Let’s start with the basics here. A Creepshow Holiday Special: Shapeshifters Anonymous is a Christmas story of sorts. I’m not one of those people who are quick to question such things (people who say Gremlins isn’t a Christmas movie sort of make me wince, alright?).
So, what sort of Christmas story is it? IMDb pretty accurately summarizes it: “An anxious man who is trying to figure out his disorder enlists into an organization called Shapeshifters Anonymous without realizing that Santa Clauses are after him.”
Would I say, “It was one of the most bizarre descriptions I had ever heard”? I don’t know. I own the movie Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead and have my own bizarre Santa serial called The Santa Matrix where Jerry Fallwell is a character and where all the elves’ bodies are repatriated spirits of evil or otherwise sinful people (rapists, murderers, god knows what else). Nevertheless, stories about werewolves and such being hunted by Santa Claus can’t be considered 100% average.
Does it Have Merit?
I found it quite interesting, even if it’s not a magnificent installment of the “Creepshow” franchise. I laughed at a few things, and generally like digs at the Santa Claus myth. Even as a kid, I was always kind of skeptical about Santa Claus’ existence, but seeing so many bizarre fictional perversions of the idea drives the point home. That’s where the fun comes from. No one in their right mind would take “A Creepshow Holiday Special: Shapeshifters Anonymous” very seriously, and why even bother saying “This episode sucks!”?
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It’s one of those things you might as well let wash over you. Maybe put this episode on when you’re just lazing around, as something to half-pay attention to. There really isn’t much to lose. Also, I’ve come to respect Santa Claus over the years, as a relatively safe means of teaching children the power of a lie. Of course, the lesson is never learned as people remain gullible as Hell throughout their lives, but at least Santa gives an opportunity to wise up and understand the duplicitous nature of myth-making.
Am I Saying It’s Bad? No, Not Really
This movie won’t drive fear into your heart. It won’t make you seriously question the Santa myth, the safety of Christmas shopping or leaving out cookies and milk for Santa and his reindeer, or a potential body-horror curse involving failure to kiss under the mistletoe (not a bad story idea, actually). It does, however, provide a sinister Santa (Tom Glynn), a Were-tortoise (Pete Burris), and the equally interesting were-cheetah (Anna Camp), among other special gifts.
Frankly, this story could make an interesting video game (I can imagine an 8-bit version for the Nintendo (NES). Also, because of the success of Creepshow and Shudder in general, this episode will probably be preserved on the network for a very long time. So, if you couldn’t afford it right then, you’ll probably be able to check it out when your budget’s less tight and you can afford the $6 a month to subscribe to Shudder (hey, we’re still in COVID season, and some budgets are very tight!).
I wasn’t joking that this could make a decent videogame. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if Santa Claus would bring me one next Christmas (again, I’d prefer something for the good ol’ NES, for which people can still make and sell new cartridge games).
Finally, Final Thoughts
The truth about Santa Claus was probably one of the best presents I ever received, though I had my suspicions all along. After all, isn’t it better to know that Santa Claus is actually your loved ones and that they just told me this story to have a little bit of fun (even if at my expense)? The question is: Would I have been less inclined to believe in Santa Claus had they told me a weird-ass, twisted tale like this one?
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I don’t know, but we’re told a lot of different stories that don’t withstand scrutiny, aside from Santa Claus. I think horror can, under the right conditions, remind us that life is brimming with bullshit. Holiday horror tends to take myths and stretch them to their extremes. Aside from horror often being fun, it can challenge our assumptions about the world. A Creepshow Holiday Special: Shapeshifters Anonymous encourages us to ask, “Why would we just be limited to werewolves? Why not were-tortoises?” Why not were-tortoises indeed.
And the Christmas season is an endless well of horror potential. I can imagine a tale of some lost reindeer needing to resort to cannibalism. Title: “Santa’s Lost Reindeer: The Denizens of Venison Death.” Also, feel free to ask about my parody of Rudolph called “Rudolph the Dead-Nosed Reindeer.”
What are your thoughts on A Creepshow Holiday Special: Shapeshifters Anonymous? Did it shake your belly like a bowl full of jelly or put too much coal in your stocking? Is reviewing holiday horror out of season lame? Ho ho ho at us in the comments!
To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin!
Plot
We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless.
The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential.
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Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.
Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky…
Overall thoughts
I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets.
We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.
As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.
The story
We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.
This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.
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What worked
In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.
Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.
This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.
Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.
It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.
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What didn’t work
I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.
I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.
All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.
If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.
Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.
The story
We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.
We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.
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Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.
What worked
The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.
I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.
I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What didn’t work
That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.
Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.
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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.
Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.
There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.
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