Buffy S1E4 “Teacher’s Pet” Something’s Bugging Me About the Substitute
What will happen when a new teacher comes in and shakes up the chemistry/biology hybrid class at Sunnydale? (Stay tuned) Will anyone use the library for anything other than monster hunting? (Not Yet) Will Xander stop being a creep to his friends? (No) How we go from ants in class to learning about the mantis with no heads up? Find out this and more as we discuss the S1E4 episode “Teacher’s Pet”.
Dreams that Freddy Kruger would steer away from
Remember in the episode 2 review where I said that Xander had improved and grown as a person. Man, was I wrong in that assessment of him. We open in what looks to be The Bronze and vampires having interrupted yet another concert on a school night. Buffy came in to do what she usually does but is quickly overcome by a vampire and pinned down onto a pool table. Just when it seems we are shooting for a mini-series, she was surprisingly saved by none other than Xander. Xander quickly took care of the vampire, while weirdly giving off Angel vibes. Even weirder than Xander having given off these dark, broody vibes, Buffy came across as meek and damsel-like. After all of this, he still managed to kill the vampire and still jump onstage to play with the band. Yikes.
Of course, this was only a daydream as we snap back to reality (Sorry, Eminem) to the trope of all the main characters all in the same class, this one being the chemistry/biology hybrid we saw in the last episode. So we can see Xander’s lack of emotional growth as he is having weird daydreams of Buffy and being the hero after he has been rebuffed quite openly. After waking him up, Buffy was asked a question about ants by returning teacher, Dr. Gregory. Buffy can answer with help from Willow, which Dr. Gregory notices.
Kombating Education with Science
After class is over, he stops Buffy as she leaves. Dr. Gregory shows actual concern about her and her work, mentioning that Buffy does show potential and he was her to succeed. After she leaves, Dr. Gregory gets to his sciency science stuff, complete with slides and microscopes. A large bug-like appendage grabs him by the shoulder. The poor man looks back and screams. Fade to black, cue classic guitar riff.
Cut back to the Bronze, where we meet the ‘oft-mentioned’ character, football star Blayne sitting with his friends talking about all his ‘conquests’. They stop Xander as he weaves through the crowd asking how many of his own ‘conquests’ he had of his own. Instead of making up excuses of ‘she goes to another school’ or just leaving awkwardly like a lot of us did, he said that he not only had one, he had two. He decides to show this by somewhat creepily putting his arms around both Buffy and Willow, which Buffy quickly rebuffs.
Everyone is sitting outside the school the next day weirdly talking about Dr. Gregory. Not about him not being there or him being sick, specifically that he is missing. As the gang discusses this, a beautiful woman walks up and introduces herself as Natalie French, the new substitute for bio/chem. As she simply asked for help finding the room, both Xander and Blayne fall all over themselves to show her to the room, in a way that would make normal people ask for someone else.
Your Buffy Fun Fact of the Episode
Miss French is played by an actress named Musetta Vander, who has a strange connection to the first two episodes of Buffy. She played Sindel in the awful movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Luke the Vampire was played by Brian Thompson. He played Shao Kahn in the same movie.
These eggs ain’t for eatin’
Well, what do you know? Not only is the Scooby Gang in the same class, so is Blayne. Miss French introduces herself and instead of continuing the lesson on ants, she begins talking of praying mantises (I wonder why?). She then gets the bright idea of making bug eggs for the science fair. Um, don’t think that is how science fairs work. I took place in one myself in high school, quite horribly mind you. While we were tested about our experiments by the science faculty, the idea for experiments was all our own. Anyway, after Miss French asks for volunteers, all the boys of course raise their hands, including our Doofus Duo.
Walking through the lunch line, Xander cannot shut up about how Willow and Buffy could not understand how Miss French could pick such a ‘stud’ like him. Buffy showed she understood in a somewhat humorous way, but Xander was too busy being his usual creepy self to notice. Of course, Blayne had to butt in and mention he is going over to Miss French’s house first. Wait, what?! We are working on projects, alone, at a teacher’s house? How many red flags do we need to raise?
After all this mess, Cordelia pushes back Buffy so she can get her ‘medically prescribed lunch’ that her doctor drops off every day? What doctor has time to drop off a vegan, cage-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, organic lunch every day? Cordelia opens one of the refrigerators in the kitchen and screams…bloody murder. Inside it, next to her special lunch is the headless body of Dr. Gregory. No head, just the body.
If Not the Vampire, Then Who?
Giles is in the ‘oft-used’ library comforting the Gang after rightfully being rattled by the sight of Dr. Gregory’s body. With none able to come up with an idea of who or what could do this, they somehow come upon a vampire (of course). This vampire has some sort of metal blade on what used to be his hand after cutting it up for penance. After not going out after him, Buffy does as expected…and goes after him. Buffy quickly finds him and has a quick tussle that is almost as quickly broken up by the police, causing the vamp to hop a fence, running into a new possible victim, who happens to be poor Miss French. However, she gives him one look that causes him to hiss and dive into the sewer, in full view of Buffy.
Rushing to make the chem/bio class before she is late, Buffy is stopped by Principal Flutie. He is requiring her to attend counseling as she was one of those who found Dr. Gregory’s body. After losing the argument with him, she sits outside the room and waits for the psychiatrist, who is speaking to Cordelia. What follows is a funny scene where Cordelia talks about she has lost weight since the incident. She says that they shouldn’t kill a teacher every day, but she did lose 7 1/2 ounces. Buffy finally makes it back to class but grumbles at the sight of a pop quiz. Before she can open the door, she sees Miss French turn her head a full 180 degrees and look at the door.
WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?!
Buffy heads back to the Scooby Shack to tell Giles and the rest what she saw ala ‘The Exorcist’. They determine that while she is obviously not human, there are some bugs that can turn their heads around like that. Xander walks into Miss French’s room to talk about the project, as overeager as usual. Xander seems ready to go to work on the project, but alas. Miss French accidentally left the supplies at home and invites him over to do the project there. Once again, how many red flags do we need? Once he leaves she makes herself a sandwich of mayonnaise and live bugs.
The remaining members of the Gang are in the library and figure out that the only bug that can turn their head like that is the praying mantis. They are trying to figure out just how Miss French can be a giant mantis yet human. Giles remembers a colleague from Oxford who studied both entomology and mythology (of course he did). Before he could explain further, Willow finds out that Blayne’s mom had just put in a 911 call. Wait a minute. Now, I am not a parent, so I cannot speak from experience, but this seems off. Your son did not come home from school at all, was gone all night, and was not in bed in the morning. Yet you wait until lunch to call authorities?!
My Sacrifice, more than just a Creed song
Buffy goes to try to catch up to Xander and warn him about what Miss French really is. Does he listen to reason and not go to the meeting? Of course not. What show did you think we were talking about? So of course, he goes over to Miss French’s house. Since they are working on a science fair project, of course, she changed into a very tight and short dress and is pouring martinis for her and a minor. She instantly starts to try to seduce Xander and he starts to get all tongue-tied and ‘hyuk’. She is sitting with him on the couch waaaay too close and offers him one of the martinis. He instantly chugs it because you never sip a martini. Of course, something is wrong as he collapses on the floor, his drink being drugged.
Xander wakes up in a cage adjoining the other half of the Doofus Duo, Blayne. He looks over and sees Miss French in full-on She-Mantis mode. Fun fact #2: The model for the She-Mantis was used previously in the popular 90’s Sci-Fi show Babylon 5. Back at the Shack, we see Giles on the phone speaking to someone trying to be stern and forward, kinda cute actually. Willow is able to find color pictures of the autopsy of Dr. Gregory. This actually bothers Willow as she still genuinely cares for Xander, minus his flaws. Cutting back to the basement, the previously full of bravado Blayne is scared after telling Xander what Miss French does. After talking to his colleague, Giles finds out that the Mantis specifically targets virgins to breed with.
Raid and Swords. Best way to kill giants bugs.
The gang then hurries after getting the address of Miss French from the personnel records in the office. They quickly go to the house on record and ARE met by a Natalie French, but not the one they wanted. This one was a sweet older lady who retired in the 1970’s from teaching. Yet another Buffy Fun Fact: The lady who plays the real Miss French is played by an actress named Jean Speegle Howard. If the last name seems familiar, she is the mother of Ron and Clint Howard. Seemingly stuck with where to go, Buffy runs off with an idea to find the She-Mantis.
Somehow, Buffy is able to find the metal-handed vampire who was run off by Miss French earlier. She uses him as a sort of tracking device to find out where she really lived. Once he recoils at the right house, Buffy does the kind thing to him for helping and stakes him. They are able to get to the basement just as the She-Mantis is about to breed with Xander. The final battle is on! Do we use lasers? Incantations? Some super cool reverse spinning 720 kick? Nope. Bug Spray. Well, more than that. They used a recording of bat sonar to scramble the nervous system, hit it with a double blast of bug spray, before Buffy finds a machete and goes full-on ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ on it. The team can finally relax now that they are free of the Mantis. Ever the grateful one, Blayne threatens to sue if it gets out he is a virgin.
But wait! There’s more! No…no there isn’t.
Back at the Bronze, Buffy is having coffee of some sort when Angel shows up. To be honest, I forgot to mention he was also at the beginning of the episode to help her with the vampire problem mentioned. He also gave her the leather jacket that she wore for a long time after, ever the gentleman. We close the episode with the new chem/bio teacher who comes across as very strict and grade heavy. As class ends, Buffy finds a pair of Dr. Gregory’s glasses on a desk and thoughtfully puts them in a closet as we pan down to some bug eggs under the desk that looks like they are about to hatch. Wait? More bugs? Are we getting a recurring villain who is gonna terrorize for many seasons? Nah, they never get mentioned again.
The only opinion that matters. Mine.
Did I like the episode overall? I did, I really did. I did prefer episode two a bit more, but still enjoyed this. It was great to get an episode centered on another member of the Scooby Gang so we can see more of who they are. It was also nice to get something else besides witches and vampires to expand the lore of the show. Xander comes across as real skeezy at points and sadly this is not the worst this season. But if you wanted a fun episode with a somewhat original villain check it out.
(3.5 / 5)
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Movies n TV
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022), a Film Review
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova.
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Myha’la, Rachel Sennott, Chase Sui Wonders, Pete Davidson, Lee Pace, and Conner O’Malley. The film is currently available on fuboTV, Netflix, Hoopla, and Showtime.
Sophie (Amandla Stenberg) brings her girlfriend (Maria Bakalova as Bee) to her friend’s hurricane party. Lasting resentment and toxic relationships infest the group, leaving Bee to witness increasingly uncomfortable situations. Soon after, bodies start dropping.
What I Like about Bodies
The chemistry between these toxic friends gives me anxiety. If toxic friendships aren’t a universal experience, toxic traits certainly make themselves apparent in any friend group, and this film maximizes this experience. It’s not revolutionary, but effective and uncomfortable.
Several subtle clues hint at the relationships of these friends, building up as the story progresses and chaos ensues. I love these moments, though the film doesn’t seem confident that the viewer picks up these clues. This decision hinders execution, an unfortunate point for later.
While the performances are strong throughout, Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova remain the main characters and receive the most opportunities to perform. However, almost every character has a moment, or several, and lives up to those moments once given.
The twist seems obvious, but that doesn’t hinder the viewing experience. While not the biggest fan of the execution, I enjoy the spiraling chaos it creates.
The opening scene shows the two leads making out for viewer engagement. However, I think the contract toward the end gives this scene added context and plot relevance beyond simply sex appeal. While it is unavoidable that so well, many films will go no further. So, added relevance deserves a nod.
Far from the bloodiest film out there, but it doesn’t hesitate to bleed its cast. It uses this blood and limited gore to add weight to the deaths as opposed to haunting or nauseating its audience.
Tropes, Triggers, and Considerations
As previously hinted, toxic relationships remain key points in the plot. Falling in line with this are points of spousal abuse (physically and mentally) that should remain a consideration.
Idiocy to push the plot along certainly plays a role in the plot. In this case, I consider it a feature. However, it’s still a required taste for viewer consideration.
Addiction and recovery drive several characters. I’ll avoid pointing to them so as not to give away plot details. However, usage and relapse deserve a mention in this section.
If any of these are deal breakers, give this film a skip.
What I Dislike, or Food for Thought, about Bodies
Bodies shifts between a mindless and clever horror comedy, never comfortably sticking to one or the other. It pulls off elements of both with expertise, but the tugging and pulling of these different elements limits the execution of either. Because of the above friction, Halina Reijin gives us all the clues to piece everything together and still tells us. Pick an audience and trust them.
As a horror comedy, this film leans on the humor over the horror. The unraveling of characters certainly earns respect but expect a comedy for a better experience. It’s not a particularly scary film, and it doesn’t try to occupy that space.
Final Thoughts
Bodies Bodies Bodies spirals into a chaotic horror comedy, banking on the toxic chemistry of its cast to deliver both. The film never makes a strong stance in either claiming a mindless or clever horror comedy, shifting between both at the expense of the whole. It remains a bumpy but engaging viewing experience, nonetheless.
(3 / 5)
Episode four of Amazon Prime’s Fallout was a great one for character development. It was also great because one of my personal favorite actors was involved.
Let’s discuss.
The story
This episode’s story revolved largely around Lucy and The Ghoul. He’s still dragging her about on a rope, but we aren’t sure why. While she can track the Head, she certainly hasn’t shared that information with the Ghoul.
What he wants her for soon becomes clear, when he barters her for vials of the medication that keeps him from losing himself to the ghoul illness.
At first, Lucy thinks this is a step up. She’s taken by a robot surgeon named Snip Snip to get a new thumb. Since, you know, The Ghoul shot her thumb off.
However, after stitching a new thumb on, Snip Snip takes her to his masters. Who then say they want him to cut her up for her organs.
Lucy manages to escape and even frees the other people trapped by these organ brokers. In doing so, she comes into the possession of many, many of those vials that The Ghoul needs so desperately.
Meanwhile, Norm is starting to suspect that all is not what it should be in Vault 33. While the rest of the vault is preparing to elect a new overseer, he takes Chet and sneaks off to Vault 32. There, they find some horrific sights. Long dead bodies, next to messages scrawled in blood. There are especially bodies around the door that leads to Vault 31, where someone has written We Know What’s in There on the wall.
Of course, we don’t know what’s in there. But I’m sure we’re going to find out.
Norm continues to dig, checking for information on the old Overseer’s computer. And he finds that the door to Vault 32 was opened by a Pip-Boy. To be specific, it was a Pip-Boy owned by Norm and Lucy’s mother.
I’m sure that won’t be relevant later.
What worked
The more I see of this season, the more I like Lucy. She is growing and evolving as a person, just like Wilzig told her she would have to do. She is becoming harder. But her kindness and values haven’t changed yet. She is still a good person. I love that.
I also love the dark, creepy storyline with Norm. I love how serious he is, especially when compared to the rest of his community. I especially love that, even as emotionally disturbed he is by what he’s learning, he seems passionate. And from what we’ve seen of this character, this is possibly the first thing he’s felt passionate about his entire life. I am impressed with the writing and acting that have allowed us to see his lack of passion with minimal focus. He is a fun, well-written character.
Finally, I’d like to shine the spotlight on Matt Berry. He is a delightful actor known for What We Do in the Shadows and IT Crowd. And he is playing the remarkably funny role of Snip Snip, the robot surgeon. His voice lends an extra level of humor to an already funny premise. This was another example of the great casting we’ve seen so far on Fallout.
In the end, this was a great episode from all points. It was fun, heartfelt, and dark. In short, I have no notes. I’m only excited to see what happens in the next episode.
(4 / 5)
The finale of American Horror Story Delicate aired last night. And if you were watching along with us on Threads, then you already know that it didn’t live up to any of my expectations.
Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin with Anna being ushered off stage and into an ambulance. Dex is there because Siobhan called him.
Once in the ambulance, though, the blood starts to spill. And it’s not just Anna’s. She soon finds herself in the clutches of the coven, giving birth in the most anxiety-inducing place possible. And when the baby is born, he’s taken away at once.
Because that’s the agreement that Anna made, without fully realizing what she was agreeing to.
If Anna’s going to get her baby back, she’s going to have to make another sacrifice. She is going to have to join the coven herself. Is she strong enough to do it? Is she strong enough to raise a monster?
What worked
This episode did have some fun elements. As a practicing witch myself, I appreciate the addition of Hestia in a positive light. Especially when this season was so focused on motherhood, womanhood, and sisterhood, Hestia was a lovely goddess to include.
For those who don’t know, Hestia is a goddess of the home and hearth, but not a maternal goddess. She was, in fact, a virgin goddess. So Adeline’s devotion to her made sense in a real-world witchcraft way. Adeline was supposed to be a symbol of female love and support. Including Hestia in this made that crystal clear.
This was made most clear with the behavior of Siobhan. She was a perfect example of a toxic person who uses sisterhood to use and manipulate others. This can be seen clearly in the flashback that begins this episode. We see Siobhan show kindness to Anna, who she wants to use while being cruel to the woman who shared her story at the start of the meeting. For Siobhan, kindness is a currency she spends to get something. And that is clear.
What didn’t work
Sadly, those two elements weren’t enough to save this episode. My first concern is that this ending had more holes in it than Swiss cheese.
This wasn’t just a matter of having questions left after the ending. These were elements that we should have seen and just didn’t. Why were the witches diluting and working with blood near the end of the episode? Why didn’t Dex Senior get what was coming to him? What the hell was with those pointed green heels? My largest question, however, is this.
Did Anna imagine all of this? Did any of it happen? We don’t know. Consider the ending. I don’t want to spoil too much of this, so I’ll only point out Anna’s gown. It’s bloody in one scene and newly clean the next. This is only the example I can share without spoiling the ending. But we have no proof that any of these things happened to her.
While it’s fine to leave some questions up to the viewer, there were too many here. Rather than feeling mysterious, it just felt incomplete. And seeing as how this episode was much shorter than a standard one, this could have easily been corrected.
I would also like to hold some space for how this season ruined the good message of the book Delicate Condition. This novel was bloody, gory, and disturbing. But it also had a beautiful message about sisterhood, and women supporting women through motherhood, career choices, and life in general. There is so much pure, sisterly love in that book.
This is entirely missing from this season. It’s often turned on its head, with women betraying each other for their own selfish desires. And honestly, I hated that.
Finally, this season finale is another example of an ending ruining a good season. AHS Delicate wasn’t without its charm. Some episodes were great fun. There were elements that I truly enjoyed as a horror fan, a witch and a woman. But this ending just soured everything good about the season. It spoiled all of the enjoyment I had. Much like Sabrina, Dexter, and the podcast Dolores Roach, the ending ruined everything that came before it.
In the end, this finale was disappointing. It didn’t deliver on its promises, it did a disservice to the source material, and it was poorly executed. This series is more than capable of better. Delicate Condition, the novel, deserved a better interpretation.
However, as a long-time fan, I can honestly say that in twelve years of content, I have genuinely disliked a season and a half of American Horror Story. This one, and the second half of Double Feature. So while AHS Delicate was a disappointment, I am looking forward to season thirteen. In the meantime, I’m going to rewatch Coven and look forward to better stories to come.
(2 / 5)
