We’re now at week two of the 61 Days of Halloween through Shudder and we have seven movies to rank. I don’t think my rankings will be too controversial, but we’ll see! This is our first full week of Halloween goodness, so that means seven films. Twitter threads are presented alongside each film.
Let’s get spooky!
#7 – Countess Dracula
I love Hammer horror films. They practically serenade my more gothy-tendencies and the production values, costuming, and candy-red blood just evoke such positive feelings within me. Hammer’s films are like a kind of comfort food, where even if the offering isn’t among their best, you still get something out of it.
Countess Dracula is fun. There’s blood, breasts, and some solid acting. Hammer also manages to bring ridiculously beautiful women to the screen. The story is pretty much a loose adaptation of the lore around Elizabeth Báthory. Throw in a narrative revolving around inheritance and courtly scheming and you end up with a fun little romp for an hour or two. It’s fine, but not among the best the studio has produced.
#6 – Sweet Sweet Lonely Girl
I am generally a fan of slow burn horror. The tension builds agonizingly until everything falls apart, but my main concern with Sweet Sweet Lonely Girl is twofold. One, the film is slow, until it suddenly, jarringly is not. It takes a long period of time for the general unease to give way to the supernatural and when the supernatural does arrive, it’s more confusing than horrifying. Secondly, if you miss a key detail within the first five minutes of the film then you wind up confused by the ending.
It’s a moody, LGBTQ+ period piece, but isn’t among the best exclusives of the service. Stick to Ty West’s The House of the Devil for that 1970s/1980s throwback aesthetic with modern storytelling.
#5 – Southbound
Southbound is a fun anthology of sorts of different stories that bleed into one another. I believe at one point I described it as a “Tex-Mex Silent Hill” which is an assessment I will stand by.
It is all very solid stuff and a ton of fun. A couple of the stories are quite compelling. Not all of them are fantastic pieces but they all feel fairly well connected through the location. Just what is the place? Who knows, maybe it’s Hell (as seen in one of the segments) or maybe it’s more like the Bermuda Triangle? It really doesn’t matter in the end. It is just a pretty fun ride the whole way through.
#4 – Fade to Black
Fade to Black might be a bit of a mixed bag for a number of viewers. It’s definitely less a horror film than a psychological thriller, but those genres are kissing-cousins anyway, so what does that matter in the long run? Fade To Black follows a movie-obsessed nerd who, after being bullied and stood up too many times, ends up snapping and engaging in a series of destructive acts, all themed around a variety of movies. His crimes eventually escalate to murder, as you’d expect. His obsession with a Marilyn Monroe lookalike, however, presents some of the more disturbing elements of his crime spree.
It’s basically a good version of Joker.
#3 – Noroi: The Curse
“J-Horror found footage” is either something you are instantly intrigued by or you are more than willing to pass up. I am of the former and this was my first experience with Noroi. It’s a great film, not just as a found-footage movie, but because it exudes that sort of weirdness that makes for the best J-Horror by latching onto certain ideas and images and running with them. Noroi is wonderfully paced, presents some creepy lore, but more importantly uses found footage in such a way that it feels very authentic, as though you are watching something illicit and being exposed to a darker world than you know.
This one comes highly recommended.
#2 – Tourist Trap
I love Tourist Trap. It is a dumb film in the best way possible and if I see it is playing anywhere (which seems to be increasingly frequently these days) I tune in. It’s just too much fun.
Look, the movie makes no sense. It’s not very scary, the gore is virtually absent and the killer is so patently ridiculous you’d be more prone to use the film as an example of what not to do. Yet something about it just works. I have been obsessed with it since I saw it back during the first Joe Bob Briggs revival on Shudder.
I think so much of it comes from the fact that journeyman Chuck Connors just buys into the utter ridiculousness of the concept and runs with it. It’s such a bizarre little film and watching it for the 10th time was still a highlight of the week for me.
#1 – The Changeling
This is one of my favorite horror films of all time and of course it would rank as #1 for the week. It was inevitable, really. The Changeling is a classic ghost story starting George C. Scott and Trish Van Devere. The movie combines tragic loss, great ghost story tropes, and political intrigue is such a flawless way that I honestly feel a remake could work out very well because of the bones of what makes this movie are so goddamn strong. I don’t think it is a movie that should be remade, of course, but I am just saying that it is so good that a remake would probably be good just because it can borrow so heavily from its source.
That being said, I can’t believe I was such a jackass and misspelled ghost in the tweet. Sigh.
I’ll be sticking with Shudder’s recommendations for week three, which are the following:
So, are you all enjoying the ride so far? What movies are you watching week to week to bring in the season?
“But Brannyk,” you may be thinking, “what am I supposed to do now that I am no longer a real being? How shall I spend my days?”
Unfortunately, the government has not released a handbook for this occasion, so I thought we could brainstorm together.
BECOME A GHOST
There are some benefits to being a ghost, for sure.
No rent or insurance payment. No corporate job, no cleaning cat litter, no AT&T trying to sell you another line after repeatedly telling them that you just want to make sure that your autopayment is on, but they’re all like, ‘Why would you pass up such a bargain on a second line? Are you an idiot?Why wouldn’t you need another phone line?‘ and so you have to tell them, “Because I’M DIVORCED, ASSHOLE, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME OF THAT!”
Or, my absolute biggest pet peeve, when you’re practicing for the ghost speed chair-stacking championship and the normies just don’t appreciate your cool skills.
The cool thing is that they come in all shapes and sizes.
Monsters are generally misunderstood. Some have their fans. Others are hated.
So basically, just like people, except with more tentacles.
The only downsides are that you might be too big or too “ick” for some people (these can also be pluses), you may have a taste for human flesh (no judgement), or the biggest issue – there are too many choices.
You could get stuck trying to figure out what kind of monster you are. If you’re not into labels, it’s an absolute nightmare. Or if you’re like me, it’ll be like standing in Subway for 15 minutes trying to figure out what toppings and dressings you want while the “sandwich artist” is openly judging you.
(4 / 5)
I like the customization, but it can be a bit too overwhelming.
BECOME A CRYPTID
Hear me out. I know it seems a lot like the monster category, but it’s not quite.
Cryptids are weird and mysterious. They keep to themselves. They have people who are fascinated by them and post on Reddit about them. Some have people making documentaries about them.
They’re like monsters’ quieter cousin who reads books in the corner at family gatherings. They collect shiny things they find by the side of the road. Sometimes they’ll steal a peanut butter sandwich or two.
Each one kinda has their own goals and priorities. Their own hangouts and interests. But unlike monsters, they’re not looking to rock any boats-
Never mind, I stand corrected.
(5 / 5)
I like the freedoms of being a cryptid and also dig the cottage-core vibe I get from them.
CONCLUSION: LET’S BE REAL FOR A SECOND…
I know it’s hard right now. It’s going to be hard. You may not exist to some assholes, but you are real. You have real feelings and thoughts and dreams. You have a real future. You have real decisions. Real actions that affect this world.
You have the real ability to wake up tomorrow and choose to exist. And for whatever reason you choose. Use it. Ghosts and monsters and cryptids are powerful, just like you are, even when you don’t feel like it. They have a place in our human world, just like you do. You make this world interesting and important.
You are part of this world, you are real, and you are not alone.
The horror community is one of acceptance, diversity, creativity and passion. In these times, it needs to be. We need to rely on each other. We need to cultivate and protect each other, as much as we need to protect ourselves.
And it looks like I’ll be coming out of my own cryptid hovel I’ve spent the past few years in to remind you that. My job isn’t done. Not by a longshot. And neither is yours.
If you live in the United States, it’s time to rock the vote for real. I shared this video before in conjunction with my identity-based costume work, and I feel it’s important to revisit now, with the election coming up in just a few days. Besides which, Jack Black and Tenacious D are brilliant and given the current political climate, who doesn’t want to do the time warp? But seriously, get out and rock the vote, your life kinda does depend on it (at least insomuch as being able to make for yourself the life that you want, without the government telling you how to do so – especially if you live on the fringes of socially acceptable awkwardness like me and so many of my friends).
Besides which, this video is so good, it’s worth sharing again anyway. And again, if for some reason the video doesn’t load, you can find it here.
Art Attack
And here are some artworks I made awhile back as political commentary. The photograph was shot of the scene exactly as found, of a sign above a parking lot in a quickly gentrifying neighborhood making sure all knew that any unauthorized vehicles were unwelcome, and hung right in front of a flag that was tattered and torn from being caught on the chain link fence driving the point home. The flags were meant to be interactive, with gallerygoers waving them while singing The Star Spangled Banner in its elitist entirety. The whole really spoke to me regarding some of the political climate at the time (this was right before Trump was elected President the first time). How much has changed since then? In some ways, a lot. In other ways, I guess we shall see.
So on my recent road trip to Miami AZ USA for my menstruation art installation, we decided to detour to Roswell NM en route home. To be honest, this was one of the best decisions of my life, up there with road trippin’ from Arizona to San Francisco along CA-Highway 1, and I will go into the details of why here soon.
Roswell NM USA has totally embraced its alien history of the UFO crash in the late 1940s and subsequent government cover up. The whole town is alien-happy with beautiful hand carved wood totems, murals and statues everywhere celebrating otherworldly denizens of all types, though predominantly the gray aliens of the crash (and their green counterparts). Even the city logo features a flying saucer as the center of the letter “R”. It really is kind of incredible.
One of the biggest draws is the International UFO Museum and Research Center, housed in the wonderful old theater building. This museum details the crash history as well as celebrating aliens in movies and media and examining newer alien sightings and abductions. It is very thorough and includes maquettes, statues, written accounts and an extensive research library, as well as an interesting art collection of various items.
And there are TONS of fun alien themed curiosity shops. I will give a shout out to the newer Invasion Station north on Main Street where there had once been an old car dealership. I love the quirky nature of this particular store as well as their strong desire to promote local artists. Most of their wares are hand-painted in NM and feature designs by prominent local artists including one of the lead muralists in town (I bought a magnet of his). They also feature really alternative kitsch like KISS and Ace Frehley alien bobbleheads, marijuana and anal references, and such. All in all, our own Haunted MTL’s kinda folks…
And the city is a huge tourist draw internationally, so you can meet some amazing and interesting folks from all walks of life who have caught the alien bug or at least want to check out all the hype. As a result of the tourism, the residents seem really laid back and accommodating (kind of like Hawaii but not quite as much) and there is a thriving art scene. And it’s totally my kind of art – weird and a little creepy. Anyway, I feel like I’ve finally found my peeps and am eager to return someday.
If you’re feeling a bit extraterrestrial, I invite you to also check out some of my alien-themed stories here on Haunted MTL: LTD UFOs among us; my Drive-By short story; and LTD Abducted.