RIVER STYX — The Grim Reaper announced today that he is accepting applications for a summer internship program due to a recent increase in demand for his services. The internship will be unpaid, but will include college credit. “This opportunity is perfect for ambitious students who want to build their portfolios,” The Reaper said. “A background in collecting souls can really give applicants a leg up in the business world, especially for those looking to enter the entertainment, marketing, or legal professions.”

According to The Reaper, it has become increasingly difficult to keep up with his responsibilities. The recent COVID-19 pandemic has required him to claim the lives of nearly half a million people worldwide in only a few short months. “It’s been tough to handle the extra workload while keeping up with all the usual stuff — heart attacks, cancer, texting while driving,” The Reaper explained. “I’ve had to grab a few people recently who died doing social media challenges or taking selfies in dangerous places. I think an intern could definitely help out in that area. I need someone to keep an eye on TikTok and YouTube.”

Interns will have many important responsibilities.

The opportunity to get involved in the fast-paced death industry will surely be exciting for students, but The Reaper cautions applicants against getting ahead of themselves. “You don’t get to go out and start scything people right away,” he said. The Reaper went on to describe the entry-level intern responsibilities, which include scythe-sharpening, dropping robes off at the dry cleaner, and picking up his coffee order. “I am VERY particular about that,” he emphasized. “I’ve taken out more than one barista for getting it wrong. Also, they never spell my name right.”

Those wishing to apply are discouraged from trying to meet The Reaper by loitering in hospitals, near train tracks, or next to dangerous intersections. “Just e-mail your resume to ‘reaperman69@hotmail.com,'” The Reaper advised. Looking chagrined, he continued, “I know, it’s super old and embarrassing. Maybe the intern can help me finally set up a Gmail account.”

About the Author

Kristin Cleaves writes and reads horror all day, every day. She has a Master's in English and has worked as a writer, editor, proofreader and educator.

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