Weekly Wail – Ranking the 61 Days of Halloween – Week One
Welcome to my grand gesture to celebrate Halloween, the best time of the year. Shudder is celebrating 61 Days of Halloween over the course of September and October, so I am going to join in the fun. Over the course of 61 days, I will be watching 61 movies.
Crazy? Maybe. I have been live-tweeting them as I watch. However, I am also going to be doing these weekly wrap-ups to rank the films I watch throughout the weeks. So, here are the five films I watched during week one, ranked. These aren’t so much reviews but more of impressions about the experience of these movies.
#5 – Bram Stoker’s Dracula
I hadn’t seen Francis Ford Coppola’s adaptation of Dracula in about a decade prior to watching it and I remembered why I hadn’t seen it in a long time. This was my second movie of the week, but my least favorite of the bunch.
The film gets some things right, but I do not think Coppola is the best choice of a director for a vampire film. The film has the requisite sumptuousness of heavy shadows and Edwardian grime befitting Dracula, but the pacing, mixed-bag practical effects, an performances leave something to be desired.
Part of my experience in watching these films is the process of live-tweeting. So please enjoy the Twitter thread of my reactions to Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
#4 – The Shed
The Shed, a Shudder Exclusive, was a fun vampire film and I’d argue a better vampire film than Bram Stoker’s Dracula. This was my third movie of the week but only ranks in at number four.
The film is a fun little romp through a simple concept: A vampire is trapped in a teen’s shed and he can’t seem to keep people from getting killed by it. The film has some natural contrivances and becomes a home invasion film in its last 20 minutes, but for the most part, it is solid. The copious dream sequences are a bit of an oddity and the characters are written very broadly, but if you want to see a vampire really mess people up then you could do worse than The Shed.
#3 – The Nightshifter
The rank of three here carries the suggestion that this film, the fifth of my week, is strictly average, but that is not the case. The Nightshifter, a Shudder Exclusive, skews more towards the really, really good end of my spectrum and is only third on this list because of simple numbering. The film has some elements of other, stronger films, but the overall experience is well worth your time.
This is a fun ghost story made in Brazil. Does the film have some logic problems? Sure, what horror films do not? But the core concept, a morgue-worker who can talk to the dead is immediately used and blows up in the faces of the protagonist and his family. The story follows a man who exploits his gift of being able to speak to the dead for petty revenge which results in the death of his wife, turning her into a vengeful spirit who wreaks havoc on her family.
#2 – The Room
Number two on my list, The Room, a Shudder Exclusive, is an exciting film of the dark side of wish fulfillment. This was my fourth movie of the week. The film follows a married couple who move into a strange old house with a dark history and a hidden room – a room which can make whatever objects one wishes for. The couple, dealing with an inability to have a child logically makes the worst decision they ever could in this situation and the horrifying implications.
The film is very moody and has an air of European sophistication as the terrors it delves into are more metaphorical and psychological. The performances are strong overall, with a notable exception. The ending is also simultaneously expected but also raises many difficult questions. The Room is definitely one of Shudder’s smarter offerings and offers a modern gothic horror that doesn’t revolve around monsters. It’s not perfect as it can get bogged down in pacing issues, but it is still worth a watch.
#1 – Color Out of Space
My favorite movie in this first week is the Shudder Exclusive Color Out of Space. It was also the first film I watched. The movie is pretty much exactly what I was hoping for coming in: A good adaptation of Lovecraft’s source material, visually inventive, full of weird mutations, and off-the-rails Nicolas Cage.
The film follows the tragedy that occurs on the farm of the Gardner family, outside of Arkham, where they encounter a strange meteor from space that begins to alter their lives in dramatic and alien ways.
The movie is a great modernization to Lovecraft’s original story of isolation and Richard Stanley has more than earned a crack at another Lovecraftian adaptation. Some plot contrivances are handled pretty well, so even a modern world with cell-phones still evokes the isolation of the original story. There is some dodgy CGI here and there but for the most part, the delivery of the visual oddities associated with the titular Color is well done.
You can catch my live impressions here:
I started the week by just choosing movies at random, but then I discovered that Shudder posts a weekly schedule of premieres for the 61 Days of Halloween event.
So, next week, here are the film you can expect me to rank.
Good news to my nonbinary pals – we no longer exist!
“But Brannyk,” you may be thinking, “what am I supposed to do now that I am no longer a real being? How shall I spend my days?”
Unfortunately, the government has not released a handbook for this occasion, so I thought we could brainstorm together.
BECOME A GHOST
There are some benefits to being a ghost, for sure.
No rent or insurance payment. No corporate job, no cleaning cat litter, no AT&T trying to sell you another line after repeatedly telling them that you just want to make sure that your autopayment is on, but they’re all like, ‘Why would you pass up such a bargain on a second line? Are you an idiot? Why wouldn’t you need another phone line?‘ and so you have to tell them, “Because I’M DIVORCED, ASSHOLE, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME OF THAT!”
Ahem. I digress.
Yeah, you may not be able to venture out, much like Adam and Barbara in Beetlejuice. You may need to put up with someone else crashing your place and moving around all of your shit. Or Ryan Reynolds trying to sell you Mint Mobile. Or some toxic couple taking your creepy doll that you spent years on trying to possess.
Or, my absolute biggest pet peeve, when you’re practicing for the ghost speed chair-stacking championship and the normies just don’t appreciate your cool skills.
But the advantages are that you get to stay home, watch tv, stack your chairs and hope whoever buys your house/visits your creepy woods/gentrifies your neighborhood is a cool person, too.
(2 / 5)
It’s a good choice, but has a lot of drawbacks.
BECOME A CREATURE
Look, if you’re not going to exist, go big or go home, I’d say.
Monsters are cool. They play by their own rules. Sometimes they cause havoc. Sometimes they come around and help people. Sometimes they work alone. And other times, they have a lot of friends. Sometimes they just need some affirmation. And sometimes they’re…in high school, apparently?
The cool thing is that they come in all shapes and sizes.
Monsters are generally misunderstood. Some have their fans. Others are hated.
So basically, just like people, except with more tentacles.
The only downsides are that you might be too big or too “ick” for some people (these can also be pluses), you may have a taste for human flesh (no judgement), or the biggest issue – there are too many choices.
You could get stuck trying to figure out what kind of monster you are. If you’re not into labels, it’s an absolute nightmare. Or if you’re like me, it’ll be like standing in Subway for 15 minutes trying to figure out what toppings and dressings you want while the “sandwich artist” is openly judging you.
(4 / 5)
I like the customization, but it can be a bit too overwhelming.
BECOME A CRYPTID
Hear me out. I know it seems a lot like the monster category, but it’s not quite.
Cryptids are weird and mysterious. They keep to themselves. They have people who are fascinated by them and post on Reddit about them. Some have people making documentaries about them.
They’re like monsters’ quieter cousin who reads books in the corner at family gatherings. They collect shiny things they find by the side of the road. Sometimes they’ll steal a peanut butter sandwich or two.
Ever so often, they might scare a human just by existing or by politely asking for their stuff back.
Each one kinda has their own goals and priorities. Their own hangouts and interests. But unlike monsters, they’re not looking to rock any boats-
Never mind, I stand corrected.
(5 / 5)
I like the freedoms of being a cryptid and also dig the cottage-core vibe I get from them.
CONCLUSION: LET’S BE REAL FOR A SECOND…
I know it’s hard right now. It’s going to be hard. You may not exist to some assholes, but you are real. You have real feelings and thoughts and dreams. You have a real future. You have real decisions. Real actions that affect this world.
You have the real ability to wake up tomorrow and choose to exist. And for whatever reason you choose. Use it. Ghosts and monsters and cryptids are powerful, just like you are, even when you don’t feel like it. They have a place in our human world, just like you do. You make this world interesting and important.
You are part of this world, you are real, and you are not alone.
The horror community is one of acceptance, diversity, creativity and passion. In these times, it needs to be. We need to rely on each other. We need to cultivate and protect each other, as much as we need to protect ourselves.
And it looks like I’ll be coming out of my own cryptid hovel I’ve spent the past few years in to remind you that. My job isn’t done. Not by a longshot. And neither is yours.
You exist to me. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
Be safe out there, friends.
If you live in the United States, it’s time to rock the vote for real. I shared this video before in conjunction with my identity-based costume work, and I feel it’s important to revisit now, with the election coming up in just a few days. Besides which, Jack Black and Tenacious D are brilliant and given the current political climate, who doesn’t want to do the time warp? But seriously, get out and rock the vote, your life kinda does depend on it (at least insomuch as being able to make for yourself the life that you want, without the government telling you how to do so – especially if you live on the fringes of socially acceptable awkwardness like me and so many of my friends).
Besides which, this video is so good, it’s worth sharing again anyway. And again, if for some reason the video doesn’t load, you can find it here.
Art Attack
And here are some artworks I made awhile back as political commentary. The photograph was shot of the scene exactly as found, of a sign above a parking lot in a quickly gentrifying neighborhood making sure all knew that any unauthorized vehicles were unwelcome, and hung right in front of a flag that was tattered and torn from being caught on the chain link fence driving the point home. The flags were meant to be interactive, with gallerygoers waving them while singing The Star Spangled Banner in its elitist entirety. The whole really spoke to me regarding some of the political climate at the time (this was right before Trump was elected President the first time). How much has changed since then? In some ways, a lot. In other ways, I guess we shall see.
So on my recent road trip to Miami AZ USA for my menstruation art installation, we decided to detour to Roswell NM en route home. To be honest, this was one of the best decisions of my life, up there with road trippin’ from Arizona to San Francisco along CA-Highway 1, and I will go into the details of why here soon.
Roswell NM USA has totally embraced its alien history of the UFO crash in the late 1940s and subsequent government cover up. The whole town is alien-happy with beautiful hand carved wood totems, murals and statues everywhere celebrating otherworldly denizens of all types, though predominantly the gray aliens of the crash (and their green counterparts). Even the city logo features a flying saucer as the center of the letter “R”. It really is kind of incredible.
One of the biggest draws is the International UFO Museum and Research Center, housed in the wonderful old theater building. This museum details the crash history as well as celebrating aliens in movies and media and examining newer alien sightings and abductions. It is very thorough and includes maquettes, statues, written accounts and an extensive research library, as well as an interesting art collection of various items.
And there are TONS of fun alien themed curiosity shops. I will give a shout out to the newer Invasion Station north on Main Street where there had once been an old car dealership. I love the quirky nature of this particular store as well as their strong desire to promote local artists. Most of their wares are hand-painted in NM and feature designs by prominent local artists including one of the lead muralists in town (I bought a magnet of his). They also feature really alternative kitsch like KISS and Ace Frehley alien bobbleheads, marijuana and anal references, and such. All in all, our own Haunted MTL’s kinda folks…
And the city is a huge tourist draw internationally, so you can meet some amazing and interesting folks from all walks of life who have caught the alien bug or at least want to check out all the hype. As a result of the tourism, the residents seem really laid back and accommodating (kind of like Hawaii but not quite as much) and there is a thriving art scene. And it’s totally my kind of art – weird and a little creepy. Anyway, I feel like I’ve finally found my peeps and am eager to return someday.
If you’re feeling a bit extraterrestrial, I invite you to also check out some of my alien-themed stories here on Haunted MTL: LTD UFOs among us; my Drive-By short story; and LTD Abducted.