LTD: Camp Counselor Concerned About Decreasing Camp Attendance
Camp Bloodmarsh, WA. Counselor Ricky McCarr has worked as a summer camp counselor for the past five years at Camp Bloodmarsh while finishing his associate’s degree at the local university. He loves the work, but lately, he has been worried about plummeting attendance during the summer.
“For the past couple of years, there have been fewer kids coming to camp over the summer. It’s really put a damper on things for everyone.” McCarr continues, “especially for ‘Axman’ Carl, the local child-murderer who lives in the woods by the Bloodmarsh.”
Trouble continues for Camp Bloodmarsh
The plummeting attendance year over year at Camp Bloodmarsh has made it difficult for the formerly popular destination to cover pending and future litigation. Several counselors have already expressed concerns about needing to shut down the camp permanently, especially after reducing their summer program to only two weeks.
“It’s been tough,” says Sally Churl, another counselor. “I mean, I am here to mostly hook up with hot guys, but it really gets tough to fit my normal hook-up schedule in just two weeks, you know?”
When asked if she’s noticed a decrease in the number of campers in attendance, her response was “wait, there are campers?”
The changing generation
All the counselors have theories as to why attendance has plummeted over the years.
“It certainly isn’t the child deaths,” says Ricky McCarr, “I mean, five to ten kids die on average during the summer and they kept attending steadily, clear into the mid-nineties. It’s probably the video games.”
McCarr pauses for a moment. He looks visibly choked up as he gazes at the camp’s totem pole, which still has an ax blade buried in it from the 1987 summer massacre. “This camp has been here since the early 70s, you know? I survived all my years of coming here and I feel like it really prepared me for success.”
When pressed on the video game comment, McCarr is quick to clarify. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I love gaming. I’m really into Madden and Call of Duty. It’s just that most kids spend their time playing games during the summer and just don’t seem to want to spend time outside running from the local woodsman.”
He pauses again and looks out over at the Camp Bloodmarsh dock. “I’m just wondering if fewer kids at camp mean more counselors are going to get picked off by the ‘Axman,’ you know? I don’t want to lose my survival streak.”
Future plans
McCarr did explain some ideas the local town, Thornbriar, is considering for the campgrounds. The first is a mandatory summer school session for the local children that would occur at the camp over a period of five weeks.
McCarr explains, “I don’t imagine that mandatory summer school would be popular with a lot of the kids. But, I mean, the campgrounds need to be soaked with a certain amount of blood to satiate ‘Axman’ Carl for a season. So he won’t roam the town.” McCarr is referencing the massacre of ’75 that resulted in the whole town council being dismembered at the grand opening of a local ice cream shop.
“Everybody is really optimistic about this other idea.” McCarr smiles, “we’re thinking of hiring a gaming party truck for the next season.”
Good news to my nonbinary pals – we no longer exist!
“But Brannyk,” you may be thinking, “what am I supposed to do now that I am no longer a real being? How shall I spend my days?”
Unfortunately, the government has not released a handbook for this occasion, so I thought we could brainstorm together.
BECOME A GHOST
There are some benefits to being a ghost, for sure.
No rent or insurance payment. No corporate job, no cleaning cat litter, no AT&T trying to sell you another line after repeatedly telling them that you just want to make sure that your autopayment is on, but they’re all like, ‘Why would you pass up such a bargain on a second line? Are you an idiot? Why wouldn’t you need another phone line?‘ and so you have to tell them, “Because I’M DIVORCED, ASSHOLE, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME OF THAT!”
Ahem. I digress.
Yeah, you may not be able to venture out, much like Adam and Barbara in Beetlejuice. You may need to put up with someone else crashing your place and moving around all of your shit. Or Ryan Reynolds trying to sell you Mint Mobile. Or some toxic couple taking your creepy doll that you spent years on trying to possess.
Or, my absolute biggest pet peeve, when you’re practicing for the ghost speed chair-stacking championship and the normies just don’t appreciate your cool skills.
But the advantages are that you get to stay home, watch tv, stack your chairs and hope whoever buys your house/visits your creepy woods/gentrifies your neighborhood is a cool person, too.
(2 / 5)
It’s a good choice, but has a lot of drawbacks.
BECOME A CREATURE
Look, if you’re not going to exist, go big or go home, I’d say.
Monsters are cool. They play by their own rules. Sometimes they cause havoc. Sometimes they come around and help people. Sometimes they work alone. And other times, they have a lot of friends. Sometimes they just need some affirmation. And sometimes they’re…in high school, apparently?
The cool thing is that they come in all shapes and sizes.
Monsters are generally misunderstood. Some have their fans. Others are hated.
So basically, just like people, except with more tentacles.
The only downsides are that you might be too big or too “ick” for some people (these can also be pluses), you may have a taste for human flesh (no judgement), or the biggest issue – there are too many choices.
You could get stuck trying to figure out what kind of monster you are. If you’re not into labels, it’s an absolute nightmare. Or if you’re like me, it’ll be like standing in Subway for 15 minutes trying to figure out what toppings and dressings you want while the “sandwich artist” is openly judging you.
(4 / 5)
I like the customization, but it can be a bit too overwhelming.
BECOME A CRYPTID
Hear me out. I know it seems a lot like the monster category, but it’s not quite.
Cryptids are weird and mysterious. They keep to themselves. They have people who are fascinated by them and post on Reddit about them. Some have people making documentaries about them.
They’re like monsters’ quieter cousin who reads books in the corner at family gatherings. They collect shiny things they find by the side of the road. Sometimes they’ll steal a peanut butter sandwich or two.
Ever so often, they might scare a human just by existing or by politely asking for their stuff back.
Each one kinda has their own goals and priorities. Their own hangouts and interests. But unlike monsters, they’re not looking to rock any boats-
Never mind, I stand corrected.
(5 / 5)
I like the freedoms of being a cryptid and also dig the cottage-core vibe I get from them.
CONCLUSION: LET’S BE REAL FOR A SECOND…
I know it’s hard right now. It’s going to be hard. You may not exist to some assholes, but you are real. You have real feelings and thoughts and dreams. You have a real future. You have real decisions. Real actions that affect this world.
You have the real ability to wake up tomorrow and choose to exist. And for whatever reason you choose. Use it. Ghosts and monsters and cryptids are powerful, just like you are, even when you don’t feel like it. They have a place in our human world, just like you do. You make this world interesting and important.
You are part of this world, you are real, and you are not alone.
The horror community is one of acceptance, diversity, creativity and passion. In these times, it needs to be. We need to rely on each other. We need to cultivate and protect each other, as much as we need to protect ourselves.
And it looks like I’ll be coming out of my own cryptid hovel I’ve spent the past few years in to remind you that. My job isn’t done. Not by a longshot. And neither is yours.
You exist to me. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
Be safe out there, friends.
So you’ve just gotten the pink slip.
Work is letting you go. Amidst all of the layoffs, you just didn’t make the cut. Well, I’m sorry to say, but it behooves you to go quietly. And quickly. Because you don’t want to stick around for the Firing Squad…
In fact, if your HR department is outsourced to one of those Eldritch contractors like so many are nowadays, get outta dodge NOW. Like seriously. Leave the lunch you brought in the fridge; leave the personal items in and on and around your desk. Hell, leave your coat and purse if you are not near them. You can get new ones. Maybe one of your ex-coworkers can help you retrieve your stuff later. Because you need to get out while the getting is still good.
The Firing Squad is coming.
And if they so much as see a pink slip anywhere in your immediate vicinity, it is complete and total annihilation…
I warned you… Those Eldritch contractor HR departments mean business… It’s like going to the Library. Or making Jell-O.
Be sure to follow these simple library rules to ensure that you don’t end up victim to some Cthulhoid Lovecraftian nightmare. Because all of those books in one place can only mean one thing – certain doom!
Artwork description: A bloody female face with metallic crystalline eyes stares blankly at you from her strange ensemble of splattered fur trimmed weirdness. She leans against front of an overflowing bookshelf, guarding its contents.
Image text reads: Welcome to the library. Please follow these simple rules to ensure your safety and the well-being of those around you.
1.) Be quiet. the Eldritch horrors are sleeping. Do NOT awaken them. Ever.
2.) Do NOT open any portals to any interdimensional voids while here at the library. Please check out any such books and do so at home at your own risk.
3.) Do NOT recite any spells, hexes, or incantations in any books found herein, even accidentally. Again, do so at home at your own risk if you must do so at all.
4.) Do NOT smile at the librarians under any circumstance. Doing so will invite terror beyond mortal comprehension.
5.) Do NOT burn or deface any of the books. This incites otherworldly wrath.
6.) The library will NOT be responsible should you awaken any Eldritch horrors, open any interdimensional portals, cast any spells, smile at the librarians, or burn or deface any of the books. Any attacks to your person, belongings, soul, or next of kin are solely your responsibility; you are NOT entitled to legal, medical, monetary, spiritual, or any other compensations on behalf of the library or any of its affiliates, either here, extraplanar, and/or beyond.
For more otherworldly Cthlulhoid horrors, consider making a Jell-O concoction or succumbing to the allure of the Red Lady…