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I hate the song Baby It’s Cold Outside… so I reworked the lyrics. Now it’s being serenaded to you by two overly insistent chipmunk’d Vampire Bats in the Blood Crypt. Enjoy and have a drink!

You really should stay (We’ve waited up for you)

You can’t go away (We’ve waited up for you)

This evening has been… (So happy that you stopped in)

…So terrified…  (Don’t run or scream; enjoy the ride)

We welcome you to the Blood Crypt (The vampires are “The Shit”)

Only one little sip and you’ll see (We wanted to invite you to tea)

So please stay and don’t you scurry (There isn’t any cause to hurry)

Just stay and have a half a drink more (Don’t let it coagulate as we pour)

The hunters may warn (We’re still waiting up for you)

Non-believers may scorn (We’re still waiting up for you)

But you’re here with us (So ignore all of the fuss)

Under our spell (Just come along it will be swell)

So please don’t say no, no, no (We’d sure hate to see you go)

Just give it a chance through and through (Eternity’s such a great view)

You really should stay (We’ve waited up for you)

We’ve waited up

We’ve waited up for you

You simply can’t go (We’ve waited up for you)

The answer is no (Cause we’ve waited up for you)

The welcome has been (We’re so glad that you stopped in)

Creepily warm (We’ve really turned on all the charm)

There’s no need to be suspicious (The drinks here are quite delicious)

There’s nobody there at the door (Don’t let it coagulate any more)

The rumors are quite malicious (Naysayers can be so vicious)

Take one little sip to be sure (It’s only a part of the lure)

This could be your home (It’s the finest dungeon here)

There’s no need to roam (There’s nothing that you should fear)

We’ve tried to be grand (So steady your trembling hand)

Why don’t you see? (We only want to set you free)

They’ll bring the pitchforks tomorrow (Think of the life long sorrow)

When they suspect that you’ve died (Foolish mortals don’t get this side)

You really should stay (Join us for the rest of time)

We’ve waited up for you

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.