Weekly Wail: This is a Takeover!!!!
Hello everyone, I’m Dave. I am going to talk to you about comics and zombies. I’m Joe (Jim?) Bob Brigg’s number 1 fan. And I have an interesting taste in music and look pretty rad in Hawaiian shirts.
Ha! I fooled you all!
Do not adjust your phone screen. I am in control of the horizontal and the vertical.
This is an official take over of the Weekly Wail by J.M. Brannyk! And in honor of Pride kicking off this week: I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m asking you to wear your g–d— mask!
This week is going to be a get-real week in horror, as this has been a few weeks of get-real moments, right? A lot of unrest, a lot of hurt people. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you since the social media sites do a good job of overwhelming us with it.
I’m no randy when it comes to get-real fireside chats. I’ve talked about non-binary monsters, racist surfers, HIV zombies, the horror of loss, and queer sexual awakenings alongside reviving the dead.
So, I’m here to bring it to a story, a common story in horror – duality.
du·al·i·ty: an instance of opposition or contrast between two concepts or two aspects of something; a dualism
A tale as old as time, some may say, as many cultures carry their own forms of duality – the human and monster as one entity. The light within the darkness and vice-versa.
We have mother and destroyer in Bloody Mary. There is Frankenstein’s monster in the strange conundrum of both alive and dead. The male and female, both victim and killer, of Normal Bates. We have the up-right Dr. Jekyll and the hideous Mr. Hyde. And these are coupled with other legends and creatures from across the globe (trust me, I’ll be talking about those in the future).
I often feel like this, myself. The social norms of duality – sex, gender, sexuality, and identity. I struggle with this. The same coin of gender and bisexuality is neatly hidden under the pocket of my persona, my “human” face.
Today for this little fireside chat, I’m going to talk about one specific monster, one of the classic Big Five, and its human counterpart and what that means to me as being LGBT.
The Wolf Man
Growing up queer, I didn’t have any role models I could identify with. To be honest, I didn’t even know the words for my feelings. I just had feelings, and I became acutely aware that I was alone in these. As a child, no matter how many Care Bears and Ninja Turtle repeats you watch, you learn very quickly that being different is something to be suppressed, not celebrated.
Being different was a curse.
I remember the first time watching Teen Wolf, the great 80’s Michael J. Fox movie. When our main character, Scott, was absolutely freaking out because he was changing into a werewolf during school and afraid of being discovered as a werewolf, I thought, “Yes, exactly! Yes, that’s me!”
That was how I felt. I had to be careful. I had to hide these “imperfections” and “differences” from others. If I was being bullied for even the slightest of things, there was no way that something so big, so monstrous, would be overlooked. To hide this, I over-compensated. I refused to look at others, to engage with them. In doing so, I protected myself, I thought.
And one would think that I would be relieved that once Scott was discovered to be a werewolf that he became popular, loved, and accepted by his peers, but instead I felt betrayed by Hollywood. I knew that it was a lie, just a convenient lie to push the story. People, especially my peers, were not that accepting and were not that kind.
Unlike the teen counterpart, we usually see the adult human of the wolfman being constantly terrified of his other half, of either its lack of control, the hysteria from the community, or damnation of their soul. Always on high alert, sweaty, and a half-crazed glaze in their eyes. They barely can keep themselves together as humans, let alone their “cursed” side. They could barely be human because of that other lurking just below the consciousness.
This was more my speed. It wasn’t just a complete erasure of my “tells’, but of my feelings, too. This other side of me – this monstrous and unwanted side – was chaotic and wild. It was primitive and dangerous. It was hungry and I feared it.
You see, in werewolf movies, unlike some other types of monster movies, you don’t have a mentor to steer your way. There isn’t an old, grizzled John Leguizamo-type to tell you, “All right, kid, here’s how you do it…”
There’s no hierarchy, no coven. No rules or order.
It is alone: that’s part of the curse.
Very rarely do werewolves have their own family or “brood” in movies. Yes, Underworld, sure, Teen Wolf, and…yes, Twilight.
But if we look at others, the curse of being solitary persists.You are alone to deal with your own curse, even with the rare support of others. They do not fully understand you…and, deep down, they still fear you. You are still a monster to them, no matter how much they love and “accept” you. Some want to change you. Some want to ignore that part of you. Some try their very best, but there is always that void between you.
And, one of the worst points of all, many stories express over and over (The Wolf Man, Ginger Snaps, The Curse of the Werewolf, An American Werewolf in London, Monster Squad, Penny Dreadful), that it is not their fault that they are cursed or are monsters – they just are. Good people by day, hellhounds for Satan’s bidding of carnal lust and blood at night. They have no efficacy or agency in their lives and in their destruction. They are powerless victims of their own desires, their demonic and wicked desires.
Love the sinner, hate the sin.
The werewolves usually all die in the end, by the hero’s hand, with gratitude on their dying breath…
Maybe this sounds hyperbolic to you. And hey, I can’t tell you what or how to think. I can only go based off my own experiences and feelings about it.
Even now, as a much more healthy and authentic adult, I am quiet. I am selective to whom I out myself to in my “human” persona. In this unsteady environment, it’s scary and it’s dangerous. Even now, to this day, as my “human” self, I am cautious, nervous. I feel out the situation several times, smell the air for danger, before I can be open with someone.It’s not much different from villagers with pitchforks, except it’s losing my job, losing my house, and losing the very small scraps of support I allow. I am discrete. I am passing. But, I also feel alone.
When people ask about me, there are places I don’t or can’t go into. To be honest, atheism is easier to talk about than my queerness because that was a choice. These feelings and pull of duality were not a choice.
However, the lesson is that this isn’t a curse, and more importantly, we are not alone.
Just yesterday, after several minutes of coy questions, goose-stepping, feeling out, and taking a leap of faith, I found out that one of my friends, a “human” friend, that I’ve known the past few years is a “wolf” just like me. And to find that connection is both saddening and relieving. Sad that to this day, there is so much vetting between two people, two friends, that needs to be done to feel safe.
But we are not cursed. We are not monsters. We are not a duality, but a mix, as all humans are.
Yesterday I was relieved because I realized that there are more out there, more that are smelling the air, watching for signs. We are afraid, but we are not alone. And that’s the thing, my friends, my silent and anxious LGBT+ werewolves out there, we do have our own brood, our own coven. We have a family. We’re not alone in this.
We just have to be brave enough to find it.
** Please be sure to donate to The Trevor Project, or if you want to show my hometown of Detroit some love, The Ruth Ellis Center could always use it. Stay brave, and above all, stay safe.**
Thank you to all our allies out there. We don’t always know you’re there, so it’s always a delight to find you.
They say good things come to those who wait, and boy have we been patient. It has been close to a year since our eyes have indulged a full season of ‘The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs’, in fact, the season 4 finale premiered on Shudder July 1st, 2022. Since then, we have been able to satisfy our appetites with festive holiday specials sprinkled throughout the past year. Specials such as ‘Joe Bob’s Halloween Hangout’ guest starring horror’s favorite Mistress of the Dark, Elvira (played by the legendary Cassandra Peterson) and ‘Joe Bob’s Ghoultide Get-Together’. Last month was a treat in itself, as we were able to witness Joe Bob Briggs and co-host Darcy the Mail Girl (Diana Prince) marry one lucky couple for the first time on the show with ‘Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine‘ special.
While the current changes in staff at Shudder have left fans questioning whether we will receive a new season of the popular series, I can happily say mutant family, we need not worry. In fact, to our wonderous surprise, Joe Bob Briggs has officially announced via Twitter, season 5 of ‘The Last Drive-In‘ will be premiering April 21st, exclusively on Shudder! One thing that is noteworthy, is unlike previous seasons, it has been reported by 1428Elm that season 5 will be broken up into two parts of five double-feature blood-curdling episodes. Though we have not been provided the official release schedule for the second block of season 5, here is a sneak peek of what we can expect for the first half of the season:
April 21: Season 5 Launch Party!
April 28: Walpurgisnacht Part 2!
May 5: Cinco de Fucking Mayo!
May 12: Mama’s Day!
May 19: Dysfunctional Family Jubilee!
Unfortunately, we do not have an official list of the brand-new double feature films for the first half of season 5 but, with amusing episode titles such as these, one can only imagine what grindhouse-classics will be joining ‘The Last Drive-In’s’ already eclectic list of sloshy goodness. For those impatient mutants eagerly waiting for more hilarious Joe Bob rant-filled commentaries, or those newcomers who’ve yet to experience the magic that is ‘The Last Drive-In‘, all previous four seasons, including past holiday specials are currently available to stream now on Shudder.
If you are just as big of fans of ‘The Last Drive-In‘ as we here at HauntedMTL are, please be sure to follow us on Twitter @HauntedMTL and join us April 21st as we tweet along with Joe Bob and Darcy the Mail Girl for the season premier. As is tradition, we will be hosting live watch parties every Friday with each new episode, including fresh holiday specials. The road to season 5 is upon us…let the countdown begin!
April 21: Season 5 Launch Party!
April 28: Walpurgisnacht Part 2!
May 5: Cinco de Fucking Mayo!
May 12: Mama's Day!
May 19: Dysfunctional Family Jubilee!
. . . and that's only the beginning.#TheLastDriveIn pic.twitter.com/WfeTx0shNa— Joe Bob Briggs (@therealjoebob) March 16, 2023
Mutant family, please gather ’round as February kicks rocks and we shove our way into March. With the new month comes the shifting from winter to spring as death beautifully resurrects back to life, drunken patrons swarm our local bars like rabid locusts for St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, and of course new exclusives and returning favorites on Shudder to satisfy the horror fiend in us all. To quote the prestigious Samuel L. Jackson, “hold onto your butts” and let’s dive right into Shudder’s March 2023 release schedule.
Shudder Exclusives
While it is true that the release schedule for the start of 2023 on Shudder has been minor and slightly mixed, with films such as the much talked about experimental low-budget indie ‘Skinamarink‘, the surprisingly entertaining horror comedy ‘Sorry About the Demon‘, and writer/director Neil Marshall’s return to the genre with ‘The Lair‘. We also graciously received the wildly fun ‘The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine” special, with season 5 currently in production and premiering later this year; though it can’t come soon enough. As we like to do here at HauntedMTL, let’s kick off March with Shudder’s newest exclusives currently streaming now and in the coming weeks.
Spoonful of Sugar – Now Streaming
Starting off this list we begin with director Mercedes Bryce Morgan and writer Leah Saint Marie’s latest film ‘Spoonful of Sugar‘, now currently streaming.
Millicent (Morgan Saylor), a disturbed college student working on her thesis about children with severe allergies, is hired to babysit little Johnny (Danilo Crovetti), a sickly, mute child who suffers from every allergy under the sun. His mother Rebecca (Kate Foster) is an accomplished author currently focused on her newest book release, while his father Jacob (Myko Olivier) spends his days in the backyard working on frivolous carpentry projects. After experiencing a bizarre sexual awakening while using LSD as an alternative treatment for Johnny, she soon uncovers the family’s dark secrets as things begin to become unhinged.
Leave – Premiering Friday 3/17
After having been abandoned as an infant at a cemetery wrapped in a cloth with satanic symbols, Hunter White (Alicia von Rittberg) grows obsessed with figuring out who her biological parents are and why they seemingly abandoned her. However, as she gets closer to the answers she so desperately seeks, a malevolent spirit is warning her to leave.
‘Leave‘ premiers exclusively on Shudder Friday 03/17 and is directed by Alex Herron and written by Thomas Moldestad, starring Alicia von Rittberg, Herman Tømmeraas, Ellen Dorrit Petersen, and Stig R. Amda
The Unheard – Premiering Friday 03/31
‘The Unheard‘ follows the story of deaf 20-year-old Chloe Grayden (Lachlan Watson) after she undergoes an experimental treatment to restore her hearing. While recovering at her family’s beach home after the successful procedure, Chloe begins to fear she is not alone as she begins to experience auditory hallucinations related to the mysterious disappearance of her mother.
‘The Unheard’ is directed by Shudder alumni Jeffrey A. Brown (The Beach House) and written by brothers/screenwriting partners Shawn Rasmussen and Michael Rasmussen (Crawl), co-starring Michele Hicks and Nick Sandow. ‘The Unheard‘ premiers exclusively on Shudder Friday 03/31.
Returning Classic and Fan Favorites
Now that we’ve removed the veil for the new exclusive titles dropping this month, I think it’s time we reveal the returning classics jump starting our transition into spring for 2023. Allow me to highlight some of my favorite films returning to Shudder for March including ‘Gretel and Hansel‘ and ‘The Company of Wolves‘; grim re-telling’s of popular children’s fairy tales. We also cannot forget John Carpenter’s haunted coastal horror ‘The Fog‘; no, not the remake…thankfully.
Gretel and Hansel – Now Streaming
Directed by Osgood Perkins, ‘Gretel and Hansel’ is a terrifyingly dark and unique vision to one of history’s most famous childhood fairy tales. After being thrown out of their mother’s home, Gretel (Sophia Lillis) leads her younger brother, Hansel (Samuel Leakey), through the woods in search of food and work. The children soon discover a quaint cottage where a fragile old woman Holda (Alice Krige) offers fresh food and bed. The children accept all Holda has to offer, with little thought as to what may be asked of them in return.
Though it has been met with mixed reviews, ‘Gretel and Hansel‘ offers astounding performances by veteran actress Alice Krige as the films iconic Witch of the woods and Sophia Lillis as lead Gretel. Director Osgood Perkins does well to draw his viewer in with a beautifully haunting score and unnerving cinematography, making this one grim re-telling worth checking out at least once. ‘Gretel and Hansel‘ is available to stream now.
The Company of Wolves – Now Streaming
Continuing our list of returning classics, we have yet another bold re-telling of a beloved children’s fairy tale, 1984’s ‘The Company of Wolves‘. While the story of ‘Little Red Riding Hood‘ has been retold through various forms of media, including numerous films, ‘The Company of Wolves‘ is a beloved horror interpretation with adult themes and memorable practical effects including one of the genres best werewolf transformations.
A wise grandmother (Angela Lansbury) tells her granddaughter Rosaleen (Sarah Patterson) a disturbing tale of innocent maidens falling in love with handsome strangers … and of their sudden mysterious disappearances when the moon is full and accompanied by the strange sound of a beast in the woods.
‘The Company of Wolves’ is co-written and directed by Neil Jordan and stars Sarah Patterson, Angela Lansbury, Micha Bergese, and David Warner, streaming now.
John Carpenter’s The Fog – Streaming 03/31
Writer, director, musician, and horror master John Carpenter is a legend in the genre having provided countless classics such as ‘The Thing‘, a terrifyingly gruesome remake of ‘The Thing from Another World‘. Or his sci-fi action/horror ‘They Live’ where he deals with societal control through corporations and government. And of course, my personal favorite, the film that jumpstarted his career and created one of horror’s most iconic slashers…’Halloween‘.
1980’s ‘The Fog‘ is a terrifying shoreside tale of vengeful spirits haunting the fictional coastal town of Antonio Bay, OR. as they begin preparations to celebrate its centenary. Following exactly 100 years after a ship mysteriously sank in the town’s waters, a thick unearthly fog harboring the souls of those who perished rolls in and with them, the dark secrets of Antonio Bay’s past.
John Carpenter’s ‘The Fog’ stars scream queen and recent Academy Award winner Jamie Lee Curtis, genre alums Adrienne Barbeau, Janet Leigh, Tom Atkins, Charles Cyphers, and Nancy Kyes, and was co-written by the late Debra Hill. ‘The Fog‘ will be available to stream on Shudder 03/31.
Full Shudder March 2023 Film Releases
For a full comprehensive list of all the titles being added to Shudder for the month of January, please refer to the graphic below. Please be on the lookout for our review of ‘The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine’ to drop later this week here on HauntedMTL and be sure to follow us on Twitter and Instagram for more Shudder news and spooky reviews!
3/1:
Gretel and Hansel
3/2:
Spoonful of Sugar
3/9:
The Company of Wolves
3/13:
Holidays
3/17:
Leave
3/20:
Jack be Nimble
3/27:
Ultra Pulpe
After Blue
3/31:
The Unheard
The Fog
The Blair Witch Project & Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
Breaking News
The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine Special Live Watch Party February 10th!
The sweet putrid stench of love lingers through the air which can only mean one thing…Valentine’s Day and its annoying little winged cherub mascot, Cupid, is fast approaching. Soon, partners will be spoiling one another with extravagant bouquets of roses, heartfelt Hallmark cards, obnoxiously large teddy bears, glistening diamond jewelry, and heart-shaped candies or boxes filled with assorted mediocre chocolates. You know? Normal things couples do. I tend to prefer my chocolate boxes filled with bleeding hearts, à la ‘My Bloody Valentine’ but, beggars can’t be choosers, right? All jokes aside, Valentine’s Day is special for many couples, however, there are also many others who find themselves celebrating this day without a significant other. Luckily, Shudder, along with drive-in king Joe Bob Briggs and co-host Darcy the Mail Girl (Diana Prince) will graciously be keeping us lonely mutants’, and yes, all you horror fanatic couples’ company on Friday, February 10th as they return with The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine, premiering live at 9pm EST.
Love Spells Abound…
Back in 2021, Joe Bob and Darcy invited us to a gruesomely passionate night of spell-binding love witches and animatronic dinosaurs infused with teenage human brains during The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob Put a Spell on You. Many, including myself, were introduced to the tantalizing 70’s inspired retro throwback ‘The Love Witch’ and the graphically goofy cult classic ‘Tammy and the T-Rex’, providing the perfect viewing pleasure to mend any broken heart. While the two films for this year’s morbid love-induced special have yet to be announced, as a special treat, Briggs has announced for the first time on The Last Drive-In, he will be marrying one lucky couple during the live showing. We here at HauntedMTL are eagerly awaiting the return of the ghoulish duo so, as is tradition, we will be proudly hosting a watch party on Twitter during the broadcasting of The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine. Be sure to follow us on Twitter and tag us @hauntedMTL as well as @shudder, @therealjoebob, and @kinky_horror to partake in this night of unholy love.
What started off as a one-time special premiering on Shudder July 13, 2018, ‘The Last Drive- In’ was originally meant to be Brigg’s swan song; one last special before hanging up the bolo tie in retirement. However, due to so many mutants, excuse me…viewers tuning in and breaking the Shudder servers, it was only natural to announce an official full season of ‘The Last Drive-In‘, which would make its explosive debut March 19, 2019. Since then, Darcy and Briggs have spawned many exclusive holiday specials, have graciously donated to many charities within the community, and have accumulated 4 seasons of ‘The Last Drive-In’, with a fifth currently in production premiering on Shudder’s 2023 schedule sometime this year, let’s hope sooner rather than later.
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