Weekly Wail: My Friday the 13th Reboot – Chapter Two: The Woman in the Woods

Published

5 years ago

April 20, 2020

David Davis

Welcome back. Last week I took some time to outline the first episode of a Friday the 13th reboot miniseries. The whole thing sprung up after re-watching the series and deciding that I wanted to develop a story that felt more cohesive.

Where we last left off, we discovered that there have been yearly murders in a county around the Crystal Lake area for a couple of decades. With the attempt to re-open Camp Crystal Lake as a sort of upper-class escape for kids, Pamela Voorhees, mother of a child who went missing at the camp back in the 1980s, has been protesting the decision to reopen the campgrounds.

Also, she used black magic to bring her son back to life, who she has had chained up in a basement for twenty years, what with him coming back “wrong” and all.

Chapter Two: The Woman in the Woods

We begin with a cold open in the 1990s. Pamela is enjoying herself in a bar and decides to take a handsome stranger home to her cabin in the woods. She is in the middle of loving him in a biblical sense when he is alarmed by sounds below the floor. He asks if she has a kid. She tells him to ignore it and they get back to lovemaking. Suddenly, an enraged teenage Jason bursts into the room and rips the man from Pamela and beats him to death. Jason shudders on the floor, almost orgasmic, with his fists caked in blood. Pamela scolds him but then goes to comfort her son. We do not see his face yet.

“It’s okay,” she tells him, “nothing will come between us.”

Back in the present, Alice has gone to the Sheriff’s office to ask about the incident at the camp back in the 1980s. Sheriff Savini tells her to stop stirring up trouble but reluctantly grants her access when she mentions seeing that Ms. Voorhees was in the camp records back then. He’s had trouble with her for years, now.

Meanwhile, the final day of preparation is at an end at the camp. The counselors are having a barbecue but it is interrupted by an aggravated Pamela Voorhees. She has come to the camp with a machete and begins hacking away at buildings, ropes, and tries to slice open the canoes. She demands the camp be closed. Several counselors try to restrain her and she manages to slice one of them deeply along the arm.

They finally manage to pin her down, but in a moment of distraction she kicks one of the counselors in the groin and darts off into the woods, leaving behind her machete.

Alice and Sheriff Savini are combing through records as Alice suggests that Pamela might have more information on the 1980s massacre. They are interrupted by a deputy who informs them that crazy ol’ Pamela was at the camp and sliced up a kid while trying to wreck the place. Sheriff Savini tells his deputy, Deputy Cunningham, to do a welfare check on Ms. Voorhees at her cabin. Cunningham, clearly concerned, asks if he can have some backup. Savini sends Deputy Hodder along as well. They bring tasers in case she proves to be too much of a handful.

Alice suggests she and Savini head to the camp to retrace the path of destruction within the camp in the 1980s. Specifically, she wants to see if anything might have been overlooked. Savini agrees, albeit reluctantly, as he needs to head to the camp anyway to take statements about the most recent incident.

Cunningham and Hodder pull off the side of the road and step out as the drive up to the Voorhees cabin has not been kept up. The two discuss stories they’ve heard about the reclusive woman. When they finally arrive at the cabin they notice the door is open. They are being watched. They attempt to establish contact with her but fearing the worst and having probable cause, they enter.

Inside they see the place reflects Pamela’s shattered mental state. Everything is dirty and foul, with the exception of a small child’s bedroom, which has been kept immaculately clean. Caught off guard, a massive figure grabs Hodder and smashes his face against the stone fireplace. Cunningham tasers the giant man, who falls to his knees and looks up at him, roaring. We see Jason’s deformed face. Jason begins to rise, shaking off the taser, but Cunningham pulls his gun and shoots Jason in the knee, bringing him down again.

Cunningham steadies his aim to kill Jason when he is bashed in the back of the head by a rock. He falls to the ground, twitching, as Pamela stands over him. She scolds Jason for getting loose as he whimpers. She comforts him again, just as she did in the flashback, and dips her fingers into the pool of blood pooling around Cunningham’s head.

She takes her bloodied fingers and rubs the bullet wound in Jason’s leg. He whimpers, again, very childlike, and we see the wound begin to bubble and heal, albeit in the form ghastly pustules and tumors. She leads her boy back down to the basement and chains him up again.

Having taken statements and it being so late, Savini suggests the survey of the area can wait until after he checks on Ms. Voorhees. Alice, annoyed, has no choice but to agree and instead retires to the faculty bunks to do some studying of the records again.

On her way back she runs across Mr. Eddie Jarvis who is wishing his son, Tommy, off. Tommy won’t be staying at the camp. He’ll be heading home with his mom, Trish. Eddie is the head counselor and asks Alice if she’s excited to see the kids tomorrow. She wonders if the camp will be safe, especially given what happened earlier that evening. Eddie reassures her that Camp Crystal Lake is entirely safe.

We return to Pamela’s cabin. In a frenzy of activity, she begins gathering weapons. In the basement, Jason darts his head back and forth as he hears his mother scuffing the floor above him. We cut back to Pamela tripping over Hodder’s body and kicking it in anger. Blood pooled below the officer falls between the cracks in the floorboards and splashes on the dusty floor in front of Jason. He wipes up the dust and blood with his muscular fingers and brings it to his lips.

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Weekly Wail: In which I try to reboot Friday the 13th.

David Davis

David Davis is a writer, cartoonist, and educator in Southern California with an M.A. in literature and writing studies.

1 Comment

Exx Vxx

April 21, 2020 at 2:15 pm

It really ramps up in the 2nd episode. Did you name the sheriff’s in the firs episode? Or am I just noticing their names now? lol I love the visuals in this.

Reply

Editorial

Fireside Chat 2025: Apparently I Don’t Exist

Published

1 week ago

January 22, 2025

J.M. Brannyk

Good news to my nonbinary pals – we no longer exist!

“But Brannyk,” you may be thinking, “what am I supposed to do now that I am no longer a real being? How shall I spend my days?”

Unfortunately, the government has not released a handbook for this occasion, so I thought we could brainstorm together.

picture of handbook for the recently deceased from beetlejuice but deceased is crossed out and it's got a sticky note that says "no longer existing as per some jackass" — *I’m sure it’s lost in the mail…*

BECOME A GHOST

There are some benefits to being a ghost, for sure.

No rent or insurance payment. No corporate job, no cleaning cat litter, no AT&T trying to sell you another line after repeatedly telling them that you just want to make sure that your autopayment is on, but they’re all like, ‘Why would you pass up such a bargain on a second line? Are you an idiot? Why wouldn’t you need another phone line?‘ and so you have to tell them, “Because I’M DIVORCED, ASSHOLE, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME OF THAT!”

Ahem. I digress.

Yeah, you may not be able to venture out, much like Adam and Barbara in Beetlejuice. You may need to put up with someone else crashing your place and moving around all of your shit. Or Ryan Reynolds trying to sell you Mint Mobile. Or some toxic couple taking your creepy doll that you spent years on trying to possess.

Or, my absolute biggest pet peeve, when you’re practicing for the ghost speed chair-stacking championship and the normies just don’t appreciate your cool skills.

But the advantages are that you get to stay home, watch tv, stack your chairs and hope whoever buys your house/visits your creepy woods/gentrifies your neighborhood is a cool person, too.

(2 / 5)

It’s a good choice, but has a lot of drawbacks.

BECOME A CREATURE

Look, if you’re not going to exist, go big or go home, I’d say.

monster that's super cool with a SWAG hat, because they got that rizz — *got that drip*...like literally…

Monsters are cool. They play by their own rules. Sometimes they cause havoc. Sometimes they come around and help people. Sometimes they work alone. And other times, they have a lot of friends. Sometimes they just need some affirmation. And sometimes they’re…in high school, apparently?

The cool thing is that they come in all shapes and sizes.

attack of the crab monsters — *Look at that face and tell me they’re not having the time of their life*

The Monolith monsters — *These are literally just rock monsters*

Monstroid cover - it's a weird monster — *You can be…whatever the fuck they are*

Monster in the closet — *….No. I’m not making the joke.*

Monsters are generally misunderstood. Some have their fans. Others are hated.

So basically, just like people, except with more tentacles.

The only downsides are that you might be too big or too “ick” for some people (these can also be pluses), you may have a taste for human flesh (no judgement), or the biggest issue – there are too many choices.

You could get stuck trying to figure out what kind of monster you are. If you’re not into labels, it’s an absolute nightmare. Or if you’re like me, it’ll be like standing in Subway for 15 minutes trying to figure out what toppings and dressings you want while the “sandwich artist” is openly judging you.

(4 / 5)

I like the customization, but it can be a bit too overwhelming.

BECOME A CRYPTID

Hear me out. I know it seems a lot like the monster category, but it’s not quite.

a cryptid monster in the woods with nonbinary flags

Cryptids are weird and mysterious. They keep to themselves. They have people who are fascinated by them and post on Reddit about them. Some have people making documentaries about them.

They’re like monsters’ quieter cousin who reads books in the corner at family gatherings. They collect shiny things they find by the side of the road. Sometimes they’ll steal a peanut butter sandwich or two.

Ever so often, they might scare a human just by existing or by politely asking for their stuff back.

Each one kinda has their own goals and priorities. Their own hangouts and interests. But unlike monsters, they’re not looking to rock any boats-

Beast of Legends has a big ass octopus — *oh, uh…*

Never mind, I stand corrected.

(5 / 5)

I like the freedoms of being a cryptid and also dig the cottage-core vibe I get from them.

CONCLUSION: LET’S BE REAL FOR A SECOND…

I know it’s hard right now. It’s going to be hard. You may not exist to some assholes, but you are real. You have real feelings and thoughts and dreams. You have a real future. You have real decisions. Real actions that affect this world.

You have the real ability to wake up tomorrow and choose to exist. And for whatever reason you choose. Use it. Ghosts and monsters and cryptids are powerful, just like you are, even when you don’t feel like it. They have a place in our human world, just like you do. You make this world interesting and important.

You are part of this world, you are real, and you are not alone.

The horror community is one of acceptance, diversity, creativity and passion. In these times, it needs to be. We need to rely on each other. We need to cultivate and protect each other, as much as we need to protect ourselves.

And it looks like I’ll be coming out of my own cryptid hovel I’ve spent the past few years in to remind you that. My job isn’t done. Not by a longshot. And neither is yours.

You exist to me. Today, tomorrow, and forever.

Be safe out there, friends.

Breaking News

Joe Bob’s Christmas Carnage: A Bloody Good Holiday Special Fri. December 13th – 9pm ET!

Published

2 months ago

December 8, 2024

Jim Phoenix

🎅🏼🔪 Brace yourselves for a blood-soaked holiday extravaganza! 🎄💀

Joe Bob’s Christmas Carnage is coming to town, and it’s not for the faint of heart! Catch this killer special on Shudder and AMC+ TV feeds Friday, December 13th at 9pm ET/8c, or stream it on-demand starting December 15th.

What’s in Santa’s bag of horrors? 🎁

Two spine-chilling holiday horror flicks

So much gore, even Rudolph’s nose will turn pale

A charity auction that’ll make your wallet scream (in a good way!)

Joe Bob and Darcy are decking the halls with boughs of terror, auctioning off:

Rare AF props from The Last Drive-In
Exclusive merch that’ll make your horror-loving heart skip a beat
Joe Bob’s personal keepsakes from his 35-year reign of terror in the industry

But wait, there’s more…

Join the HauntedMTL crew for a spine-tingling side quest on Threads (https://www.threads.net/@_hauntedmtl_)! We’re going live as our very own Jim Phoenix breaks the bank for charity, adding an extra layer of terror to your Joe Bob experience. It’s like getting two scoops of horror in your bloody sundae! 🍦💀

Those britches are mine, bitches! -Jim circa the year of Darcy’s panties.

And because we love our fellow fiends, we’re stuffing your stockings with some killer swag! That’s right, HauntedMTL followers have a chance to win some seriously spooky goodies. It’s our way of saying “thanks for being part of our nightmare before Christmas!” 🎁👻

So, while Joe Bob and Darcy are slashing through their winter wonderland, hop over to Threads and join the HauntedMTL fam. It’s a horror-day party you won’t want to miss! Remember: the more you engage, the better your chances of scoring some haunted swag. Let’s make this a Christmas to dismember! 🔪🎄

Wanna know which flicks we’re slashing through? Tune in December 13th on Shudder to find out! 🍿🔪

Your holiday shopping spree will support these awesome causes:
Pacific Marine Mammal Center

Children of Fallen Patriots Foundation

Family Promise

Breast Cancer Research Foundation

Don’t be a Grinch – join the carnage and spread some bloody good cheer! 🎅🏼🔪🎄

Breaking News

🎃 Unleash the Terror: Epic Black Friday 2024 Deals for Horror Fans on Amazon! 🧟‍♂️

Published

2 months ago

November 21, 2024

Jim Phoenix

Hey there, fright fiends! 👻 Are you ready to sink your fangs into some spine-tingling Black Friday deals? We’ve scoured the darkest corners of Amazon to bring you a blood-curdling collection of horror goodies that’ll make your wallet scream with joy! From classic monsters to modern nightmares, we’ve got something to haunt every horror fan’s dreams. Let’s dive into the madness!

Before we go further – we are an amazon affiliate and if you click these links we may get money for Amazon. With that said, we won’t put up things we don’t suggest so here is the curated list as it sits for Black Friday Week 2024.

🎥 Monstrous Movie Mayhem

Bram Stoker’s Dracula 4K

Sink your teeth into Francis Ford Coppola’s visually stunning adaptation of the classic vampire tale. Watch Gary Oldman’s mesmerizing performance as the Count in glorious 4K resolution!

Christine 4K

Rev up your engines for John Carpenter’s killer car classic! This 4K edition will have you gripping your steering wheel in terror as the demonic Plymouth Fury wreaks havoc.

Akira Blu-ray

Experience the mind-bending anime masterpiece that redefined the genre. Prepare for a psychedelic journey through Neo-Tokyo that’ll leave you questioning reality!

Underworld Ultimate Collection Blu-ray

Dive into the eternal war between vampires and lycans with this action-packed collection. Kate Beckinsale’s leather-clad Selene will have you howling for more!

Resident Evil Steelbook

For the true RE fanatics, this gorgeous steelbook edition is a must-have for your collection. It’s so shiny, you can see the T-virus reflected in it!

Doctor Who Complete David Tennant Blu-ray

Okay, it’s not strictly horror, but who can resist the Weeping Angels? Join the Tenth Doctor on his time-traveling adventures and prepare for some serious sci-fi scares!

Evil Dead Blu-ray

Groovy, baby! Sam Raimi’s cult classic will have you laughing and screaming in equal measure. Remember, this is your boom stick!

Scream (2022) Steelbook

The slasher franchise that knows the rules is back with a vengeance! This meta-horror masterpiece will have you guessing who’s behind the Ghostface mask.

Leviathan 4K UHD Blu-ray

Dive deep into aquatic terror with this underrated gem from the golden age of practical effects. It’s like “The Thing” meets “The Abyss”!

📚 Bone-Chilling Books and Comics

Terrifier 2 BOOK by Tim Waggoner

Can’t get enough of Art the Clown? This novelization of the splatter sensation will paint vivid, gory pictures in your mind. Sleep tight!

The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Ominous Omnibus Vol. 3

D’oh-n’t miss out on this collection of spooky Simpsons stories! It’s the perfect way to celebrate Halloween in Springfield all year round.

The Dead Zone by Stephen King

Dive into one of King’s classic tales of psychic abilities and political intrigue. Johnny Smith’s visions will keep you on the edge of your seat!

🎮 Ghoulish Games and Collectibles

Halloween and Ash vs Evil Dead PS5

Double the horror, double the fun! Face off against Michael Myers and the Deadites in this terrifying two-pack of asymmetrical multiplayer games.

Alone in the Dark Xbox Series X

Return to Derceto Manor in this reimagining of the survival horror classic. Just remember, in the dark, you’re never truly alone…

Chucky Funko Pop

Add everyone’s favorite Good Guy doll to your collection! Just don’t turn your back on him, or you might regret it…

Harry Potter LEGO Hogwarts

Who can resist the allure of a magical and/or haunted castle? Build your own magical world and watch out for those Dementors!

🎬 The Final Cut

There you have it, horror hounds! These Black Friday deals are so good, it’s scary. Whether you’re into classic monsters, modern slashers, or cosmic horrors, Amazon’s got something to make your dark heart skip a beat.

But hurry! Like a vampire at sunrise, these deals won’t last forever. If you want to do a general search on your own, feel free to use our link here.

Remember, in the world of horror, the only thing scarier than missing out on these deals is paying full price! Happy haunting, and may your Black Friday be filled with delightful frights! 🎃👻🔪