CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN isn’t good. Come on, if I’m reviewing it, it know it ain’t winning any awards, except the ones in our hearts. And those fancy-schmancy award-winning movies, you can keep them. There’s something to be said in absolute schlock like, ‘Werewolves on Wheels’, and ‘Surf Nazis Must Die’ (and to a lesser extent, ‘Roller Gator’). They are the movies and the dreams of the *people*, man. Not some corporate suit, man. Can you dig?
CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN actually tastes a lot like, ‘Manos: The Hands of Fate’. Probably used the same reel of film. Probably used the same locations, like sloppy seconds. Not the same soundtrack, unfortunately. HORSEMAN is more mumbled acoustic than ear-bleeding screeches. Too bad.
Well, let’s get into it, shall we?
CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN – The Plot:
Kinda convoluted. Ain’t gonna lie, partner. A young doctor still in residency is bequeathed a ranch when his uncle dies. However, he can only inherit the land IF he can turn profit within six months as a tourist attraction. So he, his fiancé, and…personal improv troop (?) mosey to the ranch to fix it up and try to make it a tourist-trap. While there, the creepster old caretaker tells them all the story of the Headless Horseman…who is a cowboy in this. Just go with it. Anyway, yadda yadda, eight dudes killed him and he’s cursed the lands, still riding around looking for these ocho dudes.
But pfft, yeah right, old man. We don’t believe in old tales and ghost stories. We’re hip cats from the 70’s who straight-up do improv for, like, half of the film.
But strange things start happening and people start ending up dead, so maybe it’s not just a ghost story all along…
CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN – Thoughts
Okay, hear me out…It’s not great, but it had ideas. It tried. Like, not *super* hard, but there was an effort to be…something. There was a twist in the story. There was a pretentious narrator who may or may not be the ghost of the Headless Horseman. There was something weird and wild about the whole mess that keeps it watchable. Again, it’s not good. It’s very ‘Manos’…but if that’s your jam, then you’ll probably enjoy the vibes of this goofshow. It’s rough and ugly, but weird.
CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN – Brainroll Juice
Oh, I’m SORRY — is “Cowboy Headless Horseman” not doin’ it for you, pard? You’ve got to be kidding me. Re-read that, please, and then come back when you’re ready to admit what an amazing concept that is.
With all the crappy remakes and sequels that get shuffled into the mix, I would love to see this one get a remake. The premise, story and setting are actually interesting. Sure, cut some things from the plot (ahem, twenty minutes of crappy improv comedy), tighten up the writing, and throw a bit more budget at it and you could have something really interesting and (heavens forbid) fresh to watch. A rootin’ tootin’ headless horseman cowboy who stalks his victims around a haunted ranch is fascinating and…well, just a fun idea that could turn the headless horseman trope…on it’s head.
CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN – The Damage (Spoilers)
This is a new section that I’d like to call, “The Damage”. As in: how much psychological or legal damage is left at the end of the movie.
So at the end of this movie is the the wife, Brenda. Poor, poor Brenda. Sweet, hopeful Brenda. From Day 0, I saw the red flags and they only got worse for Brenda. She is treated so awfully and has to put up with so much shit throughout the movie from her stupid fiance/husband and his stupid friends (again…improv comedy). At the end of the movie, she has to be so psychologically scarred to watch her stupid friends die and her husband get shot right in front of her. Legally, she’s in the clear and has a nice little ranch she can sell off after his death.
I’d like to think that after years of therapy, she goes back to school, gets her Ph. D. and falls in love with another professor. Eventually they retire and open up a charming B&B in Maine with their two dogs, Buster and Brownie. She’s just got so much more to live for.
Curse of the Headless Horseman won’t be for most people. Do you enjoy horrendous snuff-quality 70’s schlock? There, you have your answer.(3 / 5)