Zombie Apocalypse: A What-to-Wear Guide
Zombies have become a mainstay of pop culture, and I’ve written about their widespread appeal recently. Still, there’s another topic I am interested in: What one should wear in the event of a zombie apocalypse!
Zombies have become a mainstay of pop culture, and I’ve written about their widespread appeal recently. Still, there’s another topic I am interested in: What one should wear in the event of a zombie apocalypse!
Before I begin, let me make something clear: I’m not one of those dumb-asses who really thinks this is highly plausible, let alone imminent. In fact, this article is mostly for fun. I’m also not an “expert” on this silly topic, so don’t lecture me if my premise is slightly off. Still, let’s pretend that a zombie virus is spreading, and you need some handy dandy tips on what ways to avoid getting bitten (or having the flesh-eaters get infected blood on you, or anything else that could “turn” you). On the Walking Dead, characters occasionally drape zombie guts on themselves to blend in with the horde. Still, that may not work in an actual (hypothetical) zombie apocalypse. So let’s look at some more basic ideas.
1. Get Into Leather Jackets and Pants
Remember Dawn of the Dead, where Stephen “Flyboy” Andrews (David Emge) wears a leather jacket around? Well, that’s probably a good idea. As the undead are encroaching, they may have a harder time biting through leather. So leather coats are good for when you travel around. There are some good methods of minimizing heat in the things, too.
Consider wearing lighter leather (though I would recommend thicker stuff, while carrying a canteen). Also consider wearing a lighter colored leather, like a tan or olive color, as they attract less heat. Maybe it’s not as sexy as black leather, but we’re talking more survival than style. Also, some leather jackets have perforations, presumably to make it more breathable.
2. Take Up Zombie Hockey & Wear a Helmet
Maybe you’re no athlete, but hockey gear could save your skin from the zombie horde. This is relatively easy stuff to find, too. Also, wear helmets of various kinds. I’m talking football helmets, hockey helmets, bicycle helmets, you name it! Of course, you may benefit from carrying a hockey stick, too, Casey Jones-style. Turn a zombie skull into a hockey puck!
3. Get Into Spikes & Chains
Hey, if you’re considering leather, you might want to emphasize spikes as well! It might make you look like a wannabe bad-ass, but it would be a perfect way to avoid having zombies gnawing through your soft, hot flesh! In addition, you’ll have a solid punk rock fashion that’s also functional. Wouldn’t that be great? No one could call you a punk poser, as you’re just being practical. Of course, if you start rocking a mohawk, that’s on you. Here’s another thing: If you do get turned while wearing this, it’ll make you look cooler than when you were alive… guaranteed!
4. Wear Thick Winter Jackets and Gloves
This one could get annoying, as this would make one’s body and hands sweaty. In fact, I’ve even walked in zero degree weather and had to take my hat, gloves and jacket off for a bit because I was too warm. Still, a zombie would have a tougher time chewing through a thicker set of winter gloves and a jacket! This one is doubly practical if it is actually winter. It’s a no-brainer of an option.
5. Have You Considered Riot Gear?
Yes, this isn’t immediately accessible to everyone, but probably not that difficult to find. In fact, this was done on The Walking Dead. Honestly, this is such a no-brainer that more Walking Dead characters should wear this stuff more often. Isn’t there an element of common sense to this? Talk about a huge oversight! This kind of gear would be best acquired during the early stages of the zombie apocalypse, before others can successfully raid the local police armory.
6. Ever Hear of Troy Hurtubise? No? Well, Learn About Troy Hurtubise
Don’t feel bad about not recognizing the name. I didn’t remember it either, until I started writing this article and looked it up. However, I did remember that a man made an “indestructible suit,” designed to withstand grizzly bear attacks! He called the suits “Ursa,” with each version having a new number attached. Still, you could call such a suit anything you want. However, I wouldn’t encourage you to call it “stupid,” as it apparently works.
He supposedly also created something called “Firepaste,” which is claimed to be able to withstand temperatures from blowtorches. Obviously you may not be as obsessed about this things as Troy was, but you may want to take a page or two from his book once the dead start to walk.
The man’s ideas may sound ridiculous, but they seemed to have positive results.
7. Consider Wearing Other Dumb Stuff, Too
Can’t find the things already listed? Fair enough. If you look around the house, you may still have some extra padding against walkers. If you know any fishermen, maybe they have hip waders. Have any old magazines lying around? You can potentially wrap those around your arms, in conjunction with duct tape. Is it the most ideal form of protection? Of course not! Still, if you want to get out alive, fashion isn’t your #1 priority. Also, if you have access to bubble wrap, extra layers of sweaters and sweatshirts, anything you can successfully layer under your shirts…Yes, I even suggested bubble wrap. It would probably make sense to at least consider it!
Well, hopefully this zombie article didn’t make you cringe too hard. Let us know what you think in the comments.
Breaking News
Joe Bob’s Christmas Carnage: A Bloody Good Holiday Special Fri. December 13th – 9pm ET!
Hey there, fright fiends! 👻 Are you ready to sink your fangs into some spine-tingling Black Friday deals? We’ve scoured the darkest corners of Amazon to bring you a blood-curdling collection of horror goodies that’ll make your wallet scream with joy! From classic monsters to modern nightmares, we’ve got something to haunt every horror fan’s dreams. Let’s dive into the madness!
Before we go further – we are an amazon affiliate and if you click these links we may get money for Amazon. With that said, we won’t put up things we don’t suggest so here is the curated list as it sits for Black Friday Week 2024.
🎥 Monstrous Movie Mayhem
Bram Stoker’s Dracula 4K
Sink your teeth into Francis Ford Coppola’s visually stunning adaptation of the classic vampire tale. Watch Gary Oldman’s mesmerizing performance as the Count in glorious 4K resolution!
Christine 4K
Rev up your engines for John Carpenter’s killer car classic! This 4K edition will have you gripping your steering wheel in terror as the demonic Plymouth Fury wreaks havoc.
Akira Blu-ray
Experience the mind-bending anime masterpiece that redefined the genre. Prepare for a psychedelic journey through Neo-Tokyo that’ll leave you questioning reality!
Underworld Ultimate Collection Blu-ray
Dive into the eternal war between vampires and lycans with this action-packed collection. Kate Beckinsale’s leather-clad Selene will have you howling for more!
Resident Evil Steelbook
For the true RE fanatics, this gorgeous steelbook edition is a must-have for your collection. It’s so shiny, you can see the T-virus reflected in it!
Doctor Who Complete David Tennant Blu-ray
Okay, it’s not strictly horror, but who can resist the Weeping Angels? Join the Tenth Doctor on his time-traveling adventures and prepare for some serious sci-fi scares!
Evil Dead Blu-ray
Groovy, baby! Sam Raimi’s cult classic will have you laughing and screaming in equal measure. Remember, this is your boom stick!
Scream (2022) Steelbook
The slasher franchise that knows the rules is back with a vengeance! This meta-horror masterpiece will have you guessing who’s behind the Ghostface mask.
Leviathan 4K UHD Blu-ray
Dive deep into aquatic terror with this underrated gem from the golden age of practical effects. It’s like “The Thing” meets “The Abyss”!
📚 Bone-Chilling Books and Comics
Terrifier 2 BOOK by Tim Waggoner
Can’t get enough of Art the Clown? This novelization of the splatter sensation will paint vivid, gory pictures in your mind. Sleep tight!
The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Ominous Omnibus Vol. 3
D’oh-n’t miss out on this collection of spooky Simpsons stories! It’s the perfect way to celebrate Halloween in Springfield all year round.
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
Dive into one of King’s classic tales of psychic abilities and political intrigue. Johnny Smith’s visions will keep you on the edge of your seat!
🎮 Ghoulish Games and Collectibles
Halloween and Ash vs Evil Dead PS5
Double the horror, double the fun! Face off against Michael Myers and the Deadites in this terrifying two-pack of asymmetrical multiplayer games.
Alone in the Dark Xbox Series X
Return to Derceto Manor in this reimagining of the survival horror classic. Just remember, in the dark, you’re never truly alone…
Chucky Funko Pop
Add everyone’s favorite Good Guy doll to your collection! Just don’t turn your back on him, or you might regret it…
Harry Potter LEGO Hogwarts
Who can resist the allure of a magical and/or haunted castle? Build your own magical world and watch out for those Dementors!
🎬 The Final Cut
There you have it, horror hounds! These Black Friday deals are so good, it’s scary. Whether you’re into classic monsters, modern slashers, or cosmic horrors, Amazon’s got something to make your dark heart skip a beat.
But hurry! Like a vampire at sunrise, these deals won’t last forever. If you want to do a general search on your own, feel free to use our link here.
Remember, in the world of horror, the only thing scarier than missing out on these deals is paying full price! Happy haunting, and may your Black Friday be filled with delightful frights! 🎃👻🔪
If you live in the United States, it’s time to rock the vote for real. I shared this video before in conjunction with my identity-based costume work, and I feel it’s important to revisit now, with the election coming up in just a few days. Besides which, Jack Black and Tenacious D are brilliant and given the current political climate, who doesn’t want to do the time warp? But seriously, get out and rock the vote, your life kinda does depend on it (at least insomuch as being able to make for yourself the life that you want, without the government telling you how to do so – especially if you live on the fringes of socially acceptable awkwardness like me and so many of my friends).
Besides which, this video is so good, it’s worth sharing again anyway. And again, if for some reason the video doesn’t load, you can find it here.
Art Attack
And here are some artworks I made awhile back as political commentary. The photograph was shot of the scene exactly as found, of a sign above a parking lot in a quickly gentrifying neighborhood making sure all knew that any unauthorized vehicles were unwelcome, and hung right in front of a flag that was tattered and torn from being caught on the chain link fence driving the point home. The flags were meant to be interactive, with gallerygoers waving them while singing The Star Spangled Banner in its elitist entirety. The whole really spoke to me regarding some of the political climate at the time (this was right before Trump was elected President the first time). How much has changed since then? In some ways, a lot. In other ways, I guess we shall see.
-
Original Creations4 days agoA Wrinkle in Blood – A Chilling Horror Story by Alex C. Telander
-
Original Creations3 days ago
Haunted – A Chilling Paranormal Story by Robert Howell
-
Original Creations6 days ago
Heaven, a Short Story by Jennifer Weigel
-
Movies n TV1 day ago
Dexter Original Sin Fender Bender, The Perfect Mix of Comedy and Sadness
