Christmas Bloody Christmas-Review
Another Christmas has come and gone and with it we approach the final days of 2022. Presents have been vigorously unwrapped from under our trees as we spent time with our families nestled snug by a warm fire ingesting copious amounts of holiday treats and hot cocoa. However, for genre fans like myself, new horror films centralized around Christmas are easily one of the most exciting parts of the holidays. Thankfully this year, Shudder has graciously gifted us with a yuletide horror story that puts a clever new spin on the “killer Santa” trope with writer/director Joe Begos (VFW) ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas’.
Twas the bloody night before Christmas..
When it comes to holiday horror films, especially killer Santas, there are numerous different approaches, some more strong than others. Many have tackled this subgenre with massive success such as the classic 1984 ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’ and 1980’s ‘Christmas Evil‘. Others have chosen more unconventional routes like the 2005 horror comedy ‘Santa’s Slay‘ starring former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg as Kris Kringle. Or the equally bonkers 2010 Finnish horror film ‘Rare Exports‘ in which Saint Nicolas is portrayed as a massive holiday demon entombed within ice. With ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘, Begos takes this familiar holiday stereotype and flips it on its head by presenting us with a Terminator-like robot Santa appropriately named RoboSanta+ (Abraham Benrubi). Designed by the US department of Defense to replace the lackluster drunken mall Santas across the country, RoboSanta+ comes equipped with state-of-the-art technology with full range motion, a vocabulary of over 90,000 words, and military grade construction perfect for security defense; what could go wrong?
Set during Christmas Eve, ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas’ opens with a brief sequence of infomercials, one of which explaining the high-tech features of our RoboSanta+ capturing that sense of early 80’s-90’s channel surfing nostalgia. We are then introduced to the films lead, slacker girl and record shop owner Tori Tooms (Riley Dandy) and her friend/employee Robbie Reynolds (Sam Delich). Following a cheeky conversation in which he convinces her to bail on a date she had previously scheduled a few days prior, a news announcement from the films local television station broadcasts the total recall of RoboSanta+ due to unspecified malfunctioning reasons. As the night of drinking and debauchery ensues with their friends Lahna (Dora Madison) and Jay (Jonah Ray), the films killer robot Santa sparks to life and begins his night of blood-drenched slaying leaving Tori and Robbie with a less than merry Christmas.
RoboSanta+’s Nice List
Clocking in at under 90 min, ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘ feels perfectly paced, starting off at first as non-stop grindhouse slasher only to quickly evolve into a tense siege film. Though the set designs are minimal, they’re beautifully lit and well enclosed; from the bar and sheriff’s department, to the local toy store, each location feels creatively unique and wholly utilized. As with Begos’ previous film ‘Bliss‘, visually, ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘ is a festive treat. His signature use of neon colors splashes the screen with vivid delight. Due to Christmas Bloody Christmas being shot on 16mm, the grainy film only accentuates the bright shades of red and green mixed with cool purples and hot pinks. The film’s high-octane energy and carnal slaughter is only amplified by the impeccable score provided by Steve Moore, emphasizing every chaotic moment happening on screen.
RoboSanta+ is especially vicious as he wields his crimson axe butchering bodies in grisly fashion. The first kill we witness after he powers on is cleverly shot through his perspective as we watch him slice through his victim in one fluid swipe. What makes his character even more terrifying isn’t his nearly indestructible frame nor the way in which he chops through multiple victims’ heads with brute strength, but rather the way in which he relentlessly hunts Tori and Robbie, like an unstoppable force. As he sustains more damage throughout the film, we see the masterful practical effects of his metallic skeleton and illuminating green laser eyes. The carnage candy is gruesome as heads are chopped in-two, bodies are flung like ragdolls, and blood-splatter paints our characters and killer Terminator Santa bright red.
Adding to the non-stop chaos are the strong performances Riley Dandy and Sam Delich bring to Tori and Robbie. The dialogue exchanges between their characters, though often vulgar, feel natural. This is in part because of the well-crafted script and on-screen chemistry between the two actors. Mixed with casual conversations of which horror movie sequel outranks whose and best metal albums, a sexual tension increasingly grows between the two until its resolve in sensual flare. Tori is especially captivating as she is filled with spit-fire charisma and an alluring personality. She is outspoken, wild, and the epitome of a sexually liberated independent woman who’s immediately likeable. As the film progresses, we see her evolution into a strong final girl as she fights back against her robotic pursuant, becoming her own Sarah Connor in the process.
Where Robo-Santa’s Gears need Tinkering
For as fun as the conversations are between Tori and Robbie, their salacious nature at times can be off-putting. Begos isn’t shy when it comes to crude dialogue, as every character for the most part has the mouth of a sailor. There are few sentences throughout the film that do not incorporate at least one or two f-bombs peppered with some other curse word reminiscent of a Rob Zombie film. Though I’m not typically bothered by coarse language in a film, there are times where ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘ relies on it so much, it almost feels forced in some ways. This detracts from the natural flow of some of the conversations and can make their characters feel a bit childish. Throughout the first half of the movie Tori and Robbie are so wrapped up in their conversations while continuously drinking and getting high, completely oblivious to the havoc around them. The only character who receives ample development in the story is Tori, which is a bit disappointing as Robbie’s character has missed potential for growth. Other characters that are introduced such as Jeff Daniel Phillips’ (‘The Lords of Salem’ and ‘31‘) Sheriff Monroe and Officer Smith (Jeremy Gardner; ‘The Battery’ and ‘After Midnight’) play no significant role in the film’s plot apart from providing a standout scene involving the town’s local police station and extra body count.
Speaking of the body count, when it comes to the deaths displayed on screen, though as merciless and creative as they are, some are recycled while a couple of others happen off screen. This is a bit disappointing as the ones we are shown are quite brutal. However, this comes with the exception of one for me personally. During the second act of the film before realizing RoboSanta+ is on the hunt for her and Robbie, Tori witnesses the killer robot brutally murder a small boy in his living room while she stares out of her kitchen window. What makes this death even more disturbing is the use of his body after the fact, as the prosthetic doll is used as a means of physical entry and a lifeless shield of defense. I am usually not bothered by most deaths in horror films but, when it pertains to certain deaths such as animals and especially children, I do find myself becoming withdrawn from the film. Though I understand these are moments meant to reflect the monstrous nature of the film’s villain detaching him from any real human empathy, for me there is a point where certain deaths feel either unnecessary or added for shock value, rather than true story progression. This scene would have been more impactful to me had his death been heavily implied or altered in a way that utilizes an adult character or, simply leave the boy alive to find his butchered family.
Merry Christmas Bloody Christmas!
‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘ is a gruesome film with off-the-wall visuals and hypnotic colors creating a wildly unabashed yuletide slasher. Though Begos never answers the questions as to why RoboSanta+ malfunctions or why he is mercilessly stalking his victims, this does not diminish my enjoyment from the visual experience. ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘ knows what type of film it is and accomplishes its goal with excellence. The story is not bogged down with complex technicalities, the on-screen deaths soak the screen in blood, jaw dropping practical effects with enriched set designs, and dialogue that feels aesthetically natural. While the script can be extreme at times, Riley Dandy steals the light with her powerful performance echoing final girl icons before her. Filled with 80’s grindhouse nostalgia soaked in a neon color palette, Begos delivers ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘ wrapped in a gory bow that is sure to become a new holiday horror favorite amongst genre fans.
‘Christmas Bloody Christmas‘ is now streaming exclusively on Shudder. Be sure to check out all of our other holiday horror reviews, as well as our festive yuletide tales of terror: The Twelve Nightmares of the Holidays; 12 short holiday horror stories written by fellow HauntedMTL reviewers and authors, including ‘Coming to Town’ by yours truly.
(3 / 5)
Movies n TV
Returning to the Soothing World of Evil with “The Demon of Death”
“The Demon of Death” is the season 3 premiere of the supernatural drama Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King.
“The Demon of Death” is the season 3 premiere of the supernatural drama Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, Christine Lahti, and Andrea Martin. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons.
The assessors investigate the weight of a soul. Father Frank Ignatius (Wallace Shawn) agrees to participate in this test despite his growing disillusionment. David (Mike Colter) and Kristen (Katja Herbers) deal with the ramifications of their confessions. Kristen’s girls go on the warpath with Leland (Michael Emerson). Andy (Patrick Brammall) signs his death warrant.
What I Like about “The Demon of Death”
As season 2 ended with a cliffhanger, “The Demon of Death” picks back up with an interesting addition. The episode provides a more obvious stopping point that Season 2 should have taken advantage of. It dumbfounds me because this addition makes for a more interesting and darker cliffhanger. The added context would have made the cliffhanger more palatable. However, it’s a nice twist for the episode.
Dr. Boggs (Kurt Fuller) and Sister Andrea (Andrea Martin) make an interesting pair that adds complexity to both. We even explore some of Sister Andrea’s character flaws, best displayed by her interaction with Kristen in the next scene. Few wise sage characters that display flaws, making this addition appreciated.
Father Ignatius’ introduction adds layers of interest for a character who will play a recurring role, tying into Monsignor Korecki directly. The yet-to-be-explored relationship between Father Ignatius and Monsignor Korecki (Boris McGiver) evokes an interest.
While “The Demon of Death” isn’t a haunting episode, but explores the mysteries and terror of death through science to provide an interesting environment for an episode. It introduces a new character that adds to the cast.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
There’s not much to report here that particularly crosses the line and what teeters on the line holds a dark comedic tone.
Perhaps Sister Andrea’s flaw might rub some the wrong way, as it deals with her overwhelming faith. However, it’s a minor point at the moment. Again, I lean on liking some complexity for the wise sage archetype.
What I Dislike about “The Demon of Death”
“The Demon of Death” still plays it safe with its supernatural elements, but that does seem to be Evil’s standard. At this point of the series, it seems a strange restraint. However, the new normal remains functionally paranormal.
While the premiere starts with an interesting procedural plot, it doesn’t direct the season like prior premieres. This episode doesn’t deliver a massive refocus as season 2’s premiere, but that’s because its conclusion doesn’t deliver as focused of a direction. Regardless, “The Demon of Death” is still an episode that slips away despite its premiere status.
Ben (Aasif Mandvi) seems needlessly hostile as they investigate a soul’s potential weight. The study delivers a thorough scientific process, which makes his resistance linger on the “angry atheist” archetype.
The demon shown on screen certainly isn’t the demon of death the title suggests. While the plot revolves around the mystery of death, there is a demon with a more carnal domain. As future episodes dive into their respective demons, it does seem to be an inaccurate title. However, the demon of the episode will get further focus in a different episode.
Final Thoughts
“The Demon of Death” doesn’t stand out as a premiere but provides an interesting procedural episode. As Father Ignatius will become another key character in the series, giving him an entire episode to introduce him is a nice strategy. While it’s not a haunting episode, it still provides a level of camp with interesting characters to pull it off. (3 / 5)
Released in 2010, Rare Exports asks an important holiday question. One that no one else has dared to ask.
What if Santa was a ten-story-tall monster buried under the ice for centuries?
The story
Rare Exports is the story of a little boy named Pietari. After doing what is frankly too much research for a little boy, he realizes that Santa is not the jolly old elf we all think of. He is, in fact, a monster who eats bad children. And it turns out that Santa was trapped in the ice near Pietari’s little town. All this would be well and good if a Russian mining team weren’t in the process of cutting him out of the ice. So it’s up to Pietari to convince everyone of the dark, horrific truth.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
What worked
Some movies need to make sense. Some don’t. Rare Exports is one of the latter.
Why were the Russians digging in the snow to find Santa? What was the plan there? What happened to Pietari’s mom? And who did they sell the elves to? Do the elves need air or water to live?
We don’t get answers to any of those questions. And frankly, we don’t need them to enjoy Rare Exports.
This is a wild story about a little boy who discovers that Santa is a mythical monster with a bunch of scrawny old men with big white beards to do his evil bidding and eats bad children who haven’t been beaten by their parents enough. What sort of explanation would help this story in any way?
I mean, we could pick apart why it’s suddenly legal to sell people, or at least mythical creatures that look like naked old men, or why this all happened right next to the only little kid who had the exact knowledge needed. But in the end, wouldn’t that be like asking how Santa gets into people’s homes when they don’t have fireplaces? Doesn’t that objective reasoning just piss on the Christmas magic?
What didn’t work
While Rare Exports was fun, there were parts that I did not appreciate. For one thing, there wasn’t a single woman or person of any color in this film. Literally not one. Not an extra, not in the background. This little Finnish town is populated entirely by white men. And yes, it is Finland and there isn’t a hugely diverse population. But it’s also 2010. People move. Also, women exist.
On the subject of seeing too many white men, we also saw too much of the white men. Specifically, we saw far too many old white male actors entirely nude. There was just no reason for this. These men were portraying elves. They didn’t have to be naked. If they were naked, they didn’t have to have, um, yule logs. Maybe elves are like Ken dolls. There were so many options that didn’t include so much old man wang.
Finally, I wish we’d seen Santa Claus. Not to spoil the ending, but he never actually emerges to attack anyone. And that feels like a cop-out. If we’re going to be teased the whole movie with this depiction of monster Santa, we should at least get to see monster Santa.
Though, after what they did with the elves, maybe it’s a blessing we didn’t see him.
In the end, Rare Exports was well worth watching. It was hilarious, creepy and bloody. And while it wasn’t perfect, it was a delightful holiday horror comedy.
(4 / 5)
Released in 2016, Christmas Crime Story is about a disastrous robbery on Christmas Eve, and all the many lives impacted by the selfish decisions of one person.
And then, suddenly, it isn’t. But we’ll get to that part.
The story
Christmas Crime Story is the tale of a Christmas Eve holdup gone wrong. We see the story from several points of view, starting with Chris, the detective first on the scene.
Chris is having a hard Christmas Eve. So, on his lunch break, he visits his mom at her diner. It appears that they have a contentious relationship. But nothing is solved in this quick visit.
Chris goes on to pull over a man speeding. When the man, named David, pulls over, Chris discovers something in the trunk. That something must have been pretty damn incriminating, because rather than open the trunk, David shoots him dead.
We then switch to David’s pov for the night. Then his girlfriend’s pov. Then, the man his girlfriend has been cheating on him with. And on and on we go, until we see how all of these different stories and people come together for a dark, sordid Christmas Eve.
What worked
The first thing I want to say about Christmas Crime Story is that it’s heartwarming. Like, to a fault, which we will be talking about.
The ending is very sweet, in a Christmasy sort of way. Families come together, people are filled with joy, and all is right in the world for almost everyone. Except for Lena, who deserves to have a bad Christmas, everyone gets a happy ending.
That brings me to my next point. The characters, mostly, are all deeply sympathetic. Even when David or James are killing people, you feel bad for them.
You don’t agree with what they’re doing, but you do feel bad.
You have to feel sympathetic for the man whose girlfriend hired a killer to merk him. Or the woman whose daughter has cancer. Or the guy who just can’t find work, even though he’s trying to make good decisions. You want things to work out for them. You want them to be okay. Even when they do terrible things.
Finally, I always love stories told from so many different points of view. It’s always fun to see a story unfold in a nonlinear way, but in a way that makes more and more sense as we get more points of view. It’s a hard thing to pull off, and I think Christmas Crime Story did it very well.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, all of the sympathetic characters and clever storytelling methods in the world won’t save a story that doesn’t work. And Christmas Crime Story just does not work.
Let’s begin with the ending. The big twist near the end of the movie. I won’t spoil it, but you will for sure know it if you’ve seen the film. Or, if you waste your time watching the film.
As a rule, twists work when they make sense. Not when it feels like the writers threw up their hands and said, “Okay, but what if everything we just did for the last hour and fifteen minutes didn’t happen, and instead…”
This wasn’t clever. It wasn’t fun. It felt like the writers didn’t know how to end their movie and just decided to cheat.
Finally, I mentioned earlier that Christmas Crime Story was heartwarming. And yes, that is nice.
But is it maybe a little too heartwarming?
I mean, we have an adorable angel of a child with cancer. Her parents don’t have enough money for her treatment. We have two poor guys who are in love with a black-hearted woman. And we have a detective so sweet and kind that he makes you rethink ACAB. And, he’s about to get married to his pregnant girlfriend. And they’re naming the baby after his mom. And his name is literally Chris DeJesus. His mom’s name is Maggie DeJesus. I tried to think of a sillier less subtle name to use as a joke, and I literally couldn’t think of one.
They could have at least named him De La Cruz. That would be more subtle, and I still would have complained.
In the end, Christmas Crime Story just missed the mark. It came very close to being a good movie. But it focused too much on how it wanted you to feel, rather than telling a satisfying story that made sense. Much like that third glass of eggnog, it’s fun in the moment and regretful after. If you’re looking for a satisfying Christmas horror, I’d suggest looking elsewhere.
(2 / 5)
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