Weekly Wail: In which I try to reboot Friday the 13th.
I absolutely adore Jason Voorhees as a slasher but, if I am being honest, I do not adore most of the Friday the 13th films. To me it a franchise that was successful in spite of the somewhat arbitrary and strange choices made in the series, particularly early on.
The first film is fine as a novelty. The mother of the drowned boy being a killer is a fun idea and it made for a solid film, even with the strange addition of the drowned Jason pulling Alice under the lake in a dream sequence. The reveal Jason is alive in the sequel is, for lack of a better word, tolerable. It’s a stretch – this is me being generous. It doesn’t really make sense given the first film as Pamela goes on about the death of Jason, only for him to be alive in the woods in the sequel. The fact the series does not even really find it’s footing, or even the real, iconic look of Jason until the third film is a problem. The first three films feel disjointed and almost random in their conception.
I still love them, though. They’re fun, strange little movies, and by the end of Friday the 13th III we get the iconic Jason. Somehow the series strikes gold with the third film and builds a franchise with increasingly diminishing results.
Yet Jason Voorhees still has an allure to him, doesn’t he? It is what has drawn me back to re-watching the first eight films on Shudder with my girlfriend. It’s been great, but the necessity of needing to overlook how messy the series is led me to thinking about how I might reboot Friday the 13th to make for a more cohesive story.
Crystal Lake – A Miniseries
My first idea is rather than do a singular film, I would want to see a miniseries of four episodes, about 50 to 60 minutes each. This series would essentially cover the ground of the first three films, but in a manner that makes more sense (at least to me, your milage may vary).
So, I have roughly four episodes to introduce Jason, his mother and get him into the iconic hockey mask to murder some teenagers. No big deal. For added fun, we’ll make the series contemporary.
Given the amount of work to plan out such an episode, I will only tackle the first episode of the miniseries this week.
Episode One – Camp Crystal Lake
The first episode of the series opens in the 1980s. We start with a sex scene between two camp counselors late at night. We are witnessing this through the eyes of an 11-year-old Jason Voorhees. He gives away his position when he creeps too close and the interrupted couple chase the boy down toward the lake, trying to scare and throttle him. As a deformed and developmentally challenged boy, he ends up falling into the lake and drowning. Meanwhile, his mother, Pamela, is searching for him.
In 2020, the town of Crystal Lake has kept up with the times, but the community is keen on bringing back a little bit of the good old days by refurbishing and reopening Camp Crystal Lake, which has been closed since the early 1990s after a drifter’s body was discovered ritualistically slaughtered in one of the cabins. That’s all in the past, though. The future is Camp Crystal Lake, a modern update to the traditional summer camp with all sorts of activities such as culinary and STEM programs.
Not everyone is happy about the plans to reopen the camp. Pamela Voorhees, the mother of the missing Jason from back in the 1980s, believes the camp should be demolished. The town council offers their sympathies for her loss but move on with establishing the camp anyway.
For the town council, the camp is necessary because there has been another murder in Cunningham County, where Crystal Lake resides. For the past thirty years, there seem to be one to two murders or disappearances per year in the area. They’re unsolved and make for a strange but not entirely alarming pattern. A local writer in Crystal Lake, Alice Hardy, has been investigating this pattern for the past five years, but notices there seems to be an escalation. She is convinced that the reopening of the camp may be a flashpoint for a surge of deaths, given the original pattern established itself in the 1980s, shortly after the disappearance of Jason.
Alice decides to conduct her investigation and we get to learn about some of the personalities of the town of Crystal Lake. In order to be nearer to the possible action, Alice joins the camp as a journalism instructor about a week before the children are set to arrive.
… and that is where the murder begins. We get a fun scene where a drunken boating instructor is lashed to a tree, but his legs are tied to the back of a speed-boat which is set off by our mysterious killer, pulling the guy apart. We see the blood being collected. The next day the local sheriff, shocked by the severity of the crime, threatens to shut down the camp, but is blocked from doing so. He decides to investigate. His first subject? Alice. She does have an interest in tragedy in the area, after all.
Pamela makes one last plea with the town council to halt the plans to reopen the camp. But she is rebuffed. Enraged she returns home, to her ramshackle cabin. She’s clearly seen better days. She grabs a beer, tries to calm down, but moaning fills the air of the cabin. She sighs and grabs a can of blood from the refrigerator and makes her way to the basement.
In the dark, we just make out the back of a large, misshapen man. Pamela apologizes to him, wishing she had more to give him to “ease his pain.” She begins to rub blood on the figure and then holds up the bucket for him to drink from.
We flashback to the 1980s. Pamela, looking for her son, witnesses Jason being chased into the water and in a rage slaughters the counselors and drags Jason’s body from the lake. She makes her way home where she cries over her boy as she prepares for a black magic ritual. Using blood magic she is able to bring Jason back to life, but he’s… different. He’s not quite alive, nor is he dead. The episode ends with her chaining her son up in the basement, for his protection.
In the present, Alice is combing through camp records and discovers a familiar name in the staff registry back in the 1980s.
Pamela Voorhees.
What do you think?
It’s a rough sketch of the first episode but I expect you can see where we’re going with this.
Look, I know trying to reboot a series so beloved as Friday the 13th is akin to consuming a live infant in front of a Catholic church but I cannot help but tinker. I do not make a claim that my approach is superior, either. I am simply trying to develop a version of a series that I love that feels a little more cohesive. Besides, it’s kind of fun, right?
What do you think, though? Would you want to see this episode of a Friday the 13th miniseries? Let us know in the comments. The second episode outline will go up in the next Weekly Wail update.
Breaking News
Joe Bob Briggs Creepy Christmas spooktacular: The Last Drive-In Special Charity phenomena
Famed horror host, Pulitzer Prize nominated, and Cracker Barrel aficionado Joe Bob Briggs is back in action, ready to bring some macabre merriment to your holiday season with Joe Bob’s Creepy Christmas. It also gives us horror fans something to take into the new year, be that something Darcy’s panties (sorry, box, I tried) or just the intangible good feels of hanging with friends and supporting a lot of good causes.
The Return of Joe Bob Briggs’s Christmas Special
The Joe Bob Briggs’s Christmas event is akin to a Jerry Lewis telethon for Gen X, with a twist of ‘the last drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs’. This ‘Briggs’ auction of sorts is a nostalgic nod to the past, especially for those who remember the telethons. The dread, however, has shifted from the … well… whatever Jerry was supposed to do (see Sam Kinison’s bit on this for more info) to that of evil goodies.
Without a doubt, this Joe Bob Briggs special is the event we eagerly anticipate each year. It’s a tradition, and a worthy one at that. We hope to see everyone on the interwebs, joining the ‘creepy links’ and engaging in the conversation (We’ll be on Threads and Twitter….tag us as you wish!) ‘live’ the only way anyone should ever watch a tv show (oh, and I guess on demand, but ya weirdos will never know the sting of the Iron Mutant Award!). ‘Live’ is the only way anyone should ever watch a TV show, especially ‘the last drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs’ (as it’s far too hard to watch tv whilst dead).
Joe Bob’s Creepy Christmas The ‘Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs and Darcy the Mail Girl’ special will hit the airwaves live on Shudder TV and AMC+ TV on Friday, December 15th at 9 p.m. ET. Fans of ‘the last drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs’ can also catch the special on-demand starting Sunday, December 17th.
A Creepy Christmas with a Cause
In its fourth year, the holiday tradition of The Last Drive-In goes beyond mere entertainment. It aims to use the platform to raise funds for four vital causes. The charity auction will feature unique props and exclusive merchandise from The Last Drive-In and memorabilia from Briggs’ illustrious 35-year career…including some of his unspoken work as John Bloom. I say Unspoken, because if anyone remembers the first Christmas Special, the autographed copy of Eccentric Orbits was featured (sincerely, a good book–check it out if you haven’t. Jim gives it 4.5/5)
The supported charities for Joe Bob’s Creepy Christmas will include:
- Wildlife Conservation Network
- Paralyzed Veterans of America
- Every Mother Counts
- Solving Kids’ Cancer
The Mystery of the Joe Bob Briggs’s Creepy Christmas Special
The anticipation for Joe Bob’s Creepy Christmas is high, with fans wildly speculating what films will be featured. Personally, nothing can beat the #1 top horror Christmas film of all time, the Easter classic: Passion of the Christ (if a snuff film about a guy who doesn’t fit in getting whipped and nailed up doesn’t scream horror story, I don’t know what does. Also: See Sam Kinison’s concept on crosses and resurrection). However, a Christmas movie I really want to see up on this is Hogzilla and Kiss Save Santa Clause! BOOMMM!! Christmas Won!
As we eagerly wait for December 15th, we wonder what surprises our favorite horror host, Joe Bob Briggs, has in store this time. Will there be exclusive ‘merch’ that Jim will buy and then accidentally put in a Toys for Tots box in the mall?
Join the Fun, Join the Cause, Join the Joe Bob Briggs Christmas event!
Are you ready to dive into the world of Joe Bob’s Creepy Christmas? Do you dare to watch along and help raise money for a good cause? If so, join us at HauntedMTL on Threads (_HauntedMTL_) and maybe Twitter (@HauntedMTL) as we experience the thrill and chills that only Joe Bob Briggs and Darcy can deliver.
Remember, this is not just about indulging in some good old horror fun with ‘Joe Bob’s’ double feature. It’s about giving back and making a difference. So, let’s gear up to have a creepy Christmas with ‘Joe Bob Briggs’, filled with ‘christmas horror films’, ‘christmas demons’, ‘christmas slasher films’, ‘ho-ho-horror’, ‘yuletide horror’ and insightful ‘horror commentary’.Joe Bob’s Creepy Christmas and make this holiday season memorable for all the right reasons! I’m sure Fright Rags will have another stellar set this year, too. They are perfect for the horror fan in your life (even if that fan is you!). I can’t wait to see what they have in store (no pun).
SPECIAL — IF YOU WANT Freeeeeeeee (as supplies last) Fright Rags Joe Bob Briggs merch for this year, just tweet/thread at us during the event and Jim will pick the one that makes him chuckle the most (you will need to give us your address and size in DMs)
No subscription to watch Joe Bob Briggs’s Creepy Christmas yet? No problem! Check the link below:
AMC Networks’ Shudder is a premium streaming video service, super-serving members with the best selection in genre entertainment, covering horror, thrillers and the supernatural. Shudder’s expanding library of film, TV series, and originals is available on most streaming devices in the US, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand. For a 7-day, risk-free trial, visit Joe Bob at www.shudder.com.
Look, I’m a simple guy. Sure, I like my Small Town Monsters and my silly-billy movies about cats eating people.
But sometimes there comes a film that’s smartly written, full of humor and social commentary, plus great acting. Oh, and scares that actually scare the shit out of me.
Almost a year to the date, I got to watch such a film called #CHADGETSTHEAXE that I saw as a screener for FilmQuest Fest in October, 2022. And I was blown away by the talents of director/co-writer Travis Bible and co-writer/producer Kemerton Hargrove; starring Spencer Harrison Levin (Black Jesus), Michael Bonini (New Amsterdam), Taneisha Figueroa (Duck World), Cameron Vitosh (Walker), Brandon Doyle (Murder Made Me Famous), and Shun Hagins (Snitch).
Mini-Review, I swear it’s short:
And, I know, I know, I know. ‘But Brannyyyyk, isn’t livestreaming horror movies just a flash in the pan? Hasn’t it been done beforeeee?’ For one, stop saying it like that, it’s weird. For two, not like this. The care and attention that went into #CHADGETSTHEAXE is wickedly clever with such tongue-in-cheek humor of influencers, humanity, and the toxic culture of fandom. It’s the shining example of live-streaming movies because it’s so f-ing smart.
Case in point, the characters are living up to their personas. However, even when the personas are ragged and driven to the edge of life and death, we never see them as people, fully dimensional people, because we never see them break away from their devices. There’s never a shot that shows us ‘hey, this is a film, now let’s see them as the real character they are’. The actors are really carrying dual roles as the personas and the real people underneath; as they are struggling to keep up appearances in front of the millions of viewers.
Plus, don’t get me started on the characters within the livestream feed, along with running jokes and clues to the haunted house.
Anyway, I don’t want to give too much away as I’m going to be covering it on Streamin’ Demons soon. But I wanted to also tease about the fact that I’m going to be interviewing some VIPs from the movie for What’s Kraken? So, shhh, only tell your closest friends because it’s going to be incredible.
Join the Hype Train:
Adapted from an award-winning short with the same title, #ChadGetsTheAxe follows four social media influencers as they live-stream their trip to Devil’s Manor, former home to a Satanic Cult. Things don’t go well. And as the violence ramps up… so do the views.
The film premiered at FilmQuest in October 2022 and Internationally at FrightFest Glasgow in March 2023 where it was well received by critics. #ChadGetsTheAxe was produced by Travis Bible, Eric Gibson, Kemerton Hargrove, and Frances O’Hanlon, while Dream Big Group serves as executive producers.
The Horror Collective is the genre label of Entertainment Squad — a production and distribution company founded by veteran producer Shaked Berenson (TURBO KID, TALES OF HALLOWEEN). The label’s latest releases include the Daytime Emmy nominated Limited Series DOOMSDAY, the killer-pants Shudder Original SLAXX, and the critically acclaimed horror-comedy SUMMONING SYLVIA.
Website: https://thehorrorcollective.com/
I’m hoping it gets DVD distribution one day because I’m old and I need DVDs for when the zombie apocalypse happens.
Welcome to June! There’s so much on the hopper for Arrow that I just have to give you, my friends, the hot goss.
June 2nd: Paul Joyce Documentaries
June 2nd kicks off the month with ARROW’s latest curation of Paul Joyce documentaries, this time looking at legendary filmmaker John Cassavetes, straight from the mouth of his friend and collaborator co-star Peter Falk (Columbo) in Out of the Shadows: The Films of John Cassavetes.
After a six year directing hiatus, Monte Hellman sat down with Paul Joyce and just talked for an hour while Joyce filmed. The result is Plunging on Alone: Monte Hellman’s Life In a Day.
June 2nd: the wild world of Ero Guro
What is Ero Guro? Well, the Japanese sub-genre of horror and pink films Ero Guro combines the erotic (ero) and the grotesque (guro) to deviant, decadent and unforgettable effect. ARROW’s Ero Guro collection features the unholy trinity of core Ero Guro films, Teruo Ishii’s Shogun’s Joy of Torture and Horrors of Malformed Men and Yasuzo Masumura’s Blind Beast, plus plenty more exciting, explicit and enticingly depraved delights to delve into.
Titles Include: Shogun’s Joy of Torture, Blind Beast, Irezumi.
June 6th: Warriors Two (US/CA)
After making his directorial debut with the intense The Iron-Fisted Monk and firmly solidifying his worth at Golden Harvest, Sammo Hung would be given more creative control behind the camera. Now able to inject more of his own personality, Hung would bring to life the more upbeat (yet only slightly less violent) Wing Chun cult classic: Warriors Two!
Predating the Ip Man tetralogy by three decades – as well as Hung’s own The Prodigal Son (starring Yuen Biao as the younger incarnation of Leung Tsan) by a few years – Warriors Two is one of the earliest films to authentically portray the teachings of Wing Chun while also delivering the kind of kinetic and pulse-pounding fights synonymous with the name Sammo Hung!
June 16th: Eli Roth Selects (UK/IRE/US/CA)
Splatter icon Eli Roth takes a stroll through the archives with Eli Roth Selects (UK/IRE/US/CA). “I absolutely love Arrow and have been a collector of their editions for years, and Arrow Player is the most streamed channel in my house. I’ve seen a lot of Select lists, and while I agree with them, I wanted to highlight some that people might have otherwise overlooked.”
Titles Include: Basket Case, Contamination, Madhouse.
June 19th: Toru Murakawa’s Game Trilogy (UK/IRE/US/CA)
Made at the end of the 1970s, Toru Murakawa’s Game Trilogy launched actor Yûsaku Matsuda as the Toei tough guy for a new generation. Matsuda was the definitive screen icon of 1980s until his career was tragically cut short by cancer at the age of 40, following his Hollywood debut in Ridley Scott’s Black Rain.
The Most Dangerous Game (UK/IRE/US/CA): In this career-defining triptych, Matsuda is Shohei Narumi, an ice cool hitman of few words, a steely trigger finger, and a heart of stone, hired in The Most Dangerous Game by a company bidding for a lucrative government air defence contract to take out the competition.
The Killing Game (UK/IRE/US/CA): Narumi finds himself caught in the midst of violent yakuza gang warfare, while his own brutal past catches up with him in the form of two beautiful women still bearing the emotional scars of his past assignments.
The Execution Game (UK/IRE/US/CA): Narumi falls for a mysterious saloon bar chanteuse who may or may not be part of the same, shadowy underworld organization as the rival hitmen he is employed to rub out. (I’m assuming the tough-guy way and not the sexy way)
June 23rd: SHAAAARKS!!!
Yessss, Cruel Jaws is coming to Arrow!
ARROW heads to the beach for some terror with shark attacks.
Cruel Jaws (US/CA): A huge shark terrorizes a beach in Florida, and the locals try everything to kill it.
Deep Blood (US/CA): Several young men have to stop an ancient native American evil in the form of a killer shark which is attacking a small beach community.
June 23rd: Sci-fi Stunners (UK/IRE/US/CA)
For the penultimate Season, ARROW boldly goes to the stars on June 23, seeking out new life and new cinema.
Sci-fi Stunners (UK/IRE/US/CA): There are other worlds than these. Come and explore them in this collection of cybernetic, planet-probing, time-travelling, cosmos-trotting, aliens-zapping, virtual and far-too-real adventures in Sci-fi Stunners – ARROW’s home world for the coolest Cult science-fiction films in the galaxy.
Titles Include: No Escape, Donnie Darko, Crimes of the Future.
Last but not least
Cosa Nostra Collection (UK/IRE/US/CA):
The most American of directors according to celebrated critic Paolo Mereghetti, Damiano Damiani (A Bullet for the General) nevertheless surveyed his own country’s mafia history unlike anyone before him, to critical and box office success.
Full of twists and a fascinating meta-commentary on cinema, Damiani points the camera at himself and the genre as he investigates the social impact of mafia violence, a fitting end to this survey of Damiani’s Cosa Nostra.
Titles Include: Day of the Owl, The Case is Closed, Forget It, How To Kill a Judge.
About ARROW:
From Arrow Films, a recognized world-leader in curation and creation, ARROW is a premium platform giving audiences an unparalleled viewing experience across multiple devices, so fans can explore the films and TV shows that the Arrow brand is famous for.
Specially curated by members of the ARROW team, ARROW is home to premium film and TV entertainment, exclusive new premieres, cutting edge cinema, international classics and cult favorites – such as the works of Lars Von Trier, Brian De Palma, Dario Argento, David Cronenberg and Park Chan-wook, and brand-new short films from both new and established filmmakers.
In the coming months, ARROW will be adding Oscar-winning hits, European classics, Asian cinema masterworks, rediscovered Westerns, offbeat gems and much more as part of ARROW’s international strategy to support and celebrate the medium of film.
For more information on ARROW and its titles, please contact: justin@justincookpr.com or visit https://www.arrow-player.com.
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J.M. Brannyk
April 10, 2020 at 7:30 pm
Clearly this is a better idea than my 80’s reboot, which follows Mrs. Voorhees’ beautiful aran sweater as it makes its way to a local thrift shop, solving murders while committing others each week as whoever wears it gets possessed by Mrs Voorhees and/or Jason. I was going to call it The 13th Files Murder Hour.
David Davis
April 10, 2020 at 7:53 pm
Is it too late to attach myself to your concept?