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I recently watched and enjoyed the original Child’s Play and it made me want to address an elephant in the room: I don’t dislike that film franchise. Why must I say this? Well, there’s a weird misconception about me regarding those films. This requires a little backstory: Back in August 9, 2018, something strange happened. I was “called out” via Twitter by the Editor in Chief of a prominent horror site for supposedly calling the Child’s Play franchise stale. Certain anonymous goofballs chimed in saying, in so many words, “Yeah, to hell with that loser! He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” Long story short, there was an impromptu competition over who could be the biggest crybaby (which has become America’s biggest pastime now, it appears).

A Dumb Semi-Scandal

“Aghh! Public opinion! It burns! Keep it away! I’m going stale! ARGH!” Photo credit: © 1988 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Now, for starters, who cares even if I did say that the franchise was stale? People outright dislike plenty of movies I love all the time! Look at Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, for shit’s sake! I love that movie yet it’s constantly dragged through the mud. However, the problem isn’t that I said the franchise is stale. In fact, here was my initial response to that rape accusation:

If you bother to look at my original article, you’ll find that it’s actually not a harsh critique of the Child’s Play movies. It was exactly as the title says: Suggestions for keeping Child’s Play fresh. In fact, I suggest I like the series more over time because I can better appreciate the psychological horror aspects of the original now as an adult. While the article didn’t create a national scandal, I did get an idea of what it feels like to face a manufactured semi-scandal over social media.

There was Vaguely Something to Their Complaint

To be fair, I can partly understand the confusion. The article actually was promoted wrong. The website I used to write for implied I suggested it was going stale, when in fact I didn’t ( and sorry to this website, but this is the simple truth). However, it didn’t end there. Another site had to get into it, issuing an article called YOU JUST CAN’T KEEP A GOOD GUY DOWN: WHY THE CHILD’S PLAY FRANCHISE IS ANYTHING BUT STALE. This whine was because, in my article, I dared to point out how oversaturation can lead to franchise decline. Is that really such a weird point to make? It’s exactly what happened to the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, and others, so we know it’s a real thing. In fact, Wes Craven famously critiqued that franchise throughout its run and he started the damn thing!

I stated my case in a perfectly reasonable (and factual) manner in the original article: “It’s sort of like Freddy Krueger toward the end of the 1980s. The pop culture aspects of the character almost outweighed the horror elements, and he was rendered ‘safer’ and less effective as a story device. In a way, this is part of a general risk with sequel and reboot fatigue. Even if things are pretty well done, some will get tired of seeing the same character. Of course, if things aren’t well done at all, it can be way more groan-inducing than bone-chilling.”

See, I can say that even as a fan of all the Nightmare on Elm Street films ⁠— which, in all honesty, is my favorite horror franchise overall. Like a grownup, I can admit that some installments were better than others.

Freddy Krueger
I included this Youtube screengrab. I wanted to supply more evidence that opinions on horror franchises are so meaningful and thought-provoking.

My Praise — That’s Right, Praise — for Child’s Play

So let’s finally dispense this myth that I laid down some harsh critique of Child’s Play. In reality, I have written plenty of positive articles about Child’s Play, Chucky and Brad Dourif. Here’s an article called The Actor Factor: The Great Performances of ‘Child’s Play (1988). It was written on June 30th, 2018 — well before that other, oh so offensive article. If anything, that article might be so positive as to make one feel nauseous! Here’s one from even earlier where I praise Dourif’s acting in general . I write, “Chucky has become the dominant killer doll in horror, and it’s hard to imagine anyone truly taking his place. As Chucky himself famously said, ‘Don’t fuck with the Chuck!’”

I can imagine someone saying: “Hey, wait a minute! I thought this loser wasn’t a fan of the Child’s Play movies and he was some dumb-ass with a gimmicky ‘hot take’ on Chucky to generate clicks.” No, hypothetical sir and/or madam crybaby. That’s a solid NOPE. However, now that I think of it, I am half-tempted to manufacture a scathing critique of this OR ANY OTHER film franchise just to hear more babies cry out in the night as I laugh my way to the imaginary bank. Bwahahahaha!

So, what are your thoughts on Chucky and the horrible, incredibly stale and loathsome Child’s Play franchise? Do you think I should have been tarred and feathered, if not flayed alive, for making the vaguest critique imaginable and having my article promoted badly via Twitter? Will such people eventually succeed in giving me a permanent persecution complex? Let me know in the comments (or don’t…see if I care!)!

Movies n TV

1971’s ‘The Corpse Grinders’ is purrrfect

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Have you ever wanted a movie from the 70’s where a woman gets home from work, strips down to lingerie to lounge on her couch, only to be killed and eaten by her cat?

Of course, you’re a regular human, just like the rest of us. Who doesn’t fantasize about that?

Well, kids, I found us that perfect movie in the salacious and groovy Arch Hall Sr. film, THE CORPSE GRINDERS.

The Plot of The Corpse Grinders:

Corruption! Capitalism! Murder! Fake-ass sign language! Cats! This movie has IT ALL.

To cut costs on production, The Lotus Cat Food Company decides they can find cheaper meat alternatives in the Soylent Green variety. Which, to be fair, is a step up from Taco Bell, amirite?

Partnering with a couple who owns a cemetery, they begin grinding up the mystery meat and sell it to unsuspecting consumers. But the consumers begin to be consumed themselves (that’s my best joke of the year, you’re welcome), a veterinarian begins to investigate the reason why our feline friends have turned feral.

Can this nefarious plot be found out in time by investigators? And by “investigators”, I mean, literally just this veterinarian and some nurse. Or will they too become victims in the feeding frenzy?

Thoughts on The Corpse Grinders:

This was only written by Arch Hall Sr. and not directed, but honestly, for being a low-budget comedy-horror, it cements him as a cult classic icon. Probably known most for Eegah, of MST3K infamy, he wrote and directed many camp movies during the 60’s and 70’s. Usually to showcase his son’s, er…talents.

But he legitimately had some fun ideas and execution, especially when someone else was in the director’s chair. THE CORPSE GRINDERS is fun and exciting schlock, a feast for the eyes in its limited cinematography, acting, and lighting.

And call this a hot take, but I think THE CORPSE GRINDERS would have made a better edition to MST3K than Eegah did because it works so incredibly well as campy horror. There’s a lot of honest humor in it, but metric tons of things to poke fun of and riff.

Brainroll Juice:

So, I have two brainrolls.

First, give me the rights. Gimme. Because this movie is RIPE for a reboot. Yes, that’s right. Not Pinhead, not Chucky, not gay icon Chucky – no! Corpse Grinders is a perfect example of something with enough cheese, enough spark, and enough of a story that still gels. With the right writers, director and cinematographer, this could really be a great reboot.

And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – reboot movies like THIS. Old, beat-up movies with enough spit and polish to be fun and enjoyable. Something you could add to with more budget, technology and direction. Stop, please, stop making ‘I Spit on Your Grave’ part 24. It’s done, it’s old, lie those types to rest and focus on movies that kind of sucked but would be phenomenal after time has passed.

The second is, um…American Sign Language (?) in the film. Which, okay, I’m a million percent with having those with disabilities shown on screen. I love it. Gimme 2.0. But…But why this, specifically?

We have a side character who is Deaf, but…um…the ASL is, well…

Remember that séance scene from Wild World of Batwoman? Yeah. It’s on par with that.

In MY new Corpse Grinders, she’s going to have a much wider role and actually be a Deaf actress and not…whatever that was. Because you took a cool idea and made it incredibly offensive. So, six of one and half-dozen of the other.

Bottomline:

If you love campy fun movies about cats eating people and-…

Jellybeans?

Jellybeans, what are you doing?

Noooo!!! Jellybeansss!!!

Whyyy?!?! Ahhhh!!!!

helloo itsme branyl i wriet horro movis nd not a jellllllybens cAt. can i haz humnbrger?

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Movies n TV

February Titles for Arrow Streaming

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Wow, January sure flew by fast! But guess what? It’s time to see what goodies Arrow is bringing to the small screen soon. Let’s find out!

Basically a picture of everything I talk about down below.

Feb 3rd: Robert Altman: Giggle and Give In and Made in the USA

February 3 Joyce documentaries about the American indie film scene: Robert Altman: Giggle and Give In and Made in the USA (both US/UK/CA/IRE). Joyce’s documentary profile of Altman, originally produced in 1996 includes contributions from Altman, Elliott Gould, Shelley Duvall, assistant director Alan Rudolph and screenwriter Joan Tewkesbury. 

Feb 3rd: Charles Band: The Puppetmaster

February 3: Charles Band: The Puppetmaster (UK/IRE/US/CA). Triple-threat writer-producer-director Charles Band has been pulling the strings making horror, sci-fi and fantasy features since the 70s and his films were a massive part of making the 1980s home video boom, well, boom.

Charles Band: The Puppetmaster brings together many of his wildest and most fun work, from murderous pint-sized puppets to re-animated horrors, from time-travelling Trancers to a terrifying Tourist Trap, and even the re-tooled Doctor Strange movie starring Jeffrey Combs as a slightly different sorcerer supreme. And I LOVE Jeffrey Combs!

Titles Include: Puppet Master, Doctor Mordrid, Trancers.

Feb 6: Killer Tech

February 6, while shopping for a gadget for your sweetheart, ARROW uploads Killer Tech (UK/IRE/US/CA) to the service.

We all want the latest gadgets, but in Killer Tech screen time means scream time.

From cursed videotapes and phone calls to the dangers of the dark web and vicious virtual reality, ARROW’s newest, smallest, lightest, fastest, most expensive curated collection doesn’t just have the best screen, largest amount of storage and the coolest camera – it also comes with a guarantee that the newest tech equals instant death.

Titles Include: .com For Murder, Laguna Ave, Edge of the Axe.

I recommend Edge of the Axe!

Feb 10: Cinematic Void Selects

 February 10, ARROW hands the keys to the kingdom to Cinematic Void, a Los Angeles-based cult film screening series into the mouth of cinemadness. Focusing on all oddball gems of all genres, the Void unleashes an onslaught of horror, eurotrash, exploitation and gonzo action on the silver screen at the American Cinematheque. CV film programmer Jim Branscome has selected a few of his favourite films of the genre for your viewing pleasure in Cinematic Void Selects.

Titles Include: Deadly Games, Deep Red.

Feb 14:

February 14 celebrates Valentine’s Day with the perfect pairing: the undead and the living dead.

Two Orphan Vampires (UK/IRE/US): A pair of teenage girls, who are blind by day, but when the sun goes down, they roam the streets to quench their thirst for blood.

Zombie Lake (UK/IRE/US): In a small village, somewhere in France, German soldiers, killed and thrown into the lake by the Resistance during WWII, come back.

Also Valentine’s Day:

Jean Rollin: The Fantastique Collection Part IV (UK/IRE/US).

Led by the brand new and exclusive documentary from filmmakers Kat Ellinger and Dima Ballin, Orchestrator of Storms: The Fantastique World Of Jean Rollin, welcome to ARROW’s final volume of horrifying dream-like sauce from the master of conjuring up erotic nightmare fuel, Jean Rollin, The Fantastique Collection Part IV.

Titles Include: The Living Dead Girl, Lost in New York, Dracula’s Fiancee.

Feb 17: The French Hitchcock: Claude Chabrol

February 17, with The French Hitchcock: Claude Chabrol (UK/IRE/US).

For five decades Claude Chabrol navigated the unpredictable waters of cinema, leaving in his wake more than fifty feature films that remain among the most quietly devastating genre movies ever made. Sardonic, provocative, and unsettling, Chabrol’s films cut to the quick with a clarity and honesty honed to razor sharpness.

Though influenced by Fritz Lang, Alfred Hitchcock and Jean Renoir, Chabrol’s voice was entirely and assuredly his own, influencing in turn filmmakers like Bong Joon-ho, James Gray and Dominik Moll. His amused, unblinkered view of life and refusal to judge his characters makes his films timelessly relevant and accessible to all.

Dark, witty, ruthless, mischievous: if you’ve never seen Chabrol before, you’re in for a treat.

Titles Include: Cop au vin, Madame Bovary (1991), The Swindle.

Feb 24: King of Karate: The Sonny Chiba Collection

February 24 hits it off with King of Karate: The Sonny Chiba Collection (UK/IRE/US/CA).

Put up your dukes and prepare yourselves for brutal and lightning-fast martial arts action starring the King of Karate: Sonny Chiba.

Whether you’ve only heard of Sonny through Clarence and Alabama’s True Romance triple-bill, have seen him sword-making for The Bride in Kill Bill, or know Shinichi Chiba from way back in the 70s martial arts boom where his lethal mastery of karate, judo and kenpo made him an in-demand anti-hero to legions of fans, there’s plenty of bruising bad-assery to be had in King of Karate: The Sonny Chiba Collection.

Titles Include: The Street Fighter, Wolf Guy, Battles Without Honor and Humanity: Hiroshima Death Match.

Feb 28: Millionaires’ Express 

February 28 closes out the shortest month of the year with Millionaires’ Express (US/CA).

All aboard for the all-star action-packed adventure of a lifetime as martial arts maestro Sammo Hung (Heart of Dragon) brings East and West crashing spectacularly together in Millionaires’ Express!

Sammo himself plays Ching Fong-tin, a former outlaw with a wild scheme to make amends with the citizens of his struggling hometown of Hon Sui: explosively derail a brand new luxury express train en route from Shanghai so that its super-rich passengers will have no choice but to spend money in the town. He’s not the only one with eyes on the passengers’ deep pockets, however; a gang of ruthless bank-robbing bandits are on the way, looking for a priceless map being guarded by a trio of Japanese samurai. Bullets and fists will fill the air in equal measure, but will Hon Sui Town be left standing?

Jean Rollin Collection promotional. It's kinda trippy.

Head over to ARROW to start watching now.

Subscriptions are available for $6.99 monthly or $69.99 yearly. 

ARROW is available in the US, Canada, the UK and Ireland on the following Apps/devices: Roku (all Roku sticks, boxes, devices, etc), Apple TV & iOS devices, Samsung TVs, Android TV and mobile devices, Fire TV (all Amazon Fire TV Sticks, boxes, etc), and on all web browsers at https://www.arrow-player.com.

ARROWEssentials curates collections based on genre, decades and themes; and ARROWStories takes a fresh look at the world of film and TV with exclusive documentaries, interviews and video essays diving deeper into the many curated seasons and titles on the platform for a richer and deeper viewing experience.

With a slickly designed and user-friendly interface, and an unparalleled roster of quality content from westerns to giallo to Asian cinema, trailers, Midnight Movies, filmmaker picks and much, much more, ARROW is the place to go for the very best in on-demand entertainment.

ARROW is also home to ARROW Stories – an ever-growing collection of interviews, trailers, documentaries and additional extras, both newly created exclusives for the service and from the company’s extensive archives. The service will be updated regularly with fresh content, new curation focuses and never-before-seen content, all selected by the ARROW team as well as the filmmakers themselves. With a slickly designed and user-friendly interface ARROW is the new alternative place to go for the very best in On-Demand entertainment.

Be on the look-out because in the coming months, ARROW will be adding Oscar-winning hits, European classics, Asian cinema masterworks, rediscovered Westerns, offbeat gems and much more as part of ARROW’s international strategy to support and celebrate the medium of film.

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Dahmer, The Good Boy Box

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I think if it were possible to awkward someone to death, Dahmer never would have had to use any other weapon. Because if episode four is any indication, the man was a walking personification of awkwardness. 

Let’s discuss. 

We start this episode with Dahmer talking with the police detectives after his arrest. He doesn’t seem to have any issue laying everything out for them, starting with the murder of the hitchhiker from the last episode. He’s seeing a psychiatrist, which feels overdue. And the psychiatrist is bringing back some memories. Starting with his graduation from high school.

Still from Dahmer with Evan Peters.

A few days after graduation, Lionel Dahmer finally decides to look in on his family. He comes home to find no one but Jeff there, drunk and scribbling out the faces of his classmates from his yearbook. 

After taking some time to blame Joyce, Lionel sets himself to the task of fixing his son. He first sends Jeff to Ohio State. Within a semester, Jeff is expelled with a GPA of .45. So, Lionel sends him to the army. And for about a year, that seems to work out. Jeff goes through basic training and everything is fine. But then, he’s discharged. 

It’s not outright said in the show why Dahmer was discharged. He later tells a woman that it was because of his drinking. But he lies and gives half-truths to everyone without any remorse. So there’s no way of knowing. 

Finally, we pick back up where we left off a few episodes ago, with Jeff’s grandmother finding the stolen mannequin in his bed. She throws it away, and he starts to unravel.

He goes to a state fair and gets arrested for masturbating in public.

Evan Peters in Dahmer.

Honestly, there are a lot of masturbation scenes in this episode and the last. Probably more than we needed.

Every time Jeff seems to get some sort of handle on his life, he manages to mess it up. He loses jobs and starts drugging men at bars. Finally, he finds himself in bed with the body of a beautiful young man he brought home the night before. 

I liked this episode. It was a deeply disturbing portrait of a mentally ill young man trying and failing to get himself together. It’s easy to feel bad for Dahmer. To feel like there should have been a way to save him from himself.

And there should have been, to be clear. Dahmer was throwing up enough red flags early enough that someone should have been able to do something.

And yet, nobody did until seventeen men were dead. It does make you wonder if it would have gone on so long if Dahmer hadn’t preyed on gay men. If he hadn’t been a white man. And maybe it should make us wonder that.

I’m sure this point will be made clear to us as we watch the second half of the season.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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