Zombie Apocalypse: A What-to-Wear Guide
Zombies have become a mainstay of pop culture, and I’ve written about their widespread appeal recently. Still, there’s another topic I am interested in: What one should wear in the event of a zombie apocalypse!
Zombies have become a mainstay of pop culture, and I’ve written about their widespread appeal recently. Still, there’s another topic I am interested in: What one should wear in the event of a zombie apocalypse!
Before I begin, let me make something clear: I’m not one of those dumb-asses who really thinks this is highly plausible, let alone imminent. In fact, this article is mostly for fun. I’m also not an “expert” on this silly topic, so don’t lecture me if my premise is slightly off. Still, let’s pretend that a zombie virus is spreading, and you need some handy dandy tips on what ways to avoid getting bitten (or having the flesh-eaters get infected blood on you, or anything else that could “turn” you). On the Walking Dead, characters occasionally drape zombie guts on themselves to blend in with the horde. Still, that may not work in an actual (hypothetical) zombie apocalypse. So let’s look at some more basic ideas.
1. Get Into Leather Jackets and Pants
Remember Dawn of the Dead, where Stephen “Flyboy” Andrews (David Emge) wears a leather jacket around? Well, that’s probably a good idea. As the undead are encroaching, they may have a harder time biting through leather. So leather coats are good for when you travel around. There are some good methods of minimizing heat in the things, too.
Consider wearing lighter leather (though I would recommend thicker stuff, while carrying a canteen). Also consider wearing a lighter colored leather, like a tan or olive color, as they attract less heat. Maybe it’s not as sexy as black leather, but we’re talking more survival than style. Also, some leather jackets have perforations, presumably to make it more breathable.
2. Take Up Zombie Hockey & Wear a Helmet
Maybe you’re no athlete, but hockey gear could save your skin from the zombie horde. This is relatively easy stuff to find, too. Also, wear helmets of various kinds. I’m talking football helmets, hockey helmets, bicycle helmets, you name it! Of course, you may benefit from carrying a hockey stick, too, Casey Jones-style. Turn a zombie skull into a hockey puck!
3. Get Into Spikes & Chains
Hey, if you’re considering leather, you might want to emphasize spikes as well! It might make you look like a wannabe bad-ass, but it would be a perfect way to avoid having zombies gnawing through your soft, hot flesh! In addition, you’ll have a solid punk rock fashion that’s also functional. Wouldn’t that be great? No one could call you a punk poser, as you’re just being practical. Of course, if you start rocking a mohawk, that’s on you. Here’s another thing: If you do get turned while wearing this, it’ll make you look cooler than when you were alive… guaranteed!
4. Wear Thick Winter Jackets and Gloves
This one could get annoying, as this would make one’s body and hands sweaty. In fact, I’ve even walked in zero degree weather and had to take my hat, gloves and jacket off for a bit because I was too warm. Still, a zombie would have a tougher time chewing through a thicker set of winter gloves and a jacket! This one is doubly practical if it is actually winter. It’s a no-brainer of an option.
5. Have You Considered Riot Gear?
Yes, this isn’t immediately accessible to everyone, but probably not that difficult to find. In fact, this was done on The Walking Dead. Honestly, this is such a no-brainer that more Walking Dead characters should wear this stuff more often. Isn’t there an element of common sense to this? Talk about a huge oversight! This kind of gear would be best acquired during the early stages of the zombie apocalypse, before others can successfully raid the local police armory.
6. Ever Hear of Troy Hurtubise? No? Well, Learn About Troy Hurtubise
Don’t feel bad about not recognizing the name. I didn’t remember it either, until I started writing this article and looked it up. However, I did remember that a man made an “indestructible suit,” designed to withstand grizzly bear attacks! He called the suits “Ursa,” with each version having a new number attached. Still, you could call such a suit anything you want. However, I wouldn’t encourage you to call it “stupid,” as it apparently works.
He supposedly also created something called “Firepaste,” which is claimed to be able to withstand temperatures from blowtorches. Obviously you may not be as obsessed about this things as Troy was, but you may want to take a page or two from his book once the dead start to walk.
The man’s ideas may sound ridiculous, but they seemed to have positive results.
7. Consider Wearing Other Dumb Stuff, Too
Can’t find the things already listed? Fair enough. If you look around the house, you may still have some extra padding against walkers. If you know any fishermen, maybe they have hip waders. Have any old magazines lying around? You can potentially wrap those around your arms, in conjunction with duct tape. Is it the most ideal form of protection? Of course not! Still, if you want to get out alive, fashion isn’t your #1 priority. Also, if you have access to bubble wrap, extra layers of sweaters and sweatshirts, anything you can successfully layer under your shirts…Yes, I even suggested bubble wrap. It would probably make sense to at least consider it!
Well, hopefully this zombie article didn’t make you cringe too hard. Let us know what you think in the comments.
We’ve reached the penultimate episode of Original Sin. This season has been a bloody delight so far, but of course, the endings usually ruin anything related to Dexter.
See the original series ending, book series ending and New Blood ending.
But so far this ending has been good. Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin this episode with the whole force worrying over Bobby, Harry’s partner. They decide to have a blood drive, which is a really good way to respond to a tragedy.
In a flashback scene, we see that Harry and Doris took in both boys. Doris is, by the way, a living saint. She takes these two boys into her home and heart. Until that is, Brian almost kills Deborah.
Not for the last time.
Meanwhile Dexter is planning to take out Captain Spencer. The only problem is that, through a series of rather heartwarming events, he’s given blood twice on the same day. So when it comes time for the kill he isn’t at his best.
Even so, Dex almost makes the kill. The only problem is that Nicky is still alive. And Dexter, proving again that he is a strange and gentle monster, cares more about saving the son than killing the father.
What worked
I first want to shine some well-deserved light on the casting in this series one last time. Because Roby Attal, who played Brian, did a fantastic job. He looks very much like Christian Camargo, who played Brian in the original series. But of course, the important thing is the facial and body language. He smiles like Brian, moves like Brian. And, of course, kills like Brian. He was the perfect choice.
I also really enjoyed the scenes between Dexter and Captain Spencer. They were well done and emotional. I loved the passion and anger in Dexter’s voice when he confronted Spencer. I loved Dex playing a video game and putting in Nicky’s initials. And I really loved Dex stabbing Spencer with a hypodermic needle through his hand and into his neck. It was well-written, well acted and cathartic.
Now, in the interest of fairness, I owe Sarah Michelle Gellar an apology. Because she was great in this episode. Her character, Tanya, was passionate and perfectly well-acted. Best of all, she looked her age.
And she looked beautiful.
So often in media women’s ages are hidden like dirty secrets. Even more so when she was popular in her youth. So to see her look her age, look haggard and tired, was fantastic.
What didn’t work
All of that being said, this was not a perfect episode. The worst thing, in my opinion, was that we found out why Captain Spencer abducted his son. Why he killed an innocent boy. Why he kidnapped these boys and tortured them for days before he killed them. And why he slaughtered an entire houseful of people.
I have no intention of spoiling the reveal for you. But when you watch it, I’m sure you’ll share in my disgust. I was expecting some deep dark secret, maybe some sort of corruption or betrayal.
But that’s not it. And the reason he had doesn’t make sense. Why torture these boys with his intention was, well, what it was?
I have some hope that this reveal was false. After all, all we have is the word of a man plastic wrapped to a table. I guess we’ll have to wait until the next episode to find out.
Finally, I do want to point out one thing that is a little disappointing about the series as a whole.
It’s kind of hard for there to be a lot of suspense for the coming episode. We already know that nothing very bad can happen to our dear demented Dexter. He will not be caught. He will not go to jail. He will not die. Neither will Deb, Brian, or any of the other beloved characters from the original series. So much of the tension we might have felt just isn’t there. This is a struggle for a prequel series and one that I don’t think this series has done enough to address.
Despite the slight letdown of the killer’s motivation, this was a good episode. It set up the finale with a great cliffhanger and left us with more questions than answers. I’m cautiously optimistic about the last episode of Dexter Original Sin.
(4 / 5)
Good news to my nonbinary pals – we no longer exist!
“But Brannyk,” you may be thinking, “what am I supposed to do now that I am no longer a real being? How shall I spend my days?”
Unfortunately, the government has not released a handbook for this occasion, so I thought we could brainstorm together.
BECOME A GHOST
There are some benefits to being a ghost, for sure.
No rent or insurance payment. No corporate job, no cleaning cat litter, no AT&T trying to sell you another line after repeatedly telling them that you just want to make sure that your autopayment is on, but they’re all like, ‘Why would you pass up such a bargain on a second line? Are you an idiot? Why wouldn’t you need another phone line?‘ and so you have to tell them, “Because I’M DIVORCED, ASSHOLE, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME OF THAT!”
Ahem. I digress.
Yeah, you may not be able to venture out, much like Adam and Barbara in Beetlejuice. You may need to put up with someone else crashing your place and moving around all of your shit. Or Ryan Reynolds trying to sell you Mint Mobile. Or some toxic couple taking your creepy doll that you spent years on trying to possess.
Or, my absolute biggest pet peeve, when you’re practicing for the ghost speed chair-stacking championship and the normies just don’t appreciate your cool skills.
But the advantages are that you get to stay home, watch tv, stack your chairs and hope whoever buys your house/visits your creepy woods/gentrifies your neighborhood is a cool person, too.
(2 / 5)
It’s a good choice, but has a lot of drawbacks.
BECOME A CREATURE
Look, if you’re not going to exist, go big or go home, I’d say.
Monsters are cool. They play by their own rules. Sometimes they cause havoc. Sometimes they come around and help people. Sometimes they work alone. And other times, they have a lot of friends. Sometimes they just need some affirmation. And sometimes they’re…in high school, apparently?
The cool thing is that they come in all shapes and sizes.
Monsters are generally misunderstood. Some have their fans. Others are hated.
So basically, just like people, except with more tentacles.
The only downsides are that you might be too big or too “ick” for some people (these can also be pluses), you may have a taste for human flesh (no judgement), or the biggest issue – there are too many choices.
You could get stuck trying to figure out what kind of monster you are. If you’re not into labels, it’s an absolute nightmare. Or if you’re like me, it’ll be like standing in Subway for 15 minutes trying to figure out what toppings and dressings you want while the “sandwich artist” is openly judging you.
(4 / 5)
I like the customization, but it can be a bit too overwhelming.
BECOME A CRYPTID
Hear me out. I know it seems a lot like the monster category, but it’s not quite.
Cryptids are weird and mysterious. They keep to themselves. They have people who are fascinated by them and post on Reddit about them. Some have people making documentaries about them.
They’re like monsters’ quieter cousin who reads books in the corner at family gatherings. They collect shiny things they find by the side of the road. Sometimes they’ll steal a peanut butter sandwich or two.
Ever so often, they might scare a human just by existing or by politely asking for their stuff back.
Each one kinda has their own goals and priorities. Their own hangouts and interests. But unlike monsters, they’re not looking to rock any boats-
Never mind, I stand corrected.
(5 / 5)
I like the freedoms of being a cryptid and also dig the cottage-core vibe I get from them.
CONCLUSION: LET’S BE REAL FOR A SECOND…
I know it’s hard right now. It’s going to be hard. You may not exist to some assholes, but you are real. You have real feelings and thoughts and dreams. You have a real future. You have real decisions. Real actions that affect this world.
You have the real ability to wake up tomorrow and choose to exist. And for whatever reason you choose. Use it. Ghosts and monsters and cryptids are powerful, just like you are, even when you don’t feel like it. They have a place in our human world, just like you do. You make this world interesting and important.
You are part of this world, you are real, and you are not alone.
The horror community is one of acceptance, diversity, creativity and passion. In these times, it needs to be. We need to rely on each other. We need to cultivate and protect each other, as much as we need to protect ourselves.
And it looks like I’ll be coming out of my own cryptid hovel I’ve spent the past few years in to remind you that. My job isn’t done. Not by a longshot. And neither is yours.
You exist to me. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
Be safe out there, friends.
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