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Hey ho, Web-a-rinos! Jim here filling in for Nicole as they ‘Vampire proof their flat’. T+E gifted me the seventh episode of their Web of Darkness series. If you’re unfamiliar with the series, the short of it is a quick n dirty anthology set off from a horror keyphrase vice. It’s a lil’ something for everyone and with that we jump straight in with our Spoiler Free (besides a preview of each story) cha-cha!

The Man in the Mirror

I watched this episode with my ‘forever co-host’ of Streamin’ Demons, Voodoo Priestess. We see a guy, who looks like a younger Jim (which was a bit freaky….Mom, is there something you need to tell me?), having his life flipped-turned upside down, even. You see there were these playground bullies who…no..wait..that’s Fresh Prince. This guy has it far worse as his life is one sneeze away from being on Dante’s circle of ‘things that can happen’ mixed with the fantastic.

The story is a strong first offering. The rooting in reality makes this story particularly sharp. A splendid game to play, though Voodoo swears it’s “Just Jim” that fears this. Try looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror – not from a distance but close up. Get in there real good. Make sure you can make eye contact. Have a bit of a staring contest. Does it creep you out? Creeps the crap outta Jim. Now add this as a base of the ‘parts of this definitely could happen’ and mix in a dash of the other-worldly.

Note: You don’t have to read this as other-worldly. I can’t give away my actual reaction to this without spoiling the episode but think of things more metaphorically…

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Web of Darkness image of a man looking at himself in the mirror as a means of confronting his image.
Web of Darkness – Man in the Mirror

Fairies Wear Boots

The next short (no pun) brings us into the wilderness. Far from COVID lies a small cabin in the woods. As we all know, nothing bad ever happens to anyone in a cabin…in the woods. I mean, the woods are a great place. Who woluldn’t want to spend time amongst bears, wildcats, leprechauns, coyotes, insects, ticks, the undead, and an occasional community of boot wearing fairies?

This episode’s entire plot: Don’t be a dick (aka Jim Breuer rule #1).

Web of Darkness picture showing an antler that was broken off of a creature. The antler is on the porch with some blood near it.
Web of Darkness – Fairies Wear Boots…

Laundry Day

I’m not sure what the official title of this short is, but ‘laundry day’ seems to fit. Picture it – a secluded and exclusive farm community that has a bunch of young kids and one creep-ass adult (read as ‘cult’). What could possible go wrong…err…possibly go wrong?

I mean…have you ever heard of a bunch of mostly white folk wearing white sheets having bad intentions? *cough* I won’t spoil this but the setup is sorta like if Arkansas and Mississippi had a baby and voted on ‘how to solve a problem’ and this movie was their PR ‘charm campaign’.

A bunch of people wearing white sheets sitting in a semi-circle being talked at by an old white dude wearing white sheets. Web of Darkness picture.
Man, don’t you hate laundry day?

Ghost Dad (no, not that one)

A middle-aged man in the grips of a fresh divorce and his kid go house hunting in a pandemic. Let’s face it. Divorce sucks. There are no winners. I think that’s the genuine horror of this short. To top it off, the dude is left to look for a new house….in Canada…in the middle of a pandemic….and the highest housing market rocket-ship known in modern history. His best-case scenario is to get killed by whatever creature is waiting for him in this house.

A middle aged man looking out a window wondering what happened to his life. Web of Darkness picture.
Not saying the housing crisis is bad in Canada, but Jim wants to know when’s the next viewing?

Mannequin (not the Andrew McCarthy movie)

Nipples. That’s the thing that Jim noticed the most about this short. The absolute lack of nipples on this mannequin. Oh and I guess it’s missing hands or something. The set-up is simple – an out with the old/in with the new approach. This could go hand-in-hand with the previous short but you know, it has no hands. Someone call Jon LaJoie!

This could be something special here – I liked where this ‘almost’ went, but they steered away from the natural ending. I’m not sure ‘why’ – was it writing? Directing? Editing? It was an old tale that is told well – mostly. It doesn’t quite fall apart – just because it isn’t the way Jim would have done it doesn’t mean it isn’t done well. Give it a whirl and see what I mean. How would you do this episode?

A woman wearing white holding up a mannequin in a dated yellow dress.
How’d they get Jim’s prom date (left) to be in a short?!

Just how many Cthulhus?

As episode seven winds down, Voodoo gave her sign of approval ‘Not bad!’. I think that sums up this episode. It was a strong offering and rather enjoyable. I’m still not entirely certain the age range for this since it runs the gambit of ‘sex tape leaks’ to ‘fairies from folk lore’. When I said ‘a lil’ bit for everyone’ I meant it. The cool thing is, if one story isn’t for you – just hit FF and hit the one that is for you.

I’m not sure if having a voice over in every episode is a mandate (please stop this…please) but if it is (please stop) then it’s forgivable for the writers to keep using that. However, I wish they found better ways to incorporate the VO work. With that said, I tried to imagine it as descriptive audio like AMI has and it helped settle things back into the story instead of removing the viewer completely from the story.

All in all, the production is a slick and well-made series. The acting is decent and can move the story forward. The design and fX work is top notch, as always. If you’re in the mood for a quick little jaunt into horror, you can do far worse than Web of Darkness. It’s a fun little joint and worth a viewing or two.

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4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Low point or a daring experiment? Halloween VI (1995) Review

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To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin! 

Plot

We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless. 

The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential. 

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Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.  

Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky… 

Overall thoughts

I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets. 

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2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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