franchise. Why must I say this? Well, there’s a weird misconception about me regarding those films. This requires a little backstory: Back in August 9, 2018, something strange happened. I was “called out” via Twitter by the Editor in Chief of a prominent horror site for supposedly calling the Child’s Play franchise stale. Certain anonymous goofballs chimed in saying, in so many words, “Yeah, to hell with that loser! He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” Long story short, there was an impromptu competition over who could be the biggest crybaby (which has become America’s biggest pastime now, it appears).

A Dumb Semi-Scandal

“Aghh! Public opinion! It burns! Keep it away! I’m going stale! ARGH!” Photo credit: © 1988 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Now, for starters, who cares even if I did say that the franchise was stale? People outright dislike plenty of movies I love all the time! Look at Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, for shit’s sake! I love that movie yet it’s constantly dragged through the mud. However, the problem isn’t that I said the franchise is stale. In fact, here was my initial response to that rape accusation:

If you bother to look at my original article, you’ll find that it’s actually not a harsh critique of the Child’s Play movies. It was exactly as the title says: Suggestions for keeping Child’s Play fresh. In fact, I suggest I like the series more over time because I can better appreciate the psychological horror aspects of the original now as an adult. While the article didn’t create a national scandal, I did get an idea of what it feels like to face a manufactured semi-scandal over social media.

There was Vaguely Something to Their Complaint

To be fair, I can partly understand the confusion. The article actually was promoted wrong. The website I used to write for implied I suggested it was going stale, when in fact I didn’t ( and sorry to this website, but this is the simple truth). However, it didn’t end there. Another site had to get into it, issuing an article called YOU JUST CAN’T KEEP A GOOD GUY DOWN: WHY THE CHILD’S PLAY FRANCHISE IS ANYTHING BUT STALE. This whine was because, in my article, I dared to point out how oversaturation can lead to franchise decline. Is that really such a weird point to make? It’s exactly what happened to the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, and others, so we know it’s a real thing. In fact, Wes Craven famously critiqued that franchise throughout its run and he started the damn thing!

I stated my case in a perfectly reasonable (and factual) manner in the original article: “It’s sort of like Freddy Krueger toward the end of the 1980s. The pop culture aspects of the character almost outweighed the horror elements, and he was rendered ‘safer’ and less effective as a story device. In a way, this is part of a general risk with sequel and reboot fatigue. Even if things are pretty well done, some will get tired of seeing the same character. Of course, if things aren’t well done at all, it can be way more groan-inducing than bone-chilling.”

See, I can say that even as a fan of all the Nightmare on Elm Street films ⁠— which, in all honesty, is my favorite horror franchise overall. Like a grownup, I can admit that some installments were better than others.

Freddy Krueger
I included this Youtube screengrab. I wanted to supply more evidence that opinions on horror franchises are so meaningful and thought-provoking.

My Praise — That’s Right, Praise — for Child’s Play

So let’s finally dispense this myth that I laid down some harsh critique of Child’s Play. In reality, I have written plenty of positive articles about Child’s Play, Chucky and Brad Dourif. Here’s an article called The Actor Factor: The Great Performances of ‘Child’s Play (1988). It was written on June 30th, 2018 — well before that other, oh so offensive article. If anything, that article might be so positive as to make one feel nauseous! Here’s one from even earlier where I praise Dourif’s acting in general . I write, “Chucky has become the dominant killer doll in horror, and it’s hard to imagine anyone truly taking his place. As Chucky himself famously said, ‘Don’t fuck with the Chuck!’”

I can imagine someone saying: “Hey, wait a minute! I thought this loser wasn’t a fan of the Child’s Play movies and he was some dumb-ass with a gimmicky ‘hot take’ on Chucky to generate clicks.” No, hypothetical sir and/or madam crybaby. That’s a solid NOPE. However, now that I think of it, I am half-tempted to manufacture a scathing critique of this OR ANY OTHER film franchise just to hear more babies cry out in the night as I laugh my way to the imaginary bank. Bwahahahaha!

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So, what are your thoughts on Chucky and the horrible, incredibly stale and loathsome Child’s Play franchise? Do you think I should have been tarred and feathered, if not flayed alive, for making the vaguest critique imaginable and having my article promoted badly via Twitter? Will such people eventually succeed in giving me a permanent persecution complex? Let me know in the comments (or don’t…see if I care!)!

Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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