This episode was a difficult one to watch. It’s not like any episode that we’ve seen so far. It was sad, painful. Trigger warning. If you’ve lost someone, this episode might be especially hard. 

The episode picks up right where season four left off. Dexter is sitting in the front yard with Harrison, in shock. Both of them are covered in blood. 

The police arrived, and Dexter immediately starts saying things he shouldn’t say. He tells Deb, “It was me.” 

Quinn’s getting suspicious. He doesn’t feel like Dexter is showing enough sorrow. So he decides to take it upon himself to start asking questions.

Normally when a cop starts suspecting Dexter of killing someone, they’re right. Guess there’s a first time for everything.

Dexter isn’t handling the loss of Rita well. Of course, he’s not, who would? He thinks over their first date. How even then he ducked out early to kill a man. He worries that he’s lied to her their entire relationship.

Then, on top of his grief, he has to tell Cody and Astor that their mother is dead.

The kids respond as one would expect. Cody’s destroyed. But it’s Astor that breaks Dexter’s heart. She tells him that she wishes he’d died instead of Rita. Teenage kids can’t help but lash out when they’re in pain. And there aren’t many things as painful as losing a parent.

Dexter is in pain too. But he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He’s terrified that he’s going to hurt the kids, maybe even get them killed. And as he’s just realizing that he loves them. That he’s capable of love.

How terrible, how tragic, that he only just realized that he’s capable of love right before losing his wife.

Deb is doing her best to help. She plans the funeral, takes care of Harrison. She does her best to make sure Dexter shows up to talk to the FBI. The FBI, by the way, also thinks Dexter might have killed Rita. It figures that so many people think he killed someone he didn’t. They’re looking for him, while he’s off brutally murdering some asshole in a gas station bathroom.

Dexter needed this moment. Even more, he needed the release of pain and rage. Because the way this season is shaping up, I imagine there’s a lot more rage coming his way. 

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