MILWAUKEE, WI. In 2016, there were clowns running around terrorizing civilians. At the time, this appeared to be the peak of scary, yet ironically funny (because life is already so depressing) situations. Then 2020 happened.
Oh, the icing on top of the cake. It always was the part most rational human beings wanted to throw away. Well, it’s five months into the year and the shitty icing on top of an even shittier cake has been delivered. The head chef in charge (it has to be a man because only a man would be this ruthless) has graciously given the world an extra special treat: the arrival of “Murder Hornets” in the old U.S. of A. And the “chef” expects us to shut up and eat this atrocity. Fuck no. Send it back to the kitchen.
Bees were never adored members of society until word spread on colony collapse disorder and its effects on our food sources. If the pollinators were to die then we would lose everything from coffee to cucumbers to chocolate. But in 2020, the threat of saying goodbye to such precious, yet annoying insects is not nearly as prevalent.
Instead, the problem lies in a more bitchy bee called the Asian giant hornet. The name isn’t an exaggeration because these puppies are 2 inches long with a 3-inch wingspan. Call me crazy, but basic ass honeybees were already too large for my liking. Well, at least these new suckers will be easier to spot. Sometimes a honeybee can creep up on ya and before you know it zap! A lovely sunny day is ruined.
Now, the media has been sensationalizing the killer hornets, which of course led to even more hysteria. However, upon further research, it’s clear that everyone has greater things to worry about than these pesky fellas. It’s not like they’re flying around EVERYWHERE and wielding teeny tiny guns, ready to shoot anyone and every one point black. No, they are merely here.
And while they are a dangerous species of bee, they have their own predators. That’s right; Manny (the praying mantis from A Bug’s Life) is all up on those demons. So next time you see a praying mantis out on your daily quarantine walk, stare into its bulging eyes, and give it a salute for they are our little heroes on this godforsaken planet.